Husband dies suddenly at the age 42

cheshirecat73

My husband of almost 14 years passed away on Jan 31. He was 42 and I'm 36. His funeral was yesterday and I've had so many people offer support and offer condolences but I want to find people who know what it feel likes. Knows this black pit I've fallen into. Nobody I know has lost a spouse suddenly and at an early age. We have three children 5, 11 and 16. He was the love of my life. My soul mate. My best friend. I don't even know how to exist without him. We were always together. After all these years of marriage, we still got butterflies when he was on his way home. We text each other like teenagers all day long. He had a business trip last week for four days and it was hard to be apart for that long. We both cried when he left. Maybe it wasn't a healthy attachment but we didn't care. We were in love with each other. He was a WONDERFUL father. One of those rare Michael Landon types that was always there for his children and they adore him and miss him. My five year old daughter keeps asking "Why?" and I have no answer for her. Not one that really helps her understand. I don't understand myself.

Now I feel hollow without him. I keep thinking I'll wake up from this nightmare and he will be right there beside me like he has been all these years. I have to be strong for my children but deep in my heart I'd give anything to go to him right now. I only had 14 years with him. It wasn't enough time. I go to sleep hoping he will be in my dreams. I have no appetite and when I do eat it goes straight through me. I understand now why the elderly die when their long-time spouse goes. The pain is too great. The emptiness is too heavy. I miss my husband. God I miss him so much.

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sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry.

I think loss & grief are like physical assault:
people keep telling you it'll heal, but you have to wonder if they can even see the terrible wounds.

I don't think anyone who's lost a loved one is ever the same as she was before the loss, but that searing, ripping pain does dull.

Don't worry about eating, get outside & move your body;
get some oxygen to your bloodstream.

Your children's dad isn't there;
they need their mother functioning on all burners, & you know your husband would want you to get better for them as well as for yourself.

Take care of yourself, & keep posting.

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Ninapearl

i am so very sorry for your loss. i know exactly what you are going through.

i see where you posted on thunder's thread about her losing her husband. i'm glad you saw that thread. i also posted there so i won't repeat what i said.

the only difference now is that i did go back to my doctor and we are trying a different anti-depressant. it is helping, taking the edge off. i wish i had done this sooner. it's something you might give some thought to. i know, believe me, that at this point you don't think a little pill can help but it might be worth a try.

except for the fact that i did not have to deal with young children at the time of gary's death, everything else you express are feelings i went through and to some extent, still do after just over 2 years.

all i can tell you is that, believe it or not, time is what you need. your loss is so fresh, you are very likely still in a state of shock. next will come denial, some anger. they tell me that eventually i will get to the point of acceptance but i don't see that happening. i will never accept the fact that the love of my life is gone forever but i am learning to live with it.

perhaps dreams of your husband will come to you some day. don't rush it, your mind just isn't ready yet. when it is, it will happen.

when the shock wears off, you will find strength you never knew you had. just remember this...death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

God bless.

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peytonroad

I am just so so sorry, this is very tragic. Good luck to you and yours.

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mariend

I am sorry for your loss. Some suggestions --find some grief counseling and/or support groups for you and the children. There are many available. Check with the YMCA, local churches, the paper will list them, the medical staff at your hospital/clinic and even the funeral homes have help. If you feel uncomfortable in one, try another. Start a journal/ do you have pictures of trips? encourage your children to talk about what you did? Later this spring/summer, take some short trips, can even be short tours specializing for families. They may even have some for mothers and children. One day at a time and you will make it. Learn to ask for help if you need it.

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ronf_gw

Cheshirecat,
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm usually over at the Kitchen Table but came here to look at another post when I saw yours. I understand a little of where you're coming from. I lost my wife of 16 years when she was 42. At the time our daughter was 15 and the boys were 12, 10, 8 and 3. The first six months after Mary's death are just a blur. I wish I could give you some profound words of wisdom. But, I don't have any. If possible, surround yourself with frinds and family. Like mariend suggests, ask for help when you need it. That was my biggest mistake: being to stubborn to ask for help even when it was offered. Being a guy I just wanted to tough it out. Big mistake.
You are in my prayers.

Ron

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socks

I wish you could wake up from this nightmare. I am so sorry for your loss and anguish. Heartfelt condolences.

Susan

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millburn_nj_po_mom

Here is site that will give you more support.

Sheryl

Here is a link that might be useful: Young Widow & Widowers Site

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songman

I am so sorry to here about your loss. Your words were the reason I joined the forum. You were the first person that described what I feel. My wife was 47 and I miss her so much.

I hope you find peace

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bstajii

I am soooo sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through, I Iost my husband very very suddenly, I too have three kids, 14, 11, 10, boy, girl girl. Brian, my husband, was 51. He was the best father, husband, son, uncle, coach, friend. I too miss him so very very much. I want him to come home from work as usual and I'll have dinner ready for him. I enjoyed cooking for him. I can't seem to enjoy it as I used to. It will be seven months. Brian died in January four days before his birthday. I am not looking forward to x-mas this year. Alls I can say is thank-you GOD for giving me three beautiful, intelligent, athletic children by the most wonderful man I know. Brian taught me so much about life, I learned so much from him. I will forever love him and he will be in my heart forever more. The kids keep me going..my grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves, some little some huge. As a friend told me who lost her daughter, I will be making "tear soup" for a very long time. My broth will be the tears (salty-less salty), seasoned with my own unique recipe. One thing that keeps me strong is that I KNOW Brian is with us, our family, we have had many visits. I keep going cause I know what Brian would want and what he would do. Bless you and your family.

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nnmfam

I can certainly relate. The one thing the funereal director told me and is true I can actually function a bit better it has been about 3 months for me and I do have some more ablity mentaly then i did even a week ago.
I know this path is so hard for both you and the kids
MY prayers are with you .

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