I find myself alone with my thoughts too much lately, more than usual. I too keep replaying the past, every mistake I've ever made. Somehow, I don't find myself replying the good stuff too often.

I did find my gratitude journal I started years ago recently, and there's a lot of stuff in it that's pretty funny and happy. It made me smile, but I sure as heck don't remember the things in them without reading them.

One must cultivate an attitude of gratitude, and it's not an easy thing to do especially in this day and age.

I feel ya.

Well said, Annie. I agree. I have fond memories of people who are no longer on this Earth, but I grieved their loss and no longer grieve for them (or pets who I loved and have died). Nowadays, my mindless thinking is filled with things I need to do, or have to find someone to do, or dread doing, lol! My more conscious thinking is filled with joy about my friends and family, spring coming, flowers blooming, the Farmer's Market opening. All that followed by summer soon to come, with wonderful days at my friends' cabin on the saltwater - laughing, eating, drinking wine and mojitos, lol.
I don't know if you are able, but if you are, try to get outside. The air and light really helps.

ANTS: Automatic Negative Thoughts we call them at work. Sometimes if we engage one of our senses it can throw these ants off. Smell of a pretty candle or lotion. Smells often bring back positive memories. Maybe get out some albums recall all the parts of your life you have documented. Turn some favorite music on and let it float you away, or dance to it!! Truth is we are a composite. Forgiving oneself for missteps gives you freedom to focus on the things your enjoyed in your life.

I like the ANTS comment. I think people who spend too much time thinking about the past can too easily slide into having negative or unhelpful nostalgic thoughts that don't contribute to having a good day or a good attitude.

I can't think of any one thing I think about every day, but my thoughts do tend to be present and future oriented. And upbeat.

I realize there is a huge element of genetic luck in people's natural outlooks. I am mostly like Elmer, present and future oriented with a very upbeat predisposition.

During times of loss, though, meaning when I have lost important relatives, I have had a hard time maintaing the naturally cheerful attitude and had to take proactive measures, such as planning time to grieve and then letting it go for x amount of time, starting a new, relatively engrossing project as a distraction and lastly in my case upping the amount of time I spent meditating, journaling and praying in order to center myself purposefully.

During my hardest loss, prayer truly was the answer for me, helping me let go of the grief somehow.

This plague period certainly has represented a huge time of loss for many people. Acknowledging what hurts and making a plan for how to deal with hard feeling might be helpful. If not, don't waste any more time and get a professional to help you move forward.

Every morning I think about what I want to accomplish or where i want to go that day. Sometime I accomplish it all and other days I don't. I usually have a rough plan a week out. Some of it depends on the weather, so if the weather changes so do my plans.

It's nice every once in awhile to remember a pleasant past memory, but I rairly dwell in the past.

I tend to keep myself entertained throughout the day and do not really let my mind wander often. When I do have moments that are silent and I have time to think, my thoughts are generally positive, and revolve around planning. Planning what and when to plant, thinking about new holiday decorations to add, thinking of new recipes, things like that. Negative thought about the past used to bother me, but over a decade ago when I met SO, he told me in an off handed way that there is no need to waste minutes of ones short life reflecting on things that you cannot change. Since then I no longer dwell on past mistakes or misfortunes. I see them as a learning experience, like school. And like school, long behind me. I keep the things that I learned that are useful and let go of the rest.

Yes the ANTS concept is very good. I also use the reminder phrase that I say to myself when I catch myself in the loop of remembering negatively about the past. I say to myself:

'It's in the past and it is not happening right now.

Even my memories of my emotions are just memories they aren't happening right now. '

This works for me mostly. It gives me a chance to assess what I am thinking and decide its value. It probably doesn't work for everyone.

It doesn't always work for me of course. As with most people I am an ongoing concern :-). I haven't met any perfect people yet so some of us struggle a little bit or a lot with these things.

I also remind myself and my family frequently be kind to ourselves. We must remember how difficult it is to think a certain way all the time. Especially in troubling times.

Well I those who are truly close to me might say have an interesting past and although I don't dwell on it much, it does seem to come up a lot. Pretty much randomly. That sometimes gets me reminiscing and of course I miss the people that are no longer with us, and I know that some questions I have will never be answered. Yes I have shed tears. But I don't really consider them negative thoughts. After all, my past is what made me what I am today, I was fortunate to have the people I no longer have in my life, for the time we had. They taught me, enriched me and inspired me. My past just seems to come around randomly. It happened with my mechanic just today. He was giving me a ride home after I dropped off my vehicle. We don't know each well but through conversation, it started with the Ukraine and led to other value related topics, we know we have a common background that makes us see things in a very similar way. That brings up memories but although they are bittersweet they are not negative. If you are fortunate enough to live a long life you will have a past, present and hopefully a future. I think people who are introspective and value self awareness are more comfortable thinking about their past than those who merely go through life more passively.

But daily thoughts are generally focused on getting it done, planning for tomorrow and of course I never let a day go by without thinking about the horses and how I will improve my relationships with them etc. I think about my kids and my grandkids and look ahead to seeing them when we can. I have my DH and my dog. I don't have time to dwell and be depressed over thoughts.

Every day I think about cutting the grass and planting waterlilies. I do think about times past and people from then. For me it has nothing to do with Covid, more about getting older. I totally agree with what Amy wrote. I have so much to do, mostly I am focused on that.

Love: ANTs!

I went looking for a study I remember from way back, but found this one that seemed to be on point.

(Aside to Elmer: please restrain yourself from jumping on me for doing internet searches. BTDT.)

https://wjh-www.harvard.edu/~dtg/KILLINGSWORTH%20&%20GILBERT%20(2010).pdf They conclude: : "a human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind." More positive thoughts occurred during activities such as listening to music, exercising, conversing, eating and making love.

I found the other study I recalled: https://hbr.org/2013/03/the-ideal-praise-to-criticism

They found that the ideal ratio for team performance was nearly 6 positive comments to offset one negative one. If you think about evolution, it was far more important for survival to remember the berry that made you violently ill or the animal that nearly mawled you to death so we are hard wired to remember the negative. Advertisers (and even certain talk networks) have been using this for decades...we tend to remember the annoying ads more than the pleasant ones. So if you find yourself wound up with a negative thought, you can counteract it on your own by thinking of 5-6 positive things. And the more positive things you look for, the more you will find.

Food. Not very profound, but true.

• getting out of bed
• having my coffee
• going to work
• realizing my pay increase was 2%
• realizing the price increases I put up at work averaged 5% (increase, that is!)
• realizing gasoline went up 20+c a liter
• realizing I'm never going to be able to retire
• wishing I could just afford a new car
• being grateful I don't live in Ukraine
• waiting for Russia to "invade" Canada.....
• knowing I'll get to repeat this again tomorrow, and the day after and the day after that

The situation in the Ukraine is very depressing, for sure.

What do I think about every day??..........everyday things :-) What errands I may need to run, appointments I need to schedule, what projects I'd like to accomplish (but most likely won't), what chores are on schedule for that day, what the weather may be and if I can get out in the garden, what to cook if I am feeling ambitious or the alternatives if I am feeling lazy. Your basic everyday sort of stuff!!

I am never bored, seldom ever depressed and tend not to focus on the past, although I do pull from it pleasant memories. I also tend not to focus too much on the future. It is something I have very little control over and sometimes it scares me a bit so I'd prefer to focus and live in the moment and take the maximum joy from each day.

Like anyone, I do have some regrets and concerns but I do not allow them to consume my thoughts. I have my dog, my garden, family nearby, a life style that fits my income and live in an almost ideal part of the country. What's not to be happy and content with??

Olfactory sensations trigger the strongest memories, according to a psychologist that I used to see when I was in college.

I tend to live in the present and future, and I have a lot of projects that I want to work on, but if I dwell on those too much, I can get overwhelmed. Therefore I make "to do" lists and prioritize them, even though I am retired. Of course I did those as a matter of course when I worked in an office.

I'm having a bit of trouble maintaining two houses, and so my back yard in L.A. is getting a bit neglected. I would like to be able to hire someone to help me take care of it, and perhaps I can concentrate on that after I finish the kitchen renovation in Cathedral City.

I love being able to stay at either house, but I'm not ready to leave L.A. more permanently, as I really like shopping here - shopping is much more limited in Palm Springs and the Coachella Valley in general. There are much better and more varied restaurants and food markets in L.A. than Palm Springs and the Coachella Valley. I always take ethnic food items to Cathedral City when I go there, especially Japanese.

controlling the A1c ...

planning for upcoming holidays and birthdays, things that need to be done and when. I very rarely dwell on the past

I spend a lot of time alone at home but I don't dwell on the past. Mostly I think about projects I an working on such as sewing and redecorating. I also am looking forward to being able to garden soon, now that winter is about over. I also think of my 3 little grandchildren quite a bit.

My husband has been gone almost 9 yrs and he does crop up in my thoughts many times each day but they are good thoughts. He wouldn't want me to be sad all the time.

My kids, my dogs, my garden, friends, WWIII, retirement, and work. PIcking up a lot of overtime in the next few weeks as we are short staffed and going to get shorter as I know of two others who are retiring this year. They're hiring quite a few people for the uptick in calls since Covid 19 started but they will take months to get hired and trained. Will be busy with work, seed starting and putting together new raised beds that are on the way.

I'm also debating on whether or not to take my upcoming 2 weeks of vacation or just 1 of them to work in the garden or go to Florida with a friend. She wants to go to the Keys, it's on her bucket list and although I'm not a beach person I would like to see it and the wildlife.

I don't dwell on anything during the day. I have lists of things to do for a couple of days ahead. That keeps me busy. But I go through cycles of having bad dreams of the past, and how it could have worked out better. Nothing I feel guilty about or in reality Icould have changed, but my mind still searches for different outcomes in dreams. Wake up very depressed. Wish I could fix this without counseling. Don't have time for that .

ladypat, you can try meditating...allows you to sit with those feelings, and as you do, they dissipate. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smHvq1xyrd4

I think about my late husband every day. He died a year before my planned retirement, so absolutely nothing about my retirement years is what I had looked forward to. While I've done relatively well on my own, it's hard for me to go out and do "things" by myself and enjoy them. I can go to movies and out to eat by myself, go to craft fairs, etc., but am more hesitant about going on vacations or trips. Everybody in my circle is cautious with money, and unlikely to spend for additional vacations without their spouses.

Those of us who are widowed naturally think about our late spouses daily. It never gets easier. I find myself going over happy memories we two had decades ago.

I no longer keep a daily journal, which I did for years. Now, instead, I tend to write long letters to friends.

When I can't sleep at night, I tend to let my thoughts take me back to early childhood memories, trying to find a sweet spot to dwell in.

Lastly, I do worry a lot about Ukraine and those countries in Europe that may also be under threat. I have the sort of mind that tends to analyze. It's just who I am and genetic.

Perhaps some of the widows here should get together and see if they'd make good traveling companions....

This thread has helped me the last couple of days. When I start heading down the negative path, instead I think, "I am looking forward to ____________ today" There's always something. It's shaking things up and I like that.

Every day I think about and give thanks to God for the blessing of another day of life, and many times throughout the day I give thanks for so many other things. Every time I see my deceased husband's favorite big red-headed woodpecker that we named Chirp, I think of Ivan. Throughout the day I think of my friends and what crafting I will do today.

I think of the same things you do but not at all Covid related. The loss of DH did that for me. I have always thought of the past but more since he's gone. Maybe it's an age thing. Try not to worry ab out it, it won't help at all.

As far as my daily thoughts it's mostly my past, then work or what I will watch on TV or have for supper. So exciting!