Thank you lovehadley. I have tried. I have put my heart and soul into my step kids. By my very nature I care for all kids. That is why I went into the profession I did and spent 3 years working with kids with emotional problems..mostly kids in the foster care system, but some were not. I didn't do it for very long, because there came a time when there was no line between work and home. I would have to deal with kids issues at work, and then come home to the same thing. Most of my "anger" & "frustration" is my very own defense mechanism, because I have been hurt by the things my sd says and does. When you see it, hear it, and live with it day in and out, it wears you down. You weaken, and it is hard to be solid for them. You can know the whys and hows of a situation or behavior, but it doesn't matter when you are pushed away constantly, over and over again. Plus it isn't the first time. This was also the case with her brother as well. I think we went to stress mode earlier with her because we instinctively knew what it was going to be like. Her dad and I both would love to go to counseling for ourselves, but we simply can not afford it. Not with her going to therapy twice a month. She needs it more than we do. She was going every week, but we had to go every other week because of cost. Her mom doesn't help pay for anything. So my dh and I just try to keep communication real open between us. We have our moments, but we work through them. It has been difficult just to try to keep our family together. The stress that both of my step children cause is tremendous. I am not blaming them either, it is just the way that the situations are. With my ss on his way to fatherhood with no job, no place to live with a new family, possibly stealing from us, and not speaking to his dad, it is a stress. With my sd constantly in some sort of mood, and wanting attention and not knowing the proper way to achieve good attention, being mean to her little sister and brother, and not working in therapy....it is stress. We have our six year old who will be going into the first grade, and she is our drama queen. She wants the tips of her hair dyed to look like her friends, she wants a cell phone for her 7th birthday, she wants to stay up till midnight, and the list goes on. Our now 2 year old can open our doors, locks and all, so we have to be on constant alert, he climbs on everytthing and falls off too, so he is full of bumps and bruises, he won't leave his big sis alone (6 year old), he hates taking naps, he doesn't like to go to bed, he always wants to be outdoors even if its raining, the list goes on. My point is, that whether we have my sd's issues or not, we have other children in the house who are growing up as well and they too need our attention, and when my sd is acting out, demanding our attention, it takes away from the family as a whole. She has to learn how to get the right kind of attention, she has to learn how to maintain the relationships in her life, and how to be a part of the family, and on and on. I did not include any issues from my oldest son. Not because he is "perfect", but because he has a very special ability to see the stress that we are under, and he keeps things real simple. His minimal requirements are that mom feed him and help him keep his clothes clean, and have a bit of conversation with his silly questions each day (like..."If I used my cell phone in another country, and dialed my own phone number would someone else answer?" lol) and he is pretty much a happy camper. I try to spend some alone time with him (like when we go for our walks), so he can see I am okay. Because he is moving into a mode lately of worrying about mom a little too much. Yesterday I didn't feel well, and he brought me a cup of ice water, ibuprofen, and some vitamin C. He is a good boy. I am blessed to have him. I have to pick him up soon, as he spent the night with a friend. So sorry for the rambling post. But I feel like I have to over explain everything here, because some people just don't want to accept that I have skids who are truly in need of professional help, and that I am not the reason behind my sd's behavior.

Well, Lola, I think we're all a bit relieved you didn't leave a middle schooler with two college boys so you could move across country to be with a man and his kids only to complain that he was parenting his kids! Couple questions: How old are his kids? How long have they been divorced? Who instigated the divorce? It seems he has an established life and pattern with this woman. It seems that either he doesn't want to change the pattern, or he doesn't know how, or he does, but doesn't want to make waves. Anyway you look at it, it sucks. I hate the ex-wife call, the ex-girlfriend call, etc. My poor DH has to listen to my DD talk on the phone with my ex 4-6 times a week. On speaker phone. And let me tell you, my ex is SUPER annoying to listen to for me, so imagine how he must feel!!!!! (oh, right, you already know! :) As for voices/personality changes, I've noticed kids change voices with different adults, as adults change voices with kids. I think this is pretty common. My DH gets a high pitched voice around my DD that drives me nuts, but she seems to like it. My DD gets a little more pouty and introverted around him than me. I think it's just because she doesn't know him as well as she knows me. Your husband may be feeling awkward in his dual roles as lover and father (not to mention how to act around the ex) and unsure of how to be the middle man. "I've taken them in too many times to count for dinner, rides and washing their clothes without so much as expecting a Thank You from anyone." You'll probably catch flak for that statement. You married a man with kids. Expect to do a lot of things without a thank you, you are now a mom with all the stress and strain and without the benefit of automatic mommy love. It's a rough road, and you earn every callous on your patience, heart and hands. So about him changing when the boys are around. Can you talk to him about this, ask him casually if he's noticed he has a split personality? (not in those words, of course!) About her... yeah... not much you can do. Time will take care of that, unless they're planning to live across the street from one another for the rest of their lives. Then, retirement could be a little less relaxing than planned, right? "Honey, take your cane when you go out to get her groceries and put on her snow tires, it's slippery out there"! LOL. Sorry, not trying to laugh at your misery but the image was pretty funny!!! Six years is a long time. Where will the boys be school-wise at that time? Would they go with you? Or would they stay with mom? I'm pretty uncomfortable with the whole situation, frankly. How long did you know him before moving cross-country to live with him in his town in his life with his kids? Ohhh, one suggestion? Have you ever considered doing the phone answering and chore doing yourself? Answer the phone, oh hi _______, I think the mauve eyeshadow will compliment your eyes better, and was that cream of chicken soup you needed? You're a team, I bet your husband might enjoy not having to do as many chores where she is concerned and she'd probably get really tired of dealing with you. Plus, a couple of wrong purchases might convince she's better off doing her own shopping. Progresso? I thought you said store brand! Oops, my bad! Say, did you know there's a great grocery delivery place? I have their number somewhere... I'm sure you're tired of having to depend on us!

Thank you, thank you for all of your kind words and good thoughts. I'm past the point of really caring what I post about hubby, he was on tv numerous times, there's a photo of him at the hospital promoting the OTN project, etc etc. So I posted a pic of myself, we're all friends here. :-) It was a very emotional day to be sure. The Ride is on June 1 and I have someone who is taking me as a passenger.......a big Harley. I'll be sure to post pics of the bikes etc, as I did last year. This is such an amazing organization to be a part of. I donate money to the cause, I'm going to try and volunteer next year.

Thank you for sharing Jasdip! I'm so happy to hear you not only were offered a seat, but did it, in memory of Tom. What a wonderful way to celebrate him, and your shared joys together, to raise awareness, and to raise money for such important research. I love those adorable helmets, too : ) Look at all those bikes, and all those smiling faces... especially yours. So good to see!