Retail therapy and redecorating due to empty nest syndrome

3 years ago

last modified: 3 years ago

I’m grieving my baby (26, still my baby) leaving home for good. The tears are always near, so I don’t want to go into it here. I just have to deal. I will say that she was only 15 when my husband, her dad, died ... so we have another level of closeness from that. From surviving unimaginable pain together. She is my daughter and best friend, and wow does this hurt. Such a huge change of life. She did live at university for 4 yrs, but came home often, so it wasn’t a permanent thing yet. Anyway!

She doesn’t want her bed, and has no sentimental attachment to it, so I’m going to sell it for her. I can’t look it at in there, need something different for my mental health.

I’m doing a casual, vintage, little bit boho, little bit rustic, eclectic look. Or something. It’s a small room, so the only other furniture might be a chair or bench. It has a big closet, and we really don’t have guests much anymore, so no dresser, etc, needed. It might be my “snoring husband retreat”. Will have lots of books and be super cozy.

Got this rattan bed ordered, already have the Victorian Crazy Quilt, crochet pillow covers, and creamy coverlet, have the Mexican pine nightstand, need the rug (getting it from the Sundance site), and a lamp (not necessarily this one). The room has, depending on light, cream/gold/khaki paint.

The quilt and coverlet are circa 1993 — I ordered them from the Spiegel’s catalog for our first guest room — and have been in storage since 2004. Can’t wait to use them again. Now they‘re vintage, ha!

There’s a very big window with window seat, going to have flowy macrame cafe curtains (it has 2-inch white wood blinds for privacy) and a couple of plants and pillows on it. My dad is downsizing right now and may have some art for me. Old family stuff.

I’m going to be changing her bathroom, too, will post more later.

I will NOT be doing 4000 LED lights ANYWHERE. (Inside joke, some of you who frequent HD will get it.) :)

Just thought I’d share my latest project.

Closer of the quilt — actually the matching accent pillow:

Featured Answer

User

3 years ago

Our youngest child, DS2, spent two years with us going back to school in a different area than his first major. He was there when DH and I both became ill (different times, different problems) and he was an incredible help to us during that time, taking on many household management tasks, taking care of our dogs, etc, When DH was in the hospital I was able to stay with him 24/7 in a hospital several hours away because I knew our house was being maintained and the dogs were safe We literally could not have managed without him. When we decided to put the house on the market DH was still hospitalized. DS2, DD and SIL and a family friend spent an entire weekend going through everything in our huge basement storeroom with the largest sized roll off dumpster in the driveway. They sorted, donated, and threw away, checking with us via FaceTime when they had a question. I still cannot believe they did that for us! And when we moved here DS2 was an integral part of that process as we downsized into this house. Truly, that son is our heart and soul!

And then he got a great job in Atlanta, went to the northern suburbs where his company is located and has lived for almost a year with a good friend whose townhouse is ten minutes away from the office. Since March he has worked from home, and they were recently told that the Company is not renewing its two floors in an expensive building and everyone will continue to work at home with weekly or biweekly team meetings. So....DS2 calls and asks if it would be okay if he moves back in with us for awhile....his roommate is very messy, his girlfriend is also in town (here) attending university online, and he could save more money without housing costs. OMG, I desperately tried to keep the glee out of my voice and said, “oh, I think that would be okay,” biting back my impulse to offer to drive up there and bundle him and all his belongings into my car and relocate him that day! He is very patient with DH and said he would like to go to the gym with him (limited appointments each day) to keep an eye on what he’s able to do, go swimming with him and most importantly get out in the tennis court with him. DH is trying to start playing again but needs someone to volley with who understands his limitations. Anyway, this kids is a dream come true...he will go to the store, offer to cook dinner once a week or more, he cleans up after himself and when he is doing laundry he asks if anyone else has laundry he can put in. I had mild empty nest syndrome when our kids went away to boarding schools and college, but when this one left the last time i was really conflicted. For several years when he was in college I worried he had no ambition (like his overachieving sibs). He surprised us with his first job out of college, did really well (and saved half his salary!) but couldn’t see himself there past a year and that is when he came home to continue his education. During all this I realized that whatever else he does in life, his purpose has already been fulfilled as a guardian angel to his own parents. Our empty nest is about to have another bird and I am SO glad I am about finished with his room! Yippeeeee!

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Comments (42)

Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Possible bathroom rug ... it‘s a tiny bathroom. I just ordered it from PB. $9.99!

https://www.potterybarn.com/products/gianna-kilim-outdoor-rug/?catalogId=84&sku=623165&cm_ven=PLA&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=Rugs%20%3E%20Indoor%2FOutdoor%20Performance%20Rugs&cm_ite=623165&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIucG226S36wIVF-DICh1l4wXOEAQYASABEgIRWvD_BwE&cm_sp=2824-inbs

The bathroom is in the hall, so separate. If I don’t use it in there, I’ll put it by the patio door.
daisychain Zn3b
3 years ago
Hugs, Jinx. It sounds like you have a very special relationship.

You've come to the right place to find enablers. I am all for retail therapy. I am very into rattan at the moment so I love the headboard and the deal on that rug can't be beat. I like how the creamy coverlet calms the patterns and draws them together.
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Daisy, thank you. I welcome hugs! :)

Me, too, about rattan ... I love texture in rooms, always have. I‘m so glad wicker and rattan (and caned) are popular again. My dream bed was a Tommy Bahama one, but it was just too far over budget. It had a very British Colonial feel.
IdaClaire
3 years ago
Jinx, my heart goes out to you. I just want to say that your daughter's physical relocation won't alter the place you both hold in each other's hearts. I know you know that, of course, but maybe it helps to have it affirmed and reaffirmed. At 58, my 80 year old mother remains my dearest friend and closest female confidant. That's got to be the most powerful bond known between humans, and I hope you'll take comfort in knowing that it will not change.

Not a lot of time at the moment, but just want to say that I love the direction you're going with the room! It will be so lovely and perfectly you! Your choices are all wonderful, and I'm tempted by that steal of a deal on the rug myself! Wow!
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
Ida, thank you, my friend. :) That really helps me to hear. I lost my mom very young, so I love hearing about the bond you and your mom share.

I knew you‘d like the PB rug! I was going to do a separate thread on it, so you'd see. :)

My baby girl will be an hour away — I know it could be so much worse. I just am having a hard time with how I won’t see her every day. Be a part of her day to day life. I had her home longer than most parents get ... maybe that was meant to be. Now I have to pull my boot straps up!
Fun2BHere
3 years ago
I'm sorry that it's a tough time for you emotionally, but good on you for finding a positive direction by redecorating the room. Take your time and really enjoy the process. I love that headboard!
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Thanks, Fun! I can’t wait to see it in person. It‘s supposed to be here in about a month ... I‘ll update. :)
eld6161
3 years ago
Hugs
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Thank you, eld. :)
DLM2000-GW
3 years ago
aww Jinx that empty nest will get you every time. It sneaks up and there is no way to be fully prepared. I called my mom daily, usually multiple time/day at that age and pretty much every day until she died. The bond won't break.

Looking forward to seeing you pull this new space together for yourself - good therapy.
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Tina Marie
3 years ago
Can't wait to see the room! I have those creamy coverlets on two beds. Love them and how easy they are to layer. Easy peasy to change out quilts/duvets/comforters and pillows/shams, etc. Getting ready to change our bedding up soon!

So sorry you are having empty nest syndrome, but it's good to know your daughter is not far. My closest friend lost her mother a couple of months ago. She was in her 80's but lost her husband (my friend's father) at a very young age and never remarried, so no more children. She and my friend had a very strong, close bond. It has been hard for my friend. I understand you grieving, even though your daughter is still very much with you - she's not living with you. I lost my mom 10 years ago next month and it's a very hard thing to go through. A mother/daughter relationship is like none other.
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OutsidePlaying
3 years ago
Hugs, Jinx! You and your DD must have been through some tough times together. So yes, the retail therapy now is a good idea. I love how you are using old and new items together.
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
Thank you, DLM, Tina, and Outside!

DLM, so true ... it really does sneak up, no matter how prepared! I certainly knew it would happen, but kept my head firmly in the sand.

Tina, I’m so sorry to hear of your friend’s and your own loss of your beloved mothers. I was in my 20s when my mom died, but she‘d battled MS most of my life. I often wonder at how different life would’ve been had that horrific disease not hit.

I love the coverlet, too, and still need something heavier with it for winter.

Outside, I hope it’ll come together well! I can play around with it, and mix and match things. I’m so glad I kept these older things through various moves and not being used!

I really appreciate the understanding and encouragement here, it helps so much. ❤️
rubyclaire
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
Jinx - I love how this room is coming together! I can also relate to the empty nest feelings. My own 26 y/o DD came home for several months this spring and now that she has returned to NYC, I am experiencing the empty nest all over again. It's a real thing.

This "new" room will make a lovely retreat for your DD when she comes home - and my guess is that will be frequently :).
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Aww, rubyclair, thank you! I‘m sorry you‘re going through it again. It just hurts.

I have been showing her the room plans and she loves them, so I hope you're right! :)
User
3 years ago
Awwww, Jinx. My heart hurts for you. You and your daughter are so lucky to have such a beautiful relationship. Throughout the years of reading your posts, it has been easy to tell what kind of a person you are and she is so very lucky to have you as her mom. (Heart emoji inserted here, for some reason my emojis are MIA).
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Marlene, thank you so much! I appreciate your kind words (and everyone’s) more than I can say. ❤️
tuesday_2008
3 years ago
Love the direction you are going in and that you are using your Spiegel bedding. Love the crocheted pillow. I recently set up a spare bedroom using what I had which includes a bedspread/ comforter that I ordered from Spiegel in the early 90’s. It is extremely well made.....the star tips are crocheted. I was too lazy to move the “stuff” piled on the bed so no full view😜.

Where did you order the rattan headboard if you don’t mind sharing. As you can see I need one! I was on a deadline to get this bed set up so I picked up a cheap base from Costco and purchased my first mattress in a box, which surprisingly is quiet nice.
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Sueb20
3 years ago
Jinx, you are creating a really neat space, I like it. My middle DS (now 25) moved across the country two years ago (waah) and I am just NOW starting to change his room from a "he might be back" room to a proper guest room.

When DD was sent home from college in March, we put a folding table and chair in there for her to study, because she felt that she couldn't concentrate fully in her own room. I recently moved an actual desk and chair into the room (planning for worst case scenario even though she is headed back to campus this week) and got rid of DS' bureau, but the closet is still full of clothes that he wants to keep (for when he moves back to this area and has to face winters again!) and there is a large bookcase with his stuff, which I can store elsewhere but gee, it's hard to make that final move, which feels like erasing him from the house.

We will have an empty nest again at the end of this week and after spending sooo much time with DD, this almost feels harder than last year, which was her first year of college. She is even admitting that she'll miss us, which is different from last year! In spite of the pandemic, we have had a nice time just being together. DH, DD, and I decided in March -- when she was sent home from school -- that we would binge watch The Amazing Race. At that time, I had no idea how religious we'd be about watching it. Last night, we finished season 19! LOL, our covid legacy.

When my "baby" DD (the one above) leaves for good, I will just have to rope off her room and never go there again because I will be so sad, so I understand your feelings!
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Thank you, tuesday and Sue! :)

Tuesday, I love that you have a Spiegel’s quilt, too, wow! I used to eagerly pore over their catalog ... I still have a pecan-wood pencil post bed I ordered back then, too.

Ok ... the rattan bed. Whew. I’ve been trying to order that thing for weeks, everyone has been out of stock. It’s a Safavieh bed, “Gabrielle”. I finally just gave up on it, and started looking for something else. Well, I was on Amazon a few days ago, for something unrelated, and saw that there was one available. I ordered it right then. But, big but .. I haven’t gotten shipping confirmation yet and it’s possible it’ll be very delayed or I’ll be told it’s discontinued. I hope not, because I can’t find any other bed similar in my price range. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Aww, Sue, I’m sorry it’s hitting you again! It sounds like you three had such quality time together ... I understand wanting to rope the room off! If we were still in our last house, where DD grew up, I think that‘s exactly what I’d do! Keep a time capsule. :)
Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
Oh my goodness, Kswl, love that story! It’s like you won the lottery — he’s coming back home!

Seriously, though ... I’m really happy for all of you (and sorry for such struggles you’ve been dealing with). It sounds like it’ll be a positive, healthy thing for the three of you right now.

This would so be me, too ... “OMG, I desperately tried to keep the glee out of my voice and said, “oh, I think that would be okay,” biting back my impulse to offer to drive up there and bundle him and all his belongings into my car and relocate him that day!” 😄
tuesday_2008
3 years ago
Kswl that is so heartwarming to hear and feel your happiness that your son is coming home to roost for awhile. Following your posts, it is obvious that you and your DH have been through so much the past year and you display such strength throughout all your life changes. Hoping and praying your DH continues on his road to recovery.

Keep on decorating your beautiful home👏.
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jill302
3 years ago
It is wonderful that you are diving into your daughter’s room, love the direction you are headed.

Another Spiegel fan, I still own, a couple of 90’s items including a favorite Christmas quilt. They were very well made.

It is interesting that for some of us it is really difficult when our children move out, yet others are celebrating. Neither is wrong just different. My DD moved out the beginning of April. I had hoped she might put it off due to coronavirus but she wanted to stick to her plan. Miss her a lot, but she moved in with her fiancé, so I just keep reminding myself that I am one step closer to grandchildren. Have also enjoyed that my son graduated college and moved home in May.

My died mom this year, so it has been a hard one. My daughter’s room is currently storage central for things from my mom’s estate that needed to be appraised. Looking forward to making it into a guest room at some point.
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maddielee
3 years ago
You do know that the fact that she is comfortable moving away is proof that you did a good job raising her, don’t you?

You will be fine, she will be fine.

Cute ideas for the bedroom.

ML
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Jill and maddielee, thank you. :)

Jill, I’m so very sorry to hear of your mom’s passing. 😢

Love hearing from another Spiegel’s fan, I honestly figured I was one of the very few people who still had items from there! And we all have quilts, which is cool! Makes me want to contact them, “Your quilts were a big hit, there‘s a group of us still enjoying them”.

My DD is also moving in with her fiancé, so it definitely helps knowing how happy and excited she is.

Maddielee, thank you again, that will be my new mantra!
Elaine Ricci
3 years ago
Hugs, Jinx! For the past two-and-a-half years, I have lived much farther away from my mother than I ever had before. She and my stepdad live in Houston, and the farthest I had lived from her previously was Austin (about three-and-a-half hours' drive). I now live in Georgia, and I miss them so much! I hope that you and your daughter will be able to visit each other often.

Your decor choices are fantastic! I love your sense of style!
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Elaine Ricci
3 years ago
My condolences, Jill, on the loss of your mom.
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Thank you, Elaine! :)

I’m in D/FW, so just a few hours north of your mom and stepdad. I can imagine how hard it is to be so far away from them. I sure hope they make it through the storm ok. ❤️
OutsidePlaying
3 years ago
Oh gosh, Kswl, your post almost made me cry, it’s so sweet. Glad you have such a sweet son to come home and help you both for a while. Your life must seem like quite a blur with all that has gone on lately.

And Sueb, I can relate to your situation too. Years ago, our DD was between apartments and roommates for about 6 weeks so moved home for a short while. It was tight moving all her stuff in with us temporarily, but it was also fun having her there. I had almost forgotten that time.
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My3dogs ME zone 5A
3 years ago
Jinx, I saw your headboard on Amazon and it notes this, which you may not have seen - Usually ships within 1 to 3 weeks.

KSWL, Wow! It sounds like Christmas in September for you and your hubby! What wonderful news!
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User
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
It’s good to hear all these other stories of empty nests and temporary boomerangs! When DH and I were coming along it was considered a sign of abject failure or extreme nerdiness to move back in with one’s parents. Our definition of success has certainly changed, I think for the better. As housing costs rise beyond most college grads’ ability to afford and unsettled public health and other situations look to be long term I think multigenerational households will continue trending upwards.

Jinx, one of my fave pieces of furniture came from the Spigel catalog In 1992! It is a set of four wooden pie shaped cabinets that fit together as a cloverleaf. They can be used as a coffee table or separated and used singly, or stacked in twos and used as end tables. They’ve been everywhere in our homes. I had the tops upholstered in 2014 to use as an ottoman(s) for the basement remodel of our last house, and we are using them similarly here. i had the hardware replaced in antique brass and they are still the most versatile items in our house.
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Cindy Warren Fialka
3 years ago
I just happened to see this thread and I know exactly how you feel about your daughter moving away. My 26 year old daughter moved to Chicago 4 years ago after college graduation. This it the daughter who used to say “Mommy when I grow up I’m gonna buy the house across the street”. Chicago is 5 hours away from us and I miss her terribly. She came home at Christmas and we were supposed to visit her in March right when everything closed up due to Covid. Finally drove to Chicago last Saturday and did a socially distanced outdoor visit. Hugged her when we left wearing masks. I would give anything for her to only be an hour away. Not downplaying your feelings at all. I know it’s hard no matter how far away they are. Her room is going to look great. Love the quilt and the rattan.
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Aww, Cindy, thank you, I’m glad you saw this thread. I’m so sorry your daughter is so far away, and that you haven’t been able to see her more. :(

Mine has discussed (with her boyfriend) moving out of state, but I'm trying not to think about that possibility. I seriously don’t know how I could cope with that.

She’s getting the rest of her things this afternoon, and I’m trying my best to keep it together ... but the tears keep coming.
mtnrdredux_gw
3 years ago
Our eldest and our youngest will live at home and do hybrid uni and HS. Our middle child is WFH on a gap year. Last night was the first night we had an empty house since March. All three went to the beach to meet up w friends. It's really something they never did that much before, but it's become a thing since it's a place to hang outside. They have been such good kids during this ordeal, which has really clipped their wings. No young adults should be playing that many board games with their 'ole parents.

It's so heartwarming to hear about all these great kids! People always like to complain about the next generation, but as i have said here before, I think we keep getting better. Kids are certainly more aware, tolerant, open and thoughtful. They are also pretty clear-eyed and practical and can self-advocate. My kids are lightyears ahead of where I was at their ages, as it should be.
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
last modified: 3 years ago
Well said, Mtn! I’ve thought of all of you and your younger kids-teens during what’s been going on, how tough and strange it must be.

I left home at 18, moved to Europe! ... something my dad brings up way too often during this time. He’s still not over that, and now I understand why! 🥺
Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
In retail therapy news, I just ordered this for her bathroom. I hope to lure her back for overnight visits. :)

https://www.houzz.com/products/round-iron-marble-serving-tray-in-montana-rustic-white-food-safe-serving-prvw-vr~161159728?lid=114256486

I’ll put a nice bottle of hand soap on it, and candle. The vanity is pretty small, so this size will work well.
Sueb20
3 years ago
We dropped off the “baby” at college this morning and I immediately started redecorating my front porch at least mentally...have been looking at outdoor rugs online ever since we got home.
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Cindy Warren Fialka
3 years ago
The daughter who lives in Chicago said eventually she and her bf might move to Texas. (What??) I have an older daughter who told me her bf wants to move to Fla in a couple years. I sure get how you don’t want to think about your daughter moving out of state. And oh yes the tears...
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Oakley
3 years ago
Oh how I remember when my first baby left home for college. I think I told this story before, but it's so sweet I have to tell it again. When we came home from following his car to college, I broke down in tears. DH didn't say a word and went out to mow and probably shed some tears.

Because his school was only an hour and a half away and his girlfriend at the time lived here, he came back the following Friday. Seven days after he left. When he pulled up in the driveway I ran out to greet him, and the water works started all over again. That boy of mine put both arms around me, hugged me tight, and said, "It's okay mom, I'm home." Swoon. But he never came home to live here again, instead, after he graduated then married, he built a house on some of our acreage with his wife and little one's. :)

Back to the serious stuff! How fun for you and great therapy! Having a snore room comes in handy if your DH snores like mine does. I can't wait to see the finished product. Have fun!!
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Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
Aww, that‘s so sweet, Oakley! I’m happy for you all that he lives so close, that’s my dream. 😁
Jilly
Original Author
3 years ago
She texted me that her boyfriend’s dog ate her very nice crocheted rug I got her a while back ... and if Dog keeps eating her stuff, she’s coming back home.

THANK YOU, DOG. 😆

(I’m totally saying that tongue-in-cheek. I very much want things to work out happily. Just thought it was funny.) 😄

Retail therapy and redecorating due to empty nest syndrome

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