Hi Johnie, I lost my Momma in August 2008 and I cannot imagine the depth of your grief over the loss of you dear husband. I have been married to my best friend for over 25 years and I do not know what I would do without him. I am so sorry for your loss. Sometime life seems so unfair..... Keep in mind that every day you are here is one more day closer to being with your wonderful husband. I will keep you in my prayers and send angel hugs ((())) to you. This is a wonderful place that can fill you with a measure of gentle understanding from the other forum readers. Blessings, Lisa

Marilyn, I didn't lose my husband but I lost my son just a bit over 5 months ago. My world has been turned upside down and I still am unable to do certain things. 46 days is not a long time, so don't beat yourself up for not being able to do anything. Just yesterday and the day before I did not want to talk to anybody and spent more time in bed than I did out of bed. Even when I wasn't in bed I didn't care to speak to anyone...including my husband. Christmas Day was hard, but the two days after were horrible. Today I am trying to pull myself together so I can work. I don't know that I can but will try and if I don't make it I will try again tomorrow. I realized after Thanksgiving that the actual holiday is hard, but the days after I get backlash. And that's harder. Just give yourself some time to grieve, you didn't say how long you'd been married but I don't think that really matters. What matters is that you lost the one you loved and he is no longer there to share things with. I have found that writing to my son and telling him things helps me some. I still cry everyday and will probably cry everyday until I am no longer on this Earth. The doctor has prescribed several different anti-anxiety meds that have all made me sick and he has now prescribed Prozac and I don't want to take it. I am waiting for the other meds to get out of my system before I give it a try. If it doesn't work I will go at this without anything if I have to. Talk to your doctor about something for the anxiety you are experiencing. I tried exercise when my son first died and it helped some but no longer helps at all. People grieve in different ways. So do what you have to do in order to find peace within yourself, but cut yourself some slack. Find a grief counseling group when you are ready. Good luck, I am thinking about you...

WOW.... I know what brought me to this page. Anger at someone who died in my life. But never did I expect to read about so much passion and love. I started crying for you. But I also heard GUILT. Sweetie, that guilt is going to eat you up. Yet I can understand. We always look back and want to rearrange the past. Normally, it's when we still have time to do so but just don't do it. But it's when there's a finality to it, when there IS no going back that we hurt so much and get so angry at ourselves. I know there's nothing I can say to make it make sense. I can only say "I understand" and I feel your pain. You feel that if you'd done this or that, things would be different. That you could have been there for him. But on the other hand, had Matt done things differently, things would have also turned out differently as far as you being there, in his life. I'm not saying it's his fault any more that it's your fault. It's no ones 'fault.' I just hear you saying you wish you'd taken different steps so that maybe you could have been there with him. And I understand. Just keep in mind that it wasn't all 'your job." It wasn't all up to you to mend things before this happened. Had he taken different steps, you may or may not have been there, in his life. Just saying, it's not all on YOUR shoulders, honey. Really....it's not. You both had things (emotions, fears, whatever...) keeping you from reaching out to one another. But then life stepped in and screwed it all up before either of you had a chance to do what was in your hearts. There's nothing I can say to make that make sense. That's the randomness of life, however unfair it may be. And you're so young, sweetie. I am 53. Been thru lots of heartache from love. But I remember at your age, love was so strong and pure and I could not imagine ever loving anyone else. My future was mapped out for me with THAT person and that person ONLY. There would never be anyone else like US. So, oh how much you must hurt from this. As much as people tell you about "time healing all wounds" (and it IS true) there is no possible way you can believe that now. All you know is life dealt you a raw deal and on top of that, you feel guilty because YOU WEREN'T there with him. I guess all I can say to that is - once again, I understand. But don't beat yourself up for not being there WHEN this happened. Death is random. You two could have been happy as two peas in a pod and this still could have happened - him at home and you at the grocery store. I think what you're feeling is the disconnection from him when this happened. You're sad because you feel like he died without you two 'mending' whatever was going on. You were separated. It's unfinished business. You feel empty and helpless. And you're going thru all the "what if's??" That part is natural. It WILL take time to get past those feelings. My personal experience with losing someone was in May. Yet I'm still dealing with a myriad of emotions on a daily basis -- lots of them being "what if". What if I'd have checked on him earlier? How was he feeling, all alone, dying alone? I wish there was something comforting to say to you, but I know at this point, you just need to share how you feel. The last thing you need is someone telling you how you 'should' feel or what you 'need' to do. So just know, if you need to really open up, you can email me. Go to MY PAGE and there's an "email me" link. Please feel free to write me, hon. You do need to talk about it.

Demon Based on what you've said here, I think you've made the right decision. It concerns me that his reaction is to blame the child and focus on how it affects 'him'. Classic abuser behavior. I'm even a little concerned that his reaction will change from cooperative to hostile when he realizes that tactic won't work. If I were you, I'd set up a strong support system. I have a feeling you are going to need it. I also agree with silver, it's not a waste of time to learn such a valuable lesson. When I left my ex at 29, I spent years feeling sorry for myself because I wasted my 20's in a crappy situation. But, the worse part wasn't the time I wasted, it was that my kids were in that crappy situation for 7 years and you can thank your lucky stars you figured it out in less than a year. Your daughter is young and you can spend some time in counseling and might even think about working on your parenting skills too. Before, you said you were lax in discipline, so now might be a good time to shift your focus on improving things in your life. When I was a single parent, I was also too lax and inconsistent. It's so easy to parent out of guilt too. My kids were pre-teens when I began to force myself to be consistent and push the guilt to the back of my head and it's been tough. I still struggle with guilt because they know how to make me feel guilty. Good luck.