Procrastination - Do We Ever Learn?
6 years ago
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- 6 years agolast modified: 6 years ago
- 6 years ago
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what we've learned here
Comments (9)I think a lot of the reason SD's mom and I have reached the point we are at (which has stepped back from the sharing a hide-a-bed days, but is still okay) is because of this forum. I learned to see things more from her point of view. I was able to see all that she has missed out on (caused by her own choices and actions, but I digress) and how that could turn her into the person she is now. I think of how hard I fought to gain custody of SD and then imagine what it would be like to loose it. . . then I multiply that by 100 and imagine if I were her bio-mom. I learned that as bad a mom I may think her, there are others who make her look like Mom of the Year. I realized that I wasn't alone and not a Horrible Person for the thoughts I had about her. I was able to let go of a lot of my hatred and re-direct it as sympathy and understanding, for it is usually the miserable that aim to make others miserable. You don't see a lot of truly happy people trying to make life difficult for everyone around them. I learned that considering myself a failure because I couldn't make this woman like me was about the dumbest thing I'd ever done - if I dislike her on so many levels and for so many reasons, why in God's name would I want her as a friend?!? Truly, I owe this board credit for a bit of my newly found sanity. Now we'll see how long it lasts....See MoreWill stepson ever learn?
Comments (4)Coolmama, you so totally hit the nail on the head. My DH is totally an enabler. He is so willing to just look the other way. I don't know if it's because he just doesn't want to have to deal with negative behavior, or he doesn't want the boys to be angry with him, or maybe he just feels guilty that he left their shrew of a mother after many years of unhappiness. I'm not that great, but DH thinks I'm wonderful, as does his extended family, and that's because I had an easy act to follow. Anyway, I would not be surprised if sons were still living with us as adults. DH really is an enabler. As an example, last summer SS#1 was supposed to get a summer job to earn spending money for college. We did have him re-build a deck on part of our property, and paid him about $1,500. This was supposed to be on the side, in addition to the summer job he was supposed to get. Well, he never did get a job, so DH was paying him $8/hour to do work around the property. The work included seal coating our 300-yard driveway (there are a couple of areas that aren't done), and painting the exterior of the main house. That's another story. Son was only painting areas he could easily reach and did not have to mask off. I knew that he would not complete the whole house, so I told him it would be easier for his dad to finish if complete sections were done, versus where ever he could reach. His response? "I'm not getting paid to finish painting the house. I'm just getting 8 bucks an hour to paint." Some work ethic, huh? Plus, what incentive does he have to get any job when he's making $8/hour at home? He wouldn't net that much at most summer jobs, plus his hours were whenever he felt like getting out of bed after partying all night with his friends. Actually, if stepsons still engage in illegal behavior and are still living here much past college, I won't be ......See MoreWill I ever learn???? Probably never!
Comments (1)Forget asking your friends and call the professionals in. You'll save yourself a lot of money and heartache. You may want to reconsider who are your friends, I'm just saying. Tomorrow it will look better, try and get some sleep tonight. ....Jane...See Morewhat we learned too late about kitchen lighting
Comments (10)It's important to note that a mixture of lighting options allows us to select which ones we're going to use at any time, which in turn helps cut the BTUs and the bill. It's a mistake to wire a room to be very bright in all corners at all times when all that's necessary sometimes is one or two bulbs for reading the paper at the island. One of DH and my goals was to make selectable lighting. Our house tends to be quite dark in the interior even when the exterior walls are lighted by windows, so we tried to work this out. A couple new or improved doorway openings will help. We have planned a lot of new lighting--perhaps too much. But we will be able to leave much of the room dark-ish if we want it so. We like the term "task lighting" and have employed it. We spent a lot of time asking ourselves "what lighting will we want when we ____" and we tried out a lot of scenarios: walking through the space and returning again quickly; working for hours at the peninsula; eating at peninsula; eating at table; washing dishes; etc. We tried to avoid overkill by choosing a range of lighting types and sites. Example: a single 2-bulb ceiling light over the main corridor section alongside the kitchen, the "walk through and leave" light, which will also serve for "go get the salt in the kitchen" trips. But our decisions also required a lot of wall switches, esp. because we can enter the space through 5 different doorways. My wallet is glad DH was the electrician....See More- 6 years ago
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