There are a lot of various ways to look at that, but if she is happy, that counts.

Most have their own idea of what healthy is, and it's widely debated and nuanced, but most agree that no to low processed foods are the best.

Butter, I eat kerrygold for myself but when cooking for groups I'll get grocery store brand to keep the cost down.

She likes to control what she is eating. If it contents her I would leave it alone. If you cook for her ever, use butter and whatever else.

My grandmother used to say "I am (insert age here) years old and so I am going to eat chocolate and butter and i dont care if it is running down my face."

I find reduced fat dairy to be vile. The doctor I used to go to for weight loss told me that full fat is healthier anyway, as it is more satisfying,so you can use less,and low or no fat versions often add sugar and more salt to make up for the flavor. I bought fat free half and half by accident once. Worst waffles ever. 😖

Some fats are actually good for our health. Recommendations on fats have changed and it's now known that low fat is not as healthy as once believed. Full fat dairy is more satisfying, and I believe study showed that it actually seems to help people maintain a healthy weight.

I do as amylou suggests when I prepare food for my mom. She's operating under some seriously outdated and, in her case, seriously unhealthy dietary beliefs. The last thing she needs to do is lose weight, as she barely weighs 98 pounds now. I use butter, full fat dairy products and add some powdered, unflavored collagen to her morning cereal for extra protein.

I think too, that butter and full fat dairy, along with less highly processed foods (hello: margarine) have more nutrients (like vitamins A & D) that can be better absorbed, and seniors need the most nutrition per calorie.

Thank you all for your comments. I never criticize or even comment on her dietary choices. She will do as she wants regardless of whatever

anybody says anyway Which is her earned right. I guess my frustration is that she tends to criticize my choices. And as you may have guessed, food is not the only issue.🤷‍♀️

This past year, I've been learning how difficult it can be to deal with elderly parents, Louiseab.

My mom's nurse practitioner and Dr. have recommended to her that she get more calories and eat even if she isn't hungry, but she becomes very angry and resistant when I remind her of this when trying to get her to eat and drink more. She is experiencing cognitive decline and short term memory loss, so she does not remember the Dr.s orders. It's an ongoing struggle.

One thing I remind myself is that sometimes, words are the only power one has, so I don't take it personally, but it can be emotionally draining.

I have found myself in an odd state of being this last few weeks. I don't know why but to eat makes me sick. Me, the lover of all things food. Oncologist is going to do a scope thingie on me sometime in July. My husband does not fully comprehend and gets mad at me when I fix him meals and then I don't eat. I am pretty much subsisting on Ensure and sips of ginger ale. I tried to eat a biscuit this morning and now I'm miserable. So when dealing with someone with food issues it's not always easy from either side. I want things but on the other hand I don't. I try not to snap back at DH when he starts in on "you have to eat something." And the worst part is I'm not losing any weight :-(

I am one of those old women whose children think I am not eating healthily enough, depending on what book or internet studies they’ve read or whatever their latest diet is. When spouse and I both retired, we started on a new eating plan (we never called it a diet). It took about a year to make changes and adjustments but by the end of the second year, we’d each lost 40 lbs., our doctors were pleased with our checkup tests, and we’ve kept up the same plan and same weight for 10+ years with good results.

But every time our children visit, they criticize individual ingredients, say we’re eating too much or not enough of certain food groups based on a single I just answer, “That’s interesting. I’ll keep it in mind.

Bumblebee, if you and your spouse are happy and healthy and so is your mom, it’s OK to get there in a style of eating that is comfortable for each of you.

I am constantly having to make sure SO eats real food. If I am not there to put it in front of him,he just wont eat. He just does not care about food,and hunger doesnt bother him. He could live off of mountain dew and black and milds. Every once in a while he will get some chips or other junk, but not often. He will go until he's damn near ready to pass out. His (adult) kids tell me he has always been this way. So when I cook, I make sure his food is packed with calories. Butter is a must in this house.

When my 80 something Mother in law went for a check with blood work....the doctor told her she had high cholersterol and gave her a sheet of what to eat and what not to eat. She changed from butter to lower fat margerine and skim milk and cut oiut her favorite lornadoons. If she was sort of dumpish she would say...I don't feel well...I have high cholesterol you know.
Well that doctor retired and she went to another who was concerned that she was loosing weight. she told him about the dry toast and the skim milk on her cereal and no cookies.....and he, wisely, said....you are 84 and healthy as a horse but you need to eat, Don't worry about the cholesterol, some people just have higher levels.....She lived another 11 years!
I don't do margerine..nor skim milk nor fake fat free cheese, but my numbers are good.

To me healthy food is lots of vegetables of wide variety; good quality, pasture raised and finished meats occasionally; whole grains; very little of processed foods like pasta and almost never chips or fillers like that; whole fat dairy products; almost no sugary foods and never sugary beverages; mostly extra virgin olive oil for oils. I do enjoy some 85-90% chocolate with nuts almost daily. My food is interesting, tasty, varied and friends love to be invited for a meal at my house (and hoping to resume that after COVID).

Oh dear I hope I'm not kicked out this group :-)

......I eat margarine. Because it's easily spreadable from the frig. I keep a bit of butter out on the counter as long as the weather isn't too hot; I don't like it melted. I love butter on fresh bread.

Jasdip - can you buy whipped butter in a carton? It's spreadable from the frig, not quite as soft as margarine but it works.

Jasdip, you can take one stick of softened butter, 3/4 cups light olive or avocado oil, salt to taste, whiz it. It will be spreadable straight from the fridge. Link, HERE

Mom is 90, Dad 91. Anyone around that age went through quite a bit in the 60's, 70's. It was a confusing time following the convenience canned foods. Then an abundance of processed foods. This and that is bad for you. And bad labeling. Most just trusted that if it was in a grocery in any form, it was approved and safe for consumption. Mom never really could let go of some of it. They did let go of processed foods in the 70's when I was in high school.

They eat really well and have for years. Lots of fresh greens and freeze summer harvest. Wild caught salmon. Frozen veg over caned. Fresh fruit. Though neither of them have ever enjoyed cooking. Bland and boiled. 20-30 yr old spices.

I cook every meal when I visit and fill their freezer. They love it. For 30 years we tried to teach them some simple things. Like the spreadable butter above instead of margarine. And a fresh/better version of Dad's bottle dressing. He loves it but, "not going to fool with that!". Dad's a scientist, Mom a teacher. Retired obviously. He has read every best seller book on nutrition. Just figures a few not so good things balance out the mostly whole fresh foods they consume. Fine by me. At least they appreciate our cooking. And what I make for their freezer.

Sleevendog, I’ve made a version of that buttery spread for years. I like it because it’s easy to spread on toast and biscuits. It melts wonderfully on hot vegetables. It’s great for sautéing because it’s got oil to keep things from burning. It’s so easy and simple too. I usually just whip with a fork after letting the butter get soft.

Thanks for the butter tip, Sleeve and Shambo. I don't mind using margarine, I don't find the taste offensive, and the price is right! But I'll try the butter trick too.

The flavor is in the fat. When products are made "fat free," something else has to be added. This is frequently corn syrup, salt or mysterious chemicals. Be sure to read the labels.

FWIW, used margarine for many years, but after I gave that up and started only using butter, I'll never go back. It just tastes so much better, and it's MUCH less processed. The only ingredients are butterfat, water and salt.

I buy organic.

I do the butter and oil thing too. I particularly like to make a compound spread in the summer when the fresh herbs are plush, an Italian mix of herbs with garlic. Great for making garlic bread :) The stuff freezes great too!

My parents did the same (not the margarine though) after all of us kids left the nest. But they are going strong at 82 and 84 so... it's working for them.

I forgot to mention that the best thing about the butter/oil combo is that it tastes like real butter because it’s made with real butter. And it’s very easy to control the salt level too. You can use all unsalted butter or 1 cube salted and one cube unsalted. It’s perfect for folks on sodium restricted diets.

Land O'Lakes makes a butter and canola oil butter/spread that is very good and spreads easily when cold. It tastes like butter and can be used for frying at a higher temp than pure butter

Yes, margarine is one of the worst sources of fat. It is believed that these are the cheapest and not suitable for nutrition oils. It would be better if your mother ate fat from ordinary meat, and refused margarine.