Thank you for your quick responses, very much appreciated. I'm sorry if my wording mixed you up, I don't need a book for my zone of 9 but for his zone in Palm Desert which remains substantially warmer through winter, down right balmy. Nights go into the 50's but not much lower. I went to Amazon to see the offerings but was not impressed. I was hoping to trip across a publication from a well known Univ. who had done studies. Palm Desert has many queen palms planted by the city especially. Think I will locate a nursery in his area to see what they can offer. He buys his palms from a grower in Indio. Not sure how educated this grower may be, he may just be a guy that can plant the seeds, grow the trees and sell them. But as we often find, the plants look just great at the business establishment but once in our home, after very careful preparation of the hole, additional amendments, special fertilizers, correct watering, the plant flops over and dies. I find this very frustrating. Thanks again for your time. I will check out the book suggested as I know queen palms can tolerate temps into the high 20's so should also provide info on the year round care I would think.

I recommend reading Suzanne Somers book: The Sexy Years. I did and ended up with bioidentical hormones. While she doesn't specifically talk about subcutaneous pellets, that is what I have. I wrote a thread here with alot of detail. It's called Bioidentical Hormone Pellets" In short, I get estrogen and testosterone pellets implanted in my hip. They are the closest to what I make, not metabolized by the liver and does not have near the breast risk that synthetics or pills do. The deliver a consistent low dose. I get them every 3-4 months. I do not believe in suffering with symptoms when there are options. I would never use synthetic from a pregnant mare. I've read how they are abused to obtain the urine. I have never felt better in my life. I'm 54, had a hysterectomy 20 years ago, have never had kids. I also recommend seeing a doctor that specializes in bioidentical hormones and menopause. Good luck! njw

Here's a couple stories of instinct from my solo travels to 3rd world countries. El Salvador: I took a bus to the foot of a volcano and started hiking up the path. Ahead of me I saw a young man step out from the bushes on the side of the path. My hackles went up, so I stopped walking towards him. As he walked, he turned a bit sideways and I saw that he was concealing a knife behind his back. Yeah, he was planning to rob me. I retreated back down the path until I reached a group of people all walking together. I asked if I could join them for safety and they obliged me. When we got back to where the guy had been, he had disappeared. Good to follow the gut. Zimbabwe: There was a solar eclipse while I was there, so chose to watch it from the banks of the Zambezi, on the border of Mozambique and Zimbabwe. It happened late afternoon, and my intent was to travel onward afterwards to the next town to spend the night. There was no local transportation (i.e., bush taxis) going there, so I had to hitch. I found a group of 4 men, South Africans and Zimbabweans, a mix of races, all of whom were working on clearing mines and building roads off in the direction I was headed. They agreed to give me a lift. We headed off in their Land Rover over horrid dirt roads for hours, stopping occasionally for smoking/pee breaks. My seat was on the console and my job was to keep the driver plied with whiskey from a thermos (slow going on roads, and virtually no oncoming traffic, so that didn't worry me too much). In the wee hours of the night, we stopped for a smoke break and the driver said to me, "let me show you something" and picked up a large holstered knife that had been laying on the dashboard. An intense shot of "holy @#$%! this guy might be about to kill me!" went through my whole body. I could do absolutely nothing, as running off the road had a high probability that I'd hit a land mine. Plus we were in the middle of who-knows-where with zero possibility for help. He proceeded to unsheathe the knife and tell me of its origins and history. Absolutely nothing sinister. My adrenalin slowly subsided, we eventually got back in the Land Rover, and continued on our way. They ended up putting me up for a couple days in their trailer camp, and I got to hear their war stories and learn about how to build roads. Total story of instinct wrong, though I'd sure rather have the sense and be wrong a couple times then miss a danger cue.

I wanted to give an update, and thank everyone again for their thoughts and prayers for my mom. She seems to have done a full recovery. I call her the energizer bunny, she just keeps going, and going.... If you could all see how utterly frail she is, you could really appreciate that! Anyway, she seems none the worse for wear, and I expect her to see her 92nd birthday in April. ;) I would have posted sooner, but a week ago this last Monday, my best friend (the one I mentioned in this thread) called to say her oldest son was at the ER. He had passed away suddenly at the young age of 39. So needless to say, my life was put on hold til a couple days ago. I have not seen my sister much, which has been good. Some of the things I got out of this thread, and in particular the Gray Rock link, will follow. I highly recommend reading the comments at the end of that article, I got as much out of them (and am still reading) as I did the actual article. This is what I have come away with so far. 1. One reason I have responded to my sister in the past when I shouldn't have, has been pride. She has always lorded over me, in my mothers own words. And I suppose a certain part of me just doesn't want to let her have the last word. I'm not some dumb little sister, though she can often treat me as such. And has for most of my life. So, there's one thing I have recognized, admitted, and need to work on. 2. There is a part of her that appears totally normal. So much so, that I find it really hard not to hold her to the same rules that every one else has to follow. She can definitely discern right and wrong at times, and she can realize there are consequences to actions. Which is why I didn't just give her the silver. I wanted her to understand she had given them away. That she can't go through life throwing temper tantrums one minute and then be sorry and expect to be bailed out of whatever mess she made during previous said temper tantrum. Whether it was wrong or right what I did doesn't matter now, it's over. But she did contact me after the fact and ask if she could have one of two certain spoons. These were not with the set, and I had repeatedly offered her one at the time but she had declined. She acknowledged that I was not bound to give them to her, and if I chose not to she would understand. So see, she does "get" stuff. And for the record, I did give her one, and the one I thought she'd like most. She seemed really happy, as it was a really neat spoon. 3. Part of my problem is, I wear my heart on my sleeve. That only sets me up for more trouble and confrontations. I am not used to having to guard my words. This is something that is going to take some work, I am an open person by nature. So it's a real mental exercise to calculate my words. I'm working on it. But it doesn't help that she picks up on my "quietness"....... I don't know that all this will work quite like it did for others, but I definitely got some help out of it. See, she wants a relationship with me to some degree, so I don't see her just going away after she gets" bored". Maybe more so in anger or frustration because she will sense I don't really want to be her "friend". Which I hate. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it almost seems inevitable. I love her, and desperately wish we could have had a real relationship. But, that was not to be. Thank you again for all your thoughts and suggestions and links and prayers and well wishes. It never ceases to amaze me how caring some people can be to a complete stranger. :)