Being in a blended family is one tough ride...


The last 2 years of my life have been a constant whirlwind. I was married when I was 19, and divorced when I was 28. After I divorced, I moved to a new state, in with a man who had a 6 year old son 2-3 days a week. I messed around with him one time after living with him for a few months, and got pregnant. 6 months after seperating from my ex. We decided to be a family, and all had been great with that. There was a lot of unnecessary drama with the ex at first, but over the last year it has mellowed out. His son is a good kid, but he's almost 8 and wants to sleep with his dad, and still calls him dada. This is hard for me because I think he's too old to call him dada and to sleep with him. However, I can't voice my opinion because then I'm just criticizing his parenting and his kid. How do I deal with never being able to say anything? My son is going to learn from his older half brother, and I don't want him doing those things. I value my alone time with his dad, which we only get for an hour once the kids are in bed. I also worry that he loves his older kid more than our son. He remembers things he needs to do with the older son, day care, getting him ready, etc... But he doesn't worry about anything when it comes to our son. He's a great father to both, but when his older son comes around, I feel like we're pushed to the side and become outcasts. Sometimes I want to leave because the situation is hard to deal with, but I have a son who doesn't deserve to lose seeing his father every day, and I love his dad to the moon and back. Just can't stop feeling like he finds us less important and loves us less. Am I overreacting? Should it be expected that he always puts the older son in from of us whenever hes around? What's going to happen when our son gets older and starts to feel less important during his older sons visits? I'd walk away if we didn't have a son, only because it would be easier for all, but I'm in too deep now. Its just a very difficult situation now that our own son is here.

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All I can say is, it is not unusual even in intact families, for the firstborn or first son in particular to be slightly, under-the-table favored. Also, given the age of his first son, he has been around him more often and therefore has bonded more completely, fully with him.

I'm not saying that makes it all OK, but something to ponder vs. it just being due to a 2nd family-type situation. However, it also sounds like you and your husband need to decide on joint rules for your household for both of your children. They should not be rules that are so specific and tight that, "No children after age 7 can call dad dada"! But, rules that you both agree on and are both willing to enforce. Thus, you are not left feeling like you have no say in your own household or marriage.

It is now four years later, so this advice may be too late, but maybe you did make the best of it anyway, or it may help others in a similar situation.

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