RE: my husband died

15 years ago

Thank you all for you kind words, caring advice, and sincere prayers. The funeral was yesterday, and I believe your prayers, and countless others, are what enabled me to face that ordeal.

I have been surrounded by family and friends.

I am a nurse and have done hospice care, end of life planning, and grief counseling. So I have the head knowledge needed, I just have to put it into practice. While Lewis was sick, I would have to "turn the wife off, and turn the nurse on" if you understand what I mean.

So many have written that they have had similar experiences. May I ask a question? How old are/were you when your husband died? And how many years had you been married?

Lewis had just turned 50 in July, I am 42. We celebrated our 7th anniversary in the hospital last week. He surprised me with a necklace, flowers, and a card. Had his sister shop for him. He was thoughtful to the end.

Lewis was a Christian, so I have the assurance that he is in a much better place.

Again, thank you for all you have done, and I covet your continuing prayers.

With sincere love to all.

Anette

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Comments (24)

bonnie_il
15 years ago
Annette,
I am really sorry about your loss. Prayers and hugs for you~
ivamae
15 years ago
It is so hard to go through. Mine passed away, suddenly, in the Doctors waiting room with me by his side. We did all we could to save him, but it wasn't meant to be.

All the best, as you practice what you have been training others to do.

ivamae
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margad
15 years ago
I was 79 when my husband died. We had been married 51 years. I am so glad you have family and friends to help you.
bigack
15 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss, Annette. Keep remembering the good times you had together.
monica_pa Grieves
15 years ago
My husband was 61 when he died, in 2002. He battled prostate cancer for almost 2 years. For the last 6 months, took care of him alone, with the help of a morning aide and weekly hospice nurse calls. And I daily thank you, the KT members here, for helping me retain my sanity and composure during his last 4 months, as he weakened.

We were married just short of 36 years.
donna_oh
15 years ago
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Louie, lung cancer at age 52--we'd just celebrated our 6th anniv--I took a leave from work to care for him & family & friends also helped--Hospice came right at the end for 2 days & thank God for them & their meds-

Donna (^_^)
country_bumpkin_al
15 years ago
I just lost my husband on June 21,2008. He'd just turned 59 on April 29th. I will be 58 on Oct.26th and we would have been married 40yrs. Oct.26.(I married him on my 18th birthday). He was diagnosed with LC Aug.23,2007. He went through surgery,Chemo & Radiation and was told in Dec. there were "no signs of active cancer". That Saturday, he was bound and determined he was going to Church the next day. He decided to get a shower that night (instead of the Sunday morning), and had a heart attack just as he'd finished his shower.

My husband was also a Christian and I know that I know that I know, Where he is! While that is a comfort..it doesn't do much for the loneliness. Matter of fact, I think the reality of everything is just now "hitting" me.

My Prayers will be with you as you travel this journey!!
wanda_va
15 years ago
Anette, you will find immense strength and comfort from the wonderful people at the Kitchen Table. Our hearts go out to you in this difficult time. You might also want to check out the Grieving forum here at GardenWeb.

I lost my first DH in a car accident when our son was 2 months old. We had only been married for 1-1/2 years. I didn't remarry until my son was grown, because he was my world. I lost my son 2 years ago (also in a car accident). I have survived only because of my faith....
gramzeeinmd
15 years ago
Oh My Annette,
My heart bleeds for your loss. Both you and Lewis are/were so young. I know what you must be going throught thou. My Dad passed away 31 years ago at the age of 41 from a massive heart attack and my Mom was only 38; they were married for almost 22 years. My Mom did very well for herself, she worked at one time 6 days a week to keep the house but she did suffer inside herself until her last day of her life missing my Dad. You will do fine and just think how proud Lewis will be when he knows you are doing well. I am going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless You.
Deb
jannie
15 years ago
My inlaws had the most loving marriage I ever saw. He constantly told her I love you, thanked her for every meal she cooked, they kissed a lot. he died in 1990, she died in 2005, 15 years to the day after him, Januarey 25. Amazing coincidence. The thing I remember is, he had terminal liver cancer, but he found the strength to get to a jewelry store and buy her a strand of pearls as his last gift. He wrote her a beautiful card, saying this last gift was for Christmas, her birthday in the coming February and their anniversary the next June. As I said, he died Jan 25, before any of those next three occasions. She felt loved to the end in 2005. I am certain they have been together ever since.
dotmom
15 years ago
Annette, I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray you find peace and comfort soon. Love, in friendship, Dottie. One of your many KT friends.
buzzard
15 years ago
Annette, again, I am so sorry for your loss.

My husband died in May '07, here in the home we had almost finished making over. It was to be our forever house. I finished it, but it is not the same without him here to enjoy it with me.

I'm so happy you have family and friends to support you. Lean on them when you need to.

You are in my prayers.
caflowerluver
15 years ago
Again I would like to extend my condolences to you and everyone else who has posted the lost of their DH. I can't imagine the future without mine. We will be married 32 years in Sept. After so many years together, he has become such an integral part of my life.
Clare
joyfulguy
15 years ago
Annette,

You've lost, as you said in your profile, your best friend.

That really hurts ... as I said to someone once, you feel as though someone cut your leg off.

As you say, you had two persons during your recent months - as wife ... and as nurse.

I pray that peace from God be in your heart through these hours and days.

ole joyful
sandy_in_ia
15 years ago
Annette, my deepest most sincere condolences to you. Please know that there are many shoulders here at the KT. I will hold you in thoughts and prayers.
imjustme_gw
15 years ago
Annette, I'm a lurker most of the time also. But I wanted to come out in the open to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. ((((((Annette)))))
Pieonear
15 years ago
Annette, I am so very sorry.

Mammie
okwriter
15 years ago
Annette,
I didn't post to your original thread but wanted to let you know that I am so sorry for your loss. You will be reunited again someday---of that I am certain. Meantime, please know that you are in my prayers.
Rita
jampack
15 years ago
Annette, My sincere condolences.
I am also a nurse tho not actively practicing. My husband died Nov. 24, last year w/LC. He was 59 and I was 66. He was an "old soul" and I loved him. The age difference never made any difference to either of us. We were together almost 30 years. He had severe COPD w/lung capacity of 18% when we found the tumor, took 2 chemo tx and 6 weeks later succumbed. I had to put down our Rottweiler while he was in ICU, and we couldn't even cry together because he couldn't breathe if he did. I felt bereft because I also had to be the nurse, not the wife those last days. He died at home and wanted no one else to give his care. I treasure that, but it was extremely exhausting and it took me several months just to regain my own strength. My children do not live in the same state, but helped w/ phone calls and long weekends when they could. My sister came and stayed with us often at the end, for which I will be forever grateful.

I guess I am trying to say that even though I thought I would just not make it myself, I have. I miss him immeasureably. I go on with living the best I can. I have returned to church and am active in volunteering. Sometimes too busy, I think. But it makes my alone-time feel good so to speak.

Give yourself as much time as you need. You know to keep healthy and good sleep is important. Share your grief with those who cared for your dear one.

You have given so much of yourself with your work, let others give back to you too.

I didn't know what to do when I didn't have anyone to take care of. So, had to take care of myself! Please remember to do that too.
Peace to all, Jan
anettemartinrn
Original Author
15 years ago
Thank you to all who have shared their stories. Im sorry if it opened old wounds, I was not thinking straight when I asked my question.

I am grateful for the 7 years we had together. Some of you had much shorter times to share, and others much longer. I guess the pain is the same no matter how many years, huh?

I was able to sleep really well last night. And I have not been alone except in my car a couple of times. I think I am looking forward to some alone time.

Today I have to go take care of some business. My daughter is going with me.

I just accepted a new job early last week, so I will have a reason to get up and out of the house soon. God was in the timing of that also.

We had a nightly ritual of reading a chapter from the Bible and discussing it right before we went to sleep. He had never read the Bible all the way through. We were on Revelation 20 or 21. I got teary the other night because we never finished reading it. My thought upon rising this morning was-he understands everything it says now.

I think I am going to be okay.
grammahony
15 years ago
Anette, I'm so sorry for your loss. Also that I'm late in responding here, but I was away from my computer (at the cabin) since Friday morning.
My husband was 52 when he died of an asthma attack at our cabin/river, 9 years ago on the 4th of July. It was his 3rd serious one since I'd met him. We were married 6 years and 4 mo. We both knew (at least I did, and I imagine he did too) that if he ever had one like those up there he'd never make it through it. The other 2 he'd been life flighted into Omaha. Our cabin is 10 miles from town, and the rescue squad is volunteer. Not taking anything away from them, but I just knew they'd never make it in time to help him, should he have one up there. (There was no autopsy done, so it could have also been a blood clot too) The hard part was making myself go back up there to a place we both loved, and where I watched him struggle to get a breath, until he died. And on the 4th of July. It's a hard holiday to get through each year, as I'm usually up there. But I'm with family and friends, so that helps a great deal.
He wasn't my 1st husband, but he was my best husband, for the short time we were married.
(((Anette)))
Leslie
monica_pa Grieves
15 years ago
No old wounds....memories.

People who have never lost a spouse don't realize that this loss is different than any other.

It's not just the loss of someone you love, it's the loss of your future plans, which now will be rebuilt.

I'm glad you have a new job to go to...it's a first step on the path to a different tomorrow that the Lord generously set up for you.

Take that alone time. Take this first year slowly...and, one of these mornings, you'll wake up and feel like a cloud you never saw has been lifted.

Yes, you'll be fine.
Granlan_TX
15 years ago
Dear Anette,

I'm glad to hear these touching stories have helped you. My heart goes out to you and to those sharing with you/us.

Tender Hugs from Granlan
dirt_yfingernails
15 years ago
So sorry to hear of your loss. I know the best part of him will be held in your heart forever. Hugs to you and your family.

RE: my husband died

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bonnie_il

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RE: my husband died

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