Well to be honest I don't understand who you are protecting. You all practically live together. They are taking care of other grandchildren. Being older they are the ones at greatest risk. There is a remote possibility of your brother's family picking up the virus at work. However the same possibility exists any time a member of your own family has to to leave for essentials. Unless your parents are going out socializing and living it up they are simply an extension of your family due to their nearness. Would you make them stay away from your children if you shared a house rather than adjoining properties?

If the other kids are only with family and at the grandparents and not being exposed to groups they are at no more risk than yours. I would treat this situation as one family unit. i can see how your brother and parents feels.

But that said you are the parent and can make decisions for your children as you see fit. But all decisions have consequences both good and bad. What does your husband think about all this. Is he working or at home? If he leaves the house is he allowed to hug his children?

I agree COMPLETELY with your views and approach, TG. Don't expect that yours is a minority view.

The spouse of one of my kids has cut off contact with THEIR family who live nearby completely because of loosey-goosey practices of a few family members. This in a state with Stay Home guidance. They said to me - you can only talk so long with someone whose mind is made up and self-righteous so the heck (didn't use that word) with them. We'll see them and their kids again when I don't feel that doing so is a risk. They are mad at them and the response was - too bad.

A closed mind that's fixed on an ignorant view is what it is. Good for you for being level headed. You're protecting your parents and your brother (father of the nephews?) is endangering them.

"My parents also still meet up with their other friends on occasion, as does my brother."

https://www.businessinsider.com/chicago-super-spreader-shows-the-importance-of-social-distancing-2020-4

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6915e1.htm

I missed the meeting up with other friends part. In that case I agree more with your viewpoint. But i do think choices still need to be made by individuals/families and not group think. I think risks have to weighed with mindfulness, not simply fear and emotion driven. I don't see my grand kids because I have to be out in the world. The risk is too high. But if both families were sheltering at home consistently I would be very hurt if I was kept away from them.

Wildchild2x2, we all hope people would act with mindfulness. Wouldn't that be ideal?

Science is not "group think."

" i do think choices still need to be made by individuals/families and not group think"

Sorry, but this is WRONG WRONG WRONG for the situation we all face. Read Feathers comment for why.

"if both families were sheltering at home consistently I would be very hurt if I was kept away from them."

If this were your situation and you're still alive after the problem is gone, I promise you, you'd thank them. I hope you're a little more thoughtful than the dunderhead in this group who said a few days ago that she expected people would look back at this experience and laugh about those being cautious. Those being cautious want to live longer. Or maybe not.

what if one of your parents get it (from the friends they meet up with) and one of the little kids then gets it? or your brother gets it from one of his friends and passes it on to your parents or one/both of his kids? really, is it worth that? it sure isn't for me. I don't want to get it and I don't want to give it to anyone else.

Wildchild- my husband's job has been a remote job where he works from home for the past several years so there is no change there.

My kids schools are all closed; doing school @ home, and all of their extracurriculars have been canceled and/or moved to virtual meetings.

I still have to do my grocery shopping bi-weekly for essentials.

I go alone, wearing a mask, and use sanitizer on my keys, card and phone anytime I get back in my car.

We had Easter today, alone, inside our house due to a sudden cold front. Meanwhile my parents on the other side of the fence had my brother, his kids and wife over.

My dad (next door neighbor) went hunting with some friends of his on Friday night to catch some feral hogs, my mom had her weekly coffee date with her (our) neighbor on Friday morning.

They (both mid 60s) went grocery shopping together last weekend (something they have NEVER done ever)

The fact that they think these "minor" interactions are "okay" tells me they don't understand basic science.

Everything is being literally shut DOWN around them and they STILL insist it is a silly over-reaction and, indeed choose to actively flout it by doing things like going grocery shopping together when they have never previously done so.

Why are they suddenly deciding to???

To push back on somebody telling them what to do.

And they wonder why I distance myself from them...

Why are they suddenly deciding to???

Well now that you have given all those details I don't disagree with your choice at all. I would probably make the same one. I know some here don't like my attitude but my keyword for living free is choice. My choice would be same as yours. Not the governments, nor public opinion. Choice based on common sense.

But as to the above question maybe, just maybe they are acting out of fear themselves? The media has been hammering the public with how being over 60 makes one too vulnerable to do anything. For weeks all we saw was how people over 60 are dying left and right if they got the virus. No consideration for the general health of the person. Underlying conditions were seldom mentioned and when they were they were buried as deeply as possible to have as few take note of that important detail as possible. I don't know how your parents think. But maybe just maybe they have decided to get as much quality time out of life as they can while they are still alive. Before the virus comes and kills them because they are over sixty.

If someone is told they have a terminal illness some might give up and go straight to hospice or even go so commit suicide. Others will go out and do all the things they can in the time they have left, living each day as it might be their last. Some will take risks they never imagined, doing the things they feared most. Maybe just maybe some some seniors fell into the we are going to die because of our age hype and are are acting out the above responses.

Texas I feel for you. Stay strong. You are doing the right thing all together.

Moni

TG, I feel your pain, and I agree completely with what Feathers, Elmer, and Mdln are saying. Stand your ground. You will not be sorry.

As the mother of a Nurse Practitioner in the ER, I am hearing horror stories of Covid patients she has been treating. The majority don’t get it when it comes to social distancing, even after their positive diagnosis, and some continue to go out in public and even to work! It’s not going to stop unless there is some enforcement of some type. It blows my mind how this is even possible.

"Do what is right, not what is easy" -- an excellent lesson that you are living and teaching by example -- sincerely, thank you. Everyone who keeps their social bubble small and consistent for this relatively short time frame, is directly helping minimize the overall loss of life. Because your family is not limiting their social bubbles, you cannot safely let them in to yours. Simple as that.

My family situation is luckier. Our dear daughter is calling us every evening, when we used to speak maybe once a week. We're both over 60 therefore in a vulnerable group, and she wants to check on us. Her concern makes me happy, although I don't feel particularly "old."

Texas.......your doing the right thing. Some .....believe in "herd immunity". The weak die. It's an old concept and I think they "do" get it. It's just not what social distancing is about. Trying to save "everyone" isn't what everyone wants.

I agree with you Texas_Gem. My husband is a farmer and his busy season is coming up soon, probably the end of this month. Because he is getting older our son, who lives in another state, has been coming to help out for the last few years. He always stays with us but not this year. I have some health problems and am in the high risk category. Our son will be staying in our motorhome and I dont even want to be around him. I worry about my husband getting to close but he said he will be careful. Not an ideal situation but necessary.

There's no excuse for them to be confused about why we are social distancing. It's not like that information is hard to find. It's their choice to put their family at risk. Let them be angry, hurt, and confused. Or they can educate themselves as to why social distancing is so important. Your family is your number one priority.

What frustrates me are the ones who think they are following the rules but they are playing loosey goosey with them by continuing to see family who doesn't live with them and making unnecessary trips to the store. This past week was one where they said do not go out unless absolutely necessary yet the stores were crowded with Easter shoppers. There has been a surge on hair dye purchases too.

Is your brother the father of these children? Does he understand that many of the people dying are not elderly? Aside from the loss if your parents get infected, what about him? What would happen to these little children if he were to succumb?

I guess these questions are moot. They know the real truth.🙄

Texas Gem - you're doing the right thing.

When someone isn't following the suggested behaviour of social distancing it would concern me that they aren't following things such as washing hands or washing down counters when things are brought into the house and set down.

I mentioned this elsewhere but we're still running but we're running in pairs and not our normal group of 6 and we are definitely practicing social distancing. We found out that one was still seeing her daughters and grand-daughters and told her we wouldn't be running with her anymore. Because we don't know who else they are seeing or who else her daughters are seeing and whether or not they believe in the science. And one of the daughters is a doctor.

I think your parents are frightened. They are behaving like independence-declaring toddlers, having a hissy-fit when wiser heads tell them they can't eat dirt or touch the stove or pull the dog's ears. They are declaring, "You're not the boss of ME!" It makes them feel 'in charge', when they are in fact scared for you all.

For some reason your parents are in denial. They should NOT be out socializing with friends, hunting, shopping etc. They're not immune, and I don't know why they're flaunting it.

Last week I saw two friends from my exercise class out walking together. I was shocked.

I understand the need for many to care for family members during these challenging times, whether it be grandkids with parents working in essential services or even from home or for the elderly or housebound or otherwise infirm. That in itself is considered an essential service!! But it comes with same increased risks other essential service workers face and all possible precautionary measures should/need to be followed. Especially when the caregivers are themselves at a higher risk to begin with, like grandparents tending to their grandchildren.

So yes, stay at home instructions, social distancing and PPE's and personal sanitation practices should be followed as closely as is humanly possible in these situations. And that means NOT visiting family that lives as close as next door unless absolutely necessary!!

If family doesn't 'get' that, I can see how that would affect relationships....a least in the short term. I have a hard time understanding how protecting their future heath (as well as yours) - heck, even ensuring they HAVE a future at all - is not looked at in a more reasonable manner. A little distancing now allows for closer contact - hopefully - in the days ahead.

I am more than a little bit concerned about my landlady. She is 88 and a diabetic but in generally good health otherwise. But her local grandkids, adults themselves, continue to visit periodically without proper distancing or any PPE's and one is an essential worker (fire fighter) himself and so exposed to a much greater risk which he could transfer to his grandmother. Even though we live in the same structure (I have a lower level "granny flat"), she and I have kept our contact to just phone calls. Any groceries or other necessities I have picked up for her, I leave outside her door.

I feel for you. A neighbor had Easter Dinner complete with at 3 cars of visitors. All were obviously socializing on her small screened porch which does not have the requisite 6 feet distance to spread out.

Other neighbors on our cul de sac are taking it more seriously.

It is mind boggling.

My husband and I have a difference in opinion on the subject. It's caused some friction, but at least his friends appear to be practicing it so I have some support there and he has no place to go except the grocery store every two weeks to get his milk and other items. I let him make the run because getting out means more to him than it does me. I just try to enforce the cleanup afterwards.

Texas Gem, I get the impression that you live in a more remote place with less outsiders. I think that may be affecting your parent's perspective. When swine fllu/H1N1 and some of the other nasty things were in the news, I was never affected. I lived remotely enough and away from it that I wasn't worried. I didn't know anyone who suffered. I think that is still the current reality for some people. It hasn't affected anyone they know so to them it isn't a problem yet.

Texas Gem, you can't fix their blindness. Hopefully. it'll turn out that they will not be infected or infect anyone else. I hope that they then don't say "I told you so". I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I think
your parents are frightened. They are behaving like
independence-declaring toddlers, having a hissy-fit when wiser heads
tell them they can't eat dirt or touch the stove or pull the dog's ears.
They are declaring, "You're not the boss of ME!" It makes them feel
'in charge', when they are in fact scared for you all.

Chisue, this is EXACTLY in a nutshell what people who poo-poo the guidelines are thinking, though they don't seem to know it. Well said.

Does your Mom wear a seatbelt, T G?

She didn't need it in the last hundred times she rode in the car - probably the most recent thousand times, for that matter.

So her argument would be that there's enough of a likelihood that she won't need it next time to allow her to not go for the extra effort (and inconvenient constriction - plus the extra effort in unbuckling at the end of a short trip) to bother putting it on, this time?

She's an adult - time for her to think reasonably and carefully.

Tough that she's travelling in so deep a rut on this issue that she can't see over the edge!

Be glad that your rut isn't that deep!

(Yet?)

As for your brother... some say that "you can't (it's awful hard to) fix stupid!".

I prefer the term "bull-headed".

And - don't forget - when a bull puts his (it's always "his, isn't it?) head down to charge ... his field of vision becomes severely restricted.

And with it, a restriction on his capability to reason.

Some/quite a few/many?/most? people don't like their habitual way of living being disturbed/ interfered with (confesses this 90+ year old).

ole joyful

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I have several friends who are still having get togethers with other friends and family not living with them. Last night got a text from an old Air Force friend who asked how I spent my Easter. I was at work. She had friends over for Easter dinner and I texted her back asking if she wasn't social distancing. I never got a reply, probably made her mad.

I went to bed early last night so I could get up and go to the grocery store. I am running low on eggs, milk and Stok coffee. My dog, Chewie, kept waking me up before the alarm went off. One of those times I had let him out and sat and thought how stupid I would feel if I got the virus all because I wanted some cold brew coffee. I want other things, but that's mainly my reason for wanting to go today. It was also storming out and so I decided not to go. I haven't been in a store in weeks. My daughter has been bringing me groceries to my front porch when she goes shopping. I miss going out to movies and restaurants with her.

My neighbors have their 4 adult children (& spouses and a kid or 2) over for dinner every weekend... and I still see their cars there every weekend throughout all of this so they definitely aren't adhering to the "if they don't live with you they shouldn't be with you" way of living most of us are doing now.

I think when this is all over and we have hopefully flattened the curve in most areas, those who didn't participate fully in sheltering at home will all just say we over-reacted. Yet it's this exact "over-reacting" that will be what saves most of us.

Computers and internet ... phones ... and TVs ...

... can be a blessing, at times - and in ways that we'd never thought to appreciate in certain ways, prior to recent experiences.

ole joyful

The Ohio Department of Health has an outstanding video on social distancing. Watch until the very end.

I too totally support what you are doing Texas-gem. If not for ourselves then for the people who will have to deal with us if we get the disease. It is the responsible thing to do.

Great video Lindsey

Weird, but I have been experiencing fewer email messages and replies to my email messages from family and friends. Perhaps they just have more important things to occupy their time, which I completely understand or my email server is not working properly.

To answer the question, not much. I am pretty much a homebody and don't socialize much at all anyway. This whole social distancing thing is pretty much my normal life. I am just not into big gatherings. Or even small ones. I was invited last minute to my sisters Easter party thing. Just her family. She invited me and my parents. But they are all staying at home, and I am still going to work,so I declined. My parents did as well. BUT it's not unusual for me to decline an invite anyway. If they don't need or want me to cook something, I usually don't go,though I might. It's always a last minute decision. But this time,it was a hard no thank you.

As for your situation, that is very disrespectful of them to dismiss your parenting decisions in general,let alone regarding something so important. You don't have to justify it to your family. You are a mother and they should know,as your family, that you would not be putting these restrictions in place just to upset your children or your parents or brother or his children. How ridiculous of them to even raise the issue. Do not give in or even worry about what they think. Let em be mad. Better than being racked with guilt for infecting people....

I've had to start treating my father like a stranger in his home. He let a neighbor in his house to talk, one day, then let another acquaintance walk up to his truck window to talk, a few days ago, when he was just supposed to be out to make a quick trip to the bank drive-through window. He also went to check on a water heater that wasn't working--he doesn't even like that neighbor, and the best part about that situation was--her husband works at Kroger. Dad won't wear a mask, probably doesn't wash his hands properly, and when someone comes to his door he seems to forget everything we've talked about.

I take care of all of his meds, so he doesn't forget to take them, or doesn't forget and double up on them. Since the quarantine, I've also done his grocery shopping and taken him meals several times each week, to keep him out of the fast-food take-out lines. So, I'm done talking in person--I wear a mask and keep my distance, to protect both of us. I'm in and out of his house--no hanging around, unless he wants to sit on the porch at least 6' apart. We speak, at length, on the phone everyday, and I'll continue to take him whatever he needs. Texas Gem, l suspect he would agree with your parents, but I agree with you!

DD and her husband live about 3 hours from us and just bought a home that they will close on April 28th. Best thing about social distancing is that for the first time in my life I won't have to help her move. Seems she always needs to move from a third floor apartment, ugh. Big score for us.

My nephew and his wife have 5 kids. His father and mother are not social distancing and if anyone should it's those two. He has heart problems, and she is morbidly obese and immunocompromised. They are royally peeved they can't see their grandkids, but kudos to my nephew and his wife for nixing this.

It really hasn't affected me personally since I am alone most of the time anyway. My family thinks like yours.......its no worse than the flu. They have been coming & going every day since this started. It really upsets me. I hope no one has to learn the had way!