Struggling with Wanting to Let This Tradition Go

ritaweeda

I didn't want to hijack the post about the 10 annoying things about the holidays so here it is - I'm not wanting to continue sending Christmas cards anymore. I've actually dreaded doing it for quite a few years now but doggedly and dutifully did it anyway. I just don't want to. And I'm feeling guilty about it but I shouldn't, it doesn't bring me joy anymore and I'm getting old now and shouldn't be doing things that don't bring me joy. LOL! Most of the people I send to fall into 2 groups. The first one is all the ones I keep up with all the time, family, close friends. The other group are people who although I'm still fond of, and have good memories of, I haven't actually spoken to or seen most of them for YEARS! Times have changed, people use FB to inform everyone about their lives now (I'm not one of them) but I think maybe they are smarter than I am because they have moved on from the drudgery and doing stuff they really don't want to do. When I mentioned it to DH he didn't get mad but I think he's a little saddened about it. And it's not that I don't have the time, I have more of that now than ever, it's just that I don't have the desire to do it.

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Okla Moni

Just do it, I mean, just quit. I did in 2010. I still get some cards, but that's OK with me. No, I don't send those folks one too. Absolutely no guilt here.



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arkansas girl

Here's an idea, if your husband wants this to continue, why can't he do it?

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abbisgram

If it feels like a chore to you, don't do it.

ETA: I agree with arkansas girl.

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watchmelol

Agree with Okila Moni. Don't do unnecessary things that don't make you happy.


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amylou321

I get wanting to keep a tradition going to keep your hubby happy. BUT really, after the first year it probably wont be an issue anymore. I used to watch my mother sit and fill out huge amounts of Christmas cards. I thought it was the DUMBEST thing,as most of the people on the list were people my parents never spoke too. They just knew them,therefore they must get a card. They used to receive cards from people that they couldn't remember EXACTLY who they were. But it was the thing to do. I have never ever sent cards,other than the ones that contain christmas money to 2 of my nephews, who are also my godsons. That's its. No more. And I am waiting patiently for the day that they are old enough to have their own PayPal or venmo account to eliminate the need for those 2 cards....I get one from my parents,which is nice I guess. And I like the picture postcards from my siblings so I can have an updated picture of their families. But I also get random ones from cousins I can honestly say I have never uttered a word to. Why? I know its much easier now with everything automated.It doesn't take but a few clicks of a mouse to send a custom printed card to hundreds,but still....cousin who?

Just stop. Christmas should be joyful. If you can remove a source of drudgery from your life,do so at once.

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ritaweeda

WOW! Not even an hour since I posted and already 5 posts saying what I wanted to hear! I pretty much had made up my mind already but sometimes we need someone who "feels our pain" on an issue - know what I mean???

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maddielee

It really is ok to stop sending them.

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functionthenlook

I stopped sending them years ago. They were just another unwelcome chore. Most of the people I know quit sending them also. I got one this year so far from my DS and DIL. They live local and I see them all the time anyway. I didn't even get the usual mailman and garbage man card this year.

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littlebug zone 5 Missouri

I stopped 30 years ago. I’m 64 now.

I also thought it was an antiquated practice, costly and time consuming. My mother was disgusted with me, but oh well. I don’t miss it AT ALL.

Tell your DH to get off his hind end and do it himself. There’s no reason that a woman has to do it.

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gardengal48 (PNW Z8/9)

I wouldn't struggle with it for very long :-) I haven't sent out Christmas cards for years, except for those close to me that have a Christmas birthday. I send them birthday cards :-) And no one else I know does so either. The exception is a couple of family members that do the annual family photo cards, which I enjoy receiving but require no response as I see them all at the holidays anyway.

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quasifish

My DH is having major medical issues this year and Christmas cards (and decorating) are about the last thing I feel like doing. I also have a young DD for whom taking Christmas pictures to send to friends and family is important. This year I'm doing retaliatory Christmas cards, meaning that I have pictures of DD ready to go and I will return a card w/pic to those people who thinks to send a card our way this year. Maybe a few others to family members who would want pictures of DD.

Do whatever feels right to you. Heck, send Happy Summer cards in a few months instead!

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nickel_kg

Hallmark must really be hating on us all, lol. I have a handful of relatives that I send cards to, the oldsters mostly. And I look for cheap cards at that.

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socks

I have sent cards for decades when I found it a very, very boring chore. I could’ve written your post, Rita. I started cutting down every year, and we are getting fewer cards but that’s fine. We have friends out of the country and far away and I will write a letter and send them cards. I probably still send about 10 cards. Also the cards come in handy to give cash gifts to people like the trash pick up guy. Rita, would your husband like to send the cards? (probably not. Mine wouldn’t )

For me, it’s not a time issue and it’s not an Internet issue. I just don’t enjoy doing it.

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ritaweeda

I kind of understand the practice of sending them to very elderly who are set in this tradition and look forward to it. But I stay in constant contact with all my elderly (what's left of them) relatives and friends already. I only have one elderly friend who loves to get Christmas cards that is the exception but it's up in the air about her mental faculties lately, not getting any info on her since being sent to the hospital awhile back. So it's not like I've got a little ol' Aunt or Grammy waiting on the yearly update - all those folks are gone already. And DH isn't mad, just had a sad look on his face. He actually does have a couple of working acquaintances that he sends his own cards to and if he wants to continue that's up to him and of no concern of mine.

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Hot Rod

We rarely send cards. If you want to quit, how about sending them this year - one last time - with a note that you'll no longer be sending cards. That way, those that you're not in frequent contact with will know why they don't get cards, and your close friends probably won't mind anyway. :)

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Michael

Don't do unnecessary things that don't make you happy.

And spread the word!

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share_oh

I stopped sending them years ago too but will send one to my elderly aunt as she's the only one left. I stopped due to the cost of stamps back then. We still get a few in the mail but no where near what we used to get so I think most of the people I know aren't sending them either.

We have mailbox slots at church so we will give a few out that way but that's about it.

My mother still sends and receives a lot of cards. She LOVES displaying them.

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morz8

I don't particularly enjoy doing Christmas cards - and I am a card sender....birthdays always and on time. But there are still some older folks on my list who really enjoy getting mail - and can see with my mother (and her age group) where something personal in the mail can really brighten their day, something other than the typical ads and bills. For that age group I'll often send something at Easter, birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

So I'll do a few, maybe 20 or so. I tend to send them out just about in time to arrive before Christmas and that way can thank anyone who has remembered us with a family update photo card. I do get several of those from old friends moved away, former neighbors, cousins in other states.

Ritaweeda, I get some every year, Christmas letters done by the husband - it's not strictly a wife's chore. Two that come to mind that have always been written and addressed by him, not her...

And, I get a 'Christmas' letter with photos every year bringing me up to date on lives, and lives of all their adult children and their grandchildren - from the wife of a man who was once DH's boss. It arrives about February without fail ;0) And comes with no excuses.

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schoolhouse_gwagain

I like Christmas cards, both sending and receiving. I send out maybe 20 or so. The last few years though, people who regularly sent me cards in return have not. Are they telling me they don't want me to send them cards anymore? is it just that they are too busy now, cost of stamps, paper waste, sending me one just because they feel they have to? I've known them for years but no longer "hang out" as our lives have gone in different directions. We still consider each other friends. My relatives rarely send me cards in return.

Do I take them off the list? Is it sending a message that I no longer feel they are important enough to receive a card when perhaps a mutual friend gets one?

I make my cards. The cost of ink is getting outrageous, but I love doing it. So are the cards really for me? hmmm. It's suppose to be about feeling good at Christmas. :(

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nhbaskets

I stopped sending them years ago. No guilt. Reading through these comments, I always wondered why the card I received from my sister and BIL was always sent by my BIL. I'm guessing it's important to him, so she told him to go for it. Now if I could only get him to spell my name correctly.

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blfenton

I stopped sending them years ago as well. My DH still sends some, but why I have no idea. I think we now get about 4 cards.

I always viewed it as a chore.

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raee_gw zone 5b-6a Ohio

I do like getting cards from the very few that send me one - and I send very few as well. It is just a way to say "hello, we've thought of you" and as such are meaningful and welcome to me. The long lists of everyone I might know, neighbors, professional contacts, and so forth - such as my parents had - don't convey the same feeling and I never have done that.

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OutsidePlaying

It is time consuming. We has a discussion in another recent thread about how much the costs really went up this year on a favorite site and how much more difficult it seemed to be, rather than easier, to make your own from a photograph.

After addressing around 25 last night and still not quite finished, I have almost decided to cut back. I’m still debating about next year and whether to call it quits or just drastically cut back even more. We do still receive quite a few.

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DawnInCal

A few years ago, I felt like you did, Ritaweeda. I still send cards, but just a few to people I want to make contact with over the holidays whether I see them in person or not. First, I stopped sending the cards to people who didn't reciprocate. Next, they stopped going out to people I've lost contact with or just don't feel any sort of connection to. Also, all of our older relatives have passed on, so that eliminated a whole bunch of people.

These days, I send them out to about a small group of people: six ladies I used to work with and whom I see about twice a year, my best friend from high school (see her about twice a year), my sister and two of my neighbors. Because it's been reduced to such a small job, I no longer dread it. I also stopped writing novels inside the cards; now it's just a "happy holidays - have a great new year" not and that's it. That made a huge difference in my attitude as well.

Do what feels right to you whether it's stopping completely or sending out just a few to the folks who are important to you.

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Elmer J Fudd

There's no reason to dread or struggle with what's really a trivial issue. Make a decision now so you can spend today with more important or pleasant things on your mind.

Living a secular life with mostly secular friends, for us holiday season cards are much more an opportunity to get updated family photos (we seem to only get, and we send, photo cards) and annual family letters. Years ago the cards were photos of growing children, today they're more grown children and their growing children, often accompanied by short letters describing the family's events during the year. Even with friends we see regularly, we don't always see the rest of their families and so the annual photos and letters are enjoyable. We get few other cards besides photo ones.

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chisue

If you wouldn't call someone and look forward to at least five minutes of conversation, why send a card with just your signature or some impersonal and banal, "Best wishes." If that doesn't say, "Whew. Duty Done," I don't know what does. Spare me! Spare yourself!

If I want to connect with someone, I call them or send an email.


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kadefol

We stopped sending Christmas cards years ago. Still get a few every Christmas and feel a brief bit of guilt, but not enough to start back up again.

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lily316

I was going to end this year but I got a box of 12 cards and that's how many I'll send. I already got the stamps. When I was looking in my address book , most of the people there are dead and others I never see. In the day, I used to send over 60. My daughter thinks this is so antiquated and I kinda agree. This will be my last year.

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Marilyn_Sue

If you don't feel like sending them don't. I still send a lot of cards and I always try to include a newsy letter in mine if I can. This may be the only time of the year we keep in touch but look forward to the letters we receive inside of our cards.

Sue

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eld6161

We are still doing it, but realize that many only send us because they got ours first.

I once overheard someone say that she only sends to those that she doesn't see. So friends that you would run into at the market etc, and verbally exchange holiday wishes, were off her list.

I guess a good way to start cutting back.

But.....I am with you. Glad you are not doing anything that doesn't bring you joy.

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Lars

Greeting cards are the one Christmas tradition that I like, and so I still send them, although I get fewer than I send, as a rule. It has helped me keep in touch with some friends that I do not see regularly, and most of the cards I sent this year (about 12) went out of town. I think I only addressed one card to someone in Los Angeles, but this helps me keep in touch with him, and I know he appreciates it.

I used to make my own cards, but I stopped doing that, and I have cut back on the number of cards I send. Still, it is the one tradition that I follow, and so I'm not ready to give it up. I always send non-denominational cards - ones that would work equally well for Hanukkah as for Christmas. For me, it is more about the winter solstice.

I think you should keep only those traditions that you want, and it seems you have made your choice, just as I have made mine. It doesn't matter that they are different.

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patriceny

This is one of those traditions that has never made sense to me.

If people include a note or one of those family letters outlining what everyone did over the course of a year it makes more sense. But a folded piece of paper with a pretty holiday scene on the front, and only your signature inside? I just don't get it.

In my younger years, I used to feel guilty if someone sent me a card so I always sent one in response back to them. But now I don't bother.

It's entirely possible I'm a heartless wench. Ha! But I don't need a card with an autograph in it. They seem so generic and pointless (to me).

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sephia_wa

I used to always receive a Christmas card from a woman I used to work with. Every year she'd send me one, and then I'd send her one. A couple of years ago I didn't receive one. I thought that was odd, so I sent her a happy new year card. More out of curiosity, to see if I'd get it back. I did. Someone had written "deceased" on the envelope. That's an example of blindly following a tradition that wasn't that important. I had no idea when this woman passed. Sometime in the preceding year.

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Zalco/bring back Sophie!

Patriceny, you're fortunate if you get an autograph. Lots juts come signed from the printer and stuffed in an envelope. I love Christmas cards, but all those cheap photo cards sent without any real communication ended the practice for me.

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chipotle

I cut the cards sent by about 2/3 last year. I concentrated on actually including short letters with the ones I did send.

We get a number of photo cards. I enjoy them. Each to his/her own.

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schoolhouse_gwagain

sephia, or you could be surprised at how much your card and keeping in touch meant to her. Wondering why relatives didn't respond to your return address and notify you of her passing. I remember a co-worker's family did so to a friend of mine who had been sending cards to their mother for years. They wrote a very touching note.


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phoggie

I stopped sending Christmas cards several years ago after I developed my hand tremor, but I spend several days making personal phone calls to friends and family members that I do not frequently see. It is such a joy to talk to them and catch up on their lives.

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jemdandy

If you wish to opt out of sending Christmas cards, just do it. It would not be unusual. Many of my acquaintances have done so. Many people I know have pared their list to only the ones with whom they have a close relationship and wish to maintain close contact. Several names on the fringe of my list did it by graciously informing me they were no longer spamming the mail box with holiday cards. Times have changed and the population has begun to broaden their holiday view beyond a singular religion.

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happy2b…gw

I could not agree more, Zalco.

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maddielee

Just remember that once you stop sending cards people are apt to stop sending them to you. If receiving cards in the mail is important to you or your husband you may want to continue to send them out.

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Hot Rod

Not really, maddielee. We haven't sent cards in years (other than one or two "obligation" cards) and still get several.

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ravencajun Zone 8b TX

I lost all of my address books in the flood. I had a few in my phone but it quit working. So I no longer send them. I do with our immediate families but that's it. I used to do an update letter with the card. That was enjoyable for me and my friends. I am not a phone call person. I am fine if someone calls me but I don't frequently make phone calls. I do text and emails.

So do what makes you happy.

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Anglophilia

Nearly all my "Christmas traditions" are going by the wayside this year. Just not well enough to do much of anything.

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patriciae_gw

When my home burned with my address book I had to wait for those who would send me a card even if they had not heard from me and that was a winnowing event right there. Since I have moved a lot in my life I had old friends all over the place. Oh well for those I never heard from. As the years have passed I have gotten down to siblings and close friends who live far away. I have always written personal letters to each person-or why communicate? The job has gotten smaller and smaller over the years. I enjoy hearing from people I hear from but each year the list gets smaller and smaller and that is how life is.

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Elmer J Fudd

Here's a suggestion to easily protect important information from loss.

For stuff like address books and calendars, smartphone users will want to have such info available electronically anyway. Put your calendar and paper address book info into Google's system or whatever other digital system you use. Then such info will be available for use immediately on your smartphones and will be always available online.

Important papers? Passwords? Scan hard copies, make digital files of what you can, and attach them to emails that you send to yourself. Same thing, always available for reference no matter where you are and the files will be backed up by the mail service you use.

I have some stuff on spreadsheets - card mailing lists, invitation lists with addresses for social or family events, etc., Attached to emails so always immediately accessible no matter where I am.



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joyfulguy

Hi Rita,

I appreciate receiving cards with updates on recent family and personal activities much more than a bare card.

I've always included updating info, for many via photocopies, with an added personal note for some.

A few years ago I reported that I was cutting back substantially on the list, and was giving the savings to increased help for charities. Quite low response: some agreed, a few said they might do that, as well.

As I read your message, three thoughts came to mind: I wondered whether you were feeling a sense of disconnect from people who were friends some rather long time ago, but you didn't appear to be unhappy about only a portion, but of the operation as a whole. (connection)

I wondered whether it was mainly the tradition that you figured had become related mainly to a former time but which you felt next to no satisfaction from, now. (obligation, tradition)

Or was it mainly the labour that you felt not worth the effort - you spoke of "drudgery" (but it may have referred primarily to someone else's experience). (labour, with little gratification)

As you prepare the card/message for each person, do you spend some moments meditating on your relationship and being thankful for it, even though inactive for many years?

As we age, contact with some relatives and friends becomes lost, through choice, attrition or death.

As this has gone on, have you regretted there having been little or no recent contact with some, or each of the departed?

Would it be a good idea to go over your card list, to consider ways to maintain contact with the ones with whom you choose to do so, when you depart the card routine?

How about inviting hubby to consider your connection with each on the list, together ... maybe he could see the importance of continuing contact with some ... and of becoming an active participant?

Last year several dozen people from several local congregations of three denominations gathered for several discussions of a book "Re-designing your life: a practical spirituality for the second half of your life", written by a female clergyperson (of our denomination).

It spoke of the recent experience of extended life of so many in our society, often in reasonably good health, that it was sort of like having an extra room added to our house, and in such a case, what worthwhile plans would we make for more effective use of it? So what should we plan for those extra probably largely healthy, years added to our lives - including a spiritual dimension?

Good wishes as you choose your path ahead.

ole joyful

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Kathsgrdn

If you don't want to do it then stop. I still get cards from old friends, not all of them. The ones who don't send them don't hurt my feelings at all. I still send them one, though. I don't know how long I will continue doing it, though. I bought some pretty ones this year and will spend the weekend writing a short notes and getting them ready to send out, along with the KT ones. Been pretty busy between work and PT the last couple of weeks, seems like I don't have a lot of free time but I have the whole weekend coming up off!

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Zalco/bring back Sophie!

{{{Anglophilia}}}}}} I hope you feel better soon.

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pekemom

Now 72 I send out very few cards compared to the 70's. I'd send a lot, each with a picture of our kids... Now just a few, it's a lot more expensive too. I still have boxes of cards I used to buy at the after Christmas sales.

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seagrass_gw

joyfulguy - I found some peace in what you wrote. Thank you.

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lily316

People used to look forward to my cards with a newsletter enclosed. I started when the kids were little and then it was all about the grandkids. I'd include pictures. I found some of these a few days ago and they were fun to read. I have gotten one card so far and I haven't started yet. I think if I stop sending, the others will too.

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arcy_gw

This is my frustration lily. I too get told "make sure I get your Christmas letter"..and I often reply--then send one to me!! For what ever reason my letters are a thing people look forward to each year. Every year as the kids got older, moved away my 'material' for a humorous light letter has dried up. I got turned off on "hallmark" Christmas years ago--too commercial-- so have always just written a letter with pictures of my own. But frankly I am disappointed by the cards I get in return. I do not comprehend the point of spending money on a card, money on stamps, all the trouble of addressing etc. and then all one does is sign the card. No news, seldom even a picture..I know I know Facebook/social media killed all that but truly not really. I still desire to hear their yearly inventory!!! I will quit as soon as a "letter" does not write itself and w/o guilt because NO ONE ELSE is anyway!!!

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ritaweeda

Oljoyful - you showed a lot of insight on 2 of the three points that you brought up, especially the first one. I think I do feel some disconnect from a few of the people on the list since the only connection we have over all these years is the yearly card. People move on in life, I need to let it go and get over it. And the second one fits, too - the traditional obligation is fading in importance to me and I shouldn't let it make me feel guilty. The third one - the labor factor - is a small issue but not the main one. I have a lot of time on my hands - plenty enough to do it - I just don't want to do it. So I pretty much had made up my mind before I even first posted this - I just wanted to see how many others had let this practice go long ago or were thinking of it. I sent all my email contacts notice that I won't be sending cards anymore and told them not to think that I didn't care anymore or had died or been sent to the home or something when they didn't get one. I actually got an email from the one person I wouldn't have thought would feel that way that she thought it was a good idea. I was very surprised but she is one of those that I only connect with maybe 2 or 3 times a year so maybe that's why. Who knows - there might be more than one who will sigh in relief that they won't have to send a card back in guilt anymore! LOL!!!

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joyfulguy

Thank you for your message, Rita.

And thank you for yours, as well, seagrass.

It is gratifying when one feels that some of one's thoughts and ideas have brought insight, satisfaction, joy or other pleasure to someone.

I had a feeling that the disconnect and outgrown tradition were likely of more consequence than the work involved, rita.

Perhaps somewhat related to my having achieved a milestone age this year has brought to mind that I'd like to reconnect with some with whom there's been no card-related contact for a few, and rather than a (mailed) print-related contact I'm more drawn to make it more personal, e.g. a phone call. And an e-mail seems more directly related/(contemporary?) than a mailed one, if less permanent.

Two weeks till Christmas, and some effort needed to update contacts ... so better get busy!

I hope that you have a blessed, inspirational and memorable time at this year-end and beginning of a new one!

ole joyfuelled

P.S. This surely has developed into a popular thread!

o

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Elmer J Fudd

I'm not sure the time left until Christmas Day is necessarily relevant to a lot of people. We often get a number of cards after Christmas and also a number in the first week of the new year.

What seems to be an annually increasing percentage of the cards we get, I think now more than half, are in fact cards with no mention of Christmas at all. It's more common to see cards saying Seasons Greetings or Holiday Greetings. Both because of the diminishing observance of Christmas as a religious event and also because of the diverse lists of recipients of all beliefs and of no beliefs that people increasingly have. More generic words are used to avoid offending the card recipients or to avoid assuming recipients would welcome a Christmas greeting even from those who do observe it.

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lily316

By this time years ago I would have gotten 25-30 cards. So far one from a cousin. I sent eight. I used to send 50-60.

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schoolhouse_gwagain

I put my cards in the mailbox this morning - a very cold, frosty morning I might add.

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eld6161

It is now December 12th and we have received only 3 cards. DH still wants to send out cards, I think he still really enjoys the tradition of looking at them.

This year I'm sending out 26.

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schoolhouse_gwagain

I took three off the list and then added three.

I agree, cards are arriving a little late this year. Everyone is busy now days, so many distractions, I understand completely. I hope they don't say to themselves, "Oh no, now have to send HER one." lol

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LucyStar1

I am 70 years old. This year I sent 12 cards, including one with a letter to a cousin in England. I also sent a card to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex :-)


This is the first year that I've thought of stopping it. I send cards to two former co-workers that I haven't seen in over 20 years. They send me a card, too. When I send the card, I don't even know if they are still living. The other thing that I noticed this year is that some of the sayings inside the card may not be appropriate as I age and the people around me age. For example, a card may say "Have the jolliest Christmas ever". Two of the people I send cards to are elderly and have no relatives to spend the holidays with. Another person lost their father a couple of months ago. A card like that doesn't seem appropriate to send. Some of the people I send cards to, I really don't know if they have suffered a loss of a loved one or are in bad health. I think it's because we've all aged that my thinking about sending cards has changed.


I talked to a friend about this (and she herself suffered a stroke this year and is having a CT scan because she has a brain tumor and lesions on some organs) and she said that I am over-thinking it.

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whatsayyou18

I used to angst so much over cards!, getting them out in a timely fashion, not forgetting anyone, writing just the right individual messages. The past several years I've cut back drastically and felt guilty each year I cut the list down even more. This is the first year I actually completely forgot about cards. Until seeing this thread, anyway! ;)

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Ladydi Zone 7A NW BC Canada

I know it's ridiculous but I feel quite nostalgic for those early days. There was a time when it was unthinkable not to send out Christmas cards to all our friends and family. I remember huddling together with friends & discussing the people who didn't send a card back. It was almost like an insult. Silly when I think back now but also sad that people just don't feel any need to connect in any personal way any time of the year. I guess we just have to adjust to changing times. This year I'm only sending out 12 cards, all to immediate family.

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ritamay91710

Here's what I did.... a few years back, I decided to wait and see who all sent me a card. If they didn't, I didn't send one to them. I know it probably sounds kind of bad, but I didn't think of it that way. I figured they might be in the same boat, wanting to stop. I do still send a few, but not near as many as I did in the past. Good Luck! You can do it!

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DawnInCal

I dropped about 15 cards off at the post office today. So far, we've received four in the mail. There are a couple of people I know won't send a card, but they always call this time of year. I'm probably getting the better end of the deal there.

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Elmer J Fudd

" I remember huddling together with friends & discussing the people who didn't send a card back."

Wow. So this was back in the good old days when you had more of a chance to be catty and talk behind peoples' backs? Is this a lost Christmas tradition for you?

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Ladydi Zone 7A NW BC Canada

Elmer, we were very young and unfortunately didn't always do the respectable thing. That was indeed back in the 'old' days and most of the women (girls really) led pretty shelter and somewhat boring lives. Apparently you have never done such a shameful thing so I apoligize if it offends you.

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Ladydi Zone 7A NW BC Canada

In defense, I do want to say that the discussions that went on were more of concern about the lack of response. Kind of, "i didn't a get a card from so-and-so, is she alright?" Really dislike that I feel compelled to explain what I think was a pretty harmless comment.

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Elmer J Fudd

I'm not sure I understand the connection between living a sheltered (not shelter) life and being gossipy. No, I've never acted like that and I do think it is pretty sad.

Here's the thing - when a potential topic of conversation are the actions a third party may choose to do for one person and not for another, the best thing to do is not bring it up with others. You don't ask a mutual friend "Did Patty invite you to come over to join her small family Christmas Eve get-together?", or "What kind of Christmas present did Patty give you, mine was terrific", or similar things. A simple one to not mention - "I sent Patty a card but didn't get one in return, did you?" What you're looking to do is either slime Patty, or make the other person feel bad in cases where you suspect you were on the favored end and someone else wasn't. All of the above are best avoided.

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Ladydi Zone 7A NW BC Canada

Sheesh! Sheltered can and to me means having little or no unpleasant experiences, excitement or change.

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Elmer J Fudd

Yes, exactly. A sheltered life. Not a shelter life.

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breenthumb

I can easily see certain in-laws, years ago, having a luscious conversation about who did or didn't send out cards. (Te-he-he)

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Ladydi Zone 7A NW BC Canada

Out of my comment(s) you got that I was looking to slime or make the other person feel bad ... yikes!!! It's kind of sad that you have such a bad perspective Elmer but so be it. I'm done with your 'baiting' so go find something else to offer your opinion on. Opps, I see you've already targeted someone else.

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ldstarr

DH & I have three couples we do things with very regularly. Our tradition is to skip getting together in November and December since there are usually so many family activities those months. I choose to send them Christmas cards with a brief personal note. I don't send any other cards and don't feel bad if I receive one from someone I didn't send to.

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socks

Here's what disappoints me: people heard from only through a Christmas card, people I've had a long relationship with but not so close any more, and they don't write one sentence to share the tiniest bit of news. All you know is that they are still alive. Can't they tell something about the kids, travel, health, daily activities?? Just a couple of sentences.

I've sent 2 cards (with notes) and 3 email messages.

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