Thanks, Mike-san! Welcome back from the Symposium! I hope you had a pleasant time, and will tell us about some of what you learned and saw. Didn't most of the Chinese cultural influnece on Japan have to travel there through Korea? Looking at the map, the Tsushima Straits look small compared to the open ocean between the Shan Dong(sp?) peninsula & Japan, and those seem to be the two most logical ways to get to Japan from China. Here's a question for everyone: When I try to understand this, I sometimes wonder if the realtionship between Korea and Japan has parallels to the relationship between France and Britain: Culture travels from the continent largely through the country just across the straits/channel, resulting in the highest fashions in art,craft, clothing, decor, etc. often being Korean/French. There's a similarity on the flip side too, in that familiarity breeds contempt, and proximity historically bred war, frequently between Korea and Japan, and seemingly incessantly between France and England. And I understand that the general social reputation of Koreans in Japan is not much better than that of the French in England. There are dissimilarites, of course: there was never a Korean Conquerer taking the Japanese throne in 1066, and so there is no intermingled language as with Norman French and Anglo-Saxon, and none (or very, very little?) of the royal houses holding lands and alliances on both sides of the water which seem to be at the root of so many of the Anglo-French wars. While I'm playing this game, I compare the role of classical China in Japan to that of Ancient Rome and Greece in England. Speaking Chinese/Latin & Greek was the trademark of the highly educated, art and architecture were widely copied and used for inspiration, certain classic Chinese poems (which I wish I could name:) might hold the same place in Japanese culture as the Iliad and the Odyssey. I've even read in a couple different places that Japanese people really like Chinese food (one Japanese-American author described it as being considered "the height of gourmandism".) And of the three finest restaurants here in Salem, two are Italian :) So, how about it? Is this a useful idea, or am I way out in left field? - Evelyn

Thanks to all of you for your well-thought-out responses! Billl you are right, my LH wasn't anywhere near a standup guy. In fact I used to dread any holiday because my in-laws would insist that we spend it at their house (Thanksgiving, Xmas, Easter, you name it) and my LH would tell him "yes, sure" every time and then the night before - or worse, the MORNING OF - whatever the day was, he'd tell me to call and make some excuse such as that one of us was sick, the car wouldn't start, or whatever. Thus, I was the one who got the immediate flak over the phone; not him. Or we'd go and then I'd have to make up some excuse for us to leave early. I'm sure that you all will say that I should never have gone along with that nonsense. However as I mentioned in my original post, my LH not only had a drinking problem (as did my in-laws) but also a hair-trigger and violent temper. It was literally safer to do things his way. The estrangement between my LH and FIL was just as much my LH's fault as his father's (by that time my MIL had died). Naturally there is no longer any reason for either me or my son to appease my FIL. I admit I hate confrontation and conflict and of a nature to want to avoid rocking the boat; also, I'm caught between my FIL's personality (which is really tough to take) and the fact that he's 80-something years old, with a pacemaker, and almost completely blind from glaucoma. So part of me says, I should cut him some slack and try to smooth things over. However, lest it be thought that he's a helpless elderly man sitting in a rocking chair, that's hardly the case: he has a GF of long standing, lots of friends, and they spend every winter in a condo they own down in Florida. So I'm a bit conflicted at times about how to handle the situation. I have not invited him to our new home yet and I am hoping that he doesn't one day demand to know why not! I have no idea how I'd handle THAT one!! There are two other grandsons in the picture (my LH's brother's children) who are 21 and 24 and do keep in contact with my FIL fairly regularly. Of course that adds fuel to the fire of why don't I and my son do the same! However, I happen to know that the main reason the other grandchildren do this is because of, um, let's just say an eventual financial reward. However my son and I just can't bring ourselves to be quite that mercenary. I agree though that it is better to let the s**t hit the fan - as it will if my son comes right out and says he would rather not keep in contact with his grandfather - as a result of being honest, than letting it do the same as a result of excuses resulting in nothing being done. The ironic thing is that I personally don't believe in making phone calls or giving gifts, out of nothing more than a sense of obligation. I've mentioned to my FIL in a light-handed way that when my son is away at college, he never calls ME unless he needs something, and that's just the way it is. And that it really does not bother me. My MIL used to DEMAND that her sons call her every Sunday without fail - and if they didn't she'd throw a spectacular sulky hissy fit; and I swore I'd never put a child of mine into the same position. I'd never want anyone to call, write, or give me anything unless it was done only because they wanted to do it... not because they were told to, or felt obligated to do so for any reason. Otherwise it is nothing but a meaningless gesture. But perhaps I am a bit odd about that. :-)

Yes, the tears! Congratulations to that family! I can barely type this. Years ago I worked at the Naval Academy when we lived in Annapolis. Loved my boss, the Commander for computer operations. Good guy! Across the hall, Major Striker would pace around the rotunda at the top of the Admin. Bldg looking like a caged tiger. Well, Christmas rolled around and my Commander invited me to the Christmas program at the Naval Chapel. I walked in a nearly fainted--all the Marines were in dress uniform (be still my heart!). My boss tried to make me take his seat. Then a Marine approached me a urged me to take that seat. The Maj. Striker ordered me to (all in good humor). I explained that if I sat down, I would not see anything (I'm short). By standing at the back I saw everything. I stayed there--with the Marine on one side, Maj. Striker beside him and my former Air Force Cap. husband on the other side. Good company, must say. Very safe.

"I have had people bring me little gifts at my business. I certainly don't expect them, and for that very reason they mean something" Many many years ago, you could get your driver's license in Texas at the age of 14 if you took driver's ed. so I did... Only thing was, then you had to go to your daddy's insurance agency & tell them how careful & responsible you would be in the car & beg them to cover you. My father's "insurance lady" was so nice to me... She was putting together a charm bracelet with coins from the year of her birth, & she couldn't find the penny. She had been born during WWII, & the steel pennies from those years (copper being used for the war effort) were hard to find. I found one & took it to her, & she was surprised & thrilled. It must have made me feel good, because I still remember it with a smile 40 years later.