moonshadow - while I appreciate the very 80's concept of independence, I've found that a mature relationship does involve a certain amount of responsibility for one another-even if it's something as simple as me getting my husband out of bed on time in the morning, or him reminding me to pick up after myself in the garden. on another level, there are plenty of people out there who only thrive when they have some sort of control placed on them...and very often, they marry people who either do, or do not satisfy that need in them. it sounds like the lass would be a bit less anxious if someone was paying more careful attention to her, instead of just letting her run roughshod over everyone? and the simple truth is that since he is being affected by his wife's behavior on both a personal level, and on a social level in his community, I think that as a responsible adult, then yes - it is his place to call his wife on her actions.

Lisa, I can see where you are confused. When I said our youngest son "treats us wonderful", I mean he calls every night, he visits frequently, we go out to eat together, he calls when I'm sick, etc. He does things a son should do to show love. Our oldest son seldom calls us, seldom comes to visit, never knows when we've been gone a week on vacation, etc. I should have said he treats "me" wonderful. His dad rarely calls either one of our sons, until I remind him he hasn't called them in months. He doesn't even know our youngest son's home phone number. Maybe this is just a man thing, but something I'm not used to. Re: the one acre. This acre of land was given to our son strictly by me, not my DH. For years, I have asked my DH to sell this big house so we could get out of debt before retirement, and we could pay cash for a nicer/smaller home. We had this one acre to build on. He said he would NEVER build a house on that lot and to never ask him again (we had this land surveyed as two lots and this one acre is a corner lot and he doesn't like corner lots). One day when our youngest son was visiting, I said, "why don't you build on this acre and start building up equity in a home, and quit paying rent?" I was surprised when he later called me and said he did want to build on this acre. Surprised because he left our home because he couldn't get along with his dad (a combination of youth on his part and depression/anger on DH's part). I felt like I was doing something good; to help him get a start in life. I won't even go into the negative comments I have heard from my DH (my son knows nothing about these comments and never will, but I'm sure he knows his dad has said things. He doesn't need to know "words" that would hurt him that come from a mentally ill person. He even asked me not to tell him anything negative his dad said. I know his dad is happy for him, as he walks over to the land daily to see what progress is being made, and today wanted to buy him a refrigerator for his home, and that's a lot of money. (This is what depression does to you; the mood swings. I never know when he's going to have a good day or a bad day). I have learned to realize that a lot of things he says, I know he doesn't mean or doesn't realize what he is saying. I also have learned not to get hurt so much over his words and a lot of times I ignore what he says. How else would I be able to live with him so long? LOL! Re. the comment: "neither one of our sons have a good relationship with their father", that is very true! Neither one of our sons would go to their dad with any problem they have. I don't call that a "good" relationship, do you? A son can treat a parent "wonderful", and still not have a good relationship. By "good" relationship, I mean a "close" relationship. There is no doubt he loves his dad, but the closeness I have with my sons, he doesn't have this. I think this is because of his depression and the mood swings brought on by depression. Re: grandchildren. I don't think I have posted anywhere that I am "without" grandchildren. I would never deny my grandchildren. I may not get to see them much at my house, but I have a 6 yr. old granddaughter and a 15 mo. old grandson. I think you are confused as when I said "I want to build a smaller home and be a grandmother", I meant I will finally get to be a "grandmother" when my youngest son has children, to be able to paint the spare bedroom pink or blue, and put a swing set in my yard. (Of course, all this depends on my DH's behavior; and whether they can even have children. He is real close to his fiance & I see a wedding next year. She is moving to his new home as well.) Last summer we went to one of our granddaughter's ballgames and my DH was going to walk to the concession stand with her. Our DIL pitched a fit and told me "she is NEVER to go anywhere with him!" I felt this very rude, and I don't know who heard her. You could see the concession stand from where we were standing, it was very close. She asked him to go with her to get some bubble gum. In Feb. our youngest son invited me to go the circus with them, as he was taking our granddaughter to the circus. Our son said, Mom, I know you have talked so much about wanting to go to the circus, Barnum & Bailey. I said, sure. When our DIL got to his apartment with our granddaughter, she refused to speak to me! I had done nothing to her. She told our son in the parking lot before they came inside that "she wasn't told I was going". This upset me so much, I couldn't hold the tears back. She stormed in his apartment, totally ignoring me, and they left after she told our son "we will be here to pick her up". I told them "oh, there's no reason for you to have to get out at 12:00. I'll drop her off." I followed them to their car, she got in with our grandson, and I asked my oldest son, "why can't I bring her home?" He just said we'll come get her, and he got in the car and left. He seemed embarassed, and he didn't know what to say to me. He had to do what she said, regardless of who it hurt, and just left me standing there in the parking lot. Since this circus incident, I have not been to their house much. So there is more than one side to all this mess - my DH's depression and behavior and my DIL's control/anger, sometimes unwarranted by both of them, and me just going with the flow. I hope this helps clear up any confusion. I am just trying to live one day at a time, not knowing what tomorrow will bring. I am not unhappy in my marriage as someone has suggested. We have a lot of wonderful days and a lot of good times together. I am unhappy mostly because of this difficult situation and longing to be a grandmother. I just wasn't willing to "give" if they weren't going to "give", but after reading these replies, I don't feel like I have any other choice. Maybe if I give first and show them more love, they will slowly start caring more. All the replies I have received has helped me realize that unless I change myself, I am going to be missing out on a lot of closeness with my grandchildren and I would have no one to blame except myself. There are many days I get off work early and I could head toward my DIL's house. I say I have no hard feelings toward her, but I have a lot of resentment, so I just stay away. My DH works both Sats. & Suns. and I have plenty of time. p.s. I have never asked if I could take our granddaughter to McDonalds or anywhere with just the two of us because I have always felt guilty doing that behind my husband's back, as I know he would never be allowed to do this. I feel like that would be mistreating him by me doing that, so maybe I need to change my way of thinking on this.

To add to Yardvaark‘s suggested photo request, the warping and shrinkage in panorama photos make them more difficult for me to understand, so I prefer seeing a series of slightly overlapping photos not joined into a single panorama. How many acres are we talking here? Lot sizes vary quite a bit based on zoning, so you could have anything from 1/2 acre to 10 acres. As Christopher said, there is a middle ground between a set of trees manicured with ongoing herbicide and acres of lawn. We mow a chunk of our property as lawn, have several large shrub and tree borders 15’-20’ deep, and maintain other areas as rough field which have some trees, and keep other areas as woodlands . The field areas get mowed after the ground nesting birds have hatched and then about now after the grasses have seeded and are fading. We do use a bit of herbicide in the field on persistent woody invasives like buckthorn and bittersweet, as well as on poison ivy, but in general, just seasonal mowing takes care of woodies by not allowing them to become established. As long as you aren’t trying to maintain the look of a manicured lawn, mowing around trees isn’t an issue at all. The issue with removing all grass across a large area is that nature abhors a vacuum, and even the densest mulch will slow but not stop plants growing, not only woody plants such as native oaks and hickories, but also invasives and various herbaceous plants. You will be spending quite a bit of time for the first 10-15 years while the trees size up and the area still has a good amount of sun spraying herbicide, not a choice I would make. Also, if there is any slope at all, having bare ground covered with pine needles can leave you with massive erosion problems. You can start by planting a thick band of trees with an understory of large shrubs, well mulched, perhaps 15 feet deep and see how the maintenance works for that before committing to removing more lawn. The reason most folks have lawn rather than other plantings in the eastern half of the US is because it is the easiest to maintain.

An update for y’all: So, I wasn’t quite ready to pull the trigger on painting the entire room blue, but I did go ahead and have custom bookshelves built and installed, in the same shade of blue. I figured I could paint the rest of the room afterwards, if I wanted to. Here’s that wall, just finished — I’m elated. The shelves are fully adjustable, so I can remove one if I want to hang a piece of artwork there. I purposely did not want any drawers or cabinets, just shelves.