Grace, If you allow her to cause problems with you and your husband, she will. If he allows her calls to cause problems between you and him, and he chooses to continue taking her 'non child related' calls then the problem is HIM. I can understand how he feels if she might make things difficult for him so he is trying to keep the peace. My mom never let go and my dad was the one that had to lay down the law to her. She still hasn't let go completely but she knows that certain things are unacceptable. He's the only one that can tell her and if he feels it could affect seeing his kids, I would try to be more understanding. The fact that she wants him back and still loves him has nothing to do with how HE feels. He's obviously moved on and married to you. It's probably a tough position for him to be in. I was almost 18 when my dad remarried so he probably never felt he could lose his kids, most of us were old enough to see him on our own. and of course, I felt loyalty to my mom so it did affect my relationship with my dad, even as a young adult. I imagine it would be much harder for a younger child. The best advice I could give is work on being supportive of your husband. If he can't refuse to take her calls, know that he has a good reason. His kids. When her calls are excessive, maybe turn off the phone so it doesn't interrupt your time together. Ignore her emails. Of course the daughters want their family together. They are kids, no surprise there. What she wants is irrelevant, he is remarried and as long as he doesn't want to go back, it doesn't matter what she wants. Don't put the pressure of your relationship to his kids on your husband. It's up to you to form your own relationship with the kids. If they are not open to it or tell you what their mom says, simply let them know you are sorry their mom feels that way but you want to get to know them, have a good relationship with them, etc. Don't force it, it takes time & patience. It will also depend on the ages of the kids and how loyal they are to their mom. If they have been divorced for 8 years, I assume they are tweens/teens and that is a difficult time for kids ANYWAYS.... let alone during a remarriage that mom is upset over.

Sweeby, I tend to agree with you. I truely believe my SS is a sociopath. I have researched it extensively and he is dead on. Even to the point that we got puppies for each of the kids last year and he would feed and water his, walk it when the others walked theirs but he never loved on it like the others did. Never smiled at it when it was happy to see him. He was detached. Honestly, that was when I first started to notice he was a little different. He can turn it on, when he knows others are watching, or even mimic others "normal" behavior, he is just different. His puppy didn't grow and learn like the others because he didn't take time with her. When he went to his mothers and said he wasn't coming back, I was at least relieved that I could find the puppy someone to love her. To this day he has never even asked where she is! Was my husband a great father? No. He thought he was, he tried so hard. He stayed in a loveless marriage for 20 years convinced (by his wife and her family) that if he left he would never see his sons again. That is a ridiclous farce! But my husband, while the kindest soul I have ever know, isn't the most intellectual man. He was on his own at age 15 and all he wanted was a family. He endured SO MUCH to keep his family together and while he THOUGHT he was doing the right thing, it was in the end, the absolute worst thing he could have done. Children who grow up in a battle zone, watching their mother belittle their father over and over, watching their mother lose her temper and hit herself in the head, having one affair after another, that is bound to produce some twisted individuals. My husband tried to keep them busy, Boy Scouts, football, basketball, bowling leagues, track...he was at every practice, every game, helped coach..anything he could to keep them busy and focused on something positive. Yes, he feels gulity. I don't bring it up anymore, he talks when he needs to talk and I listen. Last night for the first time, he said, "I should have taken my boys and left when they were little. They would be different now." I know that is true and I know that is why he puts up with so much, he is largely to blame. No, he wasn't a mean father, but he was an ignorant one, either way, his boys are damaged. I feel bad for my SSs and I am very maternal by nature, so I have tried so hard to take care of them. I wonder if maybe there isn't some jealousy there by the 18 year old because he didn't grow up with that kind of mother. His mother is SO selfish! I have never seen anything like it! Well, my SSs....I have loved on him, he and I had one on one "date nights" and days of shopping and lunches like I do with the others, talked about everything under the sun. I just think it is too late... When his behavior affects my children I have to say no more. Some have asked about my 20 year old SS that I have only met twice. Right in the middle of the split between his parents, he "came out". He was 17. He really , really needed understanding and nurturing. He didn't get it. His mother was vested in her new relationship and his father was licking his own wounds. Both adults were selfish and not there for their son in a very, very crucial time in his life. He is still angry and hurt. While my husband now sees his mistake and wants to be there for his son, he is now going to have to wait until his son is ready to forgive him. Which is why my husband calls him very Sunday and leaves him a message, without fail. He tried to live with his mother and her boyfriend and that didn't work out because the boyfriend was calling him a *ag every day! I wish he would give us a chance but he just isn't ready... I saw on FB recently that he was saying he needed money for groceries. I told my husband (who doesn't realy do the FB thing)and he sent him money for groceries. It's a start... Need to add, the SSs do NOT get along! It's just a big mess! : ( I have to leave it all to my husband. He created this situation, regardless of his intentions, it is time for him to step up and take care of his own. I am just going to take care of mine and see in time what develops.

Are your aisle widths sufficient for traffic to flow b/w seated diners and the Living Room as well as b/w counters? Do you have an adequate seating overhang for eating (which means a raised surface at least 15" to 18" deep to provide room for plates, glasses, etc. without worrying about knocking them off the raised surface)? Other comments... The island really needs a prep sink b/c you don't have sufficient space b/w the cleanup sink and the range right now to make that your primary Prep Zone. In addition, b/c of your current sink/refrigerator layout, you will be doing quite a bit of zone-crossing and an island sink will help with that. DW in the island with cleanup sink on the perimeter...that setup is not very ergonomic. You will be twisting to go from the sink to the DW. The DW works much better next to the sink. Dish storage...with this layout, someone setting the table will be going right through your Prep and Cooking Zones - something that you should try to avoid. The Cooking Zone should be the most protected Work Zone in the kitchen, with the Prep Zone second. Between these two zones, at least 80% of the work done in the kitchen is done here. In the Cooking Zone, you are dealing with high heat - the range top for cooking and the oven for baking/roasting/broiling. You really don't want people darting in and out of that space and you don't want to be tripping over people while taking things off the range top or out of the oven. I do not recommend moving the range to the island. If you do, you may need a deeper island b/c you will need at least 24" from the back of the range to the edge of the seating overhang for the safety of your visitors sitting behind the range. In addition, be aware that downdrafts, even telescoping, are not very good at venting steam, grease, etc. The best are the ones with the vent that rises up through the middle of the cooking surface (b/w the left and right cooking coils/elements), but you cannot have one of those with a range. Downdrafts only work for pots/pans right next to the fan and for those pots/pans shorter than the top of the actual fan by at least 2 or 3 inches. If you have gas, you have the issue of the fan disrupting the flame when attempting to cook. Note that most downdrafts are designed for cooktops, not ranges. At one time Dacor made a range/downdraft combination, but I can tell you from personal experience that the fan was not very effective, it was loud, and it was particularly a nuisance if someone was sitting directly behind the range/downdraft. An overhead fan is much better and is especially needed when a cooktop/range is in an island or peninsula. Why? Because grease, steam, fumes, etc. are exposed to more and stronger wind currents, you don't have a back wall or cabinets in each side to corral the grease/steam/fumes/odors/etc. and direct them to the hood instead of spreading out away from the hood, and with seating the...

Well, she has shown you over and over again who she really is. She can not be trusted to not cheat on you. I would not want to be married to someone I could not trust. Forgive one time, yes, ok. But many times she has cheated on you. You have gone to counseling and it did not work. It is time to end the marriage and move on. Do not stay together for the children. Don't make them the scapegoat for doing nothing. End your misery (and the children's too I'm sure), get a divorce and start anew. NancyLouise