I have plenty of dressy clothes so I usually decide right before. Sometimes I wear dresses but my go to is a black skirt and nice top. And honestly a lot of funerals I attend people don't get that dressed up, so I've even done black pants and a nice top before because I know that's what most everyone else will be wearing. It really depends on the funeral.

I don't wear a lot of black so I have summer and winter versions of funeral clothes squirreled away in my closet. Summer is a tan and black check flowy shirt dress with black espadrilles. Winter is a black sweater dress, sheath shape, with black tights and black short booties.

Just last week I had to run out and buy different booties for my winter version because the funeral day was expected to be very wet and I didn't want to ruin my good shoes at the cemetery. Many others wore booties with their dresses as well. It definitely seemed to be a generational choice.

Your dress choices would have been a little formal for the funeral I attended, most of the attendees were preppy New England senior citizens. But, if you can see yourself wearing the dresses at other events, go for it.

In my area, funerals seem to be falling out of favor and are being replaced with celebrations of life which tend to be much more informal affairs than a funeral. They often take place several weeks or even months after the death of the person being celebrated and by then the grief and shock isn't so raw.

I usually wear dark pants and a nice top. Colors can range from black, gray, navy blue or tan/brown. If I knew the person well and am aware of their favorite color or their interests, I will wear something to reflect that. It can also be very hot here in the summer so it's not unusual to see short sleeves during the spring, summer and fall months.

Thinking back to funerals and celebrations that I've attended attire can range from jeans/t-shirts with sneakers or sandals to more formal wear such as slacks/sports coat for men and a dress or skirt for women. Rarely do we see anything dressier than that.

This is really helpful to know. I have definitely been feeling a bit lost in terms of level of formality. I wasn't aware that funerals were falling out of favor!

Yes, I have two SBDs specifically for this purpose. My parents and numerous aunts/uncles are quite elderly, so I want to do whatever I can to minimize stress when the time comes to need this attire. I think one dress is Ann Taylor, can't remember the other (I'm staying with postpartum DD). I plan to wear a black dress accessorized with a little color. Also have a pair of low heeled black pumps in the back of the closet. My family is pretty traditional, so this is the style I would be most comfortable in.

I always wore lots of black to work so I was set for funerals -- until I lost 50 lb. I have at least one simple black long sleeve wrap dress that should fit and that is about it. None of my dressier black pants fit and at least 1/2 of my black blazers will be too big-- if not more.

Of the three dresses, I prefer the last two for this time of year. I think the booties will look great with both but I think I prefer them with the third dress.

Like, Dawn shared, I have been seeing quite a range of dress at funerals these last 10 yr-- but the last number of funerals (including my dad's in 2020) were all limited to family only and all were dressed in dresses/suits.

Again.. my thoughts are with your family ❤️

When I first saw this post, I thought it was about what outfit you wanted to be laid out in.

As for other folks' funerals, it depends. Unless there's a request for bright, colorful clothing ("it was his favorite color!") I go for something subdued, e.g., black/gray/navy top or bottom.

I never have the right outfit for anything, which is why I often end up standing in front of the closet with discarded options tossed on the floor around me. I should really do something about that. I do have black dress pants, and a plain black short sleeved Eileen Fisher dress that can be dressed up or down as needed so I would be able to find something, and hopefully it would fit. My weight has been fluctuating about 8 lbs up or down in the last few years.

Around here at least, it’s getting cold and if we are at a winter funeral or wake we usually have our coats on the whole time, which can hide a lot, depending on the coat.

Fortunately, I have not been to a funeral in a long time. knock wood.

Funerals are not falling out of favor here, although there are "Celebration of Life" services here also. I would say there are still more funerals, especially since Covid. Many people seem to opt for a graveside service only lately. Funerals here are not formal, but in our circle at least, people dress respectfully. Meaning, no jeans, mini-skirts, etc. but it's rare to see alot of people in black. Most wear what one would wear to church. I rarely wear dresses or skirts, and there are more women that wear pants to our church (thank goodness!) than don't. I have many items that could be worn to a funeral, but no particular funeral outfits.

Several years ago a friend of my husband's father passed away. The man was kind of a black sheep of the family, divorced from the friend's mother and had a passion for motorcycles. The funeral was quite respectful in attitude/manner, but there was an array of attire, and many jeans/leather vests, etc. A Lynard Skynard song was played at one point. All that was fine with me, I'm one who feels like the service should reflect the deceased person.

@Funkyart thank you so much for the kind thoughts. Ironically I did have another dress I bought for a funeral but now that I've lost weight it's too big on me as well.

@Bunny oops! This made me giggle a little. It is an interesting thought about whether we should pick out what we'd like to be dressed in should we pass.

I never have the right outfit for anything

This feels like the story of my life too. I have a full closet and yet I can never find an outfit that feels right for anything. Trying to decipher appropriate formality in an increasingly casual world is especially challenging. I recently tried a ladies night at an "upscale cocktail lounge" (that was the description on their website) to see serving staff dressed in ripped jeans and mechanic shirts and the other guests in sweatpants and shorts.

The first dress in my post fits well and I'm waiting for the second two to arrive today. I think @Funkyart that I can see how the last dress would work best with the booties. And I agree that seasonally the second two seem better. I think that might be part of my problem that most of what I'm looking at in my closet seems too summery for this time of year.

I hadn't thought about skirts, so maybe I need to go dig around in my closet and see what skirts I have and whether they fit. I almost certainly have a black sweater somewhere.

Thank you everyone for the fashion / social advice! I really appreciate all of the life experience here.

Yes. I have a black suit with a long jacket (hits a few inches above the knee) and a straight knee length skirt. If it is cold, I wear trousers instead of the skirt. Pearls and pearl earrings and usually ballet flats now since I have pretty much given up any kind of heel. Fairly formal, I know, but I just can't do anything else (Grandma could be watching from above-ha).

So sorry about the death in your family, Pricklypearcactus.

I don't have a designated funeral outfit. I think that would make me sad! I think as long as one's outfit is relatively formal and simple, it is fine for a funeral.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I always have ‘something appropriate’ in my closet for most every occasion.

But you know what? No one who matters will care what you wear.

Thank you @mtnrdredux_gw. I think part of my problem with all the dresses I do have is that they aren't simple enough. I usually pick dresses with a little funkiness or unusual detail and when I put them on they didn't seem somber enough. But this is the second time I'm kicking myself for not having the right thing in the closet, so I keep wondering if I should just have an outfit ready to go.

For winter I have a great Karl Lagerfeld black sweater dress that i wear with black tights and a kitten heel black leather shoe. Alternatively I have a charcoal gray side wrap dress good for fall or winter, gray or black low heeled shoes and black stockings. Spring, a black Eileen Fisher swing dress , black stockings and flats. Summer depends; I have a sleeveless black linen dress that I can dress up or down depending on the shoes and jewelry. If the service is in a church I wear an off white silk cardigan and stockings. If it’s at a funeral home, private home or graveside I might not, it depends on the family. Here people tend to notice and appreciate the appropriate dress.

Prickypear, all the dresses you posted are beautifully appropriate for a funeral or celebration (same thing, different name) or a wake. And yes I think it’s a good idea to have a few options on hand for funerals in different settings and seasons. None of my outfits is reserved solely for funeral wear but they do a yeoman’s duty when necessary.

I don’t but I have a variety of options that are suitable for such an occasion.

I have a wardrobe full of basics and always something appropriate. DH has lived in this community all his life, was raised here. He knows many, many people of all ages. His parents were older too, so there was the passing of friends, aunts/uncles, neighbors - and that hasn't really changed.

I have several black or dark pants, black skirts in a couple of lengths, a dress or two, blazers in black and a dressy black coat. Short boots or vibram soled black patent Paul Greens that work for grass in the cemetery.

We may go, greet the family, sign the guest book and stay for the service, then slip away skipping the reception - but at least making an appearance. DH is adamant about showing respect. Although there are times he wants to visit too and catch up with people he hasn't seen in a while. We haven't eaten buffet I don't think since Covid, but we've signed a lot of guests books ;)

I don't think black is necessarily required for funerals or celebrations of life these days, but its a color I wear well. From what I've seen on others in recent years, just about anything goes as long as too much skin isn't showing ;)

And sometimes even that. We went to a celebration of life at a casual venue about two years ago where the man's widow wore the cocktail dress he had loved seeing her in. After one initial gasp, it was fine.....

I'm sorry for your loss.

Most of the funerals, or Celebrations of life, that I've been to in the last several years have all kinds of attire. Personally, I like to wear something other than black, but that is respectful. In other words, not too short or too wild.

Several years ago my sister and I were responsible for our elderly aunt's service and interrment of ashes in a cemetary. We were at the cemetary waiting to be shown to the place of interrment when there was a lot of noise, and we looked up to see a flat-bed truck approaching, coffin on board, tooting its horn loudly, with many people dressed in a wide variety of clothing. The deceased had owned some kind of construction company, and his friends/family chose to honor him in this way. Not what my aunt would have chosen, but I believe a burial should be personal and reflect the personality of the disceased. So...OK.

pricklypear, I'm sorry. DH was asking about dinner as I was typing and I failed to express my sympathy at your loss. It's always a difficult time and close the holidays it doesn't become any easier. Please accept my sincere condolences.

Pricklypear, thinking of you and sorry for your loss. I think any of your three dresses would be appropriate.

Having been in your position in the past, I usually think about appropriate oufits for funerals when I go thru my closet at the change of the season. That said, funerals have changed so much. Some request you wear a certain color that the deceased loved, some are more casual just by virtue of venue, and many today are just graveside services or family only and I've noticed a number recently that states in obit the deceased requested no services. We even attended funerals online during Covid.

Isn't it funny how things are different in different areas? I can only recall one funeral we have attended that had a reception/refreshments. It's just not common here. Celebrations of Life are usually (in my experience) a more uplifting type service. It is common here to have a COL for someone who is cremated and does not have ashes buried. Although my mom was not cremated, we had a COL for her. It was held at the church my parents attended.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Pricklypearcactus.

Yes, I have designated clothing in my closet for funerals. I can describe to you the time, place and the song playing on the radio as I simultaneously babysat for my niece while trying to shop for a dress for my MIL's funeral after her untimely death. I was young and inexperienced, but I still noted to myself that I should not have spent that precarious time shopping for something to wear.

It's not about what I wear when I show up. It's about how I spend my time in the moments preparing for honoring someone's life. I don't spend those moments grappling with my appearance.

I saved one suit from work for somber occasions. Its now sadly out of date. I am amazed by the range of clothing at funerals. Ive even seen people show up in t shirts. The last one I attended, at a beautiful church, a man showed up with a ring of jangly keys hanging from a belt loop.

Anyway, I have so many pairs of black pants and jackets, I can always come up with something appropriate.

My sister died many years ago. We knew her death was inevitable. Months before her death I was walking through a store and saw a suit that would be something to wear to a funeral although it was a dark purple, but conservative. I truly had nothing appropriate to wear at that time. I was so glad I bought it and had the skirt shortened. I certainly could not have run out and bought something at the last minute.

So sorry for your loss, prickly.

I do have an outfit that is funeral appropriate. My problem is I don't have a jacket that is somber enough. I would have to buy a new one of those.

ETA

Prickly pear cactus again so sorry for the loss!

In my opinion about dressing for the funeral we don't need to dress up but it helps to show up. Some people don't show up if they have to think too much about what to wear. I think I'm going to request if I have something like this that everyone come as they are. I want people to come so if they can only come as they are I'm happy for that.

So sorry for your loss, pricklypearcactus.

I would definitely shop my closet before going out shopping for a funeral. People go so casual these days that it's certainly not like it used to be. Something dark and conservative and more formal....a dress, a skirt, trousers with a jacket. (And for my grandmother, nothing red.) Black, gray, even navy would be fine....unless you're immediate family, in which case black would be better. But something that shows you put some thought into it and something that shows respect.

I was appalled when I went to a wake a couple of years ago and saw a guy walk in in cutoffs and flip flops like he was going to the beach. Awful. I found it disrespectful.

I went to a friend’s wife’s funeral/celebration of life a couple of years ago. I dressed in my standard funeral suit: black St. John knit. I even put on hose and heels. Imagine my surprise when I got there and I was the only one in a somber color. DH and I got info about the service by word of mouth in the community. If I’d seen the obituary, I would have known that the family requested everyone come in red!

Thank you @maddielee, @morz8 - Washington Coast, @Feathers11, and @Annie Deighnaugh for your condolences. It means so much to have a kind virtual group of friends to help me at this time.

The last two dresses fit really well, better than the first I think. The middle dress is a bit more formal and the latter is a little more casual. I'm leaning towards wearing the last dress since it is a little more casual and as recommended, works a little better with the booties It's a Norma Kamali dress. I may end up keeping the middle dress too since it fits really well and seems like a good staple since I'm clearly lacking non-sleeveless dresses. The first and middle are both Calvin Klein.

Thank you everyone for your help in this time. I think I need to build out my closet with a few more staples so that in the future I won't feel so panicked trying to find something appropriate to wear. My professional life has become so casual (first working for a very casual company and now working from home for that company) that my closet has really fallen into very casual territory. Combine that with weight changes and maturing in age and I think I need to do a little investment in my closet again.

Sending you condolences, so sorry for your loss.

The dresses that you shared will work well. My favorite is the 2nd dress, but I think that is because I am drawn to v-necks. Calvin Klein is a good brand for this type of dress.

I do not have a funeral dress or even a LBD in my closet. In my past life, I had multiple career dresses that would have worked, but I have worked from home for 15 years now and rarely go into the office, when I do visit a dressy pant outfit is fine. I had two funerals recently and wore black pants with a jacket and nice blouse to both. I would have preferred a dress, but every formal dress in my closet was a lighter color. I went shopping locally but I was unable to find anything that I thought was nicer than my pant outfit. I do think that I need this type of dress in my closet, so I am keeping my eye out for a simple darker dress that is appropriate for celebrations, funerals, court dates ;) or whatever.

I am an Irish Catholic, so I have dresses for every funeral season. My assortment of dresses include a navy sleeveless sheath (very old, but it’s a polyester and will last forever), black short sleeve dress and a gray long sleeve dress. If it’s a frigid day in winter and you need to go to the cemetery, I bundle up with boots and scarf.

Rather, we are Irish Episcopalians…I can relate :-)