Instead of gifts let’s send each other post cards of areas we visit?

We still do this with a neighbor from our old neighborhood. It’s fun getting post cards in the mail from far off lands.

Post cards are a fun way to go and you can be breezy about it. Or, you could always ask them to bring back some regional food (that is OK with customs) For you. I adore going into grocery stores in foreign countries.

I think the postcards are a great idea and I probably would not have a discussion about it beforehand. Rather, I'd find one or two beautiful postcards on your next trip and say on one of them that you are sharing the beauty of your location or art of the region on these cards as your thank-you. I'd then follow with some semi-sarcastic comment about how we all have too much stuff at this stage of our life, but that's me and my friends expect my sarcasm.

Jojo, food would not be easy. Both are on restricted diets.

Not too sure about the postcards since we often share photo text messages while away.

Ditto to the postcards and appropriate regional food. I love bringing some specific food that’s easy to carry and pass customs. I brought back pouches of different types of less common Italian seasonings like puttanesca this time.

I actually think postcards are an easy way out. You can still share photo texts but postcards allow you to send a pic of something you may not be allowed to photograph, perhaps in a museum or at the very least a better photo of scenery or a building than you can take. But if that still doesn't appeal and food is too complicated then I think you may have to bite the bullet and have that conversation. 'It's been so much fun over the years exchanging trip gifts but let's allow a simple thank you for the ride to be enough - none of us need more stuff.' Personally, I detest obligatory gift shopping of any kind and on the occasions where I've felt it necessary to bring a gift home from a trip, the buying process engenders less than the generous intentions that it should.

Another option might be to get together for drinks/coffee or go to dinner together after the trip and get to share stories. Traveller picks up the first round, dessert or something - or just the pleasure of getting together.

Agree -- it can be hard to even find a postcard. Last time I looked for one, I had to give up and send a greeting card. They used to be in grocery stores, drugstores and Walmart -- couldn't find any.

It doesn't sound as though you are looking for a replacement tradition but simply to eliminate the gift giving. Just tell them like you told it here. There's nothing wrong with that. The rides to the airport appear to be an appreciated and thoughtful exchange in and of itself. Likely they have a similar mindset to yours.

We've eliminated obligatory gift-giving with a number of people in our lives, and the overwhelming response has always - without fail - been one of relief and appreciation on all sides.

I wouldn't be one to stop...it's difficult. But I would probably bring them down to something more manageable. We like to bring back a Christmas ornament (you can always find something)...it's small, inexpensive and easy.

Your husband can always use one waste basket for recycling/shredding and one for trash. Or magazines.

We are very social with this couple. We frequently go out to dinner etc. We have treated each other as couples for special birthdays and anniversaries. And, I am okay with our annual birthday exchange with my friend that does not include the husbands.

Even DH feels enough is enough and he rarely gets involved in this sort of thing.

Just tell her you are not buying her anymore gifts excluding birthdays. Tell her her home looks perfect without your junk sitting there crowding the place up lol. Get your point across while having a laugh. Because it’s a close friend, keep it light and breezy. You don’t want her to wonder if you have been stewing on it.

I am no good at this sort of thing at all. I am sure you will manage the transition with grace and no hurt feelings.

Well, since you've already decided, why not just stop? It's less uncomfortable...

Sometimes these things SEEM far more daunting than they really are. A few years ago I was in a different office environment, where the holiday giving expectation had just gotten out of hand. I have a hard enough time coming up with gifts for some people I'm actually quite close to in my private life, and it was near impossible to buy for some of my colleagues. I didn't care to go the handmade route either, having tried that the previous year and receiving a lukewarm response from a couple of people. I sent a carefully worded, but concise, email to the colleagues involved a few months before the season, and told them that I would no longer be participating in the exchange of gifts, but that I would be wishing each of them a wonderful holiday season with my words instead. I swear, from most people, I actually heard an audible sigh of relief. There remained one particular employee who didn't seem to appreciate me changing the gift-giving dynamic, but I felt she put way too much stock in the whole thing in the first place, so wasn't really surprised that she alone was less than enthusiastic. (And I didn't much care either.)

Really -- just be honest and speak your truth kindly, and I can just about guarantee you that the other couple will greatly appreciate the fact that you initiated the end of it all.

:-)

I might pose it as a question. Eg...

"I was thinking, how about from now on instead of trying to find gifts for each other, we just do dinner?"

It sounds nicer than "we decided."

We had neighbors growing up who would have us over for a family dinner for us the night we arrived home, and vice versa. I was only a kid but I still remember how nice this was.

But what if they say, "Oh, but we really enjoy shopping for you?" ;-) Don't you then pretty much HAVE to say "... but we decided ... "? I don't think there's anything wrong with telling others what you're going to do (or not going to do). It's not unkind to be open -- although that dinner idea is actually a smashing one (assuming that's agreeable to everyone involved; would be a nice way to share about your travels and perhaps inspire a future trip).

Just tell them you think it is time to stop, or suggest scaling back. As with all traditions, and as we get older, there comes a time when no one needs to add to the things we accumulate. Intentions are good, and often enjoyable. See what kind of reaction you get. As many have already said, usually it is relief.

I have a friend who expect me to buy her gifts when I travel, and I would rather not, but since we no longer work together, I think that is over.

We have the neighbors next door water our plants while we are gone, and I feel like I should buy them presents when we are away, but I do not think they expect anything. We gave them food that we bought in Italy, and they seemed to like that, and my brother bought the husband a Tiki mug in Fiji, knowing that he liked that motif. I tend to buy things that I want to keep myself, and then I may offer it as a gift to the wife, and she can take it or leave it. If she doesn't take it, at least it's something that I wanted for myself anyway. I bought a couple of items in Fiji that I thought I might give my sister for her birthday or Christmas, but I decided to keep them for myself instead.

One way out would be to request a specific item as a gift when they go on a trip. You may want fewer things in your life now, but consumables are always needed. You could ask for soap, which is a traditional obligatory Japanese gift, which is given when someone receives a wedding gift. The Japanese are fanatic about gift giving protocol - so be glad you don't have that.

Why not say what you said to your dog sitter? “The gifts are not necessary. We help you, you help us and that is thanks enough."

We go to dinners together quite frequently. Often they are spontaneous. I don't think I want these dinners to start representing our drives to the airport.

Outside, it really is about not wanting more things, especially things that I am obligated to use because she comes to my home. Second I am feeling stressed about selecting something else that they might not want or need.

Mtn, I do like your "I was thinking" as a way to open up this conversation.

Ida, I am not sure how much my friend enjoys the actual shopping but i know she likes to show her appreciation in this way.

I know I am a bit off here, but honestly, when I travel, I don't enjoy trying to buy something even for me or my daughters. It's one thing if I see something I like but to have to spend time doing it to find an appropriate gift is not how I want to spend my time on vacation. I know it would be nice to always have mementos and such from trips but more often than not, I don't buy anything.

The biggest hit was on our trip to Poland, I brought home these wonderful chocolate covered plum/prune that we had and were sold at the airport.

Consumable and delicious and although I have seen them here, they are imported from Poland.

Good remembrance for me, but I think I would say pretty much what you said to the dog sitter

Now that I am on this topic, and Salonva, since you mentioned Poland, oldest DD brought me back a piece of amber as well as a small amber pendent that she designed. I do like it when my DD's surprise me with spontaneous gifts from their travels.

I don't know if this will work for you or not, but I have a good friend, and a few years ago we started a tradition of getting lunch together just before Christmas and exchanging gifts. What was fun for the first ten years or so began to feel onerous (the gift exchange, not the lunch, that was always fun). So I decided to take a chance and texted her a week before our lunch date, "What would you think this year about making our gift to each other not having to shop for one more thing??! We could just treat ourselves to a nice lunch and celebrate our wonderful friendship." She LOVED it, and I think now we'll always do this....

Just an observation on postcards (especially from Spain); frequently, they will take weeks to arrive in the US, regardless of air mail stamp and sticker.

Some postcards I sent from Portugal to the U.S. last year (early Oct) took 3 months to arrive, and several haven’t arrived yet.

I think you should just kindly tell your friends as best you can the next time they go on a trip, to not bring you a gift, in a way suggested above or how you approached it with your dog watcher. It might be easier to address it when THEY go on vacation vs when you go and are expected to bring something for them.

Bestyears, I like your approach and am going to use on a friend very soon. She has always insisted on exchanging birthday and Christmas gifts, and I would rather not.

Who travels next? Can you just...not buy them a gift on your next trip? You can say, "you know, we were shopping and I wasn't feeling it. I think I'm breaking up with gift giving and you should too!"

I think good friends deserve honesty. And, I find my close friends are like-minded. I echo those who said your friends will likely also be relieved to divest themselves of this obligation. What about just saying, “We love you two, and it is so nice to have someone we can rely on to exchange airport shuttles, but we’d like to stop the souvenirs. What do you think?“

Consumables would be my solution - some small special treat?

Yes I would suggest only giving them food stuff or a bottle of wine and requesting the same from them. Also say very directly that we are trying to minimize stuff in our house so we don't want any more tchotchkes and things like that.

Of course you might have someone who is not compliant to your ideas of how to do things. This hasn't worked very well with one sister for me. She is very determined to give me every single angel that ever was made in Christmas land. I just pack most of them up and send them on their way to Salvation Army excetera and tell her that.

Telling everyone else directly that I don't want any more things just perishable treats Etc and I will do the same has worked great for most of my family.

I'm not the best at these types of situations, but she might be feeling the same way and would welcome you starting the conversation of transitioning out of gift-giving.

I might try the humorous approach. I would find some article that talks about the horrors adult children face when cleaning out their parents home. I would mention it to my friend in a “ oh my gosh can’t believe what I just read – kind of way and say “my New Year’s resolution is not to do this to my kids. Let’s make a vow. From here on out, the only gifts we exchange are locally bought bottles of wine “

I would not bring this up until next time someone travels. This way it seems like it just occurred to you at that point and is not a reaction to the most recent gift.

If you are traveling next and it is your turn then just don't get anything and say what was suggested by lobby68.

If they are traveling next maybe bring it up when they ask you for a ride to the airport kind of like you know don't worry about getting us anything this time. The reciprocating with a ride is enough and just tell us about your travels instead or like you normally do. That is a gift enough.

I would bring up the subject myself by saying. I've been thinking about dropping the act of bringing home gifts to give to our friends. What do you think of that suggestions? Then let them answer and continue with your truth. I told all my family I'm not giving any birthday or Xmas gifts that require shopping and that they will each get a check. Whew what a relief.

Quick posting...I'd just be honest. Something along the lines of what Ida said above. Adding post cards or food is an extra thing to mess with like the gift, IMO. Depending on where you go post cards aren't always easily around and food can be challenging. I'd skip the dinner thing too since you already do that for enjoyment on occasions. The drive to the airport is kind (and enough) and they may agree and be relieved too.

ETA - I'd possibly wait to bring it up until the next time someone is going to travel.

I always exchanged small gifts at Christmas with a friend but it's at the point where we all have everything and don't want more stuff. A few weeks before Christmas this year I said to her that my gift to her is that she didn't need to get me a gift. She thought that was a great idea!

Honest confession - when I travel I really have never wanted to worry about bringing gifts back for family and friends. To spend time shopping for someone while on my holiday always seemed like work. (I don’t like shopping much at all, even when at home. Especially now when every touristy area has the same type stores with lots of ‘authentic’ souvenirs that are mass produced).

When my grandchildren were little and we were traveling to New York City, I ordered NYC tee shirts for them on the internet. They arrived at our home before our trip. The burden of shopping for a souvenir for them was done before we traveled.

They still love me.

I would not stop and inform them post hoc. Because right now you will have a bit of a double debt-Not only did they get you a gift last, but they will be driving you to the airport. So it’s going to look funny to unilaterally end things when it’s your “turn.” I like the idea of suggesting dinner together instead.

Your good friends already know you think of them when you are traveling, you shared you often text them pictures. Next trip, don’t get a gift. Instead when you get home order a beautiful flower arrangement, pick it up, bring it over, explain you didn’t see anything that struck your fancy so you are bringing flowers.

Then have a heart to heart about future gift exchanges.

My mom and dad had a friendship / similar relationship. It actually start causing my mom so much stress she started to dread traveling. Then my dad died and they still insisted on driving her, but wouldn’t let her drive them. Then, she started calling a cab, which they noticed, and on and on..... Don’t be my mother, have a conversation.