Hey guys... just reading that poem makes me cry again. I still cry every day. It's really hard when you're by yourself at night. I miss Danny. I made a shrine to him in my room. It's been a few months now and though the pain isn't... as consuming, it's still with me all the time. The time we had together, his youthful eyes and laughter, they haunt me, you know. It's still not right that we are here "enjoying" life and it is over for him, so young, so full of potential. I keep wondering why it has to be this way. And why he couldn't have been pulled out of the water, why those boys who were with him don't care about us, because they never call. I keep wishing I was old enough to start a family, that my ex boyfriend was a good man so I could give into his pressure to go home. But my path is set.... it's so strange but in the aftermath I see clear evidence that we (mom and I) are doing as God intends, that he has plans for us and taking my brothers away are part of the plan. For my mother at least, no clearer evidence could have been presented that God is here and He does care. My mom was devastated to be here, after her head cleared. She quit her well paying corporate job to slave away for my vengeful, tyrannical father. Things were not looking good - on top of the grief she had to suffer his abuse to pay the bills. She was depressed and felt she made a huge mistake in the wake of the grief. I felt bad b/c I insisted that God wanted us here, to help my Dad (before he betrayed us) to be where Dan was, to be in this small town away from the city, away from my ex bf. I prayed and I really thought we were doing the right thing. Even at the worst I encouraged her that somehow, God would come through - I could feel it. And He did. Out of a pool of 462 applicants in a town of 50,000, *my mother* was chosen to be the business manager/instructor for the only scuba diving school in the entire area. Her new job is about as awesome as they come. She not only gets paid to learn a new career, scuba instruction, but will be taking 10 paid vacations a year to take clients to places like Australia, the South Pacific, Hawaii and Florida. That we moved here after Dan drowned, and now she has a new career in *underwater life support* is not lost on me. Praise God - if that isn't direct evidence of his Love than I don't know what is. My beautiful mother has suffered so - this bit of security, adventure and hope for quality of life was exactly what she needed. The owner is so nice he won't ever make her dive in the huge brown river that took my brother, though it is the local attraction for his business. We also got to meet the diver who pulled my brother out of the water (bless him, if his body hadn't been recovered or recovered quickly it would have been even more tormenting) and my mom will get to be a volunteer search and rescue diver herself. I don't know what I'm doing. I was supposed to go back to school to finish 8 credits but I blew it off - until January. For some reason I lost my motivation to go to law school. I want to do something else. I don't know what. I will keep praying and maybe God will show me the path. I'd endure just about anything if I could have him back. Death is so unforgiving. A few minutes of being underwater, unconscious, and you can't come back. I've been re-reading "The Lovely Bones" and I really like the way that novel describes Heaven. The little murdered girl wonders why her dearly beloved grandparents aren't in her heaven. It's because she can't let go of watching people on Earth - her family, the investigation, her school. I like to think that Dan is here sometimes, I can almost feel him. But when he is not, he must be enjoying hot rods, powdered mountains and babes in bikinis. There must be babes in his heaven. I am waiting to find the perfect landscape tattoo artist, and then I will get a memorial tattoo in Dan's honor. It will be a silhouette of a snowboarder popping off an impossible cliff, with a burning, brilliant variegated sunset in the background. Dan Krueger, 1986 - 2004, it will say. He was such a good brother. I'm so grateful God has shown himself to me in the blessings and messages, so I know Dan continues on and I will see him again. I just wish he could "enjoy" life. Maybe heaven has all the good parts of life and none of the bad. But you can still feel things. I mourn the loss of his feeling - he loved to feel. We all do. That Dan's opportunity was taken away makes me feel like I should make the most out of life - but I don't know what to do. I'm just saving all the money I'm earning, and being here for mom. Thanks for caring, Lu, and I hope you all are holding up okay. Oh man, now I'm looking at the pictures to post the link. Pictures hurt so bad. These basic ones I've seen, I can hardly bear to look at them, and trying to look at the hundreds of family photos we have in the closet is like trying to breathe underwater. I just can't do it yet. CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY Man, it hurts.

OK. My washer is coming tomorrow. No bells and whistles--just a standard ole Top Loader. SPEED QUEEN #AWS44NW--3.3 cu.ft. stainless steel tub--8 cycles--3 water temp. ect. washerman8--I wanted the model you have but it took too long for them to get it. If I need a 2nd rinse I'll just wash with no soap. Here is info on this model. Maybe by the time this machine dies the FLers will be more worry free. Appearance Color: White Rear Controls Flexvane Agitator Galvanized Metal Washer Cabinet 3.3 cu.ft. Stainless Steel Washtub Triple Coat Commercial-Grade Cabinet Finish Performance/Features 210° Agitation Stroke 3 Water Temperature Selections 8 Cycle Selections 2 Speed Automatic Balancing System Rear Self-Leveling Legs Porcelain Coated, Steel Outer Draintub Tuff Guard Protected Top Bleach Dispenser Fabric Softener Dispenser Commercial Strength Suspension Sys Hush Pak Appearance 3 Water Temperature Selections 8 Cycle Selections 2 Speed Automatic Balancing System Rear Self-Leveling Legs Porcelain Coated, Steel Outer Draintub Tuff Guard Protected Top Bleach Dispenser Fabric Softener Dispenser Commercial Strength Suspension System Hush Pak Cycles Regular: Heavy Normal Light Permanent Press: Normal Light HandWash/Delicate: Normal Light Soak/Prewash Technical Information Tub Volume: 3.3 cu. ft. Average Water Consumption 39.1 Overall Dimensions: 43"H x 25 5/8"W x 28"D Cabinet Height: 36" Motor Horsepower: 1/2 Spin Speeds (RPM): 474 710 Warranty Speed Queen brings to you the industry's best warranty on all of our washers and dryers. 3-year warranty on parts and labor 5 year limited warranty on the motor 5 year limited warranty on the cabinet 10 year limited warranty on transmission Lifetime warranty on all stainless steel washtubs and outer draintubs

Thanks all. Well, UE came through and the dog and I took a drive up the road about 3 miles (I drove) to get to the gas station with the better prices. This gas station was 6 cents cheaper a gallon than the closer station. Geez, I have not bought gas for quite a while. The prices are going back up. The price was like $2.73.9 a gallon for unleaded. Some days I have not even left the house except to water the plants, feed the birds and get the mail. What are you all paying in your part of the country? So if my body behaves tomorrow morning I will head on down the road. I am not sure if I should take the freeway since that might be jammed up. I will listen to the radio before I leave the house. They give the traffic report so you know what's stopped up. Oh, and the weather channel local on the 8's and its website show the road slowdowns too. Ok, if I make it there I will report to you all tomorrow and let you know how my 1st day went. Another thing to worry about - health insurance. I have to make sure I ask about that tomorrow. Oh, and I have to remember to stop at Ikea for an application.

Blue Store employee here, so I do know what's expected from a KD there---or Cabinet Specialists as they term the position. They don't use the term designer, because they don't expect actual true design responsibilities from the employee. They just never tell their customers that. Unfortunately, Lowes employs many kitchen Customer Service Associates who are not designers at all, and are not there to do any type of design work at all, but that may not be clear to a consumer. They're there to dust, and to escort people around the showroom, and make appointments for the KD's etc. They aren't supposed to create quotes or do designs, but some do. When they quit paying commissions to the KD's, Lowes lost most of the experienced KD's, and had to replace them with poorly trained transfers from other departments. The person you talk to today may have been in paint two weeks ago, and then watched a bunch of computer videos to get transferred to kitchens. You don't get a lot of competence for $12 an hour and no incentive to work harder or better. So, even if you do get a "Cabinet Specialist", they may not have the knowledge to do the job they're supposed to do. It's just too complicated a job to think that a few weeks of computer training will be sufficient. But they insist on doing it that way anyway. If I hadn't already had a background, there's no way that I could do the job based on the training that they offer. And, at least Lowes offers the computer training. According to a local source, HD is getting out of the kitchen design business in store all together in the next year. Within the next few months, you wouldn't have had anyone to talk to at all about your project had you gone into Orange instead of Blue. We give "free estimates" for counters, but those estimates are based on the customer's measurements that they bring in, which aren't usually accurate at all. We have few solid surface counters on display, because it's so out of fashion, but we do display a set on backsplash and a coved backsplash. I do personally discuss the costs of the coved backsplash when we're having a general show and tell, but at $40 a foot, I can't tell you the last time someone actually wanted that. Nor can I even tell you the last time someone even asked about it before I showed it to them. It's been literally years. We might do a solid surface top about once a month, and it's never for someone looking for a budget top. Budget people do a cheap granite. We don't even do a set on backsplash for 95% of the counters we sell of whatever kind, even laminate. It's flat deck everything with people doing tile backsplashes. An estimate is required before a template can happen. A template isn't free of charge. The templater's time has to be paid for. It requires a deposit, which either a set measuring fee in some markets, or, in most markets, the entire counter amount paid for up front based on the customer's probably not so accurate measurements. (Which is why no one does a final contract on an estimate.) After the template, when the real measurements are ascertained, and all costs for all of the options being chosen are known, that's when the final costs are determined. That is explained to every customer, at least by me. If you back out of the sale after the template, you are refunded all but the template fee. That's in the small print. And that's why I say you owe the fee. As far as the miscommunication goes, even with an experienced KD, that sometimes happens when a customer has assumptions that they aren't fully sharing or explaining because they are assuming that something is one way or standard when it's not. It's up to the Specialist to ask enough questions to be able to educate the consumer and correct those assumptions. However, had you asked me about a "seamless counter" I wouldn't have assumed you were talking about the backsplash at all. Just the butt seams or corner seams in the counter. The big takeaway though from any interaction would be that the process should have been explained to you enough to know that your total wasn't final until after the template. And this is one of the reasons that I always over estimate a counter. People don't mind getting a bit of refund, but they hate coming up with more money for the job.