There's no reason to dread or struggle with what's really a trivial issue. Make a decision now so you can spend today with more important or pleasant things on your mind.

Living a secular life with mostly secular friends, for us holiday season cards are much more an opportunity to get updated family photos (we seem to only get, and we send, photo cards) and annual family letters. Years ago the cards were photos of growing children, today they're more grown children and their growing children, often accompanied by short letters describing the family's events during the year. Even with friends we see regularly, we don't always see the rest of their families and so the annual photos and letters are enjoyable. We get few other cards besides photo ones.

If you wouldn't call someone and look forward to at least five minutes of conversation, why send a card with just your signature or some impersonal and banal, "Best wishes." If that doesn't say, "Whew. Duty Done," I don't know what does. Spare me! Spare yourself!

If I want to connect with someone, I call them or send an email.

We stopped sending Christmas cards years ago. Still get a few every Christmas and feel a brief bit of guilt, but not enough to start back up again.

I was going to end this year but I got a box of 12 cards and that's how many I'll send. I already got the stamps. When I was looking in my address book , most of the people there are dead and others I never see. In the day, I used to send over 60. My daughter thinks this is so antiquated and I kinda agree. This will be my last year.

If you don't feel like sending them don't. I still send a lot of cards and I always try to include a newsy letter in mine if I can. This may be the only time of the year we keep in touch but look forward to the letters we receive inside of our cards.

Sue

We are still doing it, but realize that many only send us because they got ours first.

I once overheard someone say that she only sends to those that she doesn't see. So friends that you would run into at the market etc, and verbally exchange holiday wishes, were off her list.

I guess a good way to start cutting back.

But.....I am with you. Glad you are not doing anything that doesn't bring you joy.

Greeting cards are the one Christmas tradition that I like, and so I still send them, although I get fewer than I send, as a rule. It has helped me keep in touch with some friends that I do not see regularly, and most of the cards I sent this year (about 12) went out of town. I think I only addressed one card to someone in Los Angeles, but this helps me keep in touch with him, and I know he appreciates it.

I used to make my own cards, but I stopped doing that, and I have cut back on the number of cards I send. Still, it is the one tradition that I follow, and so I'm not ready to give it up. I always send non-denominational cards - ones that would work equally well for Hanukkah as for Christmas. For me, it is more about the winter solstice.

I think you should keep only those traditions that you want, and it seems you have made your choice, just as I have made mine. It doesn't matter that they are different.

This is one of those traditions that has never made sense to me.

If people include a note or one of those family letters outlining what everyone did over the course of a year it makes more sense. But a folded piece of paper with a pretty holiday scene on the front, and only your signature inside? I just don't get it.

In my younger years, I used to feel guilty if someone sent me a card so I always sent one in response back to them. But now I don't bother.

It's entirely possible I'm a heartless wench. Ha! But I don't need a card with an autograph in it. They seem so generic and pointless (to me).

I used to always receive a Christmas card from a woman I used to work with. Every year she'd send me one, and then I'd send her one. A couple of years ago I didn't receive one. I thought that was odd, so I sent her a happy new year card. More out of curiosity, to see if I'd get it back. I did. Someone had written "deceased" on the envelope. That's an example of blindly following a tradition that wasn't that important. I had no idea when this woman passed. Sometime in the preceding year.

Patriceny, you're fortunate if you get an autograph. Lots juts come signed from the printer and stuffed in an envelope. I love Christmas cards, but all those cheap photo cards sent without any real communication ended the practice for me.

I cut the cards sent by about 2/3 last year. I concentrated on actually including short letters with the ones I did send.

We get a number of photo cards. I enjoy them. Each to his/her own.

sephia, or you could be surprised at how much your card and keeping in touch meant to her. Wondering why relatives didn't respond to your return address and notify you of her passing. I remember a co-worker's family did so to a friend of mine who had been sending cards to their mother for years. They wrote a very touching note.

I stopped sending Christmas cards several years ago after I developed my hand tremor, but I spend several days making personal phone calls to friends and family members that I do not frequently see. It is such a joy to talk to them and catch up on their lives.

If you wish to opt out of sending Christmas cards, just do it. It would not be unusual. Many of my acquaintances have done so. Many people I know have pared their list to only the ones with whom they have a close relationship and wish to maintain close contact. Several names on the fringe of my list did it by graciously informing me they were no longer spamming the mail box with holiday cards. Times have changed and the population has begun to broaden their holiday view beyond a singular religion.

I could not agree more, Zalco.

Just remember that once you stop sending cards people are apt to stop sending them to you. If receiving cards in the mail is important to you or your husband you may want to continue to send them out.

Not really, maddielee. We haven't sent cards in years (other than one or two "obligation" cards) and still get several.

I lost all of my address books in the flood. I had a few in my phone but it quit working. So I no longer send them. I do with our immediate families but that's it. I used to do an update letter with the card. That was enjoyable for me and my friends. I am not a phone call person. I am fine if someone calls me but I don't frequently make phone calls. I do text and emails.

So do what makes you happy.

Nearly all my "Christmas traditions" are going by the wayside this year. Just not well enough to do much of anything.

When my home burned with my address book I had to wait for those who would send me a card even if they had not heard from me and that was a winnowing event right there. Since I have moved a lot in my life I had old friends all over the place. Oh well for those I never heard from. As the years have passed I have gotten down to siblings and close friends who live far away. I have always written personal letters to each person-or why communicate? The job has gotten smaller and smaller over the years. I enjoy hearing from people I hear from but each year the list gets smaller and smaller and that is how life is.

Here's a suggestion to easily protect important information from loss.

For stuff like address books and calendars, smartphone users will want to have such info available electronically anyway. Put your calendar and paper address book info into Google's system or whatever other digital system you use. Then such info will be available for use immediately on your smartphones and will be always available online.

Important papers? Passwords? Scan hard copies, make digital files of what you can, and attach them to emails that you send to yourself. Same thing, always available for reference no matter where you are and the files will be backed up by the mail service you use.

I have some stuff on spreadsheets - card mailing lists, invitation lists with addresses for social or family events, etc., Attached to emails so always immediately accessible no matter where I am.

Hi Rita,

I appreciate receiving cards with updates on recent family and personal activities much more than a bare card.

I've always included updating info, for many via photocopies, with an added personal note for some.

A few years ago I reported that I was cutting back substantially on the list, and was giving the savings to increased help for charities. Quite low response: some agreed, a few said they might do that, as well.

As I read your message, three thoughts came to mind: I wondered whether you were feeling a sense of disconnect from people who were friends some rather long time ago, but you didn't appear to be unhappy about only a portion, but of the operation as a whole. (connection)

I wondered whether it was mainly the tradition that you figured had become related mainly to a former time but which you felt next to no satisfaction from, now. (obligation, tradition)

Or was it mainly the labour that you felt not worth the effort - you spoke of "drudgery" (but it may have referred primarily to someone else's experience). (labour, with little gratification)

As you prepare the card/message for each person, do you spend some moments meditating on your relationship and being thankful for it, even though inactive for many years?

As we age, contact with some relatives and friends becomes lost, through choice, attrition or death.

As this has gone on, have you regretted there having been little or no recent contact with some, or each of the departed?

Would it be a good idea to go over your card list, to consider ways to maintain contact with the ones with whom you choose to do so, when you depart the card routine?

How about inviting hubby to consider your connection with each on the list, together ... maybe he could see the importance of continuing contact with some ... and of becoming an active participant?

Last year several dozen people from several local congregations of three denominations gathered for several discussions of a book "Re-designing your life: a practical spirituality for the second half of your life", written by a female clergyperson (of our denomination).

It spoke of the recent experience of extended life of so many in our society, often in reasonably good health, that it was sort of like having an extra room added to our house, and in such a case, what worthwhile plans would we make for more effective use of it? So what should we plan for those extra probably largely healthy, years added to our lives - including a spiritual dimension?

Good wishes as you choose your path ahead.

ole joyful

If you don't want to do it then stop. I still get cards from old friends, not all of them. The ones who don't send them don't hurt my feelings at all. I still send them one, though. I don't know how long I will continue doing it, though. I bought some pretty ones this year and will spend the weekend writing a short notes and getting them ready to send out, along with the KT ones. Been pretty busy between work and PT the last couple of weeks, seems like I don't have a lot of free time but I have the whole weekend coming up off!

{{{{{{Anglophilia}}}}}}}}} I hope you feel better soon.

Now 72 I send out very few cards compared to the 70's. I'd send a lot, each with a picture of our kids... Now just a few, it's a lot more expensive too. I still have boxes of cards I used to buy at the after Christmas sales.

joyfulguy - I found some peace in what you wrote. Thank you.

People used to look forward to my cards with a newsletter enclosed. I started when the kids were little and then it was all about the grandkids. I'd include pictures. I found some of these a few days ago and they were fun to read. I have gotten one card so far and I haven't started yet. I think if I stop sending, the others will too.

This is my frustration lily. I too get told "make sure I get your Christmas letter"..and I often reply--then send one to me!! For what ever reason my letters are a thing people look forward to each year. Every year as the kids got older, moved away my 'material' for a humorous light letter has dried up. I got turned off on "hallmark" Christmas years ago--too commercial-- so have always just written a letter with pictures of my own. But frankly I am disappointed by the cards I get in return. I do not comprehend the point of spending money on a card, money on stamps, all the trouble of addressing etc. and then all one does is sign the card. No news, seldom even a picture..I know I know Facebook/social media killed all that but truly not really. I still desire to hear their yearly inventory!!! I will quit as soon as a "letter" does not write itself and w/o guilt because NO ONE ELSE is anyway!!!

Oljoyful - you showed a lot of insight on 2 of the three points that you brought up, especially the first one. I think I do feel some disconnect from a few of the people on the list since the only connection we have over all these years is the yearly card. People move on in life, I need to let it go and get over it. And the second one fits, too - the traditional obligation is fading in importance to me and I shouldn't let it make me feel guilty. The third one - the labor factor - is a small issue but not the main one. I have a lot of time on my hands - plenty enough to do it - I just don't want to do it. So I pretty much had made up my mind before I even first posted this - I just wanted to see how many others had let this practice go long ago or were thinking of it. I sent all my email contacts notice that I won't be sending cards anymore and told them not to think that I didn't care anymore or had died or been sent to the home or something when they didn't get one. I actually got an email from the one person I wouldn't have thought would feel that way that she thought it was a good idea. I was very surprised but she is one of those that I only connect with maybe 2 or 3 times a year so maybe that's why. Who knows - there might be more than one who will sigh in relief that they won't have to send a card back in guilt anymore! LOL!!!

Thank you for your message, Rita.

And thank you for yours, as well, seagrass.

It is gratifying when one feels that some of one's thoughts and ideas have brought insight, satisfaction, joy or other pleasure to someone.

I had a feeling that the disconnect and outgrown tradition were likely of more consequence than the work involved, rita.

Perhaps somewhat related to my having achieved a milestone age this year has brought to mind that I'd like to reconnect with some with whom there's been no card-related contact for a few, and rather than a (mailed) print-related contact I'm more drawn to make it more personal, e.g. a phone call. And an e-mail seems more directly related/(contemporary?) than a mailed one, if less permanent.

Two weeks till Christmas, and some effort needed to update contacts ... so better get busy!

I hope that you have a blessed, inspirational and memorable time at this year-end and beginning of a new one!

ole joyfuelled

P.S. This surely has developed into a popular thread!

o

I'm not sure the time left until Christmas Day is necessarily relevant to a lot of people. We often get a number of cards after Christmas and also a number in the first week of the new year.

What seems to be an annually increasing percentage of the cards we get, I think now more than half, are in fact cards with no mention of Christmas at all. It's more common to see cards saying Seasons Greetings or Holiday Greetings. Both because of the diminishing observance of Christmas as a religious event and also because of the diverse lists of recipients of all beliefs and of no beliefs that people increasingly have. More generic words are used to avoid offending the card recipients or to avoid assuming recipients would welcome a Christmas greeting even from those who do observe it.

By this time years ago I would have gotten 25-30 cards. So far one from a cousin. I sent eight. I used to send 50-60.

I put my cards in the mailbox this morning - a very cold, frosty morning I might add.

It is now December 12th and we have received only 3 cards. DH still wants to send out cards, I think he still really enjoys the tradition of looking at them.

This year I'm sending out 26.

I took three off the list and then added three.

I agree, cards are arriving a little late this year. Everyone is busy now days, so many distractions, I understand completely. I hope they don't say to themselves, "Oh no, now have to send HER one." lol

I am 70 years old. This year I sent 12 cards, including one with a letter to a cousin in England. I also sent a card to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex :-)

This is the first year that I've thought of stopping it. I send cards to two former co-workers that I haven't seen in over 20 years. They send me a card, too. When I send the card, I don't even know if they are still living. The other thing that I noticed this year is that some of the sayings inside the card may not be appropriate as I age and the people around me age. For example, a card may say "Have the jolliest Christmas ever". Two of the people I send cards to are elderly and have no relatives to spend the holidays with. Another person lost their father a couple of months ago. A card like that doesn't seem appropriate to send. Some of the people I send cards to, I really don't know if they have suffered a loss of a loved one or are in bad health. I think it's because we've all aged that my thinking about sending cards has changed.

I talked to a friend about this (and she herself suffered a stroke this year and is having a CT scan because she has a brain tumor and lesions on some organs) and she said that I am over-thinking it.

I used to angst so much over cards!, getting them out in a timely fashion, not forgetting anyone, writing just the right individual messages. The past several years I've cut back drastically and felt guilty each year I cut the list down even more. This is the first year I actually completely forgot about cards. Until seeing this thread, anyway! ;)

I know it's ridiculous but I feel quite nostalgic for those early days. There was a time when it was unthinkable not to send out Christmas cards to all our friends and family. I remember huddling together with friends & discussing the people who didn't send a card back. It was almost like an insult. Silly when I think back now but also sad that people just don't feel any need to connect in any personal way any time of the year. I guess we just have to adjust to changing times. This year I'm only sending out 12 cards, all to immediate family.

Here's what I did.... a few years back, I decided to wait and see who all sent me a card. If they didn't, I didn't send one to them. I know it probably sounds kind of bad, but I didn't think of it that way. I figured they might be in the same boat, wanting to stop. I do still send a few, but not near as many as I did in the past. Good Luck! You can do it!

I dropped about 15 cards off at the post office today. So far, we've received four in the mail. There are a couple of people I know won't send a card, but they always call this time of year. I'm probably getting the better end of the deal there.

" I remember huddling together with friends & discussing the people who didn't send a card back."

Wow. So this was back in the good old days when you had more of a chance to be catty and talk behind peoples' backs? Is this a lost Christmas tradition for you?

Elmer, we were very young and unfortunately didn't always do the respectable thing. That was indeed back in the 'old' days and most of the women (girls really) led pretty shelter and somewhat boring lives. Apparently you have never done such a shameful thing so I apoligize if it offends you.

In defense, I do want to say that the discussions that went on were more of concern about the lack of response. Kind of, "i didn't a get a card from so-and-so, is she alright?" Really dislike that I feel compelled to explain what I think was a pretty harmless comment.

I'm not sure I understand the connection between living a sheltered (not shelter) life and being gossipy. No, I've never acted like that and I do think it is pretty sad.

Here's the thing - when a potential topic of conversation are the actions a third party may choose to do for one person and not for another, the best thing to do is not bring it up with others. You don't ask a mutual friend "Did Patty invite you to come over to join her small family Christmas Eve get-together?", or "What kind of Christmas present did Patty give you, mine was terrific", or similar things. A simple one to not mention - "I sent Patty a card but didn't get one in return, did you?" What you're looking to do is either slime Patty, or make the other person feel bad in cases where you suspect you were on the favored end and someone else wasn't. All of the above are best avoided.

Sheesh! Sheltered can and to me means having little or no unpleasant experiences, excitement or change.

Yes, exactly. A sheltered life. Not a shelter life.

I can easily see certain in-laws, years ago, having a luscious conversation about who did or didn't send out cards. (Te-he-he)

Out of my comment(s) you got that I was looking to slime or make the other person feel bad ... yikes!!! It's kind of sad that you have such a bad perspective Elmer but so be it. I'm done with your 'baiting' so go find something else to offer your opinion on. Opps, I see you've already targeted someone else.

DH & I have three couples we do things with very regularly. Our tradition is to skip getting together in November and December since there are usually so many family activities those months. I choose to send them Christmas cards with a brief personal note. I don't send any other cards and don't feel bad if I receive one from someone I didn't send to.

Here's what disappoints me: people heard from only through a Christmas card, people I've had a long relationship with but not so close any more, and they don't write one sentence to share the tiniest bit of news. All you know is that they are still alive. Can't they tell something about the kids, travel, health, daily activities?? Just a couple of sentences.

I've sent 2 cards (with notes) and 3 email messages.