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ritaweeda

And Here I Thought it Better to Be Honest and Upfront...

ritaweeda
3 years ago

I have to vent, don't care if anyone else cares or not. I already vented to DH, not enough. So here's the story and I'm sticking to it: I needed to get some foaming hand soap which as far as I know, only Walmart carries it. We have 4 areas in the house where we wash our hands - two bathrooms, the kitchen and the laundry room. So every time I've looked they haven't any in stock although they have the regular hand soap. Unfortunately, the dispensers that you have to use for the foaming hand soap will not dispense the regular hand soap. I made that mistake already once. So they had the regular hand soap and the dispensers but there was a sign on all of it one per customer. l just wanted to get the small dispensers for now (I already had a couple of refill containers from when I screwed up before) so I said to myself, I'll explain why I need 3 and then everything will be cool. Not! I was actually stupid enough to say to the old bag before she even started ringing it up, I have 3 but here's the reason and I explained. So she says well did it have a sign for only one? I was wearing the angel on the my shoulder this morning and stupidly said "yes". So she says "well then I can't let you have more than 1". So I said "but I just explained to you that you are out of the foaming and have been and now I need something to wash our hands with". Then I said I thought I had a valid reason. And she said "yeah, everyone claims that they have a valid reason". I started seeing red. So I forced myself down and told her to let me talk to the manager. She decided to let it go and rung it through. So I know this is a little thing but this little thing on top of 3 months of little things on top quite a few big things too is just about to topple over into making my head explode into a million little very meany meatballs ready to hunt down and destroy everything and everyone in my path - no wonder people are going nuts. Sigh - OK I feel better, time to take a Holy Basil and chill.

Comments (108)

  • Elmer J Fudd
    3 years ago

    "Your experience at trying to buy soap is an introduction into SOCIALISM! Wake up, people!"

    YES! OF COURSE! YOU"RE SO INSIGHTFUL!!!!

  • ravencajun Zone 8b TX
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    Here at many of the stores the items that have limits are programed into the registers and it will absolutely not accept any more purchases for that item over the allotted amount. Especially the self checkout lanes.

    From the very beginning here I have seen liquid soap and bar soap available in the store. Luckily we had just bought about a month before a double pack of the big refill bottles of Soft soap, which is still in the pantry. My individual liquid containers were all filled, my containers hold a lot of soap!

    I fully understand the need for limits. They realized too late what was happening and they are now trying to keep it fairly accessible. I follow the limits signs. The only thing that I have still not been able to get is lysol spray and wipes. But I can manage with alternatives.

    I think this altered state of living we are all trying to live in is about to get to a lot of people. I think it is contributing to the unrest we are seeing in some areas. It is a build up of frustration. Sometimes it erupts. 💥

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  • desertsteph
    3 years ago

    I think a lot of the comments here were uncalled for. I'd have asked and if told no dropped it. I have taken a multiple of things to the check out if the signs weren't clear and asked and went w/ whatever the clerk said.

    I've often added water to my liquid soap bottle when I was running low to stretch it until I got to the store. now I usually keep about a qtr of a bottle like that under my sink for the time I go to use the one on the counter and find it is empty.

  • matthias_lang
    3 years ago

    drewsmaga

    Your experience at trying to buy soap is an introduction into SOCIALISM! Wake up, people!

    Ya could have fooled me. I sure thought that was capitalist Walmart trying to keep as many customers as possible happy.

  • Texas_Gem
    3 years ago

    There are a lot of "tools" we carry in our bag to deal with uncomfortable feelings/situations/people, etc.

    One of the most underused (in my personal opinion) is reframing our thoughts and this is....I feel, a perfect example.


    Action: limit on soap

    Thought: I'm not hoarding!! I just need some for each sink and I can't get my normal stuff!! For crying out loud...WHY can't I get 3 bottles of soap?!?!?!?

    Reaction: "Listen, I have a perfectly reasonable request, I NEED 3 bottles, I'm not hoarding. Let me speak to your manager."


    This is an example of a less than healthy thought pattern. It is TOTALLY understandable AND valid!! It just doesn't really make the situation any better for any parties involved.

    But...if we were able to recognize and reframe our thoughts...it might play out something more like this.


    Action: limit on soap


    Thought: Man, this is really frustrating STILL not being able to find my normal stuff. It sure seems like everyone is having to adjust which is WHY I can't get my normal. Ugh...

    Reaction: "*eye roll* really?!? They STILL don't have the foaming soap??? Oh well, guess I better look up how to make it myself and in the meantime, I'll get my "one" allotted bottle!! May tell hubby to stop by the store on his way home to pick up another bottle. ;)"


    End result??: Both ways you still end up with the soap you wanted. In the first scenario, you are frustrated, aggravated and irritated to the point of needing to vent, the store clerk is also subjected to and has to deal with the repercussions of this frustration.

    In the second scenario, you feel the same initial annoyance and then you get over it. You get the end result you want, you don't have all the additional frustration, aggravation, irritation AND you don't make someone else's day worse.


    Rita- you weren't wrong in your feelings, and you weren't wrong to come here to vent. It IS frustrating, for all of us.


    I think, for YOUR sake, if you could reframe those thoughts, you wouldn't have to deal with quite as much aggravation as you did with this soap fiasco.

  • colleenoz
    3 years ago

    "Your experience at trying to buy soap is an introduction into SOCIALISM! Wake up, people!"

    Funny, I would have thought that being forced to be considerate of others and share equally was more of an introduction into CHRISTIANITY! My bad!

  • Olychick
    3 years ago

    Colleen: :-)

  • ci_lantro
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    Amazon has multiple choices of liquid hand soap--pump, refills, liquid, foaming as well as empty, fill your own dispensers, pump & foaming. No need to go thru the frustration of multiple trips to the store, futile searches, limits.


    As far as refilling either the pump or foam dispensers--when the anti-microbial soaps overtook the market and science said using anti-microbial soap routinely wasn't a good idea--I started resorting to filling my dispensers with whatever 'soap' I could find to include body wash, bubble bath, shampoo that I didn't like, etc. Most of which I bought at rummage sales. Body wash from those cheap gift sets that no one likes as well as some boutique types. Cheap, as in 25-50 cents for a full bottle. Because it was hard to find a hand soap that was not anti-microbial. For my one foaming dispenser, I dilute about 1 part liquid soap with 4 parts of distilled water. Bonus is that I found even the cheap products are not nearly so harsh on my hands as the Soft Soap that I used to buy.

  • arcy_gw
    3 years ago

    Luckily for you those bottles are easy to transport from sink to sink and your sinks are close enough you could choose to use the one where the soap sits. OH AND it isn't THEY ONLY soap in the world--there are other's you COULD substitute. What a first world issue and no sorry it did not equal the scene you made.

  • ritaweeda
    Original Author
    3 years ago

    Well I haven't exactly done a formal count, but it seems that the overall reactions here prove that I was very much in the wrong. I want to thank so many of you for revealing to me my mistaken belief that honesty is the best policy, from now on I will sneak around and do whatever it takes to get what I want or need. In fact, I think now I'll go back today and get yet another 20-roll pack of TP and I won't feel guilty about not mentioning it to the clerk at all about being in there just yesterday and getting some. I'd get another soap dispenser too but after buying 3 yesterday and finding out what a horrible person I am I now feel that I've hoarded enough already.

  • ci_lantro
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    re 'socialism'. I get where Drewsmaga was going and that, I think, is the rationing that we all read about re Soviet Russia. The long lines, limits & futility of trying to obtain everyday items like meat, bread, shoes during the Soviet era. Also, like the rationing that occurred during WWII--butter, fuel, tires, shoes--ration cards. Gasoline rationing in the 70's and occasionally since during times of hurricane disasters...

    Rationing is socialist in the sense of trying to make sure that everyone can get a share but the root causes differ. From socialism being a root cause to diversion of industry & materials for the war effort to temporary disruptions/ increased demand of supply.

  • Elizabeth
    3 years ago

    ritaweeda, you are not a horrible person. Just a frustrated shopper like the rest of us. Needing soap and toilet paper is completely normal.

    I shopped at Walmart recently and nearly had a tiff with the cashier. I had a package of TP and one of toilet paper. She took the TP away and told me very sternly that I could have one, there was a sign. I told her if it was one I would rather have the TP and put the paper towels back. She said no, it was the same thing. I asked her again to switch them then and she finally read the label and figured out that it was one of each thing. She looked embarrassed. I made a joke of the packaging looking similar.

    ( Thankfully they have paper products in P/U now and I don't have to go in the store. )

    We all have these difficult shopping experiences.

    It will get better. Every day we are one day closer to the end of this.



  • colleenoz
    3 years ago

    Seriously Ritaweeda, reread your last post. I would urge you to remove it, as it really doesn't show you in a good light. That is more the reaction I would expect from a spoiled toddler than a grown woman and it is _very_ unworthy of you.

  • rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7
    3 years ago

    Rita, I am late to this thread. I must admit that I had to re-read your original post a couple of times before I could believe what I was reading. Your thought process is disturbing to me, though I know I must be sheltered, somehow, from people with similar mindsets.

    I live in a small city of nearly 200,000 within the city limits, close to twice that within the county. I've yet to meet a single person who expressed such feelings of entitlement, nor have I ever come across a rude grocery employee, even during these stressful times.



  • eld6161
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    Rita, I think you did get commiseration. It is why we all vent. That said, when we post here, you will get many different opinions and insights, not all positive. And, sometimes not what you expect.

    I find that that I have changed my mind about an issue I posted quite a few times when just about everyone did not agree with my thought process. If SO many people are thinking the same, then I know it’s at least something to consider.


  • 1929Spanish-GW
    3 years ago

    Rita - times are frustrating for everyone. I have been out of work for a year and the primary income in our household. My last interview was March 12th, the day before California locked down.

    I have also broken the buying rules at the store. But when I have, it was because I also shop for my 79 year old mother. And I explain and ask before selecting the additional items.

    Our country is in turmoil right now based largely on privilege and how rules are applied to citizens differently based on a random set of criteria.

    I think people are applying that filter to your vent.

    I believe you are expressing your frustrations about how these times have changed your life. That is venting.

    Disparaging others is attacking. We all do it at times. Personally I substitute zillions of curse words when I cross the line. Then I chill a bit and recognize the difference.

  • ci_lantro
    3 years ago

    I want to thank so many of you for revealing to me my mistaken belief that honesty is the best policy,

    Not what it is about at all. It's about the expectation that you should be The Exception to the Rule.

    To expand--Aldi has a limit of 4 cans of tuna and, hypothetically, Aldi is the only store in town that has tuna in stock after weeks of being without. But we eat a lot of tuna. During normal times, I buy 10-12 cans of tuna. About a two week supply if we get on a tuna jag. So, applying your rules, it should be OK for me to ask & expect the cashier to accede to my request to buy twelve cans (3X the limit) of tuna because I have a Great Need for tuna, right? Then, if the cashier denies my noble request, I should ask to talk to the manager?


    No, that isn't what I do or would do. I buy the allotted four cans of tuna and make do.


  • jupidupi
    3 years ago

    I first discovered Gardenweb a few years ago when we were renovating our kitchen. The more I used it, the more I couldn't believe the picky minutia that people thought was such a Big Deal! I called it the "first world problems" website.

  • CEFreeman_GW DC/MD Burbs 7b/8a
    3 years ago

    Wowwww.....

    That must have been such a last straw for you.
    I admit, I don't have to worry about a family, but soap?

    I"m glad you got what you needed and can think about something else.
    I'm not being snotty here. I hope you don't take it that way. I mean it in utmost sympathy for just a whole lot of stuff going on.

  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    3 years ago

    You are confusing honesty with prosocial behavior.


    Prosocial behavior, or intent to benefit others,[1] is a social behavior that "benefit[s] other people or society as a whole",[2]"such as helping, sharing, donating, co-operating, and volunteering".[3] Obeying the rules and conforming to socially accepted behaviors (such as stopping at a "Stop" sign or paying for groceries) are also regarded as prosocial behaviors.[4] These actions may be motivated by empathy and by concern about the welfare and rights of others,[5] as well as for egoistic or practical concerns, such as one's social status or reputation, hope for direct or indirect reciprocity, or adherence to one's perceived system of fairness.[1]

    -Wikipedia


    Your wish to buy your preferred form of soap is not helping others and your truth telling is not helping others.

    You believe that by telling people why you wish to break the rules you are acting appropriately. In this case appropriate behavior is adhering to the rules in order to avoid shortages. Telling people you wish to flout the rules is not commendable , it's a sign of entitlement. We only get points for truth telling when the act costs us something and benefits someone else. Simply being honest about your desire to break rules put in place to serve the community is not a virtue.


  • CEFreeman_GW DC/MD Burbs 7b/8a
    3 years ago

    Well...

    I was thinking, "Karen," but Rita's not/never been like that here.

    I've been away for a while, and I guess things happen!

  • sephia_wa
    3 years ago

    Very well said Zalco.

    Store clerks don't care WHY people buy things. It doesn't matter "the why" people buy what they buy. I think Rita thinks her honesty trumps integrity, and gives her a right to more than her share. That's called entitlement, and that's what people are reacting to. Just because you tell the clerk why you want what you want doesn't equate to getting what you want when there is a rule clearly posted. Can you imagine what would happen if everyone gave some reason why they want more than their share of toilet paper when the limit is posted?

    Rita, it's too bad you're continuing to defend your actions and behavior rather than reconsider the situation. Enough people have pointed this out to you.

  • eld6161
    3 years ago

    Off topic: welcome back CF. Did you complete your kitchen. Start a new thread so we can see it.

  • sushipup1
    3 years ago

    The "Karen" (and my apologies to all the real Karens I know who would never do this) meme includes calling the manager or police. Here's a discussion on the meme that is very good. (podcast)

    https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/otm/segments/who-karen-and-why-does-she-keep-calling-police-black-men-on-the-media

  • CEFreeman_GW DC/MD Burbs 7b/8a
    3 years ago

    Thanks ,eld6161.

    I have not, but am far closer. The problem is I have opportunities to hire help sometimes, which switches gear. Plus, I changed my mind (again) about what I want in my kitchen.


    I have bricked the side and front of my house, (that can be seen from the road) built 4 pergolas for shade, put down an 800 SF flagstone courtyard (that I need to set properly), am rebuilding my mudroom cabinets, put in 32 casement windows (Craig's List and reuse centers!) Geeze. What else? Oh! Finished the drywall in bedroom where I sleep, and actually painted! All it needs is trim. I currently have a crap-ton of, well, crap in my LR, where I emptied my den. This week the drywall was finished and primed. I'm GOING TO PAINT. I promise. and put things back neatly.


    I'm running out of excuses for my construction materials hoarding.

    I'll put something up. It's nice that there are so many old faces!

  • Bevthebrit
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    I use Ajax dish liquid lol!! works in my soap dispenser.

  • Hot Rod
    3 years ago

    I certainly hope you're not calling me a hoarder because I said to use the self checkouts, which in the stores I shop at, aren't programmed to kick out the over-limit stuff.

    I'm not a hoarder, but I do plan ahead for all household inventories. I have three homes and have to stay on top of supplies so I keep a spreadsheet of what's on hand. We keep two of everything in each house. Two soaps per sink, two body washes per bathtub, two club-size packs of paper towels, facial tissue, and toilet paper per home, two jugs of laundry detergent and two boxes of dryer sheets per washer/dryer, etc. The day we open one of the two "in reserve" items, it goes on our shopping list. That way we are never caught short and we weren't in dire straits over needing toilet paper when all the weirdos were hoarding it.

  • CEFreeman_GW DC/MD Burbs 7b/8a
    3 years ago

    Anyone who stocks up is a hoarder of some kind. Rotating it and planning ahead is good hoarding. Hoarding isn't necessarily the show we all fear.


  • lucillle
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    all the weirdos were hoarding

    For some of us, farmers, religious based, etc that believe in having a year's worth of food and supplies, and have done this for many years/decades, it is not new, and it is natural to us and seems like a good idea..

  • rockypointdog
    3 years ago

    I had almost the same thing happen to me. I have 15 wash sinks (between 2 houses). I usually use liquid soap but Walmart was out of it. They only had the foaming wash. The sign said limit one, but I took 15. I went through the self checkout, but the attendant caught me anyway. I explained that I am not hoarding them. I am going to use all 15. She nicely let me have them. I was so relieved, because I found out that the store ran out of the foaming stuff right after I left.

    Everybody knows socialists have dirty hands. Thankfully mine are clean as a whistle.

  • Hot Rod
    3 years ago

    Lucille, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the people who were going to the stores and buying 50 packs of toilet paper and fighting over it.

    Supplies on hand does not always equal a hoard.

  • ritaweeda
    Original Author
    3 years ago

    OH NO! Rocky - you're in for it now!!! 15??? 15??? Oh, the humanity!!! Frankly the more this goes on the more I realize how many are releasing their frustration after these 3 long months, I wonder when they'll finally smoke their cigarette and fall asleep??

  • lucillle
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    OH NO! Rocky - you're in for it now!!! 15?

    Rita, Rocky is making a point. He doesn't really have 15 wash sinks.

    how many are releasing their frustration

    Perhaps it might be better to avoid descriptives like 'old bag', but frustration is certainly understandable.

    I wonder when they'll finally smoke their cigarette and fall asleep??

    I pray for them, and for you too, that you put out the cigarette first. There is too much death around us as it is.

  • Elmer J Fudd
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    "For some of us, farmers, religious based, etc that believe in having a year's worth of food and supplies, and have done this for many years/decades, it is not new, and it is natural to us and seems like a good idea.."

    You've mischaracterized what's going on and by whom. Hot Rod beat me to it.

    You have a year's worth of food and supplies. Not a common practice but fine. Suddenly there's a change to the normal civil order and some products are expected to be hard to get. You have your year's supply on hand, why do you now need to buy 5 one gallon jugs of bleach and 50 packages of toilet paper (Hot Rod's number). You shouldn't need to buy more than your normal weekly or monthly consumption if you want to not dip into your stock. Your needs are the same as anyone else's.

    That's what fear-driven hoarding is about, it has nothing to do with people who have more than a normal supply on hand and is more about what someone thinks is their special situation (without regard to the detriment of others). Being a hoarder in normal times is not an entitlement to buy more than others can when there are shortages

    Stores limit purchases of certain items to be fair to all customers. People having trouble dealing with the changed circumstances will have hissy fits about it, they want what they want, screw anyone else. Others will deal with what they need to deal with in a fair way, it's not that hard to grasp.

    Next?



  • sleeperblues
    3 years ago

    Rita, you clearly don't understand, do you? You don't understand that rockypointdog was mocking you, and you don't understand what a fool you look like. You are the epitome of entitlement. Person after person has denounced your activities at the store, and your subsequent posts defending your actions and continuing to act like an entitled middle aged woman who doesn't give a rat's patootie about anyone or anything but her own self interests. You should be so ashamed, but sadly and not so surprisingly, you are not and you continue to post and act stupidly. I pity you, I really do.

  • Olychick
    3 years ago

    I'm assuming rockypointdog is being facetious.

  • Suzieque
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    >> I want to thank so many of you for revealing to me my mistaken belief that honesty is the best policy, from now on I will sneak around and do whatever it takes to get what I want or need.

    Oh, Rita - come on. Now you're just being silly. Your situation has zero to do with being honest. It has to do with you thinking that, because you have 3 sinks, you shouldn't have to adhere to the rules. Puleeze. I do believe that honesty is the best policy. But the rules were posted and you violated them. NOTHING to do with you being honest with the "old bag".

    You're sounding petulant and like you're coming unglued. You're certainly not sounding like a mature, humble woman.

  • carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
    3 years ago

    This conversation has reminded me of the fact that there was a time when our nation came together in solidarity and sacrificed many things like sugar and butter and meat for the war effort. People used rationing coupons, collected scrap metal and rationed gasoline too, and very few complained, but felt patriotic doing so.


  • Elmer J Fudd
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    " I'm assuming rockypointdog is being facetious "

    Maybe but not necessarily. In a family-size house, there could be 2 or more bathrooms with double sinks. Say two. Two sinks in the kitchen. Add another bathroom, a laundry room, you're at 8 sinks. More bathrooms, it's more than 8.

    For a double sink layout, does each need its own soap dispenser? No. Same in the kitchen. Regardless, a shortage situation is a shortage situation and no one should think they're entitled to purchase more than anyone else.

    We should thank the stores for limiting quantities, not hassle them. I worked in retail jobs in high school and part time in college. Some customers think you're their personal servant, available at their call for whatever they want. Sorry, no. When a polite person asked me to look for something, I'd rearrange the warehouse if necessary to find it. If someone acted like a jerk and asked in a rude way, I'd walk away, hang around in the back for a few minutes, and come back reporting we were all out. Whether we were or not, I'd never even look. It's what the honey vs a stick parable is all about.

  • Elizabeth
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago


    I think everyone has beaten up enough on Rita. Could we end this thread please?


  • carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
    3 years ago

    No beating up from me - I believe it's important to understand that during this time everybody is dealing with stress, anxiety and grief in their own way. Sometimes it comes out in tears, and sometimes it comes out in anger. Almost everybody is traumatized right now - some more than others.

    Kindness is important now more than ever.

  • functionthenlook
    3 years ago

    Rita, go ahead and vent away. The soap was just your breaking point for a useless destructive past couple of months. It is ridiculous that anybody is having trouble buying basic product to begin with. There was no problem with you asking to see the manager. You don't know unless you ask. Just ignore the nasty comments. The gleefully doomsday, martyrs , and dutiful people are just angry.

  • nicole___
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    Elmer....Why aren't YOU on an intellectual forum, instead of discussing soap? This is so beneath you. Honey and flies.....my dear....wink

  • Elizabeth
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    Elmer, your posts can be hard to locate as you do not have a recognizable avatar. It is just a circle of emptiness.

    ETA: I think your recent comment here ( Just above Nicole's ) was removed ?

  • Elmer J Fudd
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    nicole, I find I've offered a malaprop/mixed metaphoresque phrase that's incorrect, though one I've heard many times. The correct parable is honey versus vinegar. If you wrongly combine that with carrot and stick, you get honey versus stick.

    I'm not sure that having the skills of common sense and clear thinking require any form of advanced thinking ability or intellectualism. Though the absence of both is a clear sign of something else we all have many words for.

    elizabeth, yes, it does appear so.

  • wantoretire_did
    3 years ago

    I blew up yesterday at Price Chopper, where I have shopped for years. Parked outside the back door in handicapped area. Went to leave via the same door and they informed me that it was the entrance only, as of yesterday!! I had to walk up to the other end Of the store and exit, then walk all the way down to my car. I allowed my potty moth to take over for the very first time in public, twice. I guess this is all getting to me as well.

  • Suzieque
    3 years ago

    wantoretire, that's the way it is at the vast majority of stores here, and it makes sense to me. However, I didn't stop to think about the handicapped and I'm sorry for that.

  • Elizabeth
    3 years ago

    So...there is convenient parking for handicapped shoppers but a very lengthy exit? Not very well thought out on their part.

  • lucillle
    3 years ago
    last modified: 3 years ago

    as of yesterday!!

    I'm wondering if some stores are making temporary changes in entrance/exit policies due to the possibilities of destruction and looting?

    Wantoretire I'm sorry you had to do all that walking.

  • functionthenlook
    3 years ago

    They re just boarding up the business here in the prone protest areas and leaving them boarded up till this is all over. Most of the stores are taking away the specific enter/exits, traffic patterns, arrows, and sanitizing carts.

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