good for you!!

You know the situation and we don't but I'd say that's too bad because they reached out to you. You could visit safely outside in your yard, weather permitting, without risk, if you wanted to see him.

If you dislike him so much you'd rather not see him at all, that's for you to decide. I think your excuse says that to your sister all the same.

The fact that you don't like him due to previous knowledge gives you a valid reason for declining the visit. Before Covid, it would've been something like ... oh, I won't be in town that afternoon or, I have a previous engagement and will be unavailable. This is no different, in my opinion.

It is curious to me, why he would think to visit if she (your sister) was not with him. Since you're not close, it's not like this would be a common thing. I might've allowed it just to see What's What. LOL

I’ve never met someone who didn’t have ANY redeeming qualities. All you have to do is focus on the good ones

As long as we're speculating (lol), it could be that sister didn't want Rose's feelings hurt if she were to find out that brother-in-law was so close but didn't even say "hi." Whatever, it's good to be able to say "thanks but no thanks" when you don't feel like saying "yes."

"it could be that sister didn't want Rose's feelings hurt"

That's true. But the gesture wasn't returned and feelings were likely hurt in the other direction.

Might it be that the outreach was done to mooch and this has been done before? Find a place to stay or whatever? No knowing what the family history is and it doesn't matter.

I have a very dear friend in California who has been here twice for a week's visit since we moved to PA 4-1/2 years ago. She would have been here in May if not for the restrictions. And I was relieved for several reasons. She's older by about 10 years, she'll be 82 tomorrow, and is getting a little forgetful. Not terrible, but I listen to the same stories several times a day. She's a good house guest, but we feel an obligation to 'entertain', doing rounds of museums and shopping. But my husband's mobility isn't good, and it's a strain for us. She's not all that savvy or aware, and last time I cringed to see how poorly she maneuvered in the airport.

As much as I love her, the pandemic came in handy and I didn't have to tell her that the visits were a strain for us. I think that by the time the danger is clear, she'll be ready to give up cross-country solo travel herself.

For now, we talk on the phone every couple of weeks, and that's just perfect. But I do miss her, too.

I totally understand. Under ordinary circumstances, you most likely would have agreed. yet.....it would have been unpleasant and uncomfortable for you.

I am glad you had the perfect excuse to say no.

I agree but what caught my attention was being oblique about it.

No one needs an excuse to politely express their opinions or views. "Sorry, I don't think that would work out for me." Passive/aggressive conduct doesn't necessarily make either side feel better or understand for the next time, if there is one. Everyone is different. I try to be honest. And, with tough messages, kind and polite.

Good idea

Using the virus as a reason is just fine with me. If he wants to talk to you, he can phone you.

Being oblique works just fine for many people.

It's certainly become popular with certain politicians in the last 3+ years.

It's a personal trait many find off-putting. Not a good way to make friends or allies.

I'm saying nothing about the person originating the thread and I'm only responding to olychick as a general comment. The thread originator, to mention it again, is the person who knows the facts and who can best judge how she wants to handle it.

HA! Yeah but I can't think of anything good that's come of this! UGH!

We had a similar situation this summer with not close to relatives of dh vacationing somewhat nearby. The head of that group contacted adult dd who lives with us saying they would be in town for a short stay and asked her if she would like to get together. Then said on a subsequent communication to dd, she would like to see us too.

Dh and I gave it thought (I wasn't thrilled, as this branch of relations are difficult and unpleasant to be around, but I was ready to do my family duty). Dh felt slighted that his relative didn't contact him, but had contacted dd instead. We do have known phone numbers, email addresses, Facebook accounts and also snail mail as ways to be reached. It was decided to issue a statement that due to the pandemic, we were social distancing. Done. Sent msg via dd since not close to relative didn't contact us.

I do believe honesty is the best policy, but sometimes, it's just not worth it. We felt it was better to blame the pandemic in this instance instead of mentioning that due to your clan being a drag to be around, and you didn't bother to contact us anyways with a 2 second txt msg but did contact dd, nah, we'd rather not.

There are rapid tests available. Just Google 'rapid tests' in my area. You get the results in 1/2 hr.

We did that when our daughter drove down from Connecticut to Florida. Got the test and we spent two weeks together.

Jane

I just told DH last night that the one good thing from the pandemic is no school open house! I hate them! I didn’t mind them in elementary school, Junior high, not so much.