Husband dies suddenly at the age 42
My husband of almost 14 years passed away on Jan 31. He was 42 and I'm 36. His funeral was yesterday and I've had so many people offer support and offer condolences but I want to find people who know what it feel likes. Knows this black pit I've fallen into. Nobody I know has lost a spouse suddenly and at an early age. We have three children 5, 11 and 16. He was the love of my life. My soul mate. My best friend. I don't even know how to exist without him. We were always together. After all these years of marriage, we still got butterflies when he was on his way home. We text each other like teenagers all day long. He had a business trip last week for four days and it was hard to be apart for that long. We both cried when he left. Maybe it wasn't a healthy attachment but we didn't care. We were in love with each other. He was a WONDERFUL father. One of those rare Michael Landon types that was always there for his children and they adore him and miss him. My five year old daughter keeps asking "Why?" and I have no answer for her. Not one that really helps her understand. I don't understand myself.
Now I feel hollow without him. I keep thinking I'll wake up from this nightmare and he will be right there beside me like he has been all these years. I have to be strong for my children but deep in my heart I'd give anything to go to him right now. I only had 14 years with him. It wasn't enough time. I go to sleep hoping he will be in my dreams. I have no appetite and when I do eat it goes straight through me. I understand now why the elderly die when their long-time spouse goes. The pain is too great. The emptiness is too heavy. I miss my husband. God I miss him so much.