Or...it could be that she is in love with your co-worker and just doesn't have a sexual interest in you. She digs up her past as an excuse to buy her time or give her an excuse. I'm guessing the co-worker probably won't leave his wife and she needs you as the breadwinner for the family. If this is the case..why? Why would she be in love with someone else? Possibly you have a drinking problem that has contributed to disolving the marriage so to say? The fact that you even mention it is suspicious. Is your relationship physically or emotionally abusive? Women generally don't have sexual flings for sex, usually an emotional component is missing in their marriage. Maybe she does have some sexual problems and was forced into almost rape like conditions in her past, and has some intimacy problems now. There's a hundred things that could be going on here. I recommend you both get counseling to sort through it. I sense that you don't want to leave--maybe you know you are part to blame -- I don't know, but if you really wanted to leave, you would have already been out the door.

Been there, done that. Ultimately, there's not much you can do about SS or dad or BM. You can certainly tell them what you think, how you feel, etc. but bottom line is it is up to your husband to step up to the plate and BE THE FATHER. Once I realized both my husband and the BM were NOT being the parents and were not backing me up when I tried to do the right thing, I got out of that role. You need to decide for yourself "what's worth it", "how much is too much" and so on. My now-adult-SS continues to lie and steal from us (I've changed the locks and he can't come over unless Dad is here). Dad continues to play the role of the ever-feeling-guilty-dad for splitting up with his BM (um, over 15 years ago!!!) and keeps trying to give his son a break. SS knows what to tell dad to get what he wants, and then changes his end of the deal once he gets it. ("yes, I'll take classes this fall if you pay my rent.....oh, I've got a lot of credit card debt I want to pay off, I have to work full time and can't take classes after all") I know there are some situations out there where the kids change and get their **** together, and there are ones that don't. You and Dad and BM have different parenting styles, with obviously different results accordingly. A friend of mine from Europe once pointed out that Americans make a huge deal out of step-parenting. I remind myself of that from time to time, remember that SS is someone else's child and I am "just" the stepmom. I finally had to make it clear what I would and would not tolerate in terms of issues very directly affecting me and my daughter (the stealing, no drugs/drinking/smoking in this house, etc.). SS now basically keeps his distance and actually treats me better than he used to. Dad stays close to him but still overlooks too much, and when it crosses the line (my line) my husband and I will still get into fights about it - but at least those fights are much smaller than they used to be. My husband is eventually getting tired of continuing to support SS, and foots the bill less and less, but still provides more than I think he should -- but then I remind myself, SS is not my kid, and the impact on me and my child is very minimal. Again, I'll come back to what I said earlier, you have to decide what is best for *you*, what are you willing to tolerate? You are just as much a part of this family as anyone and have the right to establish boundaries - and be prepared to enforce them yourself, much like you would with a room-mate. Don't imagine this will all go away, it may or may not.

Henry Kissinger once sat in the Oval Office with President Nixon, watching the President's Golden Retriever chew the rug. The President tossed the dog a treat. The dog ate the treat & then started on the rug again. The President tossed another treat. This went on for some time, & finally, Dr Kissinger could bear it no longer. "Mr President", he said, "do you realize that you are *training* that dog to chew on the rug?" Hubs is training son to chew on the rug. Does your hubs realize that this boy could end up in foster care & that you could end up in jail if a concerned passerby calls 911 when the boy pretends that you've hit him? & that, at nearly 11 years old, the boy is undoubtedly big enough to hurt you? This kid is way overdue for more responsibility than folding his own laundry & for facing the consequences of his own behavior. I wish you the best.

Hope you are doing well. When you do talk to your son again, make sure you tell him you love him and are concerned about him. Sometimes we forget to state the obvious and sometimes folks really need to hear it. That may be especially true of someone who seems like he is critical and needing a lot of attention. I wouldn't press the issue, you buy might inquire about things outside the family -- work, friends, the world in general. Maybe have a philosophical discussion (if that works with you and your DS) about life -- hopes, dreams, worries, and try to make it about him and the world, not him and family. Maybe there's a conection? If he is an engineer and perfectionist, could there be things at work that are beyound his control that are causing stress that doesn't have another outlet -- like kids who stress at school and explode on their parents about any little thing when they get home, just a grown up version. Are there any fears about layoffs? Is he not happy with the work he's doing? Anything he might be afraid of? Is he the sole bread winner? Is that causing him a lot of stress - especially if he's worried about his job or feeling unsatisfied in his career. Maybe focussing on him a bit will let him open up and express some things that might help resolve some tension. May or may not solve the relationship, but the underlying issue here is that you are concerned about your son. You don't feel like he is acting like himself and that is causing other issues. Again, let him know you love him and you are concerned about him. Sounds like he has seen a doctor, but that doesn't rule out any medical issues. Doctors only know what they see and what they are told in a short window of time. You know what was reviewed loooked fine. That's a snapshot. If the doctor isn't told more, they don't know to look deeper. I've never known a doctor to look for any mental issues if they weren't pressing questions. Questions most folks would rather avoid. Just keep that in the back of your mind. Take care of yourself, and I wish you all the best.