And Here I Thought it Better to Be Honest and Upfront...

ritaweeda

I have to vent, don't care if anyone else cares or not. I already vented to DH, not enough. So here's the story and I'm sticking to it: I needed to get some foaming hand soap which as far as I know, only Walmart carries it. We have 4 areas in the house where we wash our hands - two bathrooms, the kitchen and the laundry room. So every time I've looked they haven't any in stock although they have the regular hand soap. Unfortunately, the dispensers that you have to use for the foaming hand soap will not dispense the regular hand soap. I made that mistake already once. So they had the regular hand soap and the dispensers but there was a sign on all of it one per customer. l just wanted to get the small dispensers for now (I already had a couple of refill containers from when I screwed up before) so I said to myself, I'll explain why I need 3 and then everything will be cool. Not! I was actually stupid enough to say to the old bag before she even started ringing it up, I have 3 but here's the reason and I explained. So she says well did it have a sign for only one? I was wearing the angel on the my shoulder this morning and stupidly said "yes". So she says "well then I can't let you have more than 1". So I said "but I just explained to you that you are out of the foaming and have been and now I need something to wash our hands with". Then I said I thought I had a valid reason. And she said "yeah, everyone claims that they have a valid reason". I started seeing red. So I forced myself down and told her to let me talk to the manager. She decided to let it go and rung it through. So I know this is a little thing but this little thing on top of 3 months of little things on top quite a few big things too is just about to topple over into making my head explode into a million little very meany meatballs ready to hunt down and destroy everything and everyone in my path - no wonder people are going nuts. Sigh - OK I feel better, time to take a Holy Basil and chill.

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georgysmom2

If you need to vent, Rita, can you imagine the check out lady? You are just one in a sea of hundreds she sees in a day. All with the same problem. It's called frustration. She has to do what she's told to do. Just saying. :-)))))

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morz8

I'm glad you're feeling better. Sometimes it helps to just get it all out there ;0)

I have liquid soap pumps at 5 sinks. I had one that was the foaming type and I prefer Method hand soap - and probably not for any real reason, it just happens to be one that I buy. The one foaming type was part of a gift basket, a lemon-something scent which I like, but I've moved that one to the laundry room. It's a Bath and Body Works product if you should ever run into trouble at Walmart again.

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amylou321

I order my foaming handsoap from bath and body works. As many as I want,and trust me its a LOT.

She is probably venting about you to someone as well. Everyone is venting about everyone else right now.

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Fun2BHere

Better to vent here and stay safe...so vent away.

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Rusty

I agree with georgysmom. Plus, she probably needs that job a lot more than you need 3 dispensers. Frustrating, but true.

Rusty

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Hot Rod

Go to the self checkout. They're not monitoring anything like that.

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maifleur03

The foaming one that I had worked when you diluted regular soap using between 1/4 to 1/3rd soap and the rest water. The soap that are in them is just the regular stuff very diluted sometimes with an extra foaming lubricant.

I have not seen it since it was test marketed about 2 years ago in this area but Dawn dish washing soap was being sold in this area for those who only wanted to wash a couple of things but did not want to do a full sink of water. Those that like the foaming stuff should watch for it if it is not already in your area.

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ritaweeda

I actually agree with all of you, I do realize everyone is frustrated, stressed out and like I said, no wonder people are losing it. But when she said that about everyone saying they have a valid reason (and she said it very nastily) it just went through me and I really wasn't trying to hoard. If I was I would have never mentioned it up front to her - I would have sneakily tried to do it. And yes self checkout is better but I had a prepaid Visa gift card that I had to buy and didn't want to go through the hassle that it may have caused. When I mistakenly bought one too many cans of tuna at Publix awhile back (I honestly didn't see a sign) the bag boy said something to the cashier, she looked at my cart and said it was obvious that I wasn't trying to hoard, she told me that they are allowed to use their discretion on that. I even told her that I would return one to the shelf and she nicely let it go. I wish they carried the foaming kind. Even Sam's doesn't have it.

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Mystical Manns

You can get foaming hand soap at Sam's if that helps. In a three-pack. I did, about two weeks ago.

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sushipup1

I'm sorry you went thru this, but you did see the sign and you did read it. Yeah, you think you had a good reason, but that's called "privilege". Should you be more privileged to those extra bottles as the people who came behind you and found none on the shelf?

If I had a roll of toilet paper for every time I saw one of those signs on any number of products, and just took one, I'd have a closet full of Charmin.

We're all in this together, Be kind.

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beesneeds

Threads like these make me feel bad for the service person. Sure, there's a sign, and of course the customer chose to ignore that- and then insists on getting what they want at the register. It's not a need, it's a want. The customer isn't always right.

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Lucille

So I know this is a little thing but this little thing on top of 3 months of little things on top quite a few big things too is just about to topple over into making my head explode into a million little very meany meatballs ready to hunt down and destroy everything and everyone in my path

Rita. Have a little weeda.

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Sammy

I think you have your needs confused with your wants. You didn't need foaming hand soap, let alone four of them. You needed soap, and you needed only one unit of it, which, luckily, you found! Do you honestly believe, in your heart of hearts, that you are entitled to special treatment during this horrible time?

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Elizabeth

I also dilute regular liquid hand soap 3:1 and it works perfectly in my foaming dispensers. It's easier to just have a big bottle of it in my closet.

It is a frustrating time to be a shopper. Hard on all of us.

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Elmer J Fudd

I agree it's partially a want vs need matter.

In making our temporary abode a bit more permanent because of the circumstances, we found ourselves without liquid handsoap. None was available to buy anywhere some months back. So we bought bar soap (more available) and cheap soap dishes for them to rest in.

Turns out my wife likes the bar soap better and it's more gentle on the hands than her favorite liquid brand was. Me, I was indifferent, I just want to wash my hands effectively. (Though I do slightly prefer bar soap).

Flexibility AND honesty will never let you down.


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eld6161

Elmer, Sometimes the best things are found when we are not looking.

Rita, I’m sorry but I can’t see your logic. Yes, so frustrating. But... if the sign say one per, then it’s one per.

Like Amy, I also order foam hand soap from Bath and Body. Basically for DH. For years,I’m have had my favorites. Now they are disconnected. Hopefully DH will not mind these new scents.

I also have a jug of Softsoap that I can pour into ceramic dispensers. It lasts so much longer than the foam stuff. But, DH asks for hardly anything.

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morz8

My poor laundry room sink. It's the closest to the garage (garage that can be something of a distancing gathering place with the doors open) and I've been trying to make sure it has anything anyone might want, out and available. So, instead of a simple soap and towel, now its a pump soap, a bar soap in dish, a roll of paper towels, hand lotion, hand sanitizer, and disinfecting wipes. A spray bottle of rubbing alcohol. A box of rubber gloves and unused disposable masks in individual ziplocks. Come on over, I'm ready for you....0)

At least I'm putting my laundry products back in the cabinet promptly, or I'd never have counter to fold clothes.

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joanmn

You can use regular liquid soap in a foaming dispenser, you have to water it down about 5 to one.

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ci_lantro

she probably needs that job a lot more than you need 3 dispensers.


As well as spending 8 hours a day manning the trenches & being potential victim to whatever infectious unmasked something that walks in the door. While some of the rest of us can minimize our exposure w/ a quick in and out shopping expedition.


I was actually stupid enough to say to the old bag


The 'old bag'--an elderly female clerk possibly working to supplement her social security check, perhaps? Sexist, ageist much? Sorry, but this sounds like a two year old tossing a tantrum because Mom said you can have only one cookie; you can't have three cookies.


Rules are for everyone else, as they say.


Hopefully, surely, when you cool off, you will be able to glimpse how the other person felt about the encounter.

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ritaweeda

Well - most of the posts seem to be obviously inferring that I was hoarding and so also thought the cashier. So my thoughts on being upfront and honest to the cashier in the first place was the wrong thinking I guess. I will from now on just try to sneak what I want thru the self checkout like all the other "hoarders" do. BTW, I also bought a package of TP and I still had some at home - glad I didn't blurt that nugget out to her. Thanks to all the nice ones who posted about diluting the regular hand soap though. If I had known about that I wouldn't have had to stoop so low this morning to tell the truth.

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hallngarden

Yes, it is a stressful time. We had an incident in a store just about time pandemic started. We shop at Belk, there were 6 of us standing there to be checked out. All of a sudden a gentleman appeared, yelling at the clerk, saying he could get no help in shoe department. She smiled and said , sir, I don’t work in that department, but I will go over and help you as soon as I check out these customers. He continued to rant to sales lady. You could have heard a pin drop as quiet as customers stood. I stood there and listened until he would not stop ranting. I am all of 5 feet tall, 108 pounds on a good day, plus 80 years old. The sales lady was an older lady and I heard last remark from him that I spoke up. I looked at him with a smile and said, sir, you owe this lady an apology. He started walking off , not before he gave me that look, of hope you fall off the earth. He then turned around and said mam, you spoke to me as my Mother would have talked to me. I apologize to all of you . He walked over and shook the clerks hand and said he was sorry. I realized later it was risky that I spoke up, but I was not going to listen to one more word yelled at another human being. I would not want to imagine the life of a clerk in today’s times. Just be kind,even if steam is coming out of the top of your head.

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woodrose

Sorry, but I can't feel sorry for, or agree with anyone who thinks they're more special than others, and who would call anyone an "old bag".



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Annie Deighnaugh

Well, if the cashier didn't know, then next time, don't ask, don't tell.

But I think it behooves us in these times to go with flexibility. Also, when we shop, we try to plan a few weeks ahead as it may take us that long to find the product we are looking for. For example, we haven't found our brand of peanut butter for 3 weeks now...it took me 2 weeks to find any dry yeast, and a week to find dark brown sugar.

We have been unable to find liquid hand soap ... we get it in the large container and refill our dispensers ... for a month now. But I have seen the small dispensers in the stores on occasion so we can switch to them when and if necessary.

Make do with what you've got, don't sweat the small stuff and be flexible and chill. Handsoap isn't worth the stress and ill feelings you're feeling plus what those created for the beleaguered cashier who I'm sure is facing many challenges of her own.

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Jasdip

I missed the 'old bag' comment when I first read it. That is uncalled for. I wonder what she called you?

I use bar soap, (the shower one when it gets too small) but keep a liquid soap pump there as well for others.

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OutsidePlaying

I get it, but it is want vs need as someone said. A few weeks ago I was just happy to find a couple of small bottles of ANY liquid hand soap after looking for weeks for large bottles of refill soap, small bottles of my preferred type or anything close. Nothing was ever available and I was going to use a bar of soap too until I finally found these and was thankful.

It was like the TP hoarders at first. You know the ones who had multiple large packages in their carts. Or the guy I ran into at the grocery store who the staff knew by name because he came in every day to buy a package. Yep, that is all he bought.

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socks

At this time we need to be as kind and respectful to others as possible. You got very upset Rita, it's understandable because none of us is totally happy at the moment. Hey, try diluting regular liquid hand soap. I didn't know that, and it's thrifty too. Carry on, dear Rita.

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Michele

Rita, I think I pick up that you know already everything everybody said, and probably basically agree.

It’s not about the stupid soap, it’s just the frustration! The constant tension of this time in our lives.

I have my moments.

Venting is good sometimes. Just let it out in a safe way and place. (Here is good). Then something nice for yourself. Music, or a movie, a nice long soak, a hobby...

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ritaweeda

Hey Michele, thanks for being pretty much the only one that gets it. You say that venting here is good, but be careful, you might wind up being tossed into the snake pit too for saying that you get it. I just love how so many here find it's perfectly OK to vent about their pet issues and say unkind things to and about others either here or elsewhere but are very quick to pile onto someone else who rubs them the wrong way. Talk about school-yard behavior! That's OK, there have been times where I joined in with the blood-fest here, too. Something akin to Karma maybe??? And BTW, just to toot my own horn a little here since there won't be any from anyone else - when the panic first set in and there was NO TP anywhere, I was offered a package from an employee in the back (I guess they were quietly trying to dole it out to the neediest ones) and I looked at it and I said "you know, it's very tempting to go ahead and take it but since I still have some at home I'm going to pass it by for someone who needs it more desperately than I do". So my point is, I wasn't trying to hoard today. There were PLENTY of these soap dispensers in the regular hand soap and PLENTY of large refill bottles of it. I just needed the dispensers.

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joyfulguy

Hi Rita,

Are you the only/main user?

Do you have a location where you usually hang out, e.g. kitchen?

Is there a spot in the house that you usually pass when going from your main hangout spots when heading for either of the bathrooms?

How about locating your one dispenser there and picking it up en route to whichever bathroom?

Do you have a family member/friend who shops? Maybe they'd get an extra for you, next trip.

Or you can get one step closer to your goal on your next trip.

l'm fortunate to have my retirement pensions appear in my bank, so not lacking a pay cheque. Have lived alone for many years and on a farm for the last 15, so not exceedingly unnerved by the current issue, visit with son from time to time, no grandkids. Talk to friendly landlord from time to time as he comes and goes doing farm work.

This "not a big worrier" guy is happy that you're likely feeling much better, following the rant, and suggests that we shrug our shoulders, smile a bit and advise ourselves to not sweat the small stuff.

I'm thankful that the front line folks put themselves at risk, usually daily, to keep us fed and cared for ... and many of them are able to-do it with a smile ... and many appreciate our thanking them for that service ... even though they and I know that, as essential workers, they're more or less stuck with it.

(And was it a slip of my finger, or the amending robot that had that word near the end of the previous sentence as "mire"?)

Hope you're having a great day today - and good wishes for a happy one tomorrow

The other day in a store while near the line of folks standing on lines of isolation en route to checkout I said, "Do you know one if the advantages of us old folks wearing a mask? Folks can't see the wrinkles!". It caused some smiles, a bit of laughter and a lighter mood. So I used it again yesterday in a convenience store where I was doing a lot of photocopying of income slips, charitable receipts, etc. for my income tax.

Good news: some over $600.00 owing, part of it covered by pension withholding and climate amelioration benefit - so cheque needed for under $150.00.

Much of the reason being substantial gifts to charities: thankful that a few of them send a duplicate receipt, so I don't need to photocopy.

ole joyfuelled (much of the time)

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pudgeder

Rita, I totally understand your frustration. We've all been cooped up for so long!!


I don't see it as "hoarding" -- I see it as a limited supply, hence the restrictions.


Vent away!!

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Angela Id

So, you tried to break the rules.... Threw a temper tantrum when confronted. Harassed an already overworked, stressed out, HUMAN BEING who is just trying to put one foot in front of the other and get through this the best that they can (like ALL of us)!

Aren't you a special little snowflake? Your family must be so proud!

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Lucille

Give her a break Angela.

I actually agree with all of you

I know you do Rita. I've gotten overloaded at times too. I know no one here believes it but I've had bad thoughts sometimes. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe make the cashier a nice hand made card.

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sleeperblues

Sometimes people put things in writing that tell the world who they are.

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ritaweeda

As I said before, I pretty much agree with all of you too (with the immediate above exception). I did not harass that clerk in any way. I told her I'd like to talk to the Manager and I didn't say it in a mean way at all. I didn't throw a temper tantrum, either, I felt like it but I was completely in control. But go ahead, indulge in your little blood-festing pile-on, I can take it. Joyful, you reminded me about a couple of weeks ago when I had been standing in line at the deli counter. All the staff and customers are stressed to the max including me. So when the clerk filled my order I said to him "I just want to say that you people doing this are very much appreciated you know". Know what he said?? "Well obviously if I wasn't doing this I wouldn't be getting a paycheck." Real nasty. So - I'm not the only one in this crazy world that is ready to explode.

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Michael

We've been using Lava, intentionally. We stashed the foaming soap and decided to use up the 4 bars I had stored with camp supplies. I like the way it cleans my hands, and the pumice creates a good friction.

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ritaweeda

Michael, it's been so long since we've used any kind of bar soap, I remember Lava soap from years ago - didn't even realize it was still around but then I haven't bothered to look, either.

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Olychick

I understand the frustration of not getting what you want. I understand wanting to vent that you're frustrated about not getting what you want. What I don't understand is that you think you should have more than the limit, leaving those behind you none. That by bullying the clerk, asking for a manager who you think will override the sign and the clerk, you'll get your "more than your share." And even given the opportunity here to reflect on your mistaken idea that YOU are entitled to more than others, you bite back as if you are some kind of victim because you were denied (initially) what you think you are entitled to and people are pointing that out to you.

Posting examples of other times you were nice doesn't negate this. This wasn't nice, not to the clerk or to others shopping for the soap behind you. There is no other way to look at it.

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maifleur03

Every time someone asks to speak to the manager the idea of being fired automatically flashes through a person's mind. Time to sleep on it today and think about what was done to the clerk. Tomorrow ask if it was something that you would have liked to have done to yourself.

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georgysmom2

Rita, I get it. I know the frustration and I hardly think 3 bottles of hand soap is hoarding. I, too, like the foaming Walmart hand soap Heck, under normal circumstances I buy several bottles of every color they have when I go shopping. I say color because I buy based on my bathroom colors not on the scent. It's because of such buying habits that I'm in luck. I haven't had to buy hand soap for the last three months. LOL I just wanted you to see the situation from the other perspective so maybe you would feel less like needing to rant. I can't buy my favorite canned tomatoes on line to make my marinara sauce. I can buy them at Harris Teeter and they were on sale this week making them only 10 cents more a can then the everyday price at Walmart, so I bought 4 cans. I hope that doesn't make me a hoarder.

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kadefol

Our stores still limit some items and are still out of others. It IS frustrating to not be able to go back to shopping "normally", but I suspect this is the way it'll be for a long while. Especially if the dreaded second wave appears in autumn. If it does, hopefully the stores will implement additional purchase limits much sooner so we don't face major shortages and empty shelves again.

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marylmi

A couple of years ago I bought a foaming soap dispenser that had instructions to make your own, as mentioned above. Since I always have plenty of dish soap, and liquid hand soap, I love it!

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rob333 (zone 7a)

Couldn't find the hand soap version of what I wanted, but a body wash. Filled multiple hand soap containers with it. Works great.

https://nymag.com/strategist/article/can-you-use-dish-soap-to-wash-your-hands.html


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woodrose

ritaweeda, If the sign says you're allowed only one it's because they have a limited supply and they're trying to be fair to everyone. Why would you think that their rule should be broken just for you ? Please try to understand that this older working woman probably had a right to be irritated by your your attitude as you were by hers.

We're all frustrated by this situation right now. Empty shelves, limited supplies, and not being able to find products we need or want, even when ordering online. I'm sure when all of the states are allowed to open up fully and people go back to work, things will get better. Right now, we all need to do the best we can, even if we have to make do, or do without.

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bfox254

I understand your frustration and most of us have probably felt stressed and pushed to the limit at times these last few months. The store clerk was just following the rules, meant to ensure there is enough product for everyone. I hope after some reflection you realize you were not entitled to purchase three. You put the store clerk in a difficult spot and she was probably just trying to avoid escalating the situation by giving in to your demand.

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carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b

Since you got what you came for, is there really anything to be angry about - or are you just angry at yourself for blurting?

FWIW, Method makes foaming hand soap and Target carries it.

I refilled my empty Method foam dispensers with diluted liquid castile soap and it works fine. I like it better too, because it doesn't leave too much scent on your hands.

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amylou321

Rita, I do not think you were hoarding.

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sephia_wa

Asking for the store manager is intimidating. The "old bag" clerk probably gave in to you to avoid a potential confrontation. I don't think you're hoarding but expecting that the posted rules don't apply to you is flaunting privilege and expecting special treatment. Your reasons don't matter. If it was posted how many were allowed, that's how many are allowed. You tried to bully the clerk. Over soap. SMH.

There are a whole lot of comments posted here trying to convey to you the inappropriateness of how you acted. Continuing to defend and justify your actions without considering how you may have affected the clerk is further bullying.

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maddielee

“ Not! I was actually stupid enough to say to the old bag before she even started ringing it up,”

Old Bag? You lost me there.

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Jasdip

Georgysmom, don't feel bad about buying 4 cans of your tomatoes. If there's no sign posted, you can buy a reasonable quantity.

We have signs posted limiting purchases of specific items; frozen fruit being a biggie for me. I can never find frozen strawberries, until recently at Costco.

I had no trouble buying 4 pkg of my favourite sausages as they were on sale this week.

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Martha Scott

Rules are rules. And I understand why there are rules. But you could have taken the time to come back 2 other times and bought a bottle each time and everyone would have been okay because you would have gotten your 3 and they would have only sold you one . . . at a time. That's what I would have done rather than try to go through a checkout line with more than I should.

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Iris S (SC, Zone 7b)

If there is a sign limit 1, I take one. Even if I would have reason to take two (as in sending a pack to my daughter) . Her paper aisles are still worse than ours. And they are bad. The newest shortage around here is gift wrap of all things. There was wedding and new baby one at Walmart. None at all at Publix. Hubby was fine with me wrapping his presents in a tablecloth. I do have Christmas one :)

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Judy Good

Maddielee …...Rita referred to the cashier as an "old bag".


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colleenoz

Rita, it’s not a ”blood fest” so much as people pointing out, in a kind way for the most part, how you could have avoided the whole situation and the raising of your blood pressure unnecessarily. That you feel you are being attacked would indicate that you are still in “me” mode and still wound up.

You didn’t “need” three dispensers, you wanted three dispensers. Needing soap, you could have chosen to make do with another product and replaced your dispensers one at a time on separate shopping trips.

Thinking of the cashier as an “old bag” is unkind and unworthy of you.

The cashier’s reply that everyone has a valid reason is probably true, and she’s not paid to decide whose reason is more valid than another’s- perhaps if she had allowed everyone before you with a valid reason to take multiple items, there wouldn’t have been even one for you to purchase. She can’t tell just by looking at you that you are an honest person-while you admitted to having more than the limit, you might have been lying about your reason- successful con artists are very honest looking and believable.

Threatening to bring in the manager which may have lost the cashier her job and her income worked for you, but was an unworthy move.

Here at the shops the tills are prevented from ringing up more than the limit of restricted items so this wouldn’t have been an issue. I needed to purchase for work 12 boxes of cornstarch for a class experiment (I work in a school). The limit was 2 boxes. I had to make trips over several days to the two groceries that stocked it to get enough. It was a PITA but ragging out the cashier for something out of her control would not have helped either my obtaining enough cornstarch or my feeling good about the way in which I had conducted myself.

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maddielee

“ Maddielee …...Rita referred to the cashier as an "old bag".”

...and that is ok?

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Lucille

It is not OK at all. It is OK to get frustrated.


blood-festing pile-on

Rita, the way this works is you need to meet us half way. You've already said you agree with most of us, but calling people old bags and referring to our posts as blood-fests shows that you haven't done your half. Take a big breath and admit your wrongs. Continuing to escalate, without making reparations, isn't going to help anyone. Even if there was a magic wand, and a horse drawn carriage could appear at your house with an entire case of foaming hand soap, for the universe to be back in its proper place you need to get to half way.

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drewsmaga

Your experience at trying to buy soap is an introduction into SOCIALISM! Wake up, people!

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lisa_fla

There is no bloodiest here, just different opinions than yours Our Walmart has had a limit of 1 on many items and I haven’t seen liquid soap or bar soap there since this started. I feel bad for the cashier. People in line behind might have seen that and in turn wanted three as well. There is a limit of one so many can get one. If everyone got 3, then only 1/3 of people looking for the soap would have found it. She wasn’t being an ‘old bag’ and she didn’t make the rule. Why are you still so mad when you were able to get what you wanted even though there was a limit of 1?? I have 3 bathrooms, a kitchen, and a laundry room sink. I wouldn’t dream of buying 5. We all have to work with the situation and be flexible. In a pinch, I would use a dish soap at the sinks.

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functionthenlook

Rita, I use the hand soap refills from the dollar tree in my foaming dispensers. I guess since it cheap it is already watered down and works well.

I guess the consumer laws varies state to state, but in my state if there is a limit posted , it is really per purchase. So you can buy the limit, leave the store and reenter and buy again as many times as you need. Even if it is marked # per customer. You might want to check out your states consumer laws.

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Elmer J Fudd

"Your experience at trying to buy soap is an introduction into SOCIALISM! Wake up, people!"

YES! OF COURSE! YOU"RE SO INSIGHTFUL!!!!

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ravencajun Zone 8b TX

Here at many of the stores the items that have limits are programed into the registers and it will absolutely not accept any more purchases for that item over the allotted amount. Especially the self checkout lanes.

From the very beginning here I have seen liquid soap and bar soap available in the store. Luckily we had just bought about a month before a double pack of the big refill bottles of Soft soap, which is still in the pantry. My individual liquid containers were all filled, my containers hold a lot of soap!

I fully understand the need for limits. They realized too late what was happening and they are now trying to keep it fairly accessible. I follow the limits signs. The only thing that I have still not been able to get is lysol spray and wipes. But I can manage with alternatives.

I think this altered state of living we are all trying to live in is about to get to a lot of people. I think it is contributing to the unrest we are seeing in some areas. It is a build up of frustration. Sometimes it erupts. 💥

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desertsteph

I think a lot of the comments here were uncalled for. I'd have asked and if told no dropped it. I have taken a multiple of things to the check out if the signs weren't clear and asked and went w/ whatever the clerk said.

I've often added water to my liquid soap bottle when I was running low to stretch it until I got to the store. now I usually keep about a qtr of a bottle like that under my sink for the time I go to use the one on the counter and find it is empty.

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matthias_lang

drewsmaga

Your experience at trying to buy soap is an introduction into SOCIALISM! Wake up, people!

Ya could have fooled me. I sure thought that was capitalist Walmart trying to keep as many customers as possible happy.

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Texas_Gem

There are a lot of "tools" we carry in our bag to deal with uncomfortable feelings/situations/people, etc.

One of the most underused (in my personal opinion) is reframing our thoughts and this is....I feel, a perfect example.


Action: limit on soap

Thought: I'm not hoarding!! I just need some for each sink and I can't get my normal stuff!! For crying out loud...WHY can't I get 3 bottles of soap?!?!?!?

Reaction: "Listen, I have a perfectly reasonable request, I NEED 3 bottles, I'm not hoarding. Let me speak to your manager."


This is an example of a less than healthy thought pattern. It is TOTALLY understandable AND valid!! It just doesn't really make the situation any better for any parties involved.

But...if we were able to recognize and reframe our thoughts...it might play out something more like this.


Action: limit on soap


Thought: Man, this is really frustrating STILL not being able to find my normal stuff. It sure seems like everyone is having to adjust which is WHY I can't get my normal. Ugh...

Reaction: "*eye roll* really?!? They STILL don't have the foaming soap??? Oh well, guess I better look up how to make it myself and in the meantime, I'll get my "one" allotted bottle!! May tell hubby to stop by the store on his way home to pick up another bottle. ;)"


End result??: Both ways you still end up with the soap you wanted. In the first scenario, you are frustrated, aggravated and irritated to the point of needing to vent, the store clerk is also subjected to and has to deal with the repercussions of this frustration.

In the second scenario, you feel the same initial annoyance and then you get over it. You get the end result you want, you don't have all the additional frustration, aggravation, irritation AND you don't make someone else's day worse.


Rita- you weren't wrong in your feelings, and you weren't wrong to come here to vent. It IS frustrating, for all of us.


I think, for YOUR sake, if you could reframe those thoughts, you wouldn't have to deal with quite as much aggravation as you did with this soap fiasco.

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colleenoz

"Your experience at trying to buy soap is an introduction into SOCIALISM! Wake up, people!"

Funny, I would have thought that being forced to be considerate of others and share equally was more of an introduction into CHRISTIANITY! My bad!

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Olychick

Colleen: :-)

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ci_lantro

Amazon has multiple choices of liquid hand soap--pump, refills, liquid, foaming as well as empty, fill your own dispensers, pump & foaming. No need to go thru the frustration of multiple trips to the store, futile searches, limits.


As far as refilling either the pump or foam dispensers--when the anti-microbial soaps overtook the market and science said using anti-microbial soap routinely wasn't a good idea--I started resorting to filling my dispensers with whatever 'soap' I could find to include body wash, bubble bath, shampoo that I didn't like, etc. Most of which I bought at rummage sales. Body wash from those cheap gift sets that no one likes as well as some boutique types. Cheap, as in 25-50 cents for a full bottle. Because it was hard to find a hand soap that was not anti-microbial. For my one foaming dispenser, I dilute about 1 part liquid soap with 4 parts of distilled water. Bonus is that I found even the cheap products are not nearly so harsh on my hands as the Soft Soap that I used to buy.

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arcy_gw

Luckily for you those bottles are easy to transport from sink to sink and your sinks are close enough you could choose to use the one where the soap sits. OH AND it isn't THEY ONLY soap in the world--there are other's you COULD substitute. What a first world issue and no sorry it did not equal the scene you made.

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ritaweeda

Well I haven't exactly done a formal count, but it seems that the overall reactions here prove that I was very much in the wrong. I want to thank so many of you for revealing to me my mistaken belief that honesty is the best policy, from now on I will sneak around and do whatever it takes to get what I want or need. In fact, I think now I'll go back today and get yet another 20-roll pack of TP and I won't feel guilty about not mentioning it to the clerk at all about being in there just yesterday and getting some. I'd get another soap dispenser too but after buying 3 yesterday and finding out what a horrible person I am I now feel that I've hoarded enough already.

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ci_lantro

re 'socialism'. I get where Drewsmaga was going and that, I think, is the rationing that we all read about re Soviet Russia. The long lines, limits & futility of trying to obtain everyday items like meat, bread, shoes during the Soviet era. Also, like the rationing that occurred during WWII--butter, fuel, tires, shoes--ration cards. Gasoline rationing in the 70's and occasionally since during times of hurricane disasters...

Rationing is socialist in the sense of trying to make sure that everyone can get a share but the root causes differ. From socialism being a root cause to diversion of industry & materials for the war effort to temporary disruptions/ increased demand of supply.

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Elizabeth

ritaweeda, you are not a horrible person. Just a frustrated shopper like the rest of us. Needing soap and toilet paper is completely normal.

I shopped at Walmart recently and nearly had a tiff with the cashier. I had a package of TP and one of toilet paper. She took the TP away and told me very sternly that I could have one, there was a sign. I told her if it was one I would rather have the TP and put the paper towels back. She said no, it was the same thing. I asked her again to switch them then and she finally read the label and figured out that it was one of each thing. She looked embarrassed. I made a joke of the packaging looking similar.

( Thankfully they have paper products in P/U now and I don't have to go in the store. )

We all have these difficult shopping experiences.

It will get better. Every day we are one day closer to the end of this.



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colleenoz

Seriously Ritaweeda, reread your last post. I would urge you to remove it, as it really doesn't show you in a good light. That is more the reaction I would expect from a spoiled toddler than a grown woman and it is _very_ unworthy of you.

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rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7

Rita, I am late to this thread. I must admit that I had to re-read your original post a couple of times before I could believe what I was reading. Your thought process is disturbing to me, though I know I must be sheltered, somehow, from people with similar mindsets.

I live in a small city of nearly 200,000 within the city limits, close to twice that within the county. I've yet to meet a single person who expressed such feelings of entitlement, nor have I ever come across a rude grocery employee, even during these stressful times.



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eld6161

Rita, I think you did get commiseration. It is why we all vent. That said, when we post here, you will get many different opinions and insights, not all positive. And, sometimes not what you expect.

I find that that I have changed my mind about an issue I posted quite a few times when just about everyone did not agree with my thought process. If SO many people are thinking the same, then I know it’s at least something to consider.


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1929Spanish-GW

Rita - times are frustrating for everyone. I have been out of work for a year and the primary income in our household. My last interview was March 12th, the day before California locked down.

I have also broken the buying rules at the store. But when I have, it was because I also shop for my 79 year old mother. And I explain and ask before selecting the additional items.

Our country is in turmoil right now based largely on privilege and how rules are applied to citizens differently based on a random set of criteria.

I think people are applying that filter to your vent.

I believe you are expressing your frustrations about how these times have changed your life. That is venting.

Disparaging others is attacking. We all do it at times. Personally I substitute zillions of curse words when I cross the line. Then I chill a bit and recognize the difference.

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ci_lantro

I want to thank so many of you for revealing to me my mistaken belief that honesty is the best policy,

Not what it is about at all. It's about the expectation that you should be The Exception to the Rule.

To expand--Aldi has a limit of 4 cans of tuna and, hypothetically, Aldi is the only store in town that has tuna in stock after weeks of being without. But we eat a lot of tuna. During normal times, I buy 10-12 cans of tuna. About a two week supply if we get on a tuna jag. So, applying your rules, it should be OK for me to ask & expect the cashier to accede to my request to buy twelve cans (3X the limit) of tuna because I have a Great Need for tuna, right? Then, if the cashier denies my noble request, I should ask to talk to the manager?


No, that isn't what I do or would do. I buy the allotted four cans of tuna and make do.


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jupidupi

I first discovered Gardenweb a few years ago when we were renovating our kitchen. The more I used it, the more I couldn't believe the picky minutia that people thought was such a Big Deal! I called it the "first world problems" website.

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CEFreeman_GW DC/MD Burbs 7b/8a

Wowwww.....

That must have been such a last straw for you.
I admit, I don't have to worry about a family, but soap?

I"m glad you got what you needed and can think about something else.
I'm not being snotty here. I hope you don't take it that way. I mean it in utmost sympathy for just a whole lot of stuff going on.

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Zalco/bring back Sophie!

You are confusing honesty with prosocial behavior.


Prosocial behavior, or intent to benefit others,[1] is a social behavior that "benefit[s] other people or society as a whole",[2]"such as helping, sharing, donating, co-operating, and volunteering".[3] Obeying the rules and conforming to socially accepted behaviors (such as stopping at a "Stop" sign or paying for groceries) are also regarded as prosocial behaviors.[4] These actions may be motivated by empathy and by concern about the welfare and rights of others,[5] as well as for egoistic or practical concerns, such as one's social status or reputation, hope for direct or indirect reciprocity, or adherence to one's perceived system of fairness.[1]

-Wikipedia


Your wish to buy your preferred form of soap is not helping others and your truth telling is not helping others.

You believe that by telling people why you wish to break the rules you are acting appropriately. In this case appropriate behavior is adhering to the rules in order to avoid shortages. Telling people you wish to flout the rules is not commendable , it's a sign of entitlement. We only get points for truth telling when the act costs us something and benefits someone else. Simply being honest about your desire to break rules put in place to serve the community is not a virtue.


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CEFreeman_GW DC/MD Burbs 7b/8a

Well...

I was thinking, "Karen," but Rita's not/never been like that here.

I've been away for a while, and I guess things happen!

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sephia_wa

Very well said Zalco.

Store clerks don't care WHY people buy things. It doesn't matter "the why" people buy what they buy. I think Rita thinks her honesty trumps integrity, and gives her a right to more than her share. That's called entitlement, and that's what people are reacting to. Just because you tell the clerk why you want what you want doesn't equate to getting what you want when there is a rule clearly posted. Can you imagine what would happen if everyone gave some reason why they want more than their share of toilet paper when the limit is posted?

Rita, it's too bad you're continuing to defend your actions and behavior rather than reconsider the situation. Enough people have pointed this out to you.

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eld6161

Off topic: welcome back CF. Did you complete your kitchen. Start a new thread so we can see it.

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sushipup1

The "Karen" (and my apologies to all the real Karens I know who would never do this) meme includes calling the manager or police. Here's a discussion on the meme that is very good. (podcast)

https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/otm/segments/who-karen-and-why-does-she-keep-calling-police-black-men-on-the-media

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CEFreeman_GW DC/MD Burbs 7b/8a

Thanks ,eld6161.

I have not, but am far closer. The problem is I have opportunities to hire help sometimes, which switches gear. Plus, I changed my mind (again) about what I want in my kitchen.


I have bricked the side and front of my house, (that can be seen from the road) built 4 pergolas for shade, put down an 800 SF flagstone courtyard (that I need to set properly), am rebuilding my mudroom cabinets, put in 32 casement windows (Craig's List and reuse centers!) Geeze. What else? Oh! Finished the drywall in bedroom where I sleep, and actually painted! All it needs is trim. I currently have a crap-ton of, well, crap in my LR, where I emptied my den. This week the drywall was finished and primed. I'm GOING TO PAINT. I promise. and put things back neatly.


I'm running out of excuses for my construction materials hoarding.

I'll put something up. It's nice that there are so many old faces!

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Bevthebrit

I use Ajax dish liquid lol!! works in my soap dispenser.

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Hot Rod

I certainly hope you're not calling me a hoarder because I said to use the self checkouts, which in the stores I shop at, aren't programmed to kick out the over-limit stuff.

I'm not a hoarder, but I do plan ahead for all household inventories. I have three homes and have to stay on top of supplies so I keep a spreadsheet of what's on hand. We keep two of everything in each house. Two soaps per sink, two body washes per bathtub, two club-size packs of paper towels, facial tissue, and toilet paper per home, two jugs of laundry detergent and two boxes of dryer sheets per washer/dryer, etc. The day we open one of the two "in reserve" items, it goes on our shopping list. That way we are never caught short and we weren't in dire straits over needing toilet paper when all the weirdos were hoarding it.

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CEFreeman_GW DC/MD Burbs 7b/8a

Anyone who stocks up is a hoarder of some kind. Rotating it and planning ahead is good hoarding. Hoarding isn't necessarily the show we all fear.


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Lucille

all the weirdos were hoarding

For some of us, farmers, religious based, etc that believe in having a year's worth of food and supplies, and have done this for many years/decades, it is not new, and it is natural to us and seems like a good idea..

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rockypointdog

I had almost the same thing happen to me. I have 15 wash sinks (between 2 houses). I usually use liquid soap but Walmart was out of it. They only had the foaming wash. The sign said limit one, but I took 15. I went through the self checkout, but the attendant caught me anyway. I explained that I am not hoarding them. I am going to use all 15. She nicely let me have them. I was so relieved, because I found out that the store ran out of the foaming stuff right after I left.

Everybody knows socialists have dirty hands. Thankfully mine are clean as a whistle.

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Hot Rod

Lucille, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the people who were going to the stores and buying 50 packs of toilet paper and fighting over it.

Supplies on hand does not always equal a hoard.

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ritaweeda

OH NO! Rocky - you're in for it now!!! 15??? 15??? Oh, the humanity!!! Frankly the more this goes on the more I realize how many are releasing their frustration after these 3 long months, I wonder when they'll finally smoke their cigarette and fall asleep??

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Lucille

OH NO! Rocky - you're in for it now!!! 15?

Rita, Rocky is making a point. He doesn't really have 15 wash sinks.

how many are releasing their frustration

Perhaps it might be better to avoid descriptives like 'old bag', but frustration is certainly understandable.

I wonder when they'll finally smoke their cigarette and fall asleep??

I pray for them, and for you too, that you put out the cigarette first. There is too much death around us as it is.

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Elmer J Fudd

"For some of us, farmers, religious based, etc that believe in having a year's worth of food and supplies, and have done this for many years/decades, it is not new, and it is natural to us and seems like a good idea.."

You've mischaracterized what's going on and by whom. Hot Rod beat me to it.

You have a year's worth of food and supplies. Not a common practice but fine. Suddenly there's a change to the normal civil order and some products are expected to be hard to get. You have your year's supply on hand, why do you now need to buy 5 one gallon jugs of bleach and 50 packages of toilet paper (Hot Rod's number). You shouldn't need to buy more than your normal weekly or monthly consumption if you want to not dip into your stock. Your needs are the same as anyone else's.

That's what fear-driven hoarding is about, it has nothing to do with people who have more than a normal supply on hand and is more about what someone thinks is their special situation (without regard to the detriment of others). Being a hoarder in normal times is not an entitlement to buy more than others can when there are shortages

Stores limit purchases of certain items to be fair to all customers. People having trouble dealing with the changed circumstances will have hissy fits about it, they want what they want, screw anyone else. Others will deal with what they need to deal with in a fair way, it's not that hard to grasp.

Next?



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sleeperblues

Rita, you clearly don't understand, do you? You don't understand that rockypointdog was mocking you, and you don't understand what a fool you look like. You are the epitome of entitlement. Person after person has denounced your activities at the store, and your subsequent posts defending your actions and continuing to act like an entitled middle aged woman who doesn't give a rat's patootie about anyone or anything but her own self interests. You should be so ashamed, but sadly and not so surprisingly, you are not and you continue to post and act stupidly. I pity you, I really do.

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Olychick

I'm assuming rockypointdog is being facetious.

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Suzieque

>> I want to thank so many of you for revealing to me my mistaken belief that honesty is the best policy, from now on I will sneak around and do whatever it takes to get what I want or need.

Oh, Rita - come on. Now you're just being silly. Your situation has zero to do with being honest. It has to do with you thinking that, because you have 3 sinks, you shouldn't have to adhere to the rules. Puleeze. I do believe that honesty is the best policy. But the rules were posted and you violated them. NOTHING to do with you being honest with the "old bag".

You're sounding petulant and like you're coming unglued. You're certainly not sounding like a mature, humble woman.

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carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b

This conversation has reminded me of the fact that there was a time when our nation came together in solidarity and sacrificed many things like sugar and butter and meat for the war effort. People used rationing coupons, collected scrap metal and rationed gasoline too, and very few complained, but felt patriotic doing so.


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Elmer J Fudd

" I'm assuming rockypointdog is being facetious "

Maybe but not necessarily. In a family-size house, there could be 2 or more bathrooms with double sinks. Say two. Two sinks in the kitchen. Add another bathroom, a laundry room, you're at 8 sinks. More bathrooms, it's more than 8.

For a double sink layout, does each need its own soap dispenser? No. Same in the kitchen. Regardless, a shortage situation is a shortage situation and no one should think they're entitled to purchase more than anyone else.

We should thank the stores for limiting quantities, not hassle them. I worked in retail jobs in high school and part time in college. Some customers think you're their personal servant, available at their call for whatever they want. Sorry, no. When a polite person asked me to look for something, I'd rearrange the warehouse if necessary to find it. If someone acted like a jerk and asked in a rude way, I'd walk away, hang around in the back for a few minutes, and come back reporting we were all out. Whether we were or not, I'd never even look. It's what the honey vs a stick parable is all about.

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Elizabeth


I think everyone has beaten up enough on Rita. Could we end this thread please?


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carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b

No beating up from me - I believe it's important to understand that during this time everybody is dealing with stress, anxiety and grief in their own way. Sometimes it comes out in tears, and sometimes it comes out in anger. Almost everybody is traumatized right now - some more than others.

Kindness is important now more than ever.

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functionthenlook

Rita, go ahead and vent away. The soap was just your breaking point for a useless destructive past couple of months. It is ridiculous that anybody is having trouble buying basic product to begin with. There was no problem with you asking to see the manager. You don't know unless you ask. Just ignore the nasty comments. The gleefully doomsday, martyrs , and dutiful people are just angry.

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nicole___

Elmer....Why aren't YOU on an intellectual forum, instead of discussing soap? This is so beneath you. Honey and flies.....my dear....wink

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Elizabeth

Elmer, your posts can be hard to locate as you do not have a recognizable avatar. It is just a circle of emptiness.

ETA: I think your recent comment here ( Just above Nicole's ) was removed ?

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Elmer J Fudd

nicole, I find I've offered a malaprop/mixed metaphoresque phrase that's incorrect, though one I've heard many times. The correct parable is honey versus vinegar. If you wrongly combine that with carrot and stick, you get honey versus stick.

I'm not sure that having the skills of common sense and clear thinking require any form of advanced thinking ability or intellectualism. Though the absence of both is a clear sign of something else we all have many words for.

elizabeth, yes, it does appear so.

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wantoretire_did

I blew up yesterday at Price Chopper, where I have shopped for years. Parked outside the back door in handicapped area. Went to leave via the same door and they informed me that it was the entrance only, as of yesterday!! I had to walk up to the other end Of the store and exit, then walk all the way down to my car. I allowed my potty moth to take over for the very first time in public, twice. I guess this is all getting to me as well.

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Suzieque

wantoretire, that's the way it is at the vast majority of stores here, and it makes sense to me. However, I didn't stop to think about the handicapped and I'm sorry for that.

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Elizabeth

So...there is convenient parking for handicapped shoppers but a very lengthy exit? Not very well thought out on their part.

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Lucille

as of yesterday!!

I'm wondering if some stores are making temporary changes in entrance/exit policies due to the possibilities of destruction and looting?

Wantoretire I'm sorry you had to do all that walking.

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functionthenlook

They re just boarding up the business here in the prone protest areas and leaving them boarded up till this is all over. Most of the stores are taking away the specific enter/exits, traffic patterns, arrows, and sanitizing carts.

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