Well I have read all your comments about the rude DIL. The mother that said "have patience"....I've been patient for 10 months now. My grandson was born last October. I welcomed my son's girlfriend in my home 2 years before she became pregnant (living with me). I think I have a great relationship with her personally. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to come to the hospital for the birth. I respected their wishes because they wanted it done this way. No one to be there so they could relax and bond with no company. Her mom did not respect this and showed up anyway and stressed her and my son so bad by being there (constantly talking, laughing, etc) all day that her labor became stressful. My son was so upset. Finally they booted her mom out. Again I'm saying, I respected the wishes. My DIL breastfeeds and she claims he won't take a bottle. I say she's wrong. A little bottle manipulation will take care of that. Mfg. companies do not make the nipples wide enough so not enough milk comes out. (I breastfed my son but pumped so my parents could feed and bond with their grandson--I had to have the nipples opened a little more so he would take it). I feel she doesn't want me and my husband to feed him, which is a bonding experience to grandparents. When I told her about this trick, my son was excited to try it because he too wants to feed his son. If I'm giving to her (money, gifts, going out to eat, etc.) she comes over and stays for a good while so I can play with him. If I don't have anything to offer, I never see her and she's always busy if I want to go over to her house. Her mother and family dont help them out or see the baby but once a month, but when there is holidays, her family gets first dibs on the visit. Me and my husband are always last and the baby is tired because they get to my house so late. His first birthday party is being planned around her mothers schedule, not the grandparents that have literally spent out thousands of dollars to help with their bills and baby items. (they have asked and I have offered). Yes, I am expected to help her out with buying decorations, food, and the rental space at the park but me and my husbands schedule didnt matter. I, too, have taken care of many babies and know what I'm doing. She won't let the baby out of her sight. She's always "right there" and seems she wants him to always want her or cry for her when he sees her so she can take him. I feel I haven't got a grandchild or bonded the way my parents bonded with my son. I've respected their wishes since she gave birth to him. I've only babysat 20 minutes a couple times. Although one time she and my son was doing some delivery work to make some extra cash and left him with us for 3 hours when he was 5 months. I insisted on them not to ride around that long with the baby in the carseat. They agreed reluctantly.....Believe me, by the time they got back, my grandson was not happy. He wanted food that I couldn't give. Did not have a bottle because i was not allowed to feed him. So needless to say, I dont watch him long periods like that anymore (with no bottle). She pumps but claims she doesn't pump enough. He feeds and within an hour he's hungry again and she feeds him again. Seems like she's breastfeeding constantly. Like I said, I feel I'm being used and I have to "pay" to see my grandson. When hes out of the baby stage, boy, people will be getting some good deals at my yard sale because everything is new since I see him maybe once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. I've tried everything. In my opinion she's too too too overprotective. I'd like for my grandson to grow to be a tough playing little boy not the opposite. I need that bonding experience. Yes, i have tried to talk to both of them and theres always excuses that doesnt make sense. I do want you to know I love my DIL very much. I just want to feel I've got a grandson and feel the baby stage experience... not blink and he's a grown boy. Any advise, please help. I've done everything I know of and now just being unemployed, I'm short on money. Makes me feel I'm being used. My husband is upset, too. HELP!!!!

roni, I did take Alex to an OT who specializes in sensory integration, but her response was puzzling. She had lots of great ideas, strategies, and explanations for what is happening to Alex, but she did not recommend seeing her for therapy because her motor skills were fine (?). I was so disappointed, because Alex loved going there and I think she had the most to offer us. She had lots of neat exercises and equipment for it as well as ideas for releasing stress. I need to go back and reread her report, as I can't exactly remember how she explained her reason of not taking Alex as a patient. She highly recommended having Alex tested for auditory processing, which we did today. Alex crashed after about an hour and a half, which the audiologist said was super for her age even though we have another half hour or so to finish up. She found some very interesting things, she said--areas of "brilliance" and areas of real struggle, things that affect her comprehension. Beginning next week, the audiologist, our counselor, and a child psychologist are going to be sharing a building (all their offices together with a shared reception area) and working as a team for situations like ours. When our counselor told us she was going to moving into the building, I hadn't realized what she meant! We got to see the picture they took of Alex the first time she went in for audiology when she was only 3, which was fun. We go back to finish up the testing on July 1, so we won't know any details until then. Anyway, I am now thinking the OT may have told us to first get the auditory processing testing done as she very much felt there was an issue there. Maybe she could join our "team"! Her office is right next door! But I do remember her telling us she couldn't really do much for Alex since her eye/hand and coordination difficulties do not stem from a motor skills problem. I don't understand what that means. If you have problems, why does it matter whether they are the result of a processing disorder or a motor skills (physical as opposed to neurological?) problem. I would think an OT would deal with both, particularly one who specializes in sensory integration therapy. I really appreciate what you wrote here: If her symptoms have some physical cause behind them, all the counseling in the world won't help. I think you're right on target! After today, though, I am hoping it might be a good component in a multi-faceted approach. Sheesh, that sounded hoity-toity! I mean, I like the idea of counseling much better when it's paired with the other specialties and the therapy is shared. Paige, how wonderful to have a fun summer ahead!! I'm very glad for you. After my first marriage broke up, I had a very great fear of men and swore I would never let anyone get close. I didn't, and although I can't be too sad since I got my wonderful dh by waiting (15 years), I still spent all the years of my older children's upbringing alone. In retrospect, I don't think it was very healthy for them as neither seems to be able to form close relationships with the opposite sex. I'm afraid my suspicion and fear is a legacy I've left them, sigh. They are 26 and 28 now so I guess there is still plenty of time, since it took me half my life :)

I re-read your letter. I applaud you for not abandoning your children, and leaving them to fend for themselves if you left. That is a real father. A father who will make sacrifices for the children. It sounds as if your wife was in the wrong type of counceling. It sounds as though what she really needs are classes in anger management for the well being of your children. Perhaps that is one of the things you will require of her that you will not waiver on. After re-reading your first two posts, I believe that what I suggested in the above two posts sounds like a long shot. And I can imagine how difficult it would be to pull off with a person who is angry and bitter. Especially given how you feel about her. Does she have ANY good points? If so, what are they? I think it would be so depressing to live with someone who has been depressed for 20 years, and is so angry and bitter. If it were me, (OK, I am climbing up on that soapbox for a speech) I think I would tell them that I am sick of them using depression as an excuse for rotten behavior. I would tell her that if it is real depression...meaning chemical imbalance of some sort, then to get herself to a doctor and get her medications right. And if it is depression caused by her own disappointments in life, then suck it up and put a smile on your face and start doing some of the things you need to do. Because the kids and I hate living like this, and your anger and bitterness is destroying our family and the childhood of these children. They do not get a second chance at childhood...this is it, and it is going to be happy from tomorrow on. And if you cannot be a part of making this family a happy and good place to be, then I (meaning you Dave) will step up to the plate and raise these kids and give them that happy, safe childhood. Your 14 year old has so little childhood left, and I (meaning you Dave) am going to make sure it is great! Are you on board, or are you going to continue to hide behind your depression and anger and bitterness, doing your best to make sure home life is crappy for us all? She has a choice to make here. And you may find she is on board, and will begin some new changes, or that she likes being angry and miserable...and then you will know what you need to do. Forgive me for the two messages above, as after I re-read your original posts, I realized how they must sound to someone who is really in the pits in a marriage to someone who is so angry, and bitter all the time. I am not sure any of us could actually rise to the occasion if we were in your shoes and actually pull off what I suggested above. It sounds as if the marriage is just too miserable to actually bring yourself to do as I suggested. Not that it couldn't be done, but it would take a better person than I am to pull it off. Unless she actually makes a decision to change. If she does...perhaps she will surprise you all! In my best pollyanna view...I sometimes think that we can change someone else by being really kind to them. I sometimes have these wierd thoughts that you could take her for a morning of pampering (facial, massage) and then take her for a new outfit, and take just her out to dinner. That by you treating her differently, that maybe she will thaw out, and begin to see herself differently, and begin to change and laugh and smile. That she will "want" to be a better woman for her family. Perhaps it is just wishful thinking...but just maybe????? Anyone, I forget that some people actually "like" to be angry and bitter and miserable all the time. That is their comfort zone. Perhaps she is one of those people. I don't know.

mkroopy, surely you can appreciate the differences between men & women? You make it sound like it'a a bad thing to feel something when someone treats you badly. Women are usually the emotional & nurturing ones (not always but usually) and if they were more like men, what do you think relationships would be like? Do I think women overreact.. um, yes. I am raising a child for a woman that chose to run off with a boyfriend & is not interested in her daughter's life... yet, her being possessive as a mother (because she gave birth) has made the job she left here a hard road because she would throw a fit if I did anything "motherly" for her daughter, even though she won't. I think most guys would be glad another guy stepped up to be there for his kids, even if he is involved. So, there are times that it would be better to be less emotional & more diplomatic. But, when someone is rude... doesn't matter whether you are a man or woman, there's nothing wrong with being upset by it. Some people get more upset than others... and I do know a few guys that might get more upset over some things that wouldn't bother me. I think the hostess was rude & silver has every right to feel the way she does. Perhaps there's some overthinking involved but there was certainly some underthinking on the part of the hostess.