I wonder if something else is happening. Growing up, we heard our parents and siblings on the phone all the time, making appointments, talking about work or organizations activities, chatting. I realize that with digital communication, our kids are not growing up hearing that modeled fo them. We text, we do a lot online. And perhaps they aren’t home after school because they are busy with activities, or parents aren’t home until dinner. They just aren’t exposed to it. My own kids hate hate hate talking on the phone. When my one son was seeing a counselor for social anxiety, and this is about 6 years ago, he also said he really can’t talk on the phone. And it’s true.

My own kids hate hate hate talking on the phone.

So do mine. Well maybe only one hate. But they don't like to do it.

TBH, oddly, I find myself texting with good friends or my sister rather than picking up the phone. I suppose so I can multitask (ie post here). Plus calling now feels like an interruption.

I'm 38 years old and I HATE talking on the phone. I am not anxious, I just really really really don't like to do it. I will do it ONLY if I have absolutely no choice at all.

My delightful husband makes 99% of my phone calls for me (the only people I ever really call are the dog's vets and my own doctor -- he even calls insurance companies and my accountant for me).

I will go out of my way to refuse phone calls and tell people to text instead because I am in "work meetings" or some other made-up reason.

I cannot explain why. I just don't like dealing with people on the telephone in any way, shape or form. It all seems like a giant hassle.

I much prefer texting socially, and even for ”the business of life” like making appointments or confirming information. But if I have to explain what is wrong with the HVAC system, that is much more easily done on the phone.

And, I have had instances where I’m texting with someone, and all of a sudden one of us decides a spoken conversation will be better, and one of our phones rings. That’s okay, because it’s usually mutual.

Recently I looked back at a text conversation I had with my fellow ”band parent”. I was in Costco and texting her about food for an event, and interspersed is a social conversation. Looking back it is impossible to follow, but in the moment it was like walking through the store with her, interspersing the social conversation with ”do you think they’d like these cookies?”

Since my teen years, have never been one to like chatting on a phone, but one of my favorite gifts ever was a surprise phone in my room for my 12th birthday—hallelujah, conversations with my friends in private! Kind of moot now, with texting. i guess i am more interested in the lack of IRL conversations evolving into an inability to ”adult” with other people, and more and more people living lives separate from society. This was kind of what my son is seeing—home is safe. My 18-year-old grandson is very social, like his dad, and calls and texts; his 15-year-old sister just wants to stay home and text. Her mom and brother say she has few friends, but both were nominated to the Homecoming Court, so she MUST have friends; she just doesn’t go out with them.

I don’t really care to talk on the phone, socially, but I don’t have a problem using the phone for things like ordering carryout, making appointments, etc. However, I will say, with the invention of multi-layered phone menus making it difficult to actually get to the person you need to speak with, I understand the hesitancy of making phone calls. Not to mention when you are suspended in an unending ”hold” for a rather routine call. Just easier to try to take care of things online when possible.

I will say, when my kids were young, they were apprehensive about making phone calls. One night H and I were going out and my kids were going to order pizza for dinner, with cash to pay on delivery. They were all upset about having to do so, to the point where I told them I was not doing it for them so they could either figure it out or eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Another time, my son, about 13 at the time, wanted to play golf with a friend. He asked me to call and make the tee time. Nope, I told him if he wanted to play, he needed to call himself - not too hard to figure out. ”But what do I say?” Sheesh.

Honestly, I don’t see this as a new problem. My friends and I have talked about it long before the pandemic. However, I do think the pandemic just made it worse.

In terms of socializing during the pandemic, my kids don’t talk on the phone with their friends, but they are regularly Facetiming with friends. I hear my D shrieking with laughter sometimes and can hear her friends talking to her as I walk by. One night I walked in her room as she was doing homework and realized she had her friend on Facetime. I was in my pjs and momentarily embarrassed until she said the camera was not facing in my direction. I see Facetime and similar apps as modern day teenage ”phone calls.” Just last night my son, away at college, texted to ask if I was busy. I said no and he asked if he could Facetime me. I was sitting in my car waiting for D so once I started driving, Facetime would not have been wise. I asked if there was a reason why he wanted to Facetime versus just call me. ”No, not really, I can just call you instead.” Guess he missed seeing my face LOL

The pandemic did affect my DS already with social anxiety. Just as he made a turnaround in college, was feeling comfortable with his professors and accepting their reaching out to him to participate in projects and services within the department, and even talking to them in person, everything screeched to a halt with virtual classes. By the time they were back to mostly in-person classes, he was in his final semester and graduated. Ugh. Any progress for him in that regard stalled.

I have always disliked talking on the phone. So glad that most things can be done via text or online now. I avoid making calls at all costs and will often not pick up if called. I have a couple of friends who call and drone on and on...I just get some housework done and say u-huh every so often. Any necessary phone call gets put off until the absolute last minute in the hopes that fate will intervene and it will become unnecessary. Sometimes that actually works!

We were just talking about this at work today. A Postpartum RN was talking about awkward silence in pt rooms when checking the baby or doing other tasks. If a question is asked of the young couple they will answer but not offer any other info or chit chat. The PP RN's said it is not unusual for the dad to not talk to them at all in a 2 day shifts stint.

I said it is because the art of conversation is gone. Others chimed in on how their kids won't place a food order or approach a hostess stand to place their name on the list. I said how do they interview or function at a job?

Time will tell how social interactions pan out post Covid. Surely things will return to a new normal at some point where their are in person interactions again.

Beagles, I'm the same way, except I don't like to text either, I prefer email, and if we need to chat, it will be by phone. I hate cell phones because they make me nervous. My friends know they are not to call me unless we do need to chat.

No lectures please about having a landline in every room except the bathroom, DH does carry a cell phone. I turned the ringer off on the bedroom phone, which is where I hang out the most. I can hear the phone ring from another room and that won't make me jump.

RNmom, I agree about how conversation is gone, but I think with teens it's due to cell phones, and with adults like myself, it's because I'm still in isolation. Except with my family or a close friend, I can talk up a storm.

I get extremely anxious when I'm paying for groceries, even if it's one loaf of bread. Everyone is looking at me, or so I think, and I build up a sweat. A friend does the same.

Depression is at an all time high right now due to Covid and isolation. Drinking and drug addictions are high too.

At the risk of sounding hopelessly old fashioned, I noticed that our kids’ friends who were not in cotillion were much less at ease in social situations than those who participated in it. All kids around age 11 or 12, when cotillion started, were somewhat socially awkward unless they were among the few people in the world who seem to instinctively know what to say and do or had spent enough time with grownups to model their social behaviors. In cotillion there was a lot of role play with phone conversations in particular—- how to speak to friends‘ parents, how to make polite conversation when necessary, how to speak to a business person calling your home, how to make an appointment, how to take a message, how to ask someone on a date, etc. They benefitted from practicing these skills with other kids in their group. My kids even now will occasionally adopt a falsetto and admonish each other to ”marshall your thoughts and know what you are going to say BEFORE you pick up the phone!” like Miss Hamilton, their director. (We told them the same thing!)

In addition to afterschool classes, cotillion also provided a series of controlled social situations—the parties and dances and teas — that allowed them to practice their manners and skills. Grooming, and dressing for different social situations was another area of tutelage. I don’t know how kids learn this stuff without some organized situation nowadays. And most kids I knew of that age either didn’t want to hear these things from their parents or were too embarrassed to practice in front of them.

I think that a lot—not all, of course— of social anxiety comes from a lack of information, skills, and opportunity. We are all uncomfortable to some extent in unfamiliar situations with no experience or training.

Kswl, a few of my friends laughed, and called cotillion anachronistic. Like you, I appreciated having the back up from outside the family. Plus my boys are excellent dancers now :-)

Zalco, isnt’t it crazy people would think having social graces is anachronistic?

my DD told me an interesting story about a 23 year old recently hired to work in the same institute and lab. (DD is a research scientist at a major university working on project she cant talk about.) The young lady is a Columbia grad, very intelligent, working on her masters’ in their field and completely socially inept. At her first project meeting with the ten or so people in their section she started vaping —-nothing illegal, just some tobacco product. Someone kindly told her their facility was smoke free and to put it away. She was very upset and told my DD ”I thought they’d be cool with it.” DD says this type of awkwardness and lack of social skills is also not that unusual in people her own age.

Social anxiety and decision making are two different things. Yes MS and HS students are increasingly consumed by doubt and fear of retribution on social media. Adults are ignoring the detrimental affects of smart phones for the convenience of them. In their world today, it takes only a nano second for an incident to become a drama sent over the air waves and if said teen is at the center of it in a negative way it's a HUGE deal for them. Adults have no knowledge when it's happening. Back in the day the gossip chain could take days and only spread out loud where an adult might get wind of it. Today in living action mini movies kids are being trashed by their peers at almost at a non stop pace. They hid for a year. They could make up personas say what ever they wanted to and no one had the pictures to counter their false narratives. Now that they are back in school all the truth is out there and it's a major cause of stress in teens. I don't think the ancient right of Cotillion is needed but I do know parents need to put down their cell phones, delay their entertainment and start focusing on their kids, on TEACHING them behavior norms and allowing them the freedom to be out from under the GLARE of social media by spending cell phone free vacations/family time/game nights.

My issue with all of this is that sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone when needed.

Side story: My older sister claims she doesn’t like talking on the phone. Since she doesn’t text, the only way left is email. Yet when we call her, she does not stop talking.

Our other sister feels a once or twice a year phone call to actually hear a conversation isn’t too much to ask. But she is stead fast. This is who she is, is what she tells us.

I personally don’t mind talking on the phone. Nothing compares when you are feeling down and need emotional support. Or, if you have good news to share like yesterday our youngest DD got a promotion and called us. Somehow a text just isn’t the same when sharing emotions or exciting news.

As far as social anxiety, I feel for the very young children growing up with masks all around them. What a nightmare.

I don’t have experience with social anxiety, but for those who simply don’t like it, i woukd take a step back and consider what the other person might need at that moment.

I hate texting - I should try "talk to text." I wonder if it will work on my phone. For me, texting is very inefficient, as I can talk much faster than I can type on a phone. One of my friends tells me to call him rather than text because he doesn't like typing on a phone either, and he prefers talking to email.

I hated talking on the phone when I was a teenager, but I got over that fairly quickly, once I went off to university. I guess I was shy as a teenage, but I did not have many friends, mainly because I went to a rural school until high school. I did not have much in common with farm kids.

I took a speech class when I was getting my interior design degree (It was a required course), and I was terrified at first at the thought of it, but I got over that very quickly.

It seems that a lot of younger people are not camera shy when it comes to making their own videos, and I always felt that that was more difficult than speaking in public. I'm not particularly camera shy myself, however, and have done some minor acting.

I use a headset when talking on the phone, especially if I know it will be a long conversation or if I will need to write something down. I'm not big on multi-tasking - I find it inefficient, due to errors that are made, and I like to concentrate on one thing at a time.

Initially, I disliked talking on the phone in Mexico City - at least until my Spanish improved - but it was necessary in order to keep in contact with my friends there. I got fairly good at it after a while, and I learned to be very quick with responses, in case someone's maid answered the phone. If I paused, the maid would hang up on me, and so I had to fire rapid questions to get the information I needed. If you hate talking on the phone, try talking in a foreign language on the phone.

I feel for kids today. I can’t imagine being a teen during the social media era. And it’s certainly understandable that the pandemic and other world events have affected the younger generation deeply.

I find teens I know nowadays to be very cynical. I can see why.

Re: cell phones … as much as I love chatting with people, it’s brutal because I have hearing loss issues. For that reason only, I dread calls.