Karen, if your family is anything like mine, until you lost your Dad, you hadn't seen a lot of loss or grief for someone. It's hard to watch it (and experience it!) I think I'd probably just call my Mom, if I were you, and ask her to your house to eat, to go out, to watch activities that the kids are involved in, etc. Let her know that it's okay to not be in the mood to do anything. Also let her know that you really WANT her to be involved in whatever your family is doing. My Mom has spent the night at my house two nights since my Dad passed away. Get this, I had to break my ankle and have surgery in order to get her to do that! LOL I kid her that having surgery is the only way she'll stay at my house overnight! LOL We live 80 miles apart and I call her everyday - usually twice a day. We've talked more by phone in the last four years than we'd ever talked in our lives. My DH and I and our kids and grandkids make it a point to at least spend part of every holiday at her house. She likes to stay home, so we go to her. I DO feel sometimes at her house, when everyone is there but Daddy, that there's the proverbial "big gray elephant" in the house that no one mentions. You know what I mean? Everybody is highly aware of the fact that he's no longer with us, but nobody wants to talk about it for fear of upsetting somebody else! Now, when it's just my Mom and me together, we cry (and laugh!) when we feel the need to. That's something else that I haven't thought to mention. Let her cry when she feels the need to cry. I guess you don't have to say a word, just be there for her. She and I both have talked about the fact that Fathers are the HEAD of most families. Then, as women, we both agree that the Mothers are the HEART of the family. Maybe you can reassure her in that way that she IS a vital, needed part. ((Karen))

It's so sad when people act that way, but there is nothing you can do to change things. Just give her some time and leave the lines of communication open. Perhaps she felt inferior when she felt your work was better than hers, poor self esteem kind of thing. It's sad when people value themselves through there "stuff". My "stuff" is just plain silly, but I put love into it and like to share my silliness. I'm sorry this happened, but it is her loss. Don't be sad. You've got us....what more could you ask for?

Trish, Lisa, and Sheila, I know you are aware of some of the discussions we've had on the seasonal thread "The Fall of the Rosen Empire". I feel a lot of us have grown closer and felt the support of others on this thread when we've shared physical and mental challenges. It has evolved very naturally, and we always seem to come back to our gardens and roses after more serious discussions. It has been surprising to me to learn that some of the happiest, most "up" people on the Rose Forum are facing the most serious challenges. I don't think any of us grow tired of listening to others' problems. We seem to buoy each other up with our mutual love of roses. Diane

Sympathies on the losses, Beth. I know you love your oddball roses and you're one of the people in the US that has some of these unobtainable roses. It's frustrating to lose track of such things, but as you mentioned you've had a lot else on your mind. I'm glad you are at peace about your mom, but it still has taken a toll in emotions and time along the way. It's good that many of the roses will be replaceable, and I'm sure Burling would reserve some of them for you if needed. Take a deep breath and look at the roses that have SURVIVED and are blooming. For me that's the antidote to the rose carnage we have in cold zones after every winter. I grieve the ones I've lost till I pull the tags and wipe them from my lists, then they aren't staring me in the face to remind me of what isn't there anymore. Sometimes then I can look back at the losses after a year or two and appreciate something I've put in place instead as much or more. I wish I could share cuttings with you to help out, but getting plants in and out of California isn't something one can do on a casual basis I fear. Hang in there and take lots of fabulous pictures of the roses you still have! We'll be watching for them. Cynthia