A phone conversation with my dear mother
5 years ago
last modified: 5 years ago
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My mother passed away today ...
Comments (42)I was surprised to see this thread come up again. I see why, now. I am so sorry to hear about your Mother, Meriaux. I know it's small comfort at the time, but the thing that helped me get through it was knowing that people have done this before. A lot of us here have been through it. I absolutely understand how you feel, I lost my Mom in 2002. I have no brothers or sisters and not much other family so I understand feeling alone. The fact that you were so close makes it all the harder to go on without her, but you have her memory to guide you. The torch is passed. You know she would want you to do your best. At least you got to know your Mom, and she loved you. Some don't even have that much. I know your Mom would tell you should in NO way feel guilty about your premonition. Premonitions don't cause things to happen, any more than the weather forecast causes it to rain. Death is just a part of life. It will happen to us all one day. Your Mother was close to my age, and I hope you don't think it irreverent to talk about, but if I had to pick a way to go I'd want to go quick. It would be a shock to the survivors, though I guess, with no time to adjust. But it's heart breaking to have to watch a loved one suffer, sometimes for years. Mother's Day wasn't that long ago. Things are still really fresh for you. Trust me, it will ease with time. There have been many words of sympathy and comfort that have been written. I kindof liked this one.I hope y'all don't mind if I include the poem I picked for my Mother's holy card (or whatever they call them these days). (I knew she'd want one for the funeral as that's what she believed in) I chose a more modern picture of a kindly Jesus embracing someone who has just "come home"... Don't think of her as gone away Her journey's just begun Life holds so many facets This earth is only one Just think of her as resting From the sorrows and the tears In a place of warmth and comfort Where there are no days and years Think how she must be wishing That we could know, today Now nothing but our sadness Can really pass away And think of her as living In the hearts of those she touched For nothing loved is ever lost And she is loved so very much. -Anonymous...See Moreso lost without my dear husband
Comments (19)Don't know if I can be much help but I lost my very special husband in 1985. Kissed me goodbye & went to work, I found myself at a hospital that afternoon, waiting only to finally have someone come in & say, I'm sorry, do you have a mortician(at least that is all I heard)So my trip has been long,24 years. He had a coronary & died instantly. We had 15 yr old DD & 17 yr DS.It was like being put on a stage & handed a script & told you had to play the part. Nothing was real until after everyone left. I had visited a lot of elderly people from church & knew what happened to some of them. They very nearly "crawled in a hole"(under the cover in bed) 1 lady had newspapers all over the yard, shades or curtains drawn, didn't look like anyone home, we had turned to leave when she opened the door. She told me that was the 1st connection to the world she had found since her hubby had died, our visit gave her courage to get out. I remembered that & told myself, what if he were sitting here, would he want to see me crying, would he be torn apart to see me like this, so I just put him in the picture when the going got rough. He was always supportive & loving, we didn't fight in the 22 years we were together because we didn't want to hurt each other. We did have I think 6 times we were silent when each of us thought we were right. Those few times ended with us talking it over & deciding together what to do. I did lot of locking myself out of house(carried extra car & house keys in my purse) ran washer without any clothes in it, couldn't spell 4-5 letter words, couldn't look them up as "when" didn't seem to compute in my brain. I'd write woo, woen,just couldn't write small words. Eventually that stopped but it will start up again for short periods when someone close dies. I carry extra $20 in case I forget gas in my car. I learned to do a lot of compensating. I learned that I could stay in bed 1 day if it was rainy or very cold but then I must get up & fix myself some hot choc., read a book, listen to favorite music, couldn't let it continue into the night. I had to have very good reason for that day off. Rest of time when I wanted to "disappear" I forced myself out to a strip mall to watch people leaving the grocery store, did small errand to get it done & not feel useless, maybe just dropping letters off at post office. If things got bad I called my bro. & he listened & that was a great help. I had people wanting me to pay for headstones when I hadn't ordered 1. I got cheated by ins. company as they didn't leave me amount on their letterhead so I wrote it down & had him sign it but they told me I was wrong,lost about $500 on that. Got so I only cried when something good happened. So have a trusted friend or relative as a witness to anything legal you have to do. Time passed & I kept busy. People think widows have all kinds of time!! Right, I had to do all things I always had & what he did also. Putting gas in car was very upsetting, I had never done it. I had handled the bills & such so didn't have to learn that. My kids left home & after a few years, with some wandering & number of jobs, they are great kids(they felt pretty lost, too)Am I over it after 24 yrs??? No, most days I just think of him several times, lovely memories, but seeing a couple holding hands, leaning on each other, I feel cheated out of that. I'm very grateful we had 24 wonderful years together & hope someday to see him waiting for me.Good Luck folks, the pain & rawness does get better & the memories are sweet & worth holding on to & will get you through....See Moreconfused about my dear SIL
Comments (20)Cynical maybe, but building a wing onto the house gratis & sending a bill for $140 after the fact don't sound within the same character; I'd bet money exchanged hands for the construction of that wing. I once did some work for a woman whose sister had gotten their parents involved in something like this. Daughter #1 lived nearby & Daughter #2 lived out of state. The father had Alzheimer's, & the mother, though fragile herself, took care of him. At some point, #1 talked her parents into building a new home "together" where the parents would have their own wing & #1 could care for them forever. It involved parents deeding their home & acreage to #1. #1 gets a loan, secured by the property, & builds a big brick house in front of parents' little frame house, but, too bad, within just a few months after they close, her parents are suddenly in need of too much care for #1 so she applies for a subsidized nursing home for them. At this point, #2 hears about it for the first time. #2 has been talking to her parents all along, but they have been cautioned to keep all this stuff a secret because #1 told them that #2 "wants to control everything & will put you in a home". #1 was smart to want to keep it a secret. #2 is a banker married to a lawyer. #2 sues for conservatorship & for reimbursement from #1, government denies subsidized care because assets have been transferred to a child within the "look-back" period. #2 has to pay for care for her parents because #1 won't let them stay in *their own house* until litigation is settled, claims it's now hers & she needs to put tenants in it to pay her legal bills; #2 says #1 obtained the house fraudulently & does not have the right to rent it until litigation is settled & unless the court finds that #1 does own it; otherwise, #2, as conservator, should determine what is done with the house, & if it's rented, the rent should go to their parents. By the same token, #1 can't sell the house she's built because there's a cloud on the title due to #2's suit which claims #1 obtained the land it's built on by fraud. At that point, I lost track of the family, don't know how things finally fell into place....See MoreWhy does my mother come over & voice her opinions?
Comments (40)I've really been enjoying everyone's stories in this thread. You can see a lot of love here! Clementine, if you tell your mom to butt out, no matter how politely you say it, it will hurt her deeply. She advises you because she loves you and wants to give to you, and she needs to feel needed. I had sort of the same problem with my mother. So I sat down and thought about how she would love to feel that she had done something nice for me. Then I did a little mental inventory of her skills, and she had no shortage of those. I wanted to sew new living room drapes, pleated. This was an area where I really would love her help. So when she was over, I took her to the fabric store with me and we picked out something pretty. Then she helped me measure and cut, I sewed, and together we hung them. It turned out to be a really nice mother-daughter time for us both. I got help with something I needed help with, and she got to feel needed and appreciated, which she was. I learned to think of things to ask her opinions and help with, and she learned to relax. Everybody won. If you think about it, maybe can you find a way to put your mom to work helping you sew, or can, or something?...See More- 5 years agolast modified: 5 years ago
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Zalco/bring back Sophie!