I realize I'm very late and the OP has probably already made a decision. If she continued the affair we'll not likely find out what that decision was... She probably won't be back here. But here goes anyways.... Happy24-7 Emotional affairs are not made up, they are real. I was not in a relationship, but my friend�s girl fell for me and I fell for her pretty hard. At first it was purely emotional, but the connection was strong. A friend of mine also had this experience. A woman at work would compliment him all the time, tell him how creative, smart, etc he was. That�s huge to a man, men love the ego stroke, especially because women don�t dole out compliments all too often. His wife discovered this emotional affair, which is what it was, before it got to sex, but it was definitely moving that way. Luckily it didn�t get there. You�ll probably make all sorts of justifications and tell yourself that it�s ok, and that whatever activity you�re doing with him is purely work related. But just being close to someone you have such strong feelings for can lead to disaster. Eventually, it will lead to kissing, and after that, you probably won�t be able to turn back. You�ll tell yourself your happy marriage is over, and that you may as well throw it completely away and engage in coitus with this man. If you care anything for your hubby, back off, sever all ties with this man. IT�S NOT SAFE, NO MATTER WHAT YOU MAY THINK. You�re interested in this guy and that is dangerous. Remember, these amazing feelings you have for him aren�t forever, and will fade within several years. What then? You would have thrown away a great marriage and happy life for nothing. I also tend to agree with readinglady that an emotional affair is more serious. You don�t know how to tell him to stop calling? You have to tell him, but don�t tell him in person, and if you can, avoid telling him you�re having feelings for him. If he�s into you too, that will just fan the flames. If you�re telling him in person, he may decide to win you over with a spontaneous kiss, and there it all goes� I�d write a letter explaining how you feel, maybe that it�s inappropriate or something. Seems cold, but it might be the best way to keep your marriage intact. "The idea is just a symptom of the lack of intimacy in your own marriage. Do you think this could be the case ?" Seems like it could be, but that�s happening in my marriage and a discussion about our issues has made me realize what was missing. Now I�m trying to bring the intimacy back. "why do I fantasize about this other man and why do I behave like I do around him?" Because the grass is always greener, and good marriage or not, we always like someone crushing on us, it...

I'd kick him out. I was cheated on before (while in a very serious relationship) and while I'm 'over it', I still have scars. It takes a very long time to get over and I'm not sure I could ever really trust the man anymore. Part of not cheating is being self-aware. Many people have no self-awareness. Meaning, they don't watch what they say with other people and they don't watch what they give to other people. If you're married, you HAVE to work HARD at keeping the emotional energy IN THE MARRIAGE. None of this complaining about your spouse to some other woman - that's marriage suicide. It almost always leads to an affair because suddenly there's this understanding ear that lets you gripe and pretend all of the problems in the marriage are your spouse's fault (all marriages go through rough patches - that's why I HATE the 'the marriage/relationship was in trouble' excuse for another person to feel justified in interloping). Anyway - that's why it's so important to be self-aware. You have to register in your mind when you're feeling upset, vulnerable, whatever - so you don't put yourself in situations that may tempt you to cheat. One poster above mentioned being in situations where even the best men would be hard-pressed NOT to cheat - I say that if you're really one of the best men, you'll do everything possible to stay OUT of those situations. Anyone swimming in shark-infested waters is bound to get bitten. Cheating isn't a mistake - it's a choice - no matter how a person attempts to rationalize it. It was a choice to 'make friends' with another person who isn't your spouse and give them emotional energy - to gripe with them and take their sympathy. It's a choice to put yourself in close situations with that person. It's a choice to feed your 'crush' for that person. It's a choice to then cheat with that person. None of that 'it just happened' tripe... it only 'just happens' if you magically trip and fall on her and on the way down, your pants magically unzip and ... well, you know the rest, lol. Infidelity is a choice, period. To me, that's a dealbreaker. I'd make certain that any man I married knew it upfront. I've been through it once - no way I'd tolerate it again. He'd be outta there - just as I would expect to be if I cheated (which I can say with 100% certainty that I NEVER would).

OK, this is not what you are going to want to hear so stop now if you want a soft touch. You need to focus on your alcoholism, get treatment, get sober and focus soley on maintaining your sobriety before you can even think clearly about relationship issues. Just like I cannot make a decision (and trust me I am incapable of it right now) until I have dealt with my current depression. Now is the time to put your well being first and get the help you need. Yes, you are married and should know that if something happened to your DH you would not be homeless. But you are married not living together right? I would think if your DH died you would get the house. I understand this as our current home has never had my name on it, however I know if we weren't together I would have never stayed there anyway, so for me it wasn't a issue as much as it was never considered my home-I just lived there. This however seems the least of your problems. I think you need to believe in yourself and do what you need to do get well first and foremost. When he sees you putting your self first he will either follow suit and realize what a treasure you are or you will get on with your life, sober & happy. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you all the best on your journey. ~Cat

I`ve been married for 16yrs. it has been up and down all 16yrs. He always have been controlling, I had a 2yr. when we met and he wouldn`t even let her sit by me. When we got married he didn`t want my mom to help me get dressed. When I had our son he didn`t want her in the room, which I understand that one, everything is my fault. The last 3 yrs have been hell, I cheated on him 3yrs. ago and I crushed him he cried and cried he would get sick, that`s when the worst all started. He had an affair with a girl from our gym for 4 months. After that we got past it and renewed our vows then about 2 months later he started talking to another girl, then that stop. Well Aug. of 2008 he left me for a younger woman saying he was in love with her that she treats him like he always wanted me to treat him that he feels she really loves him. Yes I admit I wasn`t the perfect wife and somethings he says that I didn`t or did do are true about I don`t deserve this do I? He and the girlfriend got a place together in Feb. 09 he said he wants to come on and never does, well he does for 2 nights then goes back to her, he has done this twice now. Last weekend I told him I was moving on and I have a date, he told me not to go and if I did he will never come home, well I didn`t go and he came home and it`s been 3 nights now and he is still here, but when will he leave again, what am I dealing with here? Should I just let go and move on? I`m ready to if he won`t change, I mean he is still taking to the girlfriend. PLEASE HELP.