i am so very sorry for your loss. i know exactly what you are going through. i see where you posted on thunder's thread about her losing her husband. i'm glad you saw that thread. i also posted there so i won't repeat what i said. the only difference now is that i did go back to my doctor and we are trying a different anti-depressant. it is helping, taking the edge off. i wish i had done this sooner. it's something you might give some thought to. i know, believe me, that at this point you don't think a little pill can help but it might be worth a try. except for the fact that i did not have to deal with young children at the time of gary's death, everything else you express are feelings i went through and to some extent, still do after just over 2 years. all i can tell you is that, believe it or not, time is what you need. your loss is so fresh, you are very likely still in a state of shock. next will come denial, some anger. they tell me that eventually i will get to the point of acceptance but i don't see that happening. i will never accept the fact that the love of my life is gone forever but i am learning to live with it. perhaps dreams of your husband will come to you some day. don't rush it, your mind just isn't ready yet. when it is, it will happen. when the shock wears off, you will find strength you never knew you had. just remember this...death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. God bless.

Thankyou so much for your posts, las23, and socks12345. Your ideas were helpful. My children are 7,4, and 1. My 7 yr. old was very close to my dad and remembers alot about him, and he was also extremely close to his uncle. Watching his pain is even more unbearable than my own. I am 30 yrs old, and it does feel like my family is disappearing on me. My immediate family is wonderful, but my husband has never lost anyone close to him(other than my family) and I feel like he just doesnt understand. He tries, but somehow I still feel alone. I feel like I need to be a pillar of strength for the kids, especially my 7 yr.old. I really dont know where Im supposed to find it anymore. Tommorow I am going to spread my brothers ashes. I just couldnt bring myself to do it before. It is just so final. He had 3 specific places, so atleast I dont need to question that. Please keep your thoughts with me. I have never spread ashes before, and Im not sure how I might react. Sorry this is so long, but it helps to babble.

Hi John Vo(Vo Thanh Hung 18 February 1967, homephone: 856 6636109,NewJersey,USA) ,my boyfriend/my sweetheart/my husband-to-be! How have you been? We have not talked together on telephone for a long time (maybe since 2006 or 2007). My dear,I have got a lot of trouble and I have had to suffer many thing.I did not want you get trouble like me,so I dare not contact you long time ago .But recently,I have missed you very much and I have thought of you all the time,so I phoned you and emailed to you.But I failed in contacting you.And ,on 21 December 2010,I sent you a letter including your letters which you sent me in 2000 and my photograph taken in 2004.Have you received my letter yet? My dearest husband, I cannot live without you Please email me : ltnnjohnwnguyen80@yahoo.com I miss you very much and I love you forever ,my husband-to-be! . Your girlfriend/your sweetheart/your wife -to-be : lam ngoc Thank you for reading my message,and thanks for those who read and find out my husband-to-be for me! Thank you very much.

leleszi0988, Your levels certainly confirm menopause. At age 42, this would be considered early onset. Many woman are fearful of taking hormones based on the WHI study. However, that study only used two hormone drugs, Premarin and Prempro Neither of those are bioidentical (meaning the chemical structure of the estrogen or progestin matches what OUR bodies produced). I'm not certain that we can truly draw any certain conclusions from that study, except maybe to stay away from Prempro. Every woman needs to make her own decision about the use of hormones after menopause. But those decisions must be based on your set of circumstances, not fear. There are 400 known uses of estrogen (specifically 17 Beta Estradiol) in a woman's body. It effects every tissue and every organ we have. This is why woman can such a vast array of symptoms, some of which are vague. But everything from our sleep, bone density, to muscle and joint pain can be linked to the loss of this important hormone. To me, this really comes down to quality of life and the potential to reverse or manage potential problems related to menopause. This thing never "goes away". It is the permanent loss of a minor hormone system that effects all our major hormone systems. This is why woman may also experience issues with thyroid or insulin after menopause. There are plenty of options to restore a more normal hormone balance using bioidentical hormones, which might make you feel better and keep your body running well longer. It could be as simply as a estradiol patch, which is slowly absorbed through the skin. I guess it comes down to, if in the future you are told you have osteoporosis which could have been handled if you had taken estrogen, will you be mad at yourself for ignoring it now? Sometimes, it isn't about whether we are currently have symptoms of hot flashes and night sweats, it's about our long term health and specific set of risks. Do your research realizing that there are many, many options for hormone replacement. And there might be one that has a minimal side effects profile that feels good to your body. At age 42, this might be your best bet.