OOoh, are you up there near those Sand Mountain tomatoes???? You'll find it SO much fun when everything starts growing and remember, the "hunt" for organic materials will be even more fun! I had let my beds go to rack and ruin over the last several years and last year decided enough was enough and was going to do lasagna gardening (it might have been around this time last year...gorgeous weather like we've had the last few days. I was driving by a bank where the landscape company had bagged up the old mulch and dirt to get ready to re-mulch and asked if I could have it. They thought I was nuts but I haven't stopped. I just can't wait for the grass to start getting cut around here! Just pulled 25 bales of hay to the back yard that I'm going to layer on the beds today, ala Ruth Stout method, a precursor to lasagna gardening. (See if your library has any of her books, they are a HOOT!) I am also working on mixing up stuff for beneficial microorganisms from yogurt whey and molasses. Roll Tide! Here is a link that might be useful: Check out this Granny Gardener! :)

Oklaherb, Trees help of course, but we have plenty of trees (about 10 of our 14.5 acres are very heavily wooded) and still get plenty hot here too. : ) During the last severe drought/wildfire period, many of us here in Oklahoma learned which trees TRULY are drought-tolerant, and which are not. My favorite landscaping is a blend of native trees and those that are very well-adapted to our soil and our climate. On our property, in soil that ranges from heavy red clay to sandy-clay and even one band of very sandy soil, we have the following trees that grow like mad and can handle drought once they are well-established. (In general, I consider a tree well-adapted enough to live with NO irrigation once it has been in the ground for three full calendar years.) Not all of these are the best, highest quality trees, but they all have survived drought here: GREAT SHADE TREES: Shumard Red Oak (Quercus shumardii) Post Oak (Quercus stellata) Bur Oak (Quercus macrocarpa) Pecan (Carya illinoisensis) Chinquapin Oak (Quercus muhlenbergii) GOOD ONES: Blackjack Oak (Quercus marilandica)(shorter lived than most other oaks that are native here) Hackberry (Celtis laevigata)--I don't especially like these, but they are tough, drought-tolerant trees and are popuar with wildlife. Relatively short-lived--look good for about 30 years but after that, they often succumb to borers, fungal infections and severe mistletoe infestations. Western Soapberry (Sapindus drunnomdii) Has terrific yellow fall color. Sometimes prune to suckering, but if you prune off the suckers on young trees consistently, they eventually stop trying to sucker and form colonies. American Elm (Ulmus americana) Some of the largest trees in our creek bottomland area are American elms. Pretty fast-growing, and a lower-quality tree than most oaks. Cedar Elm (ulmus crassifolia): VERY drought-tolerant. Golden-yellow fall color. Tiny leaves. Reseeds prolifically, but I just mow down the seedlings. GOOD TO GREAT ONES I DON'T HAVE HERE: Caddo Maple (a southern sugar maple native to Oklahoma that does NOT have surface root problems) White Oak (Quercus alba)--a great one for moist forested areas like northeastern OK. Tolerates seasonal poor drainage. Escarpment Live Oak (Quercus fusiformis) A truly magnificent shade tree. Native to the Quartz Mountains here. Swamp Chestnut Oak (Quercus michauxii) Tolerates VERY poor drainage, so great for rainier counties in eastern Oklahoma. Also has lovely fall color. Ashe Juniper (Juniperus ashei) Won't get terribly tall--might eventually get 15 to 20 feet tall, but is forfeous and very, very tough. Can grow on very, very rocky and dry soil. One-Seed Juniper (Juniperus monosperma) A good mid-sized evergreen that is pretty rapid growing and very drought-tolerant and I am told it is a good tree for NW Oklahoma. DESPERATION TREES: OK, this is a touchy category. In general, I only grow and recommend slow-growing, high-quality trees that are very resistant to insects and disease. Sometimes, though, you find yourself in a situation where you really, truly desperately need shade and need it now! I understand that, and if faced with that situation, what can you plant? IF you plant it far enough away from the house that it can't run surface roots up under any structure, pool or sidewalk and cause cracking, you could plant a Cottonwood. They grow incredibly fast, and will give you pretty good shade in only 3 to 5 years, but they are weak-wooded, water guzzling "trash trees" that only work in very limited situation. If I were in western or southwestern Oklahoma and needed shade in the worst possible way, I'd probably plant a couple of these if I could locate them far enough away from anything that they might fall on or anything their roots could damage. This is NOT a tree you plant 3' from your house or sidewalk. We bought a house in Fort Worth with a 60' tall cottonwood about 8" from the house and the first thing we did was take out that tree because in that situation it was a danger to our home and to us. I also wouldn't plant one of these on any city lot with other homes nearby because I wouldn't want to be legally responsible for a cottonwood falling on someone else's property. And, if you are in an icestorm-prone area, I wouldn't plant one either. And, if you plant one, expect to spend the rest of your life mowing down or pulling up seedlings. TREES WE LOVE TO HATE: Eastern Red Cedar (Juniperus virginiana) If it wasn't for the fact that this tree is HIGHLY, HIGHLY, HIGHLY invasive, I'd probably love it. One of the most lovely evergreens and incredibly drought tolearant. Reseeds prolifically. Important food and shelter source for wildlife. It IS prone to bagworms, spider mites, juniper rust AND is a carrier of cedar-apple rust, so don't plant it if you grow apples or roses. For us, in addition to its' invasiveness, it is very dangerous in fires....it burns like mad and can send burning sap long distances through the air, so we consider it a fire hazard and have removed it from the 3 acres closest to our house. It DOES make a great windbreak. It also guzzles water like crazy. I love the way they look, and one or two of them is OK--the problem is that one or two can turn into one-hundred or two-hundred. VERY drought tolerant. This is similar to cannas in that "it won't die, and you can't kill it". Actually, in our dry climate, if you cut it off at the ground with a chainsaw, that is usually the end of it. II. UNDERSTORY TREES: These generally need at least partial shade in order to survive, so you may not be able to plant them until you have some larger trees to shade them. Redbud (Cercis canandensis)--Lovely when in bloom, but only so-so the rest of the year, and prone to foliar diseases. We have these scattered in our woodlands, and a couple are fairly close to the house. I love how they look when blooming, but not so much the rest of the time. They need lots of shade or they scorch. Lots of people love them though, and they have survived some pretty rough droughts here. ROUGH-LEAVED DOGWOOD (Cornus drummondii)--Do not confuse this with the regular dogwood, which is disease-prone and struggles in our heat. This is a small tree, usually from 3' to 15' tall, although most of ours stay in the 8'-10' range. Small white flowers followed by white fruit. VERY drought tolerant and blooms when not much else is in bloom. DESERT WILLOW (Chilopsis Linearis)--To make it clear, this tree is NOT a willow nor is it a desert plant! It is actually a relative of the trumpet creeper vine and American crossvine. It gets 15-25' tall and blooms on and off all summer. Must have well-drained soil. Has small leaves. You can grow the native one, or one of the newer hybrids. All are lovely. Is winter hardy all the way to Amarillo, Texas, so I think it'd do well in all of Oklahoma. Persimmon (Diospyros virginiana) Usually smaller, about 10-15', but we have a very mature one on the edge of our woods that is about 40' tall. Lovely scent when in bloom and great fall color (orangeish-yellow). Fruit are astringent and taste best after they've frozen. VERY drought tolerant....may drop leaves if not irrigated in long periods of drought, but usually recovers just fine once rain falls. Possomhaw Holly (Ilex decidua) A deciduous holly that you can leave shrubby or prune up tree form. We have a lot of these and they are gorgeous. If it gets at least 6 hours of sunlight, it will have gorgeous berries if it is a female tree. Berries stay on all winter until the cedar waxwings and other birds strip them from the plants in spring. VERY drought tolerant. Yaupon Holly (Ilex vomitoria) Usually 12-15' but very mature ones can reach 20-25'. Very similar to Possomhaw but is evergreen. Mexican Plum (Prunus mexicana) Under taller trees, may only get 12-15' tall, but I've seen some very mature ones up to 25 to 35' tall. Gorgeous flowers in early spring and the small fruit make great jelly. Very drought tolerant. NOT a thicket-forming plum like some of the smaller, native plums here. Rusty Blackhaw Viburnum (Viburnum rufidulum) About 12-15' tall, up to 30' tall when very mature. Beautiful flowers and foliage that turns reddish-mauveish-orangeish-yellowish in the fall. Slower growing but are beautiful and a favorite of the birds. UNDERSTORY OR STAND-ALONE: Chaste Tree (Vitex Agnus-Castus): Beautiful shrubby tree that can be left in its natural shrubby form or pruned-up tree-form. Most commonly has blue flowers sporadically in summer, but some pink-flowered ones are available. One of my favorite small trees. Chitalpa: This a a hybrid of a catalpa and chilopsis (Desert willow) and is a narrow-leaved deciduous tree that gets roughly 20-30' talll. Has large, pink, trumped-shaped flowers in early summer. Grows well in full sun but may need irrigation in the hottest part of the summer. Sometimes defoliated by catalpa worms (esp. if you have lots of catalpas around) but rebounds quickly. Flowers best in full sun. SHRUBS THAT ARE "ALMOST" TREES: There are some shrubs that get so large and broad that they are very similar to trees, and most of them can be pruned up tree-form. These include Burford Holly and Dwarf Burford Holly (which, despite its' name gets 15-20' tall), Southern Wax Myrtle (not the Dwarf Southern Wax Myrtle), Possomhaw and Yaupon Hollies, Crape Myrtles, and some of the larger yuccas. BEST-PERFORMING DROUGHT-TOLERANT TREE I NEVER HEARD OF UNTIL I MOVED TO OKLAHOMA: Kentucky Coffee Tree. Very, very, very drought tolerant. Well, that's my contribution, and I know I left out a lot, but it is a good starter list. Dawn Here is a link that might be useful: Trees for Oklahoma

Second time was when my appendix when from 0 to 60 when we were in the Poconos. My Appendix went nuts in one weekend and my family had a bad history moms appendix went shoelace and wound its way around her colon, my sisters appendix blew in one afternoon while I called 911, I only called for help because my dads appendix blew in his body and he had peritonitis for months with his torso wide open. They took my appendix out and I did not do well. I hemorrhaged again and died on the table. They brought me back again with blood infusions. They hold it over my head whenever it suits them. Maybe its why my mom is so on top of me all the time and why she thinks I'm so fragile. I'm not as fragile any more its my turn to help her. I wish she would let me.

I don't think you can go wrong living by the slogan: "Prepare for the worst but hope for the best." GIven background and the difficult nature of these relationships in general, I wouldn't think you're wrong, overly negative, mean or judgemental to do as you have, which is to open yourself to the possibility of an improved relation with her while making mental notes about things that strike you as odd or mildly upsetting (i.e. her not chipping in). Given the situation, you'd be naive to go in with rose-colored glasses. On the other hand, you don't want to find yourself scrutinizing every little thing and wondering too much whether you should take offense. That'll just drive you nuts. Maybe just write down your thoughts as they occur (so you can remember/make sense of upset feelings later if situation devolves, i.e. she continues being consistenty more of a taker than a giver) but then close the notebook and put it in a drawer until you need it again. I'm a believer in remembering and even documenting slights for my own memory (even when people say "just forget it entirely") b/c later on if problems escalate and you haven't clarified the issues you can wind up feeling very crazy and even dis-believed by others. "Gaslighted", unsure if you can even believe yourself or trust your own memory. But once these things are written down, you know you've remembered them/put them somewhere for safe keeping, so it can be easier to let them go and put them out of your mind day-to-day. That can give you more of a sense of freedom and fearlessness remaining open to the idea of positive improvement with her. This trick has helped me in my own life, not solved all the problems or taken away all my anger, but it's helped me feel more clear, calm and confident facing the huge uncertainty and unpredictable hornet's nest that is the situation between me, my Dad and his wife at this intense & volatile time... where all three of us feel somewhat obligated to "play nice" even as all our deepest parent/child/step issues come up.