I'm sorry but please be gentle with yourself. You most definitely had more pressing issues. I hope the gardening work helps you with the loss of your mother.

Time to go shopping!

That is really devastating. You have lost a lot but you can't blame yourself with everything else going on. Make this an opportunity to start over and add some new stuff. Grow some treats for your chickens along with the roses. Make it whimsical, it could be fun.

OMG.... this is the thread I posted yesterday that never showed up... til NOW! Weird.

Suncoastflowers, sadly I'm pretty well over the loss of Mom. She wasn't herself the last 4-5yrs, so I feel like she's been gone a lot longer. I mourned the loss when she was in the care home after she fell several yrs ago and had the dementia set in, like, overnight. She didn't really know us and didn't know where she was. We all loved her and took good care of her, but it was like we were taking care of a stranger. It's so sad what happens to some of us when we get old. I hope I go before that happens to me. And yes, I let the garden go because I knew I wouldn't be able to really spend alot of time out there until after she was gone. Now I really need to get it done. I do think of Mom, and Dad too when I'm out gardening. She loved to garden and loved flowers. He was a tightwad and wouldn't let her water much. So I think of him when I'm accidentally letting the water run too long!

Hoov.. yep... I'm waiting for Burling to let me know which of the roses I lost that she carries are currently available.

SJN, I will only be growing roses in that bed! No more underplantings. I even dug out most of the irises. I foolishly planted chocolate mint yrs ago, before I knew how invasive mints are, and holy crap! I have to yank that stuff out every yr. It sends out runners that go all over the place. That and the crazy grassy weeds that come back every yr. That's what helped to kill the roses.

Bethnorcal don’t think about what you lost, think about all the new roses you can now put in their place. You have a clean slate, and so much gardening experience, you can really make your dream garden now.

I always thought if I moved or something I’d know so much more on how to make a beautiful garden.

Well, I got an email back from Burling this evening. All the roses I asked her about are out of stock til Fall. Bummer... Oh well, guess I'll have to wait.

I know you must feel really bad about the roses you lost, Beth. Like everyone else said, you’ve had your hands full, so don’t be too hard on yourself. I know how many roses you have to maintain, and with everything else that was going on, I’m impressed that you kept any roses alive at all! I don’t know how you do it. We all enjoy your roses, so very much. You’ve been doing the best you can and you should pat yourself on the back. You had your priorities straight. Lisa

Sympathies on the losses, Beth. I know you love your oddball roses and you're one of the people in the US that has some of these unobtainable roses. It's frustrating to lose track of such things, but as you mentioned you've had a lot else on your mind. I'm glad you are at peace about your mom, but it still has taken a toll in emotions and time along the way. It's good that many of the roses will be replaceable, and I'm sure Burling would reserve some of them for you if needed.

Take a deep breath and look at the roses that have SURVIVED and are blooming. For me that's the antidote to the rose carnage we have in cold zones after every winter. I grieve the ones I've lost till I pull the tags and wipe them from my lists, then they aren't staring me in the face to remind me of what isn't there anymore. Sometimes then I can look back at the losses after a year or two and appreciate something I've put in place instead as much or more. I wish I could share cuttings with you to help out, but getting plants in and out of California isn't something one can do on a casual basis I fear.

Hang in there and take lots of fabulous pictures of the roses you still have! We'll be watching for them.
Cynthia

Sorry about your Mom. I know how sad it is to lose a lot of roses too but you had more important things on your mind. This is a good opportunity to make some changes. Replace the ones you loved and would miss and look forward to some new ones you can try now.

Your roses may be a physical representation of what you've lost over these past years and therefore bothering you more than the plant loses alone normally would. As an earlier poster wrote, be gentle with yourself.

Gardening should bring you joy. Clean out those beds, find the survivors and get some new cuttings.

It's spring, a time of rebirth and a time to set things right. In 6 months you will have new plants and new flowers.

Lately I grow what I can grow no-spray. This means some very exciting roses that I've loved aren't in my garden anymore! I don't plant any more known waterhogs, mildew magnets-- or just plain divas as bossyvossy says.

Fortunately the local botanic garden includes a huge rose garden; I know the locations of my faves and visit them in peak bloom periods! (I just wish I could bring my secateurs..hehe)

Also about 90 minutes away there's a wonderful botanic garden where they are growing a lot of Austins and Delbards. I don't know who is choosing the varieties but it seems we have similar taste

Yes it's not the same but these regular visits seem to help keep my rose lust in check.

Thanks guys! I've been noticing other roses in other beds dying as well as these ones, and it's funny how many of them are in fact coming back. I was really excited to see that the WHITE DELIGHT I had gotten from Heirloom about 5yrs ago which had just died back to the ground this past Fall, is suddenly sprouting up a couple of new shoots. I was pretty upset that that one "died." It was one of my first roses from about '90, back when I first started growing roses. The original died a long time ago, and I managed to get the one from Heirloom, which was probably one of Cliff's roses. I notice they don't list it any more. Anyway, just seeing that first little green spout coming up thru the soil made me happy! There are some other roses that have sprouted new growth, coming back from the brinks of death. Some are even grafted ones and the growth is definitely coming from the bud unions. I think thisis going to be a better yr than last yr was. Now if I can just get to cleaning up the next bed.... Oh wait it's going to start raining again tonight! Yuck.

Botanical gardens are not above yanking the BS, half eaten, defoliated roses and replacing with luscious cultivars fresh from the nursery. Poor residential gardeners think there’s something wrong with their skills, when in reality the botanical garden roses are yanked faster than they can say “I require above average attention”. Same for plantings on esplanades, beds in nurseries, etc. don’t let that shatter your gardening ego.

Beth- I'm happy to hear it's going better, and your rose losses are not as big as you thought. I know you'll enjoy getting your beds back into shape. And maybe you'll discover some new roses that are available to fill in the spaces.