My God, sportsmom, you sound like my long lost twin!!! We've only been married 9.5 years, but I get that same suffocating feeling. I love my husband - he is a wonderful person and father (we have small children) and I know that he is trying to take care of me. But I need my time alone / personal space and he doesn't get it. We are both professionals who work outside the home, in very stressful jobs, and I also need my time to chill out. He is also very shy and everytime we have a chance to socialize it's an all out fight to get him to go or to have people over. I'm starting to feel cut off from friendships - we have very few. I try to talk to him, and for a little while it gets better, but then we're back in the same old thing again. Also, he wants to be involved in every detail of everything, down to what the kids get in their lunchboxes and what I'm buying at the supermarket. Sometimes I want to scream. Sometimes I just blow up and scream (I'm not a yeller by nature) and then I get accused of being mean. I've mentioned counselling, but he balks. At least I know I'm not completely alone!

Yes , definitely those two will have problems. Apparently i remember her telling me the night she was leaving that she signed some sort of contract stating that if there was a fight like this again then its straight divorce...i thought about later andi'm still laughing! I went for marriage counciling for a few months. My husband refused cause he had issues about councilors since his previous marriage failed and he looks at them as a last resort. I personally like saving something at the beginning...no point in waiting till the end...there might not be anything to save at times! Anyways...i realized that i had alot of negative peopel coming around. I remember when a particular friend came around , after she left we would get into a major fight...and then we'ld think back why we fought..and it would be over something stupid. Then of course we realize it was her! She would come over and dig info all the negative stuff and it just oozed from her....i started to cut her out of our lives. Then low and behold she was caught drinking and driving. she left our place sober and was arrested that same night. Keeps changing her story...she's out of our lives. We've dumped others and my husband and i finally spoke about everythign last night from A to Z. we realized that we need to keep positive people around us. Not people who can't handle their problems. We all have problems...its just how we handle it. So yes, our time is spent with more positive people. My friend was the last string left hanging...:) i was so relieved this morning. She was not on the couch sleeping...didn't have see her at night. Got my routin back...my husband said the same thing as he walked out of the bathroom naked from a shower. I started to laugh, i told him we are not tkaing anymore stray dogs. They can go home to their moms! Cheers to relaxing!!!! and i'm glad for all your thoughts. I am just amazed how some people can marry and just live like that! wow!

From what you have said here, you seem to be a nice guy. I also come from that part of the world, not necessarily from India, and know the culture very well. I have many Indian friends and like Popi said, I sometimes feel sorry looking at the state of the women in such marriages. But from what you have told us here, you seem to be a different. You seem to have given enough space for your wife to express herself and also seem to have taken different measures to help her and make herself feel better. Let me tell you, how we can contribute in our marriage depends a lot on how we conduct our individual lives. Your wife seems to be doing nothing to enrich her individual life and hence she does not bring anything to your marriage. You said that you have encouraged her to go meet other people or go shopping or on a walk with them and also take singing lesson. But you said she does not take the steps to do these things. It is a clear indication that your wife is depresses. You need to seek a counselor and your wife needs to be honest to herself and open up and tell the doctor what she genuinely feels. Give her the confidence to open up, tell her that you will be there to listen and support her on whatever she might say. You might be hurt by what she has to say but being hurt for a short time and getting over it is better than being hurt for ever. Ask her what is bothering her. Or best, tell her that you would like to talk to about your marriage at a certain time (for example in the evening). Sit down and start asking her what is it that is bothering her. Ask her what she wants in life and what she expects from you. And then ask her to listen to what you have to say. Tell her what bothers you. Tell her that you want to make your marriage better and that there are certain things that could improve it. Be strong, tell her that you love her and want to make things better but if she is not willing to make any efforts you might just part ways. This might scare her and she might be more willing to work things out. You need to be strong and need to think for yourself too. If is not your entire job to make your wife's life enriching and to make her feel good all the time. I have tried this in my relationship and it has back-fired. I tried to please my partner all the time even if it meant me doing things and compromising on things that made be unhappy. I did all this to keep her from going away. And very soon I was so miserable that I wanted her to actually go away. So good luck to you and your wife and please seek a counselor's help as soon as possible.

I am sorry. It's clear you are very lonely and unhappy and for good reason. It sounds to me as if you have several issues going on at once and each needs to be addressed separately: 1) If your husband has "war issues" (PTSD?) there are veterans' groups to give him support. Even smaller communities or the county seat will have some sort veterans' advocate so you do not have to have access to a VA hospital to get some help. An advocate can also help you hook up with support groups or services for spouses. In your case it seems clear both your son and your husband are facing challenges, so you are struggling on two fronts. If you are a churchgoer, it is also appropriate to talk to your pastor about any help the church may have available. Stress confidentiality if that is important to you. 2) Regarding the impotence, it's important for your husband to have a medical check-up. You don't need to approach it as an intimacy issue. Truck drivers have all sorts of health problems (like kidney and back issues) associated with long periods on the road and for overall health it's important to identify anything that might be going on. 3) I can understand your husband's anger and frustration if he feels trapped by children still dependent while young adults. It sounds as if your daughter is on the right track but it's appropriate to work with your son regarding long-term plans for independence. He needs a specific plan and a timeframe, i.e. on his own in an apartment or shared housing within six months or whatever timeframe is appropriate. Also, if he can't find full-time work can he find a part-time job to lighten the financial burden? 4) Your own happiness and independence - you don't mention whether you are employed outside the home but if not, a part-time job and activities with social groups through your church or community would reduce your social isolation and make you a happier companion when your husband is home.