Noah and his Ark In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me." "Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark."Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed." "I needed a Building Permit." "I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system." "My homeowners association claim that I've violated the Neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision." "Then the City Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it." "Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl." "I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!" "When I started gathering the animals, PETA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space." "Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood." "I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew." "The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work." "The labor unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building experience." "To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species." "So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark." "Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky." Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord. " The Government beat me to it."

maddiemo's adorable felt fruit bat....I'll have to find the artist. It's very precious. I used to belong to Bat Conservation International and was allowed to enter the fruit bat (flying foxes) area of the Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia, SC during feeding time in order to feed them. Major thrill of my life. When I was little, the family stayed every summer in one of the Great Camps (Pine Knot) on Raquette Lake in the Adirondacks. It was a common occurrence for a bat to show up in the living quarters, which required Dad or another of the men to snare it with a long poled fishing net in order to carry it outside. Dad would hold the little things up in his gloved hand so that we could watch him scratch their little heads and under their chins. Then, he would allow them to hang upside down from my sweater until we walked outside. Yes, I love bats.

@Annie Deighnaugh, I've lost the ability to Like the Originating Post, but I liked your hicupping spider.

I let spiders, being my friends, go unmolested ... ... but moths get my handclap applause - if they are close enough that I can get them between my pause! o j