my husband died

18 years ago

I am a frequent lurker and occasional poster here. I have spent the past 2 months caring for my husband. It started as a backache. Eventually, they found he had stage 4 lung cancer with multiple metastases. I was making arrangements for hospice at home, and he died about an hour before he was due to be transferred.

I dont know why I am posting this here, except I know there are many of you who can and will pray for me.

anettemartinrn

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Comments (100)

gwanny2three
18 years ago
Prayers to you and your family~~~
katlan
18 years ago
Annette, I'm mostly a lurker also. I'm sorry for the illness you had to deal with and the loss you have suffered. Come anytime to chat, cry, vent. Don't spend
too much time alone, not at first anyway. Only time will
ease the hurt. God bless your husbands soul and God watch over you.
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lldaunt, its ok to cry. We all need it. We've all done it and just when we think its some better, something else pops up and we start to tear up again. Its ok. I am a "list-maker" After G died, and I was rested somewhat, I knew I had to keep busy. I made a list of projects that needed to be done, and things I had to put aside while he was so ill. Some were kind of silly, but these things kept me going and on the right track. Like paying bills, chores, crafts, etc. Some of the things on my "list" haven't been completed yet, and maybe some will never be done. But for me, the important thing was to keep my mind and hands busy. I know that sounds terribly old-fashioned, but it got me over the initial shock and helped me to realize that I was capable to "going on". I journal every day. and my lists go there too. Why not start one about your life with your loved one? Make it as intimate as you want. If its for your eyes only, whatever you want to write. If its for your children/grandchildren to learn more about Frank, thats another slant to consider. I think that would be a very nice legacy to give to your family. Most importantly, take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat properly,& if on medications, make sure you are taking it correctly. Give your self time. You can't "heal" overnight. God Bless & Keep you Jan
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Hi baggytrews, I cannot even begin to imagine the depth of your grief. I understand your feelings though. I lost my Momma last August and the world has not been the same for me since. I feel lost and sad alot of the time now. It is getting better for me but I will tell you it is only a little at a time. The first month was horrible, I could not stop crying if I had wanted to but now.....I have my moments, about two weeks out of the month, that I am horribly depressed and sad and I cry my heart out. There really is nothing I can write/say that will make you feel any better but I do know from reading the posts here that there are other women that have walked in your shoes and have felt or are feeling your pain. Remember, love is more than a feeling and forever is more than a word. The love you share with your husband will never die. Everyday you are here you are one more day closer to "being" with him again. Bless you, may you find some measure of peace to begin enjoying the time you have left. I believe I must get up and face the day to make my Momma proud. I try to keep the following in my mind - And for my sake and in my name, live on and do all the things same Feed not on your lonliness on empty days but fill each waking hour in useful ways. This is what I believe my Momma would ask of me and I try....boy, do I try. Blessings to you and we are here if you need to "talk". Lisa
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Dear Millburn, I am so sorry for your loss; I lost my husband 2 years ago in November, we were married 37 loving years. I went back to work after 3 weeks and it was hard, I cried but my colleages understood and were very patient with me. It does get easier, a friend told me that it doesn't go away but it gets "different" and that is exactly how I would describe it. I still cry but not as often. I think about him every minute of the day but the pain is less. Every once in a while I get a sudden panic in my stomach like it has just hit me that he is gone, it only lasts seconds but it hurts. People will tell you to get counceling which I agree with 100 percent it will help, they also say to get involved in things to keep you busy. I joined a senior citizen's group (I'm 65 now) and I joined a ladies group and we have a lot of fun but it still hurts to come home and be alone. A person on this forum said "we now belong to a club we never wanted to join" and that's exactly how I feel but we have to go on because our loved ones would want us too (Wouldn't you want him to? I know I would.) Do your best, it will take time but you will feel better eventually. Look after yourself for him. Please accept this big hug ((((( ))))) from me.
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Marilyn, I didn't lose my husband but I lost my son just a bit over 5 months ago. My world has been turned upside down and I still am unable to do certain things. 46 days is not a long time, so don't beat yourself up for not being able to do anything. Just yesterday and the day before I did not want to talk to anybody and spent more time in bed than I did out of bed. Even when I wasn't in bed I didn't care to speak to anyone...including my husband. Christmas Day was hard, but the two days after were horrible. Today I am trying to pull myself together so I can work. I don't know that I can but will try and if I don't make it I will try again tomorrow. I realized after Thanksgiving that the actual holiday is hard, but the days after I get backlash. And that's harder. Just give yourself some time to grieve, you didn't say how long you'd been married but I don't think that really matters. What matters is that you lost the one you loved and he is no longer there to share things with. I have found that writing to my son and telling him things helps me some. I still cry everyday and will probably cry everyday until I am no longer on this Earth. The doctor has prescribed several different anti-anxiety meds that have all made me sick and he has now prescribed Prozac and I don't want to take it. I am waiting for the other meds to get out of my system before I give it a try. If it doesn't work I will go at this without anything if I have to. Talk to your doctor about something for the anxiety you are experiencing. I tried exercise when my son first died and it helped some but no longer helps at all. People grieve in different ways. So do what you have to do in order to find peace within yourself, but cut yourself some slack. Find a grief counseling group when you are ready. Good luck, I am thinking about you...
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sharon_fl
18 years ago
Annette,
I'm so sorry to hear you have lost your soulmate. May your heart be filled with loving memories and each time you look out your window, remember there is hope and peace in the valley that you two shared together. Sharon
mombondo
18 years ago
((Anette))

May your fond memories and happy times help
get you through this difficult time.
mcmann
18 years ago
Dear Annette,

You are so right when you say that there are many here who will pray for you. I am so sad to hear about your husband. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
kathy813
18 years ago
My prayers are with you. May you find strength from above.
deemarie5500
18 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort and peace soon.

Dee
Linda Wayman
18 years ago
Annette, you have my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved husband. I will pray for you to find peace and comfort. Please come here anytime you want to talk or need a hug. We are here for you.

Linda
lindaohnowga
18 years ago
My sincere thoughts and prayers for comfort are with you.
joyfulguy
18 years ago
Sending good thoughts for you especially, and the others who loved your husband.

And prayers for all of you.

As you said in your profile ... he has been your best friend. Along with your pain, please be thankful for the years that you had together ... quite possibly his spirit may be near, thinking of them and hoping that you are, as well - and wanting to offer an arm to help assuage the pain.

I hope that some of your loved ones can be available for you in the coming days - when step-mom had died, I spent about a week with Dad before travelling hundreds of miles back home ... but it was easy for me to get time off from my (part-time) work. Dad, in his early 80s at the time ... spent hours reading some of his favourite books.

Different strokes for different folks - people respond to such pain and loss in different ways.

I hope that you have one (or more) friends who'll be willing to have you call them at 3 a.m., when you have slept for a while, awakened, and can't get back to sleep ... such offers are really wonderful.

Thank you for coming here to share your suffering ... as several have said, they have themselves lost loved ones recently.

Many of us here are retired, and live alone, so are freer than many as to how we use our time.

Would some of you, possibly who live not too far from Arkansas, be willing to email Annette privately, giving her your phone number ... especially if you wouldn't mind being available at such lonely hours?

Do you have a good relationship with a faith counsellor? Many of them, being familiar with the situation, are sensitive, can perceive what is going on within you, and offer just what you need at a given time.

Do your offspring have such support, as well?

May God's grace meet your need ... and fill your heart, at this troubling, gut-wrenching time.

((((((((annette and family))))))))

ole joyful
caflowerluver
18 years ago
Annette. - I am so sorry for your the loss of your husband. You have my most sincere condolences.
Clare
OklaMoni
18 years ago
Annette, I hope and wish you can get through the next few days ok. Telling you things will look up, is just not good enough I think.

Please, realize, most all of us are shocked by your news, and wish you nothing but the BEST.

My condolences.

Moni
janemarie5
18 years ago
I am so sorry for our loss... you will be in my thoughts.
luckygardnr
18 years ago
Anette, I'm so sorry! My heart goes out to you and your family. Just know we are thinking about you and send you hugs. Come talk to us anytime you need to. We're here for you.

Laurel
Lindsey_CA
18 years ago
My deepest sympathies on your loss. You'll be in my prayers.
donna37
18 years ago
So sorry for your great loss.
aprilflower
18 years ago
(((Annette)))

I have no words, only healing thoughts and prayers of comfort.

april
springer_mom
18 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family.
molly109
18 years ago
Annette - I am fairly new, so you wouldn't remember me.

But, I can relate to your terrible pain and sadness.

I am a widow, and I am so sorry that you are having to
deal with this. Please take care of yourself - it is
very important now, that you stay as physically strong
as possible. Let time help you make some decisions.

I wish I had some magic words to help, but I don't. But,
I can pray for comfort for you - and I will.

Hugs.
buzzard
18 years ago
Annette, I am so very sorry for your loss. My DH died a year and a half ago. I do know how you are feeling.

(((((Annette)))))
yborgal
18 years ago
Annette, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll say some prayers for you and your DH.

My uncle was just diagnosed yesterday with the same lung disease, stage 4 with metastases. I expect we'll be facing the same battles you dealt with.
donnakt_gw
18 years ago
I am so sorry, you have my thoughts and prayers.
I am like Gillian, I lost my husband 3 years ago.

Hugs,
DonnaKT
des_arc_ya_ya
18 years ago
Annette, I, too, am so sorry to hear of your loss. You're right - prayers and good thoughts are going out to you and for you.

Come here anytime you need to talk.

((Annette))
wildchild
18 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss Annette. You will be in my thoughts.
ritamay91710
18 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss.
And you are right, there are many people here who will pray for you, and keep you in their thoughts... including me. Take care.
Rita
kathi_mdgd
18 years ago
Annette ,i also am sorry for your loss.Please accept my sincere condolences,for you and your family.May you find comfort and peace in the days ahead.prayers going up for you.
Kathi
liz
18 years ago
Annette...I am so sorry for your loss...My thoughts and prayers are with you...
sheilajoyce_gw
18 years ago
Our condolences. How very sad. I hope you have lots of family and friends surrounding you now.
linn_z
18 years ago
So sorry for your loss, add me to the Kters who are praying for you and your family at this time.
cheryl_ok
18 years ago
Prayers from Oklahoma...you have our sincere condolences
donna_loomis
18 years ago
Oh, Annette, my heart goes out to you. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I do hope that you have other family members around you to lean on.
anne_ct
18 years ago
I, too, am a relatively recent widow at the hands of cancer. My heart and prayers go out to you, Anette and I cannot emphasize enough the importance of Molly109's words.....

"....take care of yourself - it is very important now, that you stay as physically strong as possible. Let time help you make some decisions."

That's extremely wise advice that I'm very thankful I followed during the months after my husband's death. I have no close family so there was no one but me to greet each day. Eating a balanced diet and getting a good nights sleep made it far less stressful. I had to follow these guidelines because I'm a diabetic but the wisdom behind this advice helped me survive as a diabetic as well as a grieving widow.

Anne
minnie_tx
18 years ago
So sorry to hear of your loss!!
bunglogrl
18 years ago
(((((Anette)))))
hounds_x_two
18 years ago
I am so very sorry. Know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
ladonna
18 years ago
My thoughts and prayers are with you (((((((hugs)))))))
Im so very sorry.
ronf_gw
18 years ago
I am so very sorry, Annette.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Ron
Kathsgrdn
18 years ago
I'm very sorry for your loss. ((((Anette))))
gramzeeinmd
18 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss.
Love
Deb
Zipper_TX
18 years ago
I am very sorry to hear this, you are in my prayers. May God bless you.
Jacquelyn
18 years ago
I am so sorry for you loss...May God bless you!
Mickey15
18 years ago
Anette, I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband. You will be in my prayers.
Hugs,
Tammy
creekgirl
18 years ago
Anette.....

You will be in my prayers. I know that this must be a terrible time for you & I pray God that you will have the strength to bear up under all that you are facing.

God will help you through this.

Creekgirl
gardenspice
18 years ago
Oh Annette. I am so very sorry.
I am sending my most comforting thoughts.
Peace be with you,
Gardenspice
LorifromUtah
18 years ago
I am very sorry for your loss anettemartinrn.
I will keep you in my thoughts.

Lori
wendylynders
18 years ago
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will surely keep you in prayer!
User
18 years ago
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Take good care of yourself and know you were there for him , took good care of him and gave him love.
mamatoad
18 years ago
I remember you, Annette, and I am so very sorry for your loss! I will remember you in my prayers and I hope that you will continue to come and join us often. Bettye/AZ
intherain
18 years ago
Annette, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sheryl
mrsmarv
18 years ago
Annette ~ I am so sorry to hear of your dear husband's passing. My thoughts and prayers will be with you during this difficult time.

(((Nora)))

my husband died

Comments (100)

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