DH's Retirement Party: I Need Advice (& Hand-holding)

4 years ago

last modified: 4 years ago

I usually am a very confident person. I've been married to DH now for 36 years, and so a physician's wife for that long, as well. I've worked in medicine myself for many years, and so I know how to talk to patients. What to say and what to avoid. So, why is my heart in my throat, and forcing me to do deep breathing every time I start to think about this Thursday evening's big retirement party that all of his patients are invited to?!? All we have to do is show up for it! Everything, from the food and drinks, the set up, the decorations, the invitations, the staffing, the program's flow, the photographer, etc., is taken care of by a professional who does this for a living and will be with us throughout. Two of our staff will be meeting patients at the door and giving them stick-on name tags: first names only. How many patients (and their families)? A couple hundred, from what I'm told! This is at a beautiful hotel in town, BTW.

* Oh, and the doctor who is taking over his practice, and his wife, will be there, too. And, of course, will be formally introduced to all.

Am I happy DH is retiring? Yes. But, it's also very unnerving and a bit scary, too. For us both. Your previous advice here, though, has helped me SO, SO MUCH getting through these past couple of weeks. Fairly stress-free. Thank you All again for that!!!

But I just have to get through this Thursday evening's big reception now! This is what I'm thinking so far:

- Wear something huggable, since I know that I'm going to get hugged a lot! Not too dressy, but attractive and a bit dressy. And not too expensive looking, not that I have many clothes like that. I'm 5'6" and seem to get hugged a lot, so I'm preparing for that.

- Not too expensive looking jewelry, and nothing that will tangle me up with people's clothing.

- I want to look approachable. I'm told that I'm very easy to talk to, and come across as friendly and down-to-earth. But . . . ok, I'm already starting to hyperventilate just thinking about this.

- Wear waterproof mascara . . . for obvious reasons.

- Wear nice, dressy, but comfortable shoes. Flats, because I seriously can't walk in heels (LOL).

- Should my own name tag say "Doc's wife, Lynn" or just my first and last name in bold lettering? Many patient's do call him "Doc". And refer to him as our city's own beloved Dr. Marcus Welby (LOL)!

- And "beloved" is truly what DH is to his many patients and his staff. So, I'm a bit worried about them, and me, getting teary. I don't want to spend half the evening teary-eyed and choked up.

- I'm wondering whether or not I should have a short, kind-of unrehearsed, not read, speech prepared as well. To my sweet husband and to his wonderful patients. What do you think?

- I'm going to need to take some Advil right before this starts, as my right hand has had two significant surgeries a few years ago, and still gets sore somewhat easily. Especially when shaking hands repeatedly.

- A purse!?! I'm thinking a smallish, lightweight, dressy one with a strap that I can keep slung over my left arm/shoulder. I'd like to keep just a few things in it: my cell phone for personal photos here and there, kleenex, a comb, and my lipstick.

- I'd like to tell you that I'll be spending Thursday aftenoon relaxing at home, but I'm not (LOL)! I've offered to pick up our reception's coordinator at the airport that late morning. I plan on taking her for a quick (drive-through only) tour of the beautiful and historic Albuquerque's Old Town because she's never been to New Mexico before and has to fly out again on Friday. Then I'll drive her across the Rio Grande, then back towards the scenic Sandia Mountains, someplace quick and scenic for lunch (she insists) and then on to her hotel, which is where the party/reception will conveniently be later that evening. And, me then home to change and relax until DH gets home. We're closing the clinic at 3:30 (if it were up to me, I would have closed it at noon!) so that our staff and DH can all go home and change before the party starts at 6PM.

Soooo, that's it. I would very much appreciate any suggestions or anything I should remember . . . or have forgotten. Again, thanks!

Lynn

Featured Answer

Olychick

4 years ago

One more thing: Take in some of the gratitude and appreciation for yourself. He never could have done this all without you, without your support and love. He would have had a different practice and life without you. Hopefully, your role will be acknowledged, but in any event, share in the accolades, knowing they are for you, too.

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Comments (55)

lizzie_grow
4 years ago
Behind every good man is a good woman...,or something like that!! Really both of you are retiring in a sense...just let everyone love on you both & you do the same with them. I can tell you are a person of great integrity & grace......you have been so supportive of your DH & that will continue as you go through this transition, so I think this party is for you too. Just sit (or stand) back & take it all in! Can't wait to read the after-party report!! I will be thinking of you!
LynnNM thanked lizzie_grow
LynnNM
Original Author
4 years ago
Thank you, Eld, for such good advice. Yes, I will remember to take deep breaths, to take the time to listen and observe and enjoy at the party and every thing else you’ve mentioned. Thank you!
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LynnNM
Original Author
4 years ago
Olychick, I love your suggestion for my name tag, “Lynn (Mrs. Doc)” and am going with it, thanks! I think his patients will get a smile out of that. And thank you for the reminder that it’s partly my retirement, too, as I’ve been with him all the way. I hadn't thought about that aspect. He a good man, loving and always appreciative, and so I’m blessed.

I’m writing these out one by one as I finish up dinner, waiting for him to get home any time now.
Funkyart
4 years ago
What a lovely event-- and tribute to a long and wonderful career.

I understand this is a very emotional evening for you both-- and why wouldn't it be? Your DH has dedicate himself to his patients-- and so have you. I remember some of the many wonderful things you've done to help his patients.

There will be plenty of time for adjustments-- make Thurs about honoring DH and the wonderful people around him. This is a celebration of all he's done-- and a celebration of his community of patients and the Doctor who will continue his legacy.

Tell his patients how much they have meant to him-- and how important each person is to the continuation of the practice you've both worked so hard to build. Thank the new Dr for tending to DH's much loved patients. Be strong and proud and gracious-- all things we know you are.

And then on Friday-- stay in your PJs and drink coffee/tea and enjoy the evening a second time with tears and emotions and love and appreciation for all who attended!

You've totally got this!
LynnNM thanked Funkyart
LynnNM
Original Author
4 years ago
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am reading every post and ever one lifts me a bit more out of this funk/worry/depression I seem to be in lately. I’m sad. I’m happy. I’m worried. I’m relieved. Sadly, all. I will post more, respond more tomorrow. Again, I so much appreciate your encouragement. You’re lifting of my spirits. Your ideas. Your wisdom. Your caring ❤️
just_terrilynn
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
It’s all going to be wonderful Lynn! And, you will be wonderful.

Time to plan a trip. I love trip planning! We plan the destination together and usually my husband looks for flights and I look at endless choices for lodging to narrow it down. Then, we pick and make lists for restaurants, interests and transportation etc. This will be fun. It will be an exciting distraction as you both acclimate to a new daily routine.
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mtnrdredux_gw
4 years ago
What an exciting event! I can s understand why you are nervous. I would def jot down a few bullet points to address the group. I am sure it will be a wonderful evening, what a milestone and how nice to see this outpouring of thanks.
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yeonassky
4 years ago
I think you've got this. It sounds like you already have a plan for how to handle an emotional evening.

I too think you should plan for a short speech. At least along the lines of a thank you to everyone who came.

Of course it's hard not to be nervous about a situation and anticipate it a bit too much when there are many unknowns happening like a retirement.

As well as deep breaths noticing nature whenever stressed helps me. Go for a walk whenever you can before the evening. Dress for the weather of course. Or even watch nature shows.

Congratulations to your DH on his retirement. What a wonderful new adventure for you both.
LynnNM thanked yeonassky
maire_cate
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
Lynn I have no doubt that you will float through the evening with grace and generosity of spirit because that's how you are here with all of us. The evening will be emotional and if you tear up every now and then that's to be expected.

I know your DH has a solo practice but will there be others who have been asked to speak? When my husband had his retirement party the other physicians in the practice each spoke but there were also a few others who had worked with him for years who offered impromptu comments or toasts. I found that to be the most emotional yet also the most memorable because they often included little stories that I had never heard. And luckily I didn't have to say anything!

Someone on his staff thoughtfully put a few tissue packets at our table. Great idea to have name tags because while DH knew everyone I certainly didn't.

So just remember to bask in the glow of the evening. We'll all be thinking of you!

Maire
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OutsidePlaying
4 years ago
What a wonderful evening this will be. It sounds like you have everything covered. I would definitely have a few bullet points and names written down as reminders in case you are asked to speak. Try to relax and enjoy the evening. Some of it will be a blur afterwards, so do just breathe and take it in when you can. Have a good friend standing close by with a glass of water or to give you a little pat on the arm now and then for reassurance.

You did say someone was going to photograph the evening. Is someone also going to take a few videos? Sometimes those are fun to view afterwards to see and hear people interacting. The fun would be watching people interact with your DH, and hearing their stories and praise to him for what he has done. In your heart, you know you have been a part of this all the way.
LynnNM thanked OutsidePlaying
IdaClaire
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
I believe you've totally got this too. You've received excellent advice above, and I'll just add that while it's wise for you to plan ahead and consider how to put your best face forward at this wonderful event, I also think that things like this that we often fret over almost always turn out to be so much more lovely and EASY (meaning that they put us at ease) than we ever dreamed possible. I hope you will allow yourself to let go just a little bit of the detailed planning, and just breathe in peacefully, wrapping yourself in calmness. It's going to be a fabulous evening.
LynnNM thanked IdaClaire
dees_1
4 years ago
everyone is giving such great advice. My only advice would be to dress comfortably, be yourself and have FUN!!! This is a celebration of your husband's career and your support of him. Something tells me you will be graceful, warm and emotional. It's OK!

You have very capable planners so you should leave everything to them. As hard as it may be, you should relax and let the events be what they are.
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Allison0704
4 years ago
Another vote for you've got this! For me, when it's nerve wracking before the event, I am usually calm once it begins. Wear whatever you're more comfortable wearing. I would want something with a pocket(s) so avoid a handbag for tissues and cell phone, but that's just me. A shoulder bag would get in the way of all that hugging! Enjoy the evening, and report back to us asap!
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graywings123
4 years ago
I'm worried about your right hand. Is there some way you can avoid shaking hands? Or to signal that your hand isn't up to handshakes?

It sounds like it will be a wonderful evening.
LynnNM thanked graywings123
runninginplace
4 years ago
Wow, it's show time! Exciting and nerve wracking are definitely reasonable emotions for this event.

I"m going to hit you with thoughts from the event planner perspective. If there's a professional coordinator involved has she shared the run of show with you? I'm sure you know but in case someone isn't familiar with that term-run of show is the complete timeline of the event starting from set up to breakdown. It's the framework of how the activity will proceed and includes the specific times at which the program components take place, the order of speakers, and sometimes even where/when/how people come up to and leave from the central presentation area.

Lynn if you haven't gotten the run of show from your coordinator it would be hugely helpful to ask her for that and then you and your husband can review it. You can brief him so he knows what will be going on. The idea is that Doc and Mrs Doc can be in the moment while also knowing exactly what will be happening, when and how.

So that's my .02 and of course this all might be already handled so if so please disregard. I think having a run of show is mandatory for any gathering. It makes for a huge stress reliever to be aware of the 'skeleton' of the party so you can track how it's flowing along.

And of course it works that way for guests as well. We all know how vaguely irritating it feels to go to something that just drifts along, where you don't really have any clue if there will be speakers, when they will come up, how long the general hugging and snacking and chatting will last, when the party is basically done as far as any formal portion goes so you can graciously leave and so on.

We are social animals and even though people should never feel they are being force marched from one activity to the next, the run of show is deeply comforting on a very primal level for everyone in the group not just the hosts ;).
LynnNM thanked runninginplace
jmck_nc
4 years ago
Totally agree with Running about the "run of show"! We had a day of event wedding coordinator for my son's recent wedding and she had things planned down to the minute. Everything went soooo smoothly and the bride's mom and I could just enjoy ourselves with our guests. It was great to have a go to person that evening when there was any little glitch (unexpected guest...handled, toilet wouldn't flush in ladies room...handled, broken glass on patio....handled) and I'm sure there were things I didn't even realize were handled. She also handled the schedule so that the bride and groom were served first (they had 15 minutes to eat!) then while everyone else went through buffet line and ate they went to each table so that they were able to speak to every guest at least once to thank them for coming. That coordinator person you hired will likely handle all of these details so you can just soak it in. I hope you and your hubby have a wonderful time!
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tinam61
4 years ago
Relax and just enjoy. Try to soak it all in. I hope you are both able to bask in the glow of the many patients who have been cared for by your husband. He is clearly much loved.
LynnNM thanked tinam61
Yayagal
4 years ago
Try to eat something before you go and maybe a sip or two of wine and you'll be great. I hear you about being nervous but, ten minutes into it, you will start to relax and be amazed. This is a HUGE event and you are a gracious lady, it will all fall into place. God bless.
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LynnNM
Original Author
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
I had to run errands in town this morning, but read through all of your posts before I left. They're helping already! And, I did pick up some waterproof mascara while shopping.

*BTW, my keyboard is ready for the trash very soon, as it's skipping letters indiscriminately. So, if there are a lot of typos that I've missed please forgive me. I will beat this keyboard to pieces as soon as my new one arrives (LOL)!

Eld: I just had to add that yours is such a wise and calming bit of advice. Thank you, again.

Bpath: I'm writing down your ideas for my own little speech/talk. Good points, all! Thank you for those!!! I had such a chuckle after reading about your niece's glued-shut eyelash dilemma-LOL!

Maddielee: OMG, I'm so glad that you reminded me to give DH a handkerchief!!! He hardly ever uses them, but I KNOW that we both would have forgotten one on Thursday evening. :~O Thank you!!!

Lizzie: Thank you for that. You touched my heart!

Funkyart: More good things to add to my own "speech". Thank you for them! And, good, good advice for Friday. YES, I will!!!

Justerrilynn: Good idea about planning a trip ! Our anniversary is in January. With all of this retirement stuff, I hadn't even thought much about a trip to celebrate our anniversary. I'm going to talk to DH about it this weekend. Thanks!

Mtn: Yes, putting my thoughts down in just several bullets that I can quickly pull out and refer to if needed. Good idea!

Yeonassky: I'll pass along your good wishes to him, thank you! And, yes, deep breaths and a walk with our sweet dogs before I get dressed on Thursday evening. Very good advice to help keep me calm. Thank you!

Maire_Cate: It's so good to hear your advice, having gone through this yourself! As for speakers, besides the host/coordinator, just his office manager, the doc taking over his practice, his nurse, and me. And then, any patients who would like to speak. Sadly, DH's former partner of 20+ years is now living in San Diego and not able to travel for medical reasons. But, with all of the talking points already mentioned here, I'm going to have something heartfelt but on the light side for my own "speech".

OutsidePlaying: Great idea about having a friend stay with/near me. I like that idea. I'm not sure about taking videos, but I will find out tomorrow. I'm so glad that you mentioned that! And, yes, I do need to make sure that I listen and take in as much reminiscing as I can.

Ida: Thank you! Yes, I'm going to keep telling myself just that: "Breathe in peacefully; Stay wrapped in calmness. This is going to be a fabulous evening!" My new mantra!

Dees: thank you! I do always try to be a caring and gracious person. And yes, our planners seem to be very capable. They're getting paid to worry and deal with "stuff", I'm just there to support my sweet, wonderful husband.

Allison: "Nerve wracking", yes, that's exactly the word I was searching for (LOL)! That was me, especially yesterday! And wear something with pockets, good idea! I hadn't thought of that. Out here in New Mexico, we tend to dress down a bit more than LA or NYC . . . a bit (LOL)!!! Although we do go in for statement jewelry, turquoise especially. I have a pretty good figure still. Slender hips, bottom and legs. Pretty normal on top. I'm thinking of wearing a pair of dressy black slim-fit slacks with a camisole or lightweight knit top, and then a dressy jacket or kimona-type jacket (that covers my bottom, just because I think it's appropriate for such an occasion). Nothing sexy, or low cut, just pretty . . . and huggable (LOL)!

Graywings: I'm worried about my right hand, too! But, I've thought about, and then discarded, the idea of ace-wrapping it. Too cubersome, and I eat and hold a glass with my right hand. I think the Advil will help, then and again on Friday. Thank you for caring, though!

Running: Yes, I did get the itinerary from our coordinator, thanks. BUT, yours is a very smart idea to talk with her ahead of time about somehow letting the guests (and our staff) know what to expect and when. Thank you so much for that!!

Jmck: Wow, your son and DIL's wedding planner/coordinator was fantastic, I am so impressed! And, it's also reassuring to hear that people that do this for a living can/will handle it all for us!

Tina: Yes, thank you, he is dearly loved by so many. And, yes, I'm going to try my darndest to bask in the happy glow of the evening.

Yaya: You've brought tears to my eyes with your kind words, Thank you. And, good idea to eat a bit of something beforehand. And, perhaps, a nice half glass of Chardonnay, as well.

Thank you all, my dear, good Houzz friends. For your caring and for your good advice. Once again, you've helped me to calm down and destress.

I am so proud of my wonderful husband. He has given truly his all to his patients these past 37+ years, and so loved it. He is, and has always been, such a good human being. A kind, thoughtful, brilliant but also a very down-to-earth gentleman and physician. And, the love of my life.

Lynn
pudgeder
4 years ago
No other advice to offer, just good wishes and a big congratulations for both of you!
LynnNM thanked pudgeder
Arapaho-Rd
4 years ago
Someone once told me, the anticipation is worse than the reality. So once you get there and the evening starts, it will be a whirlwind and a milestone in your lives. My advice would be to just soak it all in. It's such a tribute to both of you. Be proud of your husband, thankful for the memories and try to be present in the moment. Be yourself and I'm sure it will be an evening to remember.
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LynnNM
Original Author
4 years ago
Pudgeder: thank you!

Arapaho: I’m wrapping my head around that and you’re so right!
RNmomof2 zone 5
4 years ago
Many of my thoughts have already been mentioned but I'll echo them.

I'm concerned about your hand. It always bothers me when someone feels that they need to crush my hand when shaking it. Do you by any chance have a compression glove, sleeve, small brace or something to wear to signal be careful with me?

As a few have mentioned, I also feel the anticipation of the event is more emotional than the actual event. I know it has been that way for me at my DD's wedding and other situations where I felt I would be a blubbery mess.

As has been mentioned, take it all in and if given the chance to sit back and watch, do it. Observe the love you DH will be getting shower with.

Congrats to all of your family on this milestone. hugs
LynnNM thanked RNmomof2 zone 5
lizbeth-gardener
4 years ago
You've gotten lots of great advice and am sure you will sail through this with ease. My advice would be to get plenty of sleep tonight and have your outfit laid out and a backup ready, if needed. Slow down, take deep breathes and enjoy the party. Congratulations and enjoy the next phase of your life!
LynnNM thanked lizbeth-gardener
rubyclaire
4 years ago
Wonderful advice here and I really don't have any to add but did want to say that I hope you both can enjoy the moment and take in all the love and support. As others have said - you've got this. Congratulations to you and your DH.
LynnNM thanked rubyclaire
eld6161
4 years ago
Tonight is the night!!!! Thinking of you.
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LynnNM
Original Author
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
Yes, tonight’s the night, and I have All of you to thank for helping to keep me calm, unstressed and focused these last few days. And, oh, did I need that!!!! By yesterday afternoon I had my outfit for today (picking up coordinator at airport, car tour of Albuquerqu’s Old Town and lunch) ironed and ready. My outfit for this evening ironed and ready, even down to my jewelry, shoes and purse. And, as Lizbeth suggested, a back-up outfit, as well, just in case. Plus DH’s suit, shirt and tie are ready and waiting. I’ve used all of your suggestions to put together my own short speech. And, it came to me yesterday that it would make the evening more special for each of us to wear something of DH’s wonderful parents. They passed many years ago, but I’m sure will be watching their son tonight with much pride. He will be wearing one of Daddy’s Texaco service pins on his lapel. I will be wearing Mother’s diamond eternity ring. Thank you again for everything. And you were right, the stress and planning beforehand has given way to happiness and me actually looking forward to this evening!
tinam61
4 years ago
So sweet to wear something from his parents! Just wanted to pop in and wish you a wonderful time tonight. Tomorrow, take a day and just REST and enjoy the memories of all that transpires tonight. I know it's going to be a great night!! Enjoy!
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blfenton
4 years ago
Yes, tonight's the night. I had no advice for you but have been thinking about this very special night that you both deserve. Congratulations and have fun.

Now, you're not retiring from here I hope.
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Kitchenwitch111
4 years ago
Good luck and enjoy the evening!
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Yayagal
4 years ago
This is not an ending but a beginning. We all are rooting for you.
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tishtoshnm Zone 6/NM
4 years ago
Congratulations to you and DH. Wishing you both luck and contentment as you embark on the next stage of your adventure!
LynnNM thanked tishtoshnm Zone 6/NM
robo (z6a)
4 years ago
Good luck tonight!!!
LynnNM thanked robo (z6a)
Zalco/bring back Sophie!
4 years ago
Have a wonderful evening, Lynn! You and your sweetheart have so much to be proud of.
LynnNM thanked Zalco/bring back Sophie!
OutsidePlaying
4 years ago
Lynn, you will have a lot of virtual hands holding yours tonight. Have fun and congratulations to you and your DH!
LynnNM thanked OutsidePlaying
3katz4me
4 years ago
Have fun tonight!!
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suero
4 years ago
Enjoy the evening and look forward to the change in your life.
LynnNM thanked suero
localeater
4 years ago
Have a great night, you are in my thoughts
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Bonnie
4 years ago
Sending warm wishes your way Lynn!!!
LynnNM thanked Bonnie
glad2b
4 years ago
Thinking about you, Lynn! I’m sure it will be a perfect and wonderful evening. Enjoy! :)
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Bestyears
4 years ago
By the time you read this, I hope you will have had a wonderful experience, filled with friends, colleagues and best wishes for a wonderful retirement!
LynnNM thanked Bestyears
cooper8828
4 years ago
Thinking of you and Doc and hope tonight is very fulfilling.
LynnNM thanked cooper8828
jojoco
4 years ago
I hope your evening is going perfectly. So much to take in. Enjoy it all.
LynnNM thanked jojoco
nhbaskets
4 years ago
Kick off your flats and have a seat. Hope you have many memories to discuss for years to come. Congrats!
blfenton
4 years ago
How was it? Did you guys have a good time? I hope you got lots of pictures for remembering this great night.
just_terrilynn
4 years ago
Yes, how was it? I keep checking back to see if you’ve posted. Most likely the day after will have you busy as well though.
LynnNM thanked just_terrilynn
3katz4me
4 years ago
Me too - checking in for a full report!!
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eld6161
4 years ago
I think Lynn should start a new thread.
LynnNM thanked eld6161
3katz4me
4 years ago
Good idea
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Arapaho-Rd
4 years ago
last modified: 4 years ago
No updates yet? I hope this means it was a roaring good time :)
LynnNM thanked Arapaho-Rd

DH's Retirement Party: I Need Advice (& Hand-holding)

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