I doubt it....I'm too old to change...

No, I feel like I am starting to fall apart.

Yes and no. My basic personality is the same. I’m better in that I have really stuck to a exercise regime.

I do all the same routine things that I have always done.

A "no" here as well. I'm more synical, distrustful and fed up. We made it through....with our lives in tact....but not as happy about how others behaved or treated each other. Looking forward to smoother times....less drama.

NO, I feel really fed up and angry now!

Definitely not! Wish I was, but feel very confused & unhappy now!!

It sounds immodest, but I do think I'm a bit wiser now than a year ago. Just in small ways, mostly.

I might be. I have found happiness this past year despite all the negativity we have been surrounded by along with the pandemic that has turned lives upside down. I think being content leads to being a better person naturally. I am more patient and somewhat more tactful. One tends to learn that when working around horses and the people (of all ages and character ) around them. I find myself being able to let things that don't really matter or that I can't do anything about go and deal proactively with the things that need to be done. Physically much stronger and fitter, and possibly mentally stronger than I was at this time last year. I've always had mental strength but I think that may have increased in some ways too. So a better person? Probably.

I have become a better person because of this "lockdown". I'm more reflective and grateful for who I am, for my marriage, for the security of my home and our finances. I include my dogs when I count my blessings each morning because they give me such joy. Initially I felt great fear about this virus and my impaired immune system, but we are retired, live in a remote place and don't need to interact with other people.

Looking forward to immunization, though...

seagrass

Absolutely not. This has probably been the worst year of my life, and I'm sure many of the people in the world feel that way. There are so many people way worse off than me, and I feel for them. I have my home of 38 years , a husband, and five animals. But the no socialization, the fear of getting the virus, the sadness of losing two close friends who died of it, and the unthinkable carnage at our Capitol has me depressed.

No. I am a BIGGER person, but not better.

I wouldn't say I'm a better person but I would say I'm a different person. I will say have a lot more empathy than I used to, and am trying to be more patient, but absolutely lose my cool when people act like idiots and endanger others.

<'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger'>

A close friend of mine who had a leg amputated after being hit by a hit-and-run driver told me that he really resents when people tell him this. He realizes that he has been crippled by this event and therefore is weaker instead of stronger. He is not handling his disability well and probably still harbors resentment for the unknown person who caused it.

Just because something does not kill you does not mean that it does not weaken you - many times it does, and I think it is important to be careful around people who have been weakened, and to do what we can on our part to help them rather than tell them that they are going to be stronger for not having been killed. Everyone handles adversity differently.

I'm a borderline optimist/pessimist - I can really go either way, but I push myself to be more optimistic.

yes, I have more patience. I have learned to entertain myself more.

<'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger'>

This is a translation, from Nietzsche's 'Maxims and Arrows'. The entire sentence is 'Out of life's school of war-what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.'

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, Lars.

Better was not the goal. I feel like I survived the past year better than many although it was quite challenging. I think my saving grace was having kids around. They gave me something to focus on.

I do not think so...In some ways, I have been much much more giving, other ways not.

Bigger but I don't think better. I know that I have not suffered like many others have losing income and health but I have never in my life felt so isolated and alone.

Yes and no. I am more self-disciplined and accomplish more than I did a year ago. I feel sharper and smarter but I have become more critical of others.

You do NOT want to watch the news with me.

Thanks for the Nietzsche reference - I was unaware that that quote came from him. I've read quite a bit of Nietzsche, but mostly in German. As you may know, he was insane toward the end of his life, and it shows in some of his writings. I didn't always agree with Nietzsche, but he did have a few good ideas.

Here's another take on the concept.- A history of hardship is not a life asset.

I agree with the bigger comment, unfortunately I've gained about ten pounds - way too much. Need to spend a lot more time at the gym. I hope that my not fearing a virus has been a help to those around me, fear is a paralyzing, damaging emotion.

Unfortunately, this year is shaping up to be much worse than last year, more business closures, more unemployment, higher taxes to pay for all the stimulus and lots of pork, plus a business punishing political environment. At the rate my state is moving on vaccinations it will be at least April to May before they move into Phase 1B. Very unlikely that I will be able to get one before 2022 in this state.

I like to think I am pretty much the same, but I really am not in some ways. While in some areas I am more patient, in others I am even more cynical, less forgiving of people doing dumb things and being selfish (about health care and the vaccine for example, not to mention the hoarders).

I feel better in that I have given more of myself to volunteer efforts in the past 6 or so months, and I have committed to better eating, except for a hiatus during Christmas. We don’t go to the gym but we do workout at home and I go to Pilates classes at least once a week. I have lost 6-7 lbs which doesn’t sound like much but is plenty for me.

"I hope that my not fearing a virus has been a help to those around me, fear is a paralyzing, damaging emotion."

"At the rate my state is moving on vaccinations it will be at least April to May before they move into Phase 1B. Very unlikely that I will be able to get one before 2022 in this state."

Sorry, this doesn't make any sense to me. If you are not afraid of the virus, why are you worried about when you will be able to get the vaccination for it?

'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger'"

A phrase that's far too common in popular culture that I think is DOA, it makes little sense. It may be many different things but insightful isn't one of them.

In a few small ways I think I have become a bit better. This past year has made me learn to work on having more tolerance when things are not moving as fast as I think they should. I now have after about 5 years have started walking again ( about a mile to a mile and a half) 5 to 7 days a week.

What doesn't kill you can make you stronger.

It all depends on the choice to view oneself as a victim or view oneself as a survivor. Some are able to self heal and some may need outside help. But it is still a choice. Overcoming setbacks helps us to cope and that in itself is a strength. Bubble wrap never made anything stronger at its core.

What does "a better person" even mean? Am I more compassionate? More loving? More generous? These are the qualities that I think are indicative of being a better person. Probably I fail at all of them.

Not me. I'm older, a little weaker, and my hearing has worsened. That does not indicate "better". Maybe I have mellowed a bit.

I have been having bad days and good days. Good, bad, as the farmer said, who's to say?

Maybe I've learned to let go of some unrealistic dreams. Which is probably good? I don't think I'm going to write the winning novel. Which means I'm probably not the writing equivalent of Grandma Moses.

Also I still have not been presented with a time machine in order to go back and help out the world from making all these mistakes or even help my younger self in order to improve my life now. So it's probably not going to happen.

We have to live with what's happened and that is a hard pill for me to swallow.

Also I have to live with the fact that my journey through adulthood has been fraught with problems that while I have accepted mostly have left me and my family vulnerable financially. The gig economy is not kind to people in general in isolating pandemic times. Aging people also have a fewer choices.

Hard to define "better", but on balance I'd have to say the same as I think I've been really diligent about exercising, my weight is a little less than it was a year ago, and have grown my appreciation for the small things in life. But I think my patience has worn thin and my crabby factor has risen. There's much more I could've accomplished last year than I did, but I did manage to keep a social life going and contact with friends and family going despite the pandemic challenge. So yes and no to "better".

Angela Id - I'm not getting the vaccine because of fear, I'm getting it for two reasons. First, I have international travel scheduled and vaccination will be required for that. Second, my state won't end lock-down until the vast majority of the population is vaccinated.

Like wildchild, I feel, personally, happier this year, despite all the trauma and craziness that the world is going through. In hindsight, I think I had been depressed and, who knows, maybe hormones settled (I am of a certain age) or maybe being in survival mode at work and being successful at it has given me a new outlook. I've just been able to deal with family and career trauma that used to send me, figuratively, scurrying under my bed to cry. I hope it is a permanent change. I feel like a stronger and more capable me, which helps me to treat those around me with greater empathy and compassion.

I have, however, also gained weight, so that part is definitely not for the best. I was hovering around the upper level of what's healthy for me and I've just tipped over by 5 or 10 lbs. It's amazing how those few pounds make it more difficult to live my old lifestyle. My knees hurt more so I walk less, it's harder to bend down to pick things up, I get winded faster, etc. For sure need to make an effort to move back to a healthier weight.

Definitely not better. I feel like both my body and my brain are turning to mush, while my stress level is through the roof. I really miss my volunteer activities and the people I saw there. I was at the beginning of a decorating refresh of my house and possibly some renovations. I’ve totally lost my mojo for those projects and find it harder than ever to make decisions.

Last spring wasn’t too bad as I got out for a lot of good walks and did a lot of gardening. Summer was too hot for that. I am spending far too much time on the sofa. I haven’t gained weight but I haven’t lost any, and I do feel like I’ve lost muscle tone.

My elderly mother is going downhill and needs to move to assisted living but if I move her there she can’t have visitors, which would be a misery for her, so I take on more and more. Gah!

Then to top off one of the worst years ever, I’ve had a bunch of health problems crop up. None are dreadful, but I don’t feel like my old self and I’m spending way to much time in doctors offices.

And of course politics and the horror of the DC activities.

Worst of all, I’m becoming a complainer. No more of that! It’s a chilly but sunny day so I will go out and get some sunshine on my face.

I am, for sure.

Because of all the craziness, moroseness, cynicism, we're all gonna' die-ness, the sky is falling-ness, all of the negativity I see around on a near daily basis, I have vowed to rise above all of it and keep an upbeat attitude.

And have succeeded so far.

I'm thankful I was not alive & had to endure the Plague, the Spanish Flu, The Depression, the Dust Bowl, the Holocaust, WWII, _____, ______, (fill in the blanks)...

It seems that every generation has a cross to bear and this one is no different. We have been dealt Covid, Social Media, 24/7 News channels. So I limit my exposure to all three of them these days & am better off for it.

No, probably not. I have come to accept that my husband won't be with me much longer. I am very irritated about the current political climate in this country. I am frustrated about how hard it is to find a reliable person to work for me around the place. I don't like that I have to take on the responsibilities of the every day things I used to never have to worry about, but one by one, I am doing them.

I can't say that the virus has had that much effect on me. The places I go have always been open, and if I need to go get something, I go. I haven't eaten out...but I don't want to. Most places are open here.

No, just a little older, bigger, and closer to retirement.

I haven't really changed much since March, I haven't really been that socially active for years and have been pretty much a homebody for over a decade. I still have the same small group of friends that I spend the same or a little more time with doing the same things.

WFH has helped me to stave off the urgency I was having to retire early. If my employer embraces WFH after Covid has been brought under control I may work until 64 or 65 instead of 62 as I had planned. It is sounding more and more like they plan to allow WFH at least 3 or 4 days a week for those whos positions allow it. Working part time at my current job may also be an something I pursue as they have recently allowed a few co-workers that option.

I'll read the whole thread later today, but right now I'm guessing your definition of "better person" might not align with mine. Am I kinder, more compassionate, more thoughtful? No, that hasn't changed. If anything, I've put more emphasis on myself, doing things that lift my spirits--like cooking from the new cookbooks I bought and making art--because there's so much in the pandemic, the divisions in our country, and my almost total isolation to drag them down. I suppose this could be called selfish, but it's at no one else's expense. I call it mental health self-care.

Yes, recognize some things I took for granted.

Marilyn, I just read further up the thread and see you wrote that your husband won't be with you much longer. How sorry I am to read that, and hope you find some good help very soon.

I have no idea if I am a better person. I have tried to take this strange time and improve some of my skills, piano, for example. I have had a hard time staying in shape and laying off the carbs, so I have gained 10 pounds, ugh.

As for the philosophical question that arose, I find expressions like, What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, offensive in light of a person's actual suffering. They seem dismissive.

That said, suffering is a part of life and the ability to overcome such obstacles is absolutely necessary in order to thrive, otherwise, one setback costs you the whole game. That is no way to live.

Here is a link and an excerpt from a story about one of my husband's classmates who suffered a devastating physical loss and yet he overcame and went into a demanding career, which can be quite physically demanding.

From NPR:

My guest BJ Miller is a hospice and palliative care doctor who got into this work because he came close to death when he was a sophomore at Princeton University. It was late one night. He was out with friends, and as they crossed the railroad track, he climbed on top of a two-car commuter train parked for the night and was immediately electrocuted by 11,000 volts. The damage resulted in the loss of both legs below the knees and half of an arm.

MILLER: Well, if you could see me now, Terry, you'd see a smile on my face, I mean, in part because it's just - I feel like I'm describing, like, an exciting movie. And then you realize, oh, you're the character in that movie. And then, you know, if I'm honest, there's a little bit of pride. Like, hey; I went through something. I survived something extremely intense and blah, blah, blah. I mean, there's - so there's pride in retrospect.

There's, you know, tons - and this is actually one of the things that's taken years to really come to terms with - is how grateful I am to Pete, to Jonathan, to Tommy, to the nurses, to my - I mean, on and on. We can talk about that. Take - it's taken me years to let the full load of gratitude in. And that's been an interesting journey because that required me realizing how dependent on others I had become, and I - and that was hard information to let in.

https://www.npr.org/transcripts/784401787

Marilyn, I also offer you my sincere sympathies. Having been in a very similar situation in my 40's, I can well imagine both the physical & mental exhaustion you are experiencing.

> Absolutely not. This has probably been the worst year of my life, and
I'm sure many of the people in the world feel that way. There are so
many people way worse off than me, and I feel for them.

Lily's post comes closest to expressing my feelings, except I'd magnify the second sentence to say this has without doubt been the worst year of my life thus far. Even if COVID hadn't happened, the past year would have easily earned that title.

There have been a few highlights this year but they are all over-shadowed by what happened in my life back in February. I made it to the end of the year. Even though I had a lot of help, that was far from a given.

I hope this year, or maybe some future year will be better.

Marilyn I'm so sorry about Jody! Hugs to you.

Bob I'm so glad you continue despite your big struggle since February! Lovely to see you here every time!

Hugs to you who need it and or just want a hug!

(Bob -- ((hugs)) and Blessings to those who were able to help you through 2020. Yes, it will get better, in its own way.)

And to answer the question -- I don't think I'm worse, but I can't claim to have improved. So I'm flat. That sounds right for last year.

Yes and no. Yes, because I appreciate everything a little bit more. No, because I have a few more health issues than I had this time last year. That and the pandemic drags me down mentally.

I am discouraged at the amount of vitriol people will spew, including long time friends and also incredibly disappointed. I feel stupid for not seeing it sooner, and at the same time feel bad for being SO disappointed in them. For the people who say politics should not divide us, I draw the line at name calling. I feel no need to listen any person run me or my personal beliefs down.

No, I'm not a better person, just sadder...

I think I might be- but then it started in 2019. Getting out of depression, finding joy, getting my cooking groove back- also getting injured and back to back illnesses, then working on getting well again. 2020 kind of forced me to just stop pushing for the sake of everyone else, and stay home and get myself really well again. Really glad I resigned out of politics when I still could stop and recoup my health. So I'm more well now than if I would have been if it had been a normal year and I kept pushing to the end.

I've been getting better, but I can still do better.

Yes, I’ve become more patient through the pandemic. At times when my knee, then my shoulder hurt, I felt like I was falling apart too. But eventually they healed up with exercises and supplements so I‘ve been quite pleased. I’ve realized that physical pain can strongly affect a person’s moods and outlooks in life. Aging is painful and no one escapes aging, so I hope down the road I will be able to manage the physical pain while maintain life’s purposes with clarity in mind and spirit.