Do you still love her? Does she talk to you about your feelings and hers? Do you care if she does talk? Can you feel good about staying with her despite what she has done, despite her penchant for secrecy? Does she respect you? Does she find you exciting to go to bed with? Except for her duplicity and lack of fidelity, are you getting what you want out of this marriage? These are things you can answer before deciding. My wife has cheated on me three times in merely brief sexual affairs; never told me; I discovered them; I stayed. I enjoyed being with her, we were compatible in many ways. How did I cope? For one thing, I felt myself superior to her partners and didn't feel much jealousy or shock. I thought she cheated out of vanity--the need to "see" if she was attractive to others. For another, I had felt strongly attracted to other women, and so now I no longer felt guilty about my feelings for other women nor in giving in to those feelings from time to time ... I admit I'm aware of my wife's comings and goings but don't particularly follow her closely nor surveil her movements and activities. If I feel jealousy ever it's because I feel she hasn't shown me the proper respect and have told her so outright, without waiting, and angrily. I'm not any kind of meek person. I know this answer won't satisfy those whose values exclude anything but the Absolute Closest & Most Faithful, but there it is. Ours is not an open marriage; ours is good but not great. My wife doesn't like discussing "problems" although I do. I could take the marriage or leave it (I figured that out by myself; I chose to "take it" despite her lack of communication on some intimate issues, because the issues about which she communicates change from year to year, and I'm expecting she will be able to talk about more things.)

I'd kick him out. I was cheated on before (while in a very serious relationship) and while I'm 'over it', I still have scars. It takes a very long time to get over and I'm not sure I could ever really trust the man anymore. Part of not cheating is being self-aware. Many people have no self-awareness. Meaning, they don't watch what they say with other people and they don't watch what they give to other people. If you're married, you HAVE to work HARD at keeping the emotional energy IN THE MARRIAGE. None of this complaining about your spouse to some other woman - that's marriage suicide. It almost always leads to an affair because suddenly there's this understanding ear that lets you gripe and pretend all of the problems in the marriage are your spouse's fault (all marriages go through rough patches - that's why I HATE the 'the marriage/relationship was in trouble' excuse for another person to feel justified in interloping). Anyway - that's why it's so important to be self-aware. You have to register in your mind when you're feeling upset, vulnerable, whatever - so you don't put yourself in situations that may tempt you to cheat. One poster above mentioned being in situations where even the best men would be hard-pressed NOT to cheat - I say that if you're really one of the best men, you'll do everything possible to stay OUT of those situations. Anyone swimming in shark-infested waters is bound to get bitten. Cheating isn't a mistake - it's a choice - no matter how a person attempts to rationalize it. It was a choice to 'make friends' with another person who isn't your spouse and give them emotional energy - to gripe with them and take their sympathy. It's a choice to put yourself in close situations with that person. It's a choice to feed your 'crush' for that person. It's a choice to then cheat with that person. None of that 'it just happened' tripe... it only 'just happens' if you magically trip and fall on her and on the way down, your pants magically unzip and ... well, you know the rest, lol. Infidelity is a choice, period. To me, that's a dealbreaker. I'd make certain that any man I married knew it upfront. I've been through it once - no way I'd tolerate it again. He'd be outta there - just as I would expect to be if I cheated (which I can say with 100% certainty that I NEVER would).

Finedreams, I want to reiterate how this conversation/disagreement between you and I started: * Posted by finedreams (My Page) on Mon, May 10, 10 at 19:44 If someone sends her naked pictures around and plans threesomes, it is beyond "what went wrong" issue. It is not a typical affair. * Posted by silversword (My Page) on Tue, May 11, 10 at 15:24 FD, I think "typical" is changing. Threesomes became very popular when I was in highschool. I would not be surprised if that is a very common make/break issue with marriages today. Bi-sexuality is now very "normal". Also, with the new cameras and the non-issue of development at outside locations (no stigma of having to send those nude pictures off to get developed!) times they are a changin'. * Posted by finedreams (My Page) on Tue, May 11, 10 at 18:15 Bisexuality is not a behavior, it is who people are, it is neither normal nor abnormal, it is what it is, nothing to do with threesomes. Bisexual people are attracted to both sexes, does not mean they cheat or have threesomes. Of course threesomes are not something never heard off (I am much older than you so I have to tell you it was popular before you were at high school), but generally people who love to arrange threesomes and post their naked pics are not much of a marriage material, at least not at that point of their lives. Would you want to be married to someone who secretly arranges threesomes and posts naked pics? I don't. I do not understand why people suggest this marriage needs to be saved. But oh well. It is just me. You said "not typical affair" because of pictures and threesome. I said, "typical" is changing. As bisexuality becomes more acceptable in our society and as multimedia makes photography/video that would previously "typically" (prior to 2000) not be shared (at least as easily); the behaviors that constitute a typical affair change. I never said that bisexuals have threesomes, are cheaters, that bisexuality is only a behavior, that it was ok for his wife to be doing what she did or anything else you put in my mouth and pointed fingers and called me naive. My point is, "typical" is one of those words that means absolutely nothing unless everyone is standing in the same little circle. Depending on your age, socioeconomic status, location in the world, upbringing, etc.... what constitutes a "typical" affair will vary. Much as the interpretation of a "typical rainstorm". Once it starts sprinkling here in So. Cal. it's "pouring". Where I'm from, there has to be at least a foot of water on the ground before anyone begins commenting that it's raining hard. I agree with you that "promiscuity and dishonesty are wrong at any age" and again, I never said that bisexuals have poor moral character. It is becoming a lot more common, or at least a lot more people feel comfortable admitting to it. Thus, I believe bisexual "affairs" are becoming more "typical" than the "normal" (lol) affair.

Possible? Emotionally abusive? Definitely! Physically and emotionally abusive! Restricting your movements, restricting your food, stalking you- that's physical abuse, he doesn't have to hit you. Surely you have friends or family somewhere. Call someone, get out of there with your children, and go to a women's shelter. Move to another city/state/country if you have to, there are women's shelters in many places.