Dear Millburn, I am so sorry for your loss; I lost my husband 2 years ago in November, we were married 37 loving years. I went back to work after 3 weeks and it was hard, I cried but my colleages understood and were very patient with me. It does get easier, a friend told me that it doesn't go away but it gets "different" and that is exactly how I would describe it. I still cry but not as often. I think about him every minute of the day but the pain is less. Every once in a while I get a sudden panic in my stomach like it has just hit me that he is gone, it only lasts seconds but it hurts. People will tell you to get counceling which I agree with 100 percent it will help, they also say to get involved in things to keep you busy. I joined a senior citizen's group (I'm 65 now) and I joined a ladies group and we have a lot of fun but it still hurts to come home and be alone. A person on this forum said "we now belong to a club we never wanted to join" and that's exactly how I feel but we have to go on because our loved ones would want us too (Wouldn't you want him to? I know I would.) Do your best, it will take time but you will feel better eventually. Look after yourself for him. Please accept this big hug ((((( ))))) from me.

Well I am glad to say that my son got to come home from the hospital on Jan.18th. And he did not have a blood clot in his heart thank God. He has to take a baby asprin everyday and Plavix and his doctor says he will make a good recovery if he stops smoking and goes on a diet which he needed to do any way. I got the autopsy report this week for my husband and it said he had scarring on his heart from another heart attack. Something that I didn't know. How can you have a heart attack and not know it or not tell your wife? I went to the graveyard today and told him I was a little angry with him for keeping this from me, maybe we could have done something to make it better. He never wanted to go to the doctor but if he had he might still be here to play with his grandkids and for me. I still love him and I always will but I am really hurt that he didn't do anything or that I didn't do anything. I finally received his death certificates today and there is some incorrect information on it so they have to do it all over again. I can't get any of the insurance business complete until I get the death certificates. I guess I'll survive until they are right. My husband's birthday is Monday January 28th he would have been 55. I am going to have his favorite birthday dinner Chicken and dumplings. I have invited his family members sisters, brother, and there kids for his birthday. I wanted to have them over because we all need to get together. This has been hard for them as well as me and our kids and grandkids. My daughter hasn't been dealing with this very well she has been angry more than anything. She is so much like her father always happy and cutting up so this isn't like her. She finally went to the doctor and got it all out and is feeling better now. Her doctor suggested she try kick boxing to get out her anger issues. I hope she does. I would like to thank anyone who read my post and prayed for my son. I think it really helped. Thanks for listening

I also found my husband jerking off. At first I thought it was ok, then it started bothering me. Then I asked him to stop doing it, then I asked him to do it (because I kept telling myself that's how men are wired) in a way I wouldn't find out. Then I caught him and got furious. First I found his underwear with cum, then I caught him in the act. I also know I haven't dealt with the problem the best way. I have tried and feel bad to ask him not to do it. It's kind of unfair to ask him not to do it, if sometimes when he's gone for work and I get turned on I also do it. I think boys will be boys, and we shouldn't be worrying so much about what they do in their privacy. We, even as a couple who live together, share beds, share rooms, share food, should also have our intimate moments to be alone. He has never told me no when I want to have sex, he has never rejected me. I never do that either, never reject him. I think that a healthy sexual life doesn't mean that we should have sex every night, or that everything has to be shared. I am my own person and also need my time to myself. Am I that wrong?

Well honestly, no one ever said u had to like one another! It's nice for the kids if all the adults in their lives had one flowing ball of communication, but lets be realistic! BM probably hates u cause ur sleeping w a man she has a child by. Its one of those bitter situations of :we didnt work, so why will u: and shes gonna hate u for it. Ur SS resents u for along the same reasons, and wants to make his presence known. He wants a dog he goes to daddy and theirs nothing is stupid SM is gonna say about it, cause u are not HIS mother. Been there done that, trust me! My stepchildren were HORRORS when my DH first got together. Mind u he had already been divorced for two years, with two children: daughter 10 and son 5. And the daughter was THE WORST. Not to mention when my DH first married :at that time the children were 12 and 7: and my SD LOST IT. She and her BM were on a personal vendetta to make my life a living hell. And then fast forward to a year later when my DH and I had a daughter of our own and thats when the u know what REALLY hit the fan!! There were times then when I could say that I hated her, and she hated me I'm sure, but one day when she was at our house for the court mandated weekend, I caught her in the room w my DD. I was horrified at first, thinking, OMG is this kid gonna try and smother my child?! lol I caught her playing w the baby, and then she burst into tears. Sometimes when u hold malice towards someone u tend to get satisfaction out of their pain. Yeah, thats an ugly thing to say, but its true. However, when I saw SD crying I walked up to her and gave her a hug. I'm not saying it was like a lifetime movie after that and all, we still had our battles, and at times I had to try not to lose my mind and walk out, but here we are seven years later, two kids of my own, and two stepchildren, whom I love dearly and I know that sometimes, they love me too....lol Just stand ur ground, and understand its hard for a kid who feels like he has to compete with the new woman for some love. Sit down with him and explain to him that ur not trying to come between them, and that u want to try and share. Theres enough love for the both of u. As far as ur DH goes, though. U need to put ur foot down and let him know that u are not a chambermaid. Stop doing EVERYTHING around the house so hes stuck w chores. That'll really hit him where he lives!