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seagrass_gw

I have no appetite

DH has been getting groceries for us. I'm in the realm of compromised immune systems and haven't left the house in about 4 weeks. There is nothing in the world I want to eat. And he doesn't buy the things I ask him to shop for because he doesn't have the grocery store gene. Will this ever end???


Comments (36)

  • foodonastump
    4 years ago

    If you haven’t been out in a month then you might not be fully aware of what the availability looks like. Might be more to it than genetics? I see a lot of men on FaceTime calls, showing their wives the shelves and cases and letting them choose best alternatives. Is this an option for you?

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  • cloudy_christine
    4 years ago

    Is it possible to have the store deliver what you want? Or pick it up yourself with no contact? It may take a few days and the store may not have everything you order, but some of your choices will likely be there. We do contactless pickup at Giant and Walmart. When you pick up the prepaid order someone puts it in the trunk of the car.

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  • Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
    4 years ago

    Maybe ask a friend to get groceries for you instead of your husband and use the camera at the very least for ideas.

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  • foodonastump
    4 years ago

    And don’t let him bogart it - share that appetite!

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  • User
    4 years ago

    Going to the grocery isn't very pleasant right now, give him a break. Order what you want and have him pick it up.

    seagrass_gw Cape Cod thanked User
  • chas045
    4 years ago

    " I'm in the realm of compromised immune systems...."

    Me too; although my issue is over active immune response, so I take cellcept and prednisone to lower it towards normal, but that probably weakens response to certain things and covid could certainly be one of them. Even worse, my problem is severe lung disease via that auto-immune response so I would almost certainly not survive infection, nor would DW who has severe COPD, so we would both perish.

    HOWEVER, my point is the opposite of what you might expect. I still shop although as seldom as possible. I wear a mask to protect me and others. I put on a long lab coat (any light long coat might do) and shoes that I keep outside on the porch so that I don't need to change other clothes upon returning. I carry a plastic zip lock bag of counter disinfectant wipes and always have one in hand when I touch ANYTHING in the store. I leave mail from the mailbox on the porch or my car for a couple days to get toasty before bringing inside but if one of my wipes is still wet and handy, I might just wipe some mail down immediately.

    The above are fairly aggressive precautions that are not that hard to perform. Even though we are in a rural area, almost everyone is wearing a mask and keep their distance. I suppose if others weren't as responsible, even more caution would be needed.

    I certainly hope your husband is taking precautions as he shops, otherwise you may as well go anyway. While it would be interesting to see what DH would bring home while buzzed, it certainly wouldn't be worth the relaxed health cautions.

    seagrass_gw Cape Cod thanked chas045
  • 2ManyDiversions
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    I feel for you, seagrass. I went through the same pre covid-19 and a bit during, though much of my appetite has improved. I'll be going through my next round of chemo soon, so I expect the same low-no appetite. DH doesn't have the grocery gene either, but in the past he's done his best and I'm grateful.

    Check to see if you've got curbside. It's a pain, not knowing what is available, the time it takes to order online, but works well for me. I drive myself or DH picks it up, mask, sanitizer, and so forth.

    If curbside isn't available, perhaps try a new tactic, like a tiny list with only the things you are hungry for, then another list for another trip. Men who do not shop or recognize foods do better when simplified and prioritized.

    Yes, many things are not available, which makes shopping hard, especially for a man who doesn't. Sometimes I don't want to eat, even if I was hungry prior. It happens. I'm sure you have, but it won't hurt to repeat, sure to stress the importance mask, distancing, and sanitizer. And I agree with the others, using a simplified list and requesting photos if he's in doubt.

    ETA: And what chas045 said, really good safety advice there. Yeah, the 'new normal' is exhausting, difficult, but it's also important to keep your spirits up, so laughing off the missteps, the hardships, helps. Try finding something that makes you happy, calm. It may help your appetite on occasion. I wish you the best.

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  • sheilajoyce_gw
    4 years ago

    Because of health reasons, I have not been in a grocery store till this past week, and so my DH also has done the shopping. I was surprised at the limited choices we have. He has come home with strange looking over-sized off brand packages of things, and now I see the stores often are selling large packages of whatever. But I could not get him to buy chicken thighs and breasts because he said the packages were too large. Over and over I told him that is how they sell them and I just repackage them and freeze them. And then he doubles up on some things--we eat a jar of peanut butter every 10 months. He came home with 2. I needed a roll of waxed paper--I have 4 now. I wanted some dried fruit, I have a few pounds now. Thank goodness it will save.

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  • plllog
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    I've been doing pretty well ordering this and that from different places. It takes time alone in the computer that I wouldn't miss if i were out among the people. That does presuppose that you have the stores to begin with. I know some of you live where there isn't much to choose from, and Amazon has been overwhelmed. [I deleted a whole paragraph on sending men to the market. I love them, and it didn't really add to the discussion, but I want you to know that I'm with you on that regard. :)]

    ETA--When we first got the stay at home order, I had no appetite and no patience for making meals. Then I started cooking to use up stuff that was supposed to have fed more people, and to use up what I might have let linger and toss, to be thrifty and responsible. Then I had to start provisioning the house when it became obvious that ordering groceries was the new norm. I got a new kind of flour which demanded to be baked. I got a customizable CSA to deliver more interesting vegetables than are easy to order from the store, and I had to get creative to use the bounty. The challenges woke up my appetite and desire to cook and bake.

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  • amylou321
    4 years ago

    I will add my voice to the order it and have him pick it up choir. If I were unable to do our grocery shopping,that is what i would do. SO hates grocery shopping and is not good at it either. He would never be patient enough to deal with the newest inconveniences and annoyances that come with grocery shopping now. It doesnt help that he doesnt care about food and would live off of mountain dew and pringles if I didnt care to feed him.

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  • sleevendog (5a NY 6aNYC NL CA)
    4 years ago

    I've not been in a store of any kind since the third week of February. DH I think was the 9th of March. 'One' no contact pick-up three weeks ago and one this morning. Order ahead, call from the parking lot, then they load your trunk. No trunk?...they leave it by your car and ask you wait in your car until they are back inside...load your own back seat.

    Not compromised, just old-ish. 59 and 64. I'm careful extreme and rather proud of it. Not taking any chances. My community is proud of that. NewYorkers are proud of doing our part.

    Ordering on-line is the best way to be safe. Curb-side, no contact.

    No appetite is common. I've made sure we have many choices. Juggling/dancing the meal choices so we have whatever we feel the mood for. Not easy.

    Before COVID, 'BC', and 10-12 yrs, we shopped together a few times. I had to give some lessons. He has to do most of the shopping as my work hours were long and unpredictable. My shopping list is an organized print-out and very handy. (I'm shopping on-line now so it has become rather easy)

    We only have one meal together, a nice sit-down dinner, that becomes next day dinner as well...at least part of it., the sides. Proteins are prepared fresh.

    Breakfast and lunch are not prepared, more or less healthy snacking. YOYO.

    This is not going to end soon. Be calm, stay safe.

    So sorry it is frustrating but we have to do what is required to get through this.



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  • carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
    4 years ago

    So sorry! Anxiety and depression are so common now - and with good reason - and it affects appetites for many people. Hubby and went through that a couple of weeks ago and are now getting back to eating more. I lost almost 10 pounds in 2 weeks, but my weight seem to be creeping back up now.

    Was this an issue before this plague showed up?

    I agree you should look into ordering things yourself and letting your husband pick them up - or even having them delivered. So many stores are providing those services now. It's a real convenience. I've been doing it for weeks now and it's been working out pretty well. Some stores have Instacart, others have their own services.

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  • Elizabeth
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    I too have the lack of appetite and the lack of interest in cooking. Probably because that is all life consists of now. DH isn't bothered by it. I struggle to come up with interesting menus. Whatever pops into my mind is kind of...Meh. Lately I just cook something I know he likes. Mostly he likes steak on the grill. :-)

    I am grateful for grocery pick-up. DH would be on an alien planet in the grocery store. If the need should arise, I could place the order and the pickup time. I am sure he could pull into the pick-up area and remember his own name.

    I am starting a new crochet project. I am bored with all this food business.

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  • seagrass_gw Cape Cod
    Original Author
    4 years ago

    Thank you for commiserating with me. Hubs doesn't know the difference between a lot of grocery things and I really can't vent to him because he's the road warrior. We live remotely without conveinces like pick up and delivery. I do believe depression is feeding my lack of appetite.

  • John Liu
    4 years ago

    I would send him in with a smartphone, Facetime (or similar videocall) running, and wearing earphones. You draw a map telling him where in the store to go, he holds the phone to show the shelves, you tell him “that one, not that one, get closer”.


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  • seagrass_gw Cape Cod
    Original Author
    4 years ago

    John Liu - that would never work. He's a mathematician and double engineer. Always thinks outside of the box. Creative, yes. Follows the consensus, never. He can't even find a condiment in our refrigerator when I'm next to him pointing at it.

  • annie1992
    4 years ago

    Seagrass, I'm sorry you are having these issues, and I think John has a good idea about the videocall, if you aren't so remote that cell phones don't work, that's a problem here.

    Fortunately, Elery likes to grocery shop and me, well, not so much. I'm not so much bored as I am frustrated. My Mother is so picky that she will eat about 8 or 9 foods but nothing else and she certainly will not try anything new. If Mother likes it, Elery won't eat it. What Elery likes, no one else will eat, including me about half the time. What I like has no bearing on anything because neither Mother nor Elery would eat it. (sigh) So, I'm just tired of trying to cook as it always involves two separate meals, sometimes three, but it doesn't seem to affect my weight at all, unfortunately.

    Between the pandemic and your not getting to see your Mom, no wonder you are feeling blue, I would be too. I'm sending good thoughts and hugs to you, I hope you feel better soon.

    Annie

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  • seagrass_gw Cape Cod
    Original Author
    4 years ago

    Annie - you are a sweetheart, My husband is under a lot of stress getting his race track dates cancelled and his boat slip out about two months from normal. These things aren't important to me but are to him so he's very grumpy and we're both not happy. I just sleep a lot and ignore him.

  • wintercat_gw
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    2Many and Chas - do you protect your eyes? The mask covers only mouth and nose and protects others more than it protects you. The virus can get in through the eyes as well, but for some reason this seems to be ignored, including by the authorities. My immune system is OK, but I'm sort of obsessed about the eyes. Up until two weeks ago I didn't set foot in a supermarket. Then it occurred to me I can use goggles, so I put on my gardening goggles that I use for spraying. People stare but I don't care. I'd rather be stared at than sick or worried I might be. Ordinary spectacles aren't enough in my opinion. What do you do?

    ETA: In a perfect world where everybody without exception wears masks there'd be protection, but this kind of protection is based on other's goodwill, and it's simply not happening, at least not where I am. What's the point wearing a mask when your eyes are exposed? I don't do long overgarment, and even gloves aren't that essential to me. But as far as I'm concerned if my eyes aren't protected, the mask is a farce.

  • sleevendog (5a NY 6aNYC NL CA)
    4 years ago

    This is not an eye problem. It is a respiratory issue. Yes, it can cause conjunctivitis, pink eye, and irritation for a couple weeks, but it does not crawl into your blood stream through your eyes. Or into your lungs through your eyes.

    Only about 1% of all admitted to hospital have eye issues as well. Yet perfectly reasonable to wear eye protection.

    Viral 'load' is the issue. Taking in large amounts from the air or close contact with someone that is a carrier. A large amount that your natural defenses cannot handle, into your lungs. A small amount, your natural defenses, your own immune system, can often battle a small amount before it takes hold.


  • wintercat_gw
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    Virus transmission is via mucus membranes, and the eyes are such membranes. The virus can travel from your eyes to your entire body, including your respiratory organs. I'm not talking about eye problems but about viral infection.


  • sleevendog (5a NY 6aNYC NL CA)
    4 years ago

    Masks and social distancing are key to suppressing the spread, slowing it down to relieve the hospital load. But obviously not 100%. Best to avoid any outside contact.

    Link, HERE

  • 2ManyDiversions
    4 years ago

    Wintercat, that is considerate of you. I have both chronic corneal erosion and bouts of iritis, so am protective of my eyes. However, I can't see squat with my garden goggles! I have protective eye wear, but large sunglasses afford the same "protection" as those, which is what I wear. I don't get out of my car, and leave my window rolled up. Still, I wear my mask in case of some unforseen event. I've never been afraid to stand out in a crowd, or speak up, so I'd not have a problem wearing anything or telling people to stay away. 6 feet isn't enough for me to feel safe.

    Seagrass, I realize not everyone is an outdoor person, but even sitting outside a little each day for some natural sunshine/vitamin D might help you feel better. Sleep is important, but perhaps finding an interest, reading, puzzles, hobbies, outdoor activity, anything to use your mind and body as you are able might help more than sleep avoidance. However, I'm not a doctor.

  • chas045
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    wintercat: I wear glasses and consider them to be partial protection, but you are right that goggles would be much better. Perhaps your comment above re. mucous membranes came from THIS link. One should note that the link indicates that mucous membrane transmission is likely fairly low but that is the reason we are worried about touching our faces. At least the glasses keep me from touching my face. I think the mask goes a long way and certainly shouldn't be thought of as a farce.

    BTW: the very small particles from speech, coughs etc. that remain suspended in air that you might be worried would float into your eyes from all angles have mostly been shown to float past rather than onto large slow moving objects such as humans.

  • sleevendog (5a NY 6aNYC NL CA)
    4 years ago

    I personally have a full face respirator and would not hesitate to wear it if I need to go somewhere. It goes on the passenger seat when DH picks up no-contact curbside. As well as the usual mouth/nose masks. He had an 'oh' moment when I said that anything can happen like a fender bender where communication and contact might happen.

    Even though COVID-19 is considered a non-ocular virus, we see so much information that does not add up. Not enough known. It is just considered extremely rare.


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  • graywings123
    4 years ago

    Not making light of your issue, Seagrass, but I wish my appetite would wane just a bit. My neighborhood group texts when someone is going to the store asking if anyone needs anything. Yesterday my need was Breyers caramel gelato.

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  • sarahsocal
    4 years ago

    Staying motivated for anything right now is nearly impossible. Add in working from home more than full time and I am exhausted!! This week has been rough.

    That said, my issue is more like Graywings123 - I have found myself snacking constantly and gained several.

    I guess it shows that this situation is kind to no one. . .

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  • krystalmoon2009
    4 years ago

    I have no appetite much myself but I think I am cooked out and not much motivation. I have been doing okay keeping snacking to a minimum.

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  • plllog
    4 years ago

    All my new cooking challenges have really helped me to be interested--I actually had my period of the blahs months ago--but it's very hot out, which affects me even though it's pleasant in the house, and I'm short of sleep, and I just don't want to do it.....but I have dough that needs baking and meat that needs cooking, and while there's plenty of food to scrounge in the fridge, there won't be later if I don't do the cooking/prepping. Slave to success am I. :)

  • wintercat_gw
    4 years ago

    Seagrass, you can write down the last four digits of the barcode number of the product you want. There's no need for the entire barcode. The last four digits are enough. This way your DH will simply have to match two sets of figures.

    You can copy the barcode from products you're running out of before chucking the package/container. If you've already chucked them. or it you want something else for which you have no barcode, here's a link to a barcode lookout site:

    https://www.barcodelookup.com/




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  • l pinkmountain
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    My appetite died for a while due to the stress. Since I am about 20 lbs. overweight, it wasn't an issue. It returned and now I am just struggling to maintain the 5 lbs. I lost!

    RE the lack of choices and selection: this is happening at our house too. My husband has the stronger immune system so he goes out. We also sterilize the groceries before putting away. Doesn't hurt and we've got it down to a system. But hubs just doesn't have the concern or care that I do when it comes to finding things in the grocery or even paying attention to what I say! Also the choices are erratic and limited as to brands and variations. For example, I like Kraft mayo due to it being lower in salt, but hubs came home with Hellman's because that was all they had. No biggie, both are good. No fire roasted tomatoes, but lots of regular diced toms. No canellini beans but great northern, etc. I can't get my hypo-allergenic toilet paper and hubs doesn't see what the big deal is. And on it goes.

    Last week I told him specifically to look in the BAKERY section where they sell the artisnal breads, to see if they had a sourdough loaf. I told him that even under the best of circumstances, they rarely had the sourdough loaves, but selection is so erratic nowdays I just asked him to check. I also said that it was a treat for my Dad, we didn't need any bread so if they didn't have it, don't sweat it. Just check, I said. So what does he do, he buys a loaf of Pepperidge Farm "Farmhouse" bread marked sourdough from the bread aisle. We already had one loaf of that in the freezer, which he had bought by mistake a couple of weeks previously which I had told him then was not what I wanted. I also told him NOT to buy any other type of bread as the freezer was already full of it. So there you go. We surely will use up that bread at some point in time. Luckily I love french toast and bread pudding, both of which I could make with the bread hubs bought. Unfortunately, neither of those good for my figure!

    Shopping is VERY STRESSFUL and hubs wants to get in and out as quickly as possible, so I am trying not to sweat the smaller details with him. It's not the end of the world, we have enough food, which makes us pretty darn lucky in this world. I'm thankful my husband is willing to go out and do battle with the food supply chain! I've been rediscovering the joy of cooking as I finagle ways to use up what we have and not waste it. On my end, it's demoralizing as Annie says, when I get nothing but complaints from hubs and particularly my super picky Dad. Neither of them like vegetarian food or anything with a lot of chopped up vegetables, like soups or casseroles. But I get it, there are so many frustrations, everyone's nerves are on end.

    I honestly am not stressed about much of this, I have loads of things to do at home. My big stressor is how I am going to find a job in the midst of this. I had planned a six month sabbatical, but not a two year one! My second stressor is the stress levels of my Dad and husband, and how they are projecting their frustrations on me. My elderly father is very depressed and because I am the only one helping him during this time, I have become the source of all his misery. He is non stop negative and grumpy to me whenever I go over there. Nothing I do is right.

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  • seagrass_gw Cape Cod
    Original Author
    4 years ago

    Pink - I've observed in my personal experience that people who are dependent on someone are not happy to be in that place so you're the outlet for their frustrations. Interdependecy in a marriage is also a tricky dance during rough times. My marriage is 42 years old this year. Hasn't always been a smooth ride.

  • l pinkmountain
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    Yeah, we're all OK. I get the frustrations. I'm just happy my husband does the shopping. It was just an observation. I just go with the flow. My Dad not so much, but that's the way he is. I'm happily growing yeast for sourdough now, Dad just grumbled that it sounded like a lot of work. He has zero hobbies, won't even try one.

  • seagrass_gw Cape Cod
    Original Author
    4 years ago
    last modified: 4 years ago

    So sorry he's so unhappy. My mom is 88, living in her home, still drives and is well but this quarantine is getting to her mentally and I'm a 2-day drive away from her. I call her everyday. She has lots of people to help her with things. I was supposed to be there with her for 3 weeks last month but didn't want to risk the plane flight or our health. I send her random things - monthly a lb. of coffee she loves from our local roaster, books, chocolates, Stonewall Kitchen products, a roll of stamps...just to keep her joy up. I miss her and worry about her.

  • Islay Corbel
    4 years ago

    I'm sorry you are feeling so out of sorts. Unfortunately, i always have an appetite.

    When my mum used to lose hers, I used to try and tempt her with things she loved but wouldn't cook for herself like a really good soufflé or a delicate piece of fish like a sole meunière. Is there anything that could tempt your tastebuds?