SOS - all tile experts needed. Heading towards divorce court
Judy Wear
3 years ago
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Jean
3 years agoBeth H. :
3 years agolast modified: 3 years agoRelated Discussions
About that divorce...
Comments (38)I'm not holding much hope that things will work out now. The latest thing has been going on for over a year and when my sister ended up by chance running into my mom she asked to come for dinner and did and then things just escalated out of control. I guess because she talked to my mom, my dad flipped out and they ended up filing charges on my mom saying she has abused my sister physically. I don't believe it one bit as my sister was always the good kid and did what she was told, vs. I was the one always in trouble and arguing with my mom and she never lifted a finger on me though I would have deserved it and drove her nuts. I got an e-mail from my sister written the way my dad writes a letter (when I get mad at him and tell him to act like a grown up he sends a letter that he tries to explain why his way is the right way and I just end up not talking to him after that as his reasons just make me even madder). In this e-mail she is telling me our mom physically abused her since I moved to the US (very convenient for my dad) and listed all her injuries and hospital visits. The part that is the strangest to me is that those are all things that she did while playing soccer, basketball, skiing, and/or happened at school. All very public injuries. which makes it even more unbelievable. What really kills me is that my dad think I'm going to fall for this. Guess he thinks I didn't know about any of it. This was reported to the police back in June and they have not done anything about it and indicating to my mom that they don't believe it either. Unfortunatley for my sister she had a brain anerysm (sp?) at 12 years old and her memory in some areas are not the best, as well as her emotions are more on a teenage level now that she is in her mid twenties. She is also very easily made to believe certain things (gullible in a way and she has always been that way even before the brain injury, just a bit worse now) What really bothers me is that my dad is taking advantage of this and thinks in his mind that he is doing her a favor as his letters to me indicates when I told him he wasn't the right person to talk to her about mom because of his obvious dislike of my mom. I'm very worried for my sisters mental well being and wish there was something I could do. I've tried e-mailing her, but don't get a response other than my dad calling me. She did have a boyfriend, but my dad managed to get her to get him to leave (according to him) as her BF would at times talk to my mom. The words your ex told you is basically what my dad told my mom right after the divorce too. I think because she is a strong woman and did ask for the divorce too, she crossed him and he can't let that happen. You seem like a strong woman too and since your son is grown up now he will eventually like me see what his dad really is and probably know in his heart that you've tried what you could to allow him a relationship with his dad. BTW thanks for listening. It is helping to just write some of these things out. I'm still reeling from my dad calling my cellphone (which he never does) on my birthday and trying to wish me happy birthday while I tried to say I didn't want to talk to him right now. I ended up just hanging up as I didn't want to destroy the day by having an argument that would go nowhere with him and only end up with one of his silly letters again. Oh BTW over the years my mom has recieved countless of hate letters from him. I saw a few by chance once and I think at that point I went into denial for a little while until I had the courage to call him on it. He admitted to it, but of course in his manipulative ways had a perfectly good explanation for it too. Well since I now have gotten a few of his weird letters myself I no longer believe his explanations. Also putting all the history of things he has done over the years etc together has gotten me to this point. Took me a long time to realize this (again you don't want to believe your parents are capable of these things) and some of my friends that have met him don't really want to believe me as they just think he's the nicest guy. I just don't understand why people with children have to put their children through this. I applaud you for raising your children like you did even though it must have hurt you and I'm guessing you must have been worried about your childrens emotional well being too, at least I would have. Oh and for those reading this and thinking I'm being paranoid that my dad is doing this. There is a whole lot more to the story and a lot of history to back it up. It would take a book to describe it all. I just tried to cover the latest as short as I could....See MoreNew feelings toward adult skids
Comments (23)phth, "babymama" is SS's SO, they have never married but live in a family situation. Yes, I once liked my SS a great deal. I've known him since he was 14. For many years, I defended him to DH saying he would grow out of this, helped him with things like money, tried to help him find a job, when his first son was born I babysat, took him places etc. The 8 year old has had many emotional problems since he began to talk at around 2. He has been diagnosed with ODD, was kicked out of headstart programs, pre-schools and suspended several times from his elementary school. He is an angry child and very hard to handle. He bullies, is defiant with adults, destructive, I could go on and on. He once deliberately stepped out in oncoming traffic to force me to step out there with him to "save" him. The same day he broke a clock and ran DS's bike in to a wall because he couldn't ride it. I "saved him" but that was the last time I ever kept him by myself. Yes, my skids mother is still alive. I don't know what role she has in all of this now, years ago she accused me of being a homewrecker, told skids this as well as her family. This was untrue, I met DH 2 years after they separated. He confronted her publicly about this when we found out and she recanted publicly in front of her kids. They did not come to our wedding 11 years ago in solidarity with her. Yes, I think SS resents not getting the support and involvement he feels he needs from DH. But, as I have said before, the situation is complex, DS is only part of it. DH disapproves of how SS29 is living, not working, incomplete education, 2 kids, public assistance, etc etc. He loves his first son but there is a lot to it. DH is a doctor, SD35 a JD with a masters degree and SS29 is a freshman college drop out. The first child was accepted as an accident, not the second. DH paid for him to complete a great trade school program, he completed the course then did not pursue the jobs laid out for him. I believe SS29 has distanced himself due to his jealousy combined with a general lack of maturity about DS6. I know that many people, parents, sibs and close friends distance themselves from very sick people due to fear, lack of understanding, lack of commitment and so on. It still hurts a lot. I have done a lot for SS29 and his kids, especially the 8 year old, over these many years. I used to genuinely like him. For him to turn away like this now is inexcusable. Maybe not unforgivable, time will tell....See MoreGoing to court soon - how to cope?
Comments (24)"So BM texted DH during the afternoon to say that she wanted to stick with the old arrangement. DH responded that he was going strictly by the court order." lol, when my DH and his ex had concluded their custody trial, we were still in the parking lot of the courthouse, not half an hour after the Judge made his ruling about when BM's weekend would begin... and BM called us & asked to change it. It never ceases to amaze me when people stand in court, ask for an order, and as soon as they get an order, decide they don't like it, it's not the order they wanted or thought they'd get or it's just not convenient for them so they want to do it their way. Good for your DH that he sticks to the order. Sometimes when you budge an inch, they shove you a mile. Good luck & hope your SS has a good weekend. BTW, I used to do the meeting halfway. It works if both parties are cooperative & considerate. It was a pain for me because he would show up late or not at all... not call & I'm sitting there in a parking lot wondering if he's going to show... and if you have a problem, then the law enforcement agency that gets called is one that isn't in either jurisdiction. With SD, I prefer each of us driving all the way but it hasn't kept BM from taking SD over to her BF's parents house & making us wait in her driveway for half an hour or longer while she gets her ready or gets her back home so we can pick her up. I think it's very ballsy to walk into anyone's home uninvited... and maybe they were trying to provoke or intimidate you... especially if they knew your DH wasn't home. Best thing is to not react & next time, don't open the door until SS is ready to walk out. Look out the window & if they are at the door, pleasantly tell them through the locked door or maybe a nearby open window.. "SS will be right out!" Or maybe have him ready & playing in the front yard so there is no need to go in the house. That is very rude & IMO, a violation of your privacy. But, making an issue of it may be what she wants, so just let it go and try to avoid it happening again....See MoreBM Divorcing Again, SD Emotions+BDs
Comments (2)Thank you for your response. Like I said, we aren't befriending the ex-stepfather by any means. My main concern is that they maintain a relationship with their sibling whom he is the father (and it looks like the child will be living with him full time) and then, obviously new boyfriend that has already begun to stay overnight while the children are there. She just told them that the man she made them call dad for so many years is a lying, cheating, druggie and that they are getting divorces. now she has already brought a new man into their lives. A man that she just met. How are we supposed to talk to them about this when they bring it up? There isn't much nice to say. I realize that ideally we just keep our kids away from her. that isn't always an option. I guess I should have made that more clear. We try to never meet her alone and we try to always have someone else watch our children. sometimes we don't have a lot of options though. Sometimes, he has to meet her before I get home from work. Sometimes, there is no one else available to watch our children. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else had any other experience with this....See MoreLyn Nielson
3 years agoJudy Wear
3 years agoBeth H. :
3 years agolast modified: 3 years agoJudy Wear
3 years agoBeth H. :
3 years agolast modified: 3 years agoHALLETT & Co.
3 years agoJudy Wear
3 years agoJudy Wear
3 years agoBeth H. :
3 years agolast modified: 3 years agoS Melt
3 years agoS Melt
3 years agoelcieg
3 years agolast modified: 3 years agoJudy Wear
3 years agoBeth H. :
3 years agolast modified: 3 years agochiflipper
2 years agoBeth H. :
2 years agolast modified: 2 years agoJudy Wear
2 years agoBeth H. :
2 years agofelizlady
2 years agoJudy Wear
2 years ago
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Judy WearOriginal Author