My God, sportsmom, you sound like my long lost twin!!! We've only been married 9.5 years, but I get that same suffocating feeling. I love my husband - he is a wonderful person and father (we have small children) and I know that he is trying to take care of me. But I need my time alone / personal space and he doesn't get it. We are both professionals who work outside the home, in very stressful jobs, and I also need my time to chill out. He is also very shy and everytime we have a chance to socialize it's an all out fight to get him to go or to have people over. I'm starting to feel cut off from friendships - we have very few. I try to talk to him, and for a little while it gets better, but then we're back in the same old thing again. Also, he wants to be involved in every detail of everything, down to what the kids get in their lunchboxes and what I'm buying at the supermarket. Sometimes I want to scream. Sometimes I just blow up and scream (I'm not a yeller by nature) and then I get accused of being mean. I've mentioned counselling, but he balks. At least I know I'm not completely alone!

From what you have said here, you seem to be a nice guy. I also come from that part of the world, not necessarily from India, and know the culture very well. I have many Indian friends and like Popi said, I sometimes feel sorry looking at the state of the women in such marriages. But from what you have told us here, you seem to be a different. You seem to have given enough space for your wife to express herself and also seem to have taken different measures to help her and make herself feel better. Let me tell you, how we can contribute in our marriage depends a lot on how we conduct our individual lives. Your wife seems to be doing nothing to enrich her individual life and hence she does not bring anything to your marriage. You said that you have encouraged her to go meet other people or go shopping or on a walk with them and also take singing lesson. But you said she does not take the steps to do these things. It is a clear indication that your wife is depresses. You need to seek a counselor and your wife needs to be honest to herself and open up and tell the doctor what she genuinely feels. Give her the confidence to open up, tell her that you will be there to listen and support her on whatever she might say. You might be hurt by what she has to say but being hurt for a short time and getting over it is better than being hurt for ever. Ask her what is bothering her. Or best, tell her that you would like to talk to about your marriage at a certain time (for example in the evening). Sit down and start asking her what is it that is bothering her. Ask her what she wants in life and what she expects from you. And then ask her to listen to what you have to say. Tell her what bothers you. Tell her that you want to make your marriage better and that there are certain things that could improve it. Be strong, tell her that you love her and want to make things better but if she is not willing to make any efforts you might just part ways. This might scare her and she might be more willing to work things out. You need to be strong and need to think for yourself too. If is not your entire job to make your wife's life enriching and to make her feel good all the time. I have tried this in my relationship and it has back-fired. I tried to please my partner all the time even if it meant me doing things and compromising on things that made be unhappy. I did all this to keep her from going away. And very soon I was so miserable that I wanted her to actually go away. So good luck to you and your wife and please seek a counselor's help as soon as possible.

Been there, done that. Ultimately, there's not much you can do about SS or dad or BM. You can certainly tell them what you think, how you feel, etc. but bottom line is it is up to your husband to step up to the plate and BE THE FATHER. Once I realized both my husband and the BM were NOT being the parents and were not backing me up when I tried to do the right thing, I got out of that role. You need to decide for yourself "what's worth it", "how much is too much" and so on. My now-adult-SS continues to lie and steal from us (I've changed the locks and he can't come over unless Dad is here). Dad continues to play the role of the ever-feeling-guilty-dad for splitting up with his BM (um, over 15 years ago!!!) and keeps trying to give his son a break. SS knows what to tell dad to get what he wants, and then changes his end of the deal once he gets it. ("yes, I'll take classes this fall if you pay my rent.....oh, I've got a lot of credit card debt I want to pay off, I have to work full time and can't take classes after all") I know there are some situations out there where the kids change and get their **** together, and there are ones that don't. You and Dad and BM have different parenting styles, with obviously different results accordingly. A friend of mine from Europe once pointed out that Americans make a huge deal out of step-parenting. I remind myself of that from time to time, remember that SS is someone else's child and I am "just" the stepmom. I finally had to make it clear what I would and would not tolerate in terms of issues very directly affecting me and my daughter (the stealing, no drugs/drinking/smoking in this house, etc.). SS now basically keeps his distance and actually treats me better than he used to. Dad stays close to him but still overlooks too much, and when it crosses the line (my line) my husband and I will still get into fights about it - but at least those fights are much smaller than they used to be. My husband is eventually getting tired of continuing to support SS, and foots the bill less and less, but still provides more than I think he should -- but then I remind myself, SS is not my kid, and the impact on me and my child is very minimal. Again, I'll come back to what I said earlier, you have to decide what is best for *you*, what are you willing to tolerate? You are just as much a part of this family as anyone and have the right to establish boundaries - and be prepared to enforce them yourself, much like you would with a room-mate. Don't imagine this will all go away, it may or may not.

Getting married and having children may not be for everyone, but if they are what you want, health, emotion, and finance wise you can afford, why do you deprive yourself? after all you only live once, you have right to make choices. I was happy as single and child free, but being married and being a mother are so much better for me. Life is a lot more inspired, enriched and fulfilled. Here is one of many articles from internet. The link is http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html Marriage Rights and Benefits Whether or not you favor marriage as a social institution, there's no denying that it confers many rights, protections, and benefits -- both legal and practical. Some of these vary from state to state, but the list typically includes: Tax Benefits • Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities. • Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members. Estate Planning Benefits • Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate. • Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse. • Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts. • Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse's behalf. Government Benefits • Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses. • Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans. • Receiving public assistance benefits. Employment Benefits • Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer. • Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness. • Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse. • Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse's close relatives dies. Medical Benefits • Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility. • Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment. Death Benefits • Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures. • Making burial or other final arrangements. Family Benefits • Filing for stepparent or joint adoption. • Applying for joint foster care rights. • Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce. • Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce. Housing Benefits • Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only." • Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse. Consumer Benefits • Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance. • Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities. • Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families. Other Legal Benefits and Protections • Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy). • Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states). • Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can't force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage. • Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime. • Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse. • Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family. Same-Sex Marriage, Civil Unions, and Domestic Partnerships If you are in a same-sex marriage in one of the states where same-sex marriage is allowed (Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and D.C.), or if you are in a domestic partnership or civil union in any of the states that offer those relationship options, none of the benefits of marriage under federal law will apply to you, because the federal government does not recognize these same-sex relationships. For example, you may not file joint federal income tax returns with your partner, even if your state allows you to file taxes jointly. And other federal benefits, such as Social Security death benefits and COBRA continuation insurance coverage, may not apply.