I remember when I divested myself of half of my library, people were incensed that I didn't donate the books somehow rather than having them hauled away. However, I agree Runninginplace that there's a limited market for most things even from a charitable standpoint. Frankly, when you are in the midst of deacquisition, the last thing you want to do is slow your momentum by taking time to research selling online or locally, donating to non-Goodwill charity, etc. I think Joni's mental and emotional energy was being used to the maximum to accomplish the process as she did. Kudos for her for getting through it without more major meltdowns.

There are so many people in need...maybe not so much need, but who would absolutely love to have nice things. It's a shame that there isn't a way to match up those who want to get rid of, with those who are maybe starting out, or who don't have much or would really love that one particular strange thing but they have to pay the electric bill, instead.

Yes, I know there is Goodwill (mine doesn't take furniture, but I regularly make drop-off trips there when I can.) but a lot of people just prefer to shop at thrift stores.

Mostly, if you put something in the "free" section of CL, a lot of people are, I suspect, resellers (I get the same people contacting me over and over...I know I could be wrong)

I keep asking myself if it matters as long as it's gone.... I know it shouldn't.

I hope Joni is able to emotionally let her stuff go....I hope that, in the future, she doesn't lament what's gone. Although with the amount of stuff she has, maybe she'll forget :)

Pennydesign, I know what you mean about those who would love and cherish certain items that others let go. If there were a way to match the giver and receiver, it would be awesome. I read about people donating certain things and I think that I would love to have been able to take those things, but again, logistics and timing are the enemies. I remember a poster who talked about the transfer station at her dump in Maine. It was a place where the nicer items could reside for a time with the hopes that they would be adopted, rather than thrown directly into the landfill. I wish that we had something like that at our landfill.

I am the poster who mentioned my transfer station's "take it or leave it". I have been leaving quite a bit lately as we prepare our house for sale and our move to our new, much smaller, house.

I was fairly sickened by the waste and large scale trashing in Cote de Texas' blog post. Time is the enemy of thoughtful downsizing.

Just the other day I told my DH we needed to bring boxes to Ruth's Reusable Rsources instead of the Take it or Leave it. I explained that the organization specializes is school supplies for teachers whose budgets dont cover enough. He didnt believe we would have enough to make the drive worthwhile, but 30 binders, 40 folders, etc justified it. I am still compiling the haul to bring there.

We "rescued" an absolutely stunning 1800's mahogany hall stand from our local dump...we just came along at the right time, as there was no take it or leave it spot (great idea!!). Even the four foot high mirror was intact.

Someone here would love something I own and I would be happy for her to have it...but distance is the enemy with that... :(

Maybe it depends on where you live, but in the NYC metro, there is active freecycle, Goodwill, and the curb ... we almost always find a home for things

Random decluttering thoughts:

Not sure if other systems do this but my library branch has an 'open dock' policy for donating books. There's a covered loading dock area and you can simply leave them there. It's incredibly easy; I box my books but I often see books simply stacked neatly waiting to be sorted. No need for an attendant, no need to call ahead or ask, etc. I took great comfort that the HUGE number of books I culled recently will hopefully give someone else reading enjoyment-and for free ;).

With the recent Marie Kondo series, I have seen an amazing influx to my local Goodwill. I've long donated household items but the past couple of months when I drive up on a weekend the donations are literally stacked up outside and lining the alleyway! Something that bugs me is seeing things donated that clearly should have been discarded. It's just nasty and lazy to 'donate' stained ripped throw cushions, or a bag of kids' sneakers that smell to high heaven and are filthy with gaping holes where the top has separated from the soles, or broken IKEA furniture that also has the veneer peeling off the fiberboard base....all stuff I've observed in recent days. Part of the reason our society's drowning in stuff is because there is so much cheap throwaway merchandise being produced and purchased now. The sorting process should include being honest with yourself--if it's junk you should toss it.

Regarding how to get rid of stuff in preparation for a downsize - a very good friend is a youth minister at our church. A parishioner that was selling her home and moving to assisted living donated the contents of her home to the youth group. The kids spent a few days cleaning and organizing and then heavily advertised an estate sale. Any monies made were put into their travel fund for conferences/trips. The sale was held over a weekend and anything left was picked up by Amvets the following day. Kids made about $2000 and the home was left empty and ready to put on the market. Win win all around. Just a thought for consideration.

i could never live with all that clutter in Joni’s home! Practically brought on an anxiety attack just looking at the pictures LOL!

Admittedly I know little of Joni's story and style, never reading her blog. I'm a bit surprised that looks such as this one are considered desirable by anyone. All I can see is about 37 ways to stub a toe.

Is this supposed to be "Texas style"? I was born in the state and lived here most of my life and this is not a look I am familiar with.

She has some lovely things though, and I'm drawn to her tableware. But editing is a must. Who wants a home to resemble a shop? Just because you can create a vignette of merchandise doesn't mean it works in a place where people actually live.

Who dusts all of Joni’s stuff?

Who vacuums around all that stuff on the floor?

I agree - it's a lot of stuff. However, after reading the blog post, I feel a great deal of empathy for Joni. She spent a lifetime collecting beautiful things and curating a certain lifestyle. Life threw her family a curveball and they were forced to make some tough decisions quickly. Given similar circumstances, my new downsized apartment might look very much the same in that I would want to hold on to my "special things". Ultimately, she made choices that were in the best interest of her family and I think she is showing a great deal of resilience. If she has to fill her apartment with too much stuff to deal with it, then I give her a pass. I would probably have too much stuff and too much weight as I stress ate my way through it all!

I tend to have a fair amount of stuff around but even I think that living room is way overcrowded. It also doesn't look comfortably, practical or inviting. I feel bad for her though and I understand the impulse to keep all the things she loves. If I had to downsize drastically, I would have a very hard time curating too.

I don't know if this was a "curveball" though...Her husband has had this for many many years...

ETA don't forget that these photos were taken for her blog...so they were staged...

I can see her gradually making more decisions about where/how to reduce her possessions. These things everywhere may be like a child holding a teddy bear when upset. It sounds like her world was turning upside down and all she could concentrate on was getting into a better living situation for them. I know that after a flood in our home, I had to concentrate on certain required tasks and put others on a waiting list of sorts. Trying to take care of ALL of the details within a short span of time was too overwhelming a thought.

This move sounds like a very healthy thing for both of them. She mentioned how nice a change it's been to interact with people more, get outside with her dogs instead of opening a door. And, their view looks restorative! I'd love to see that every day vs. her former small courtyard.

For quite a while, upscale Houston homes that were featured in magazines/blogs used seagrass rugs and white slipcovers as a base. I've seen it move away from these elements over the years. Her particular choice of tchotchkes are her style, not "Texas" or "Houston".

"All I can see is about 37 ways to stub a toe." Haha! Yes.

Runninginplace, I make a few trips to Goodwill throughout the year, and see the exact same thing. Stuff being donated that really is no longer usable. Even if I'm donating clothes, I wash and fold them... and sniff the armpits for the all-clear.

Tannatonk23, that's a great idea.

Even if I'm donating clothes, I wash and fold them.

Exactly. I look for holes or stains then wash the good ones before donating. I assume that the people who work/volunteer have better things to do than throw away my ratty/broken junk. Some people...

Runninginplace, I said I totally got that she could not deal with finding ways to repurpose or re-home everything, but she had family to re-home things she didn't want to part with. Why couldn't they help with things that needed to go or help find someone who could? To me, that's part of what those around you should help with. I did that for a friend whose mother passed. She couldn't cope with it, so I helped her sort out what was worth keeping, selling, donating and where to donate it. Some of it was junk. Some of it was in great need. I did the same when my sister divorced and sold her house. We donated a lot to Goodwill and Habitat. When we moved to the curb things we thought were unusable - stuff we thought no one would want, even from Goodwill, much of it was claimed before the trash pickup came. Furniture is always in need. There are people who will sort, sell and dispose of things for charity or for profit. A school, church or club could have held a sale and both helped and benefitted. It just sounds like no one -- even the buyer, even thought to try. I find that quite sad. Especially because of how she collected and valued . things. Not judging her or saying I could do better in her shoes -- but I do find it another layer of sad in a already very difficult situation.

Ida, I was expecting more of a hill country vibe when I first went to her blog. I don't see "Texas" reflected in the style, but I do like the name of her blog. It made me want to love the style, but it's not me.

Localeater, my son's apartment building has a bench built into the wall at the top of the stairs (possibly on every floor -- I've only been on his and the ground floor). People leave and take items on that bench, My son and his GF have participated in both giving and taking. Great ideas. And fun stories.

I was happy to see that VEB posted on Facebook and is her usual nutty self, although I think this post was about a sick cat.

lescatx I'm not trying to be argumentative (as she continues to argue ;), and Joni DID mention repeatedly in her post that she had this n that stored or on loan with friends and family. So she seems to have done that to some extent.

I'll say, gently, that it is hard to know just what someone's situation really is when all we see is a public statement (blog post), and easy to make judgments about what should be done that might not be as easily accomplished by the people we are judging.

I completely agree it's possible and preferable to try to dispose mindfully and find use for what one is discarding. It isn't always what happens in the crunch of life and stress. When you're drowning you grab whatever will keep you afloat even if it isn't the best life raft out there...

“but she had family to re-home things she didn't want to part with. Why couldn't they help with things that needed to go or help find someone who could? To me, that's part of what those around you should help with.”

Maybe because I had to help clean out my mother in law’s house after her death, I hope I never have to ask family or friends to distribute my stuff.

Until you try to find takers for a huge collection of books (or big wood furniture that is antique) it’s hard to understand how hard it is to get rid of.

Me, too, Maddielee. The death of a loved one is difficult enough. Then there's the burden of going through their belongings. It's not the lovely trip down memory lane, or family members coming together to commiserate and share stories. It's hard work, time-consuming, and emotionally draining. And you're always second-guessing every decision you make in the process. I've been part of this burden with family members and it has me considering what I want to put my kids through some day.

While living, I would never ask my family and friends help distribute my stuff. That's not their responsibility. I'm the one who collected. (Actually, I don't really collect anything. I travel pretty light.)

When donating to Goodwill, if it has a rip or stain, they can't use it, so I toss it.

Even DH has said he needs to go through the closet since the clothes are getting wrinkled. Really, both of us. Our closets are small. Our house is small. If we say we are staying here and don't add any space, we have to get rid of stuff.

My mother was excellent at purging and donating, and when she got sick, she was planning to move from the house to an apartment, so most of the stuff was gone. The funny thing is I was at the local antique mall a couple weeks back and I saw some wall plaques that she had though hometown is 500+ miles away, so I bought them, though I obviously do not need them. I don't know what happened to hers: probably Goodwill or Amvets.

After moving both her mother and sister to assisted living, MIL is finally purging a lot of her items as well.

I don't know what I'd do if I suddenly need to go through something like this, because I won't have anybody close enough to me to even start asking them to help. You need to be really close people to ask for stuff, you know?..

A real friend who lives the closest to me that I'd dare to ask even to help-I need to get on plane to visit her. And yes, it's another level of sadness. Not really having anybody around when things going bad.

My kids are close by..for now..

(Even though I must say that the amount of stuff here that was rescued makes me feel much calmer about our superirritating garage. It's so much less stuff - it appears that everything is learnt in comparison. And 80% of it can be safely thrown away. Nobody needs it. 10% can be sold or donated. 10%- I'd think about.)

Same April...to ask help of someone is, for me, akin to walking up to a stranger and asking for a kidney. Accepting help is even more difficult. Just the way I was raised...

A lot of the time, I long for a minimalist existence. :( But I'm too sentimental.

I can't stop thinking about this woman's home. It is hoarding....just more decorative hoarding than most. Not a style I'd ever embrace, but I know some enjoy that "collected" look. But really.....just hoarding and over-consumption. I get anxious just looking at the pictures and I feel it has to be contributing to her husband's illness. I have to stop looking at this thread!!!

Goodwill will accept ripped and stained clothing and other textiles. I separate them out when I donate and they recycle them. But if you don't separate, they do sort out unusable textiles for recycling, so don't send them to the landfill!

BTDT on mucking out a FULL house of someone's stuff, and B(eing)TD(oing)T on clearing my own right now.

Actually in the past 5 years we've done *two* full house clears and both were basically situations in which the previous residents vanished from their houses one day leaving someone else to deal with every single thing they owned. A friend died, leaving us his estate including a hoarder's house. A few years later my MIL, a self-proclaimed family historian who saved EVERYTHING and who was already deep into dementia fell and after breaking numerous limbs had to go into assisted living immediately.

So like many others I know what it's like to have to wade in and clear out households with literally of thousands of objects. Everything from that heavy old furniture to every single sock, fork, tablecloth, underwear, junk drawer, picture on the wall, towel, and empty tupperware container. It's beyond overwhelming.

And now we are decluttering our home of 30 years to move to our retirement house. I feel incredibly blessed that I have the time and the mental wherewithal to work my way through the process. It's still been a huge undertaking and I'm still chipping away at it, although I have definitely worked on my ruthless muscle. I'm getting ready right now to make another Goodwill run with a whole box of home accessories that I've loved and still love. But I know in my heart I do not want to haul them down and start filling up my lovely calm, spare space again. And I keep telling myself that future me and future kids will appreciate the work I'm doing.

Joni OTOH clearly found herself in a situation in which she was drowning in stuff, facing money problems that meant the house had to go and looking at 3000 SF of objects and items that needed to go too. I truly cannot imagine how she could or would have found the time, energy and emotional stamina to make reasoned decisions and curate every single thing she owned to maximize its utility to others. I also can't help but imagine she did reach out to others based on her comments about dear friends and family taking some of her treasures for safe keeping. I keep in mind that all those folks no doubt have their own houses filled with stuff!

I'm not surprised at the extreme horror of clearing out expressed here, given that everyone keeps talking about goodwill. In our area, there are many other organizations that want your stuff much more than goodwill does and some will come in and sort and pack it all up and haul it away, although usually they won't pack china or glass.

So those of you who dread this might want to look at local charities. I've got a note for my brother about whom to call if I suddenly drop dead, and I feel much more comfortable knowing that all they will have to do is box up the dishes and sort out my file drawer.

No, no, no that is not hoarding. It’s a lot of stuff but the place looks clean and there’s more order to it. I get what you’re saying though. I guess you could call it a type of hoarding maybe. This is what comes to my mind for hoarding. Random internet photo.

Writersblock, I'm afraid I use "Goodwill" as a catchall term for wherever I'm giving things away to. Various rummage sales, a couple of shops that give their proceeds to specific charities, and the one that is a free shop and pantry for veterans and their families.

When we emptied my parents' winter home, the library and animal shelter resale shop received plenty of donations (when I learned the shop has a benefit event, I suggested the MacKenzie or whatever they are mugs, filled with biscotti, would make a good auction item. They were.) There were also some selective consignment shops for men's clothing, for women's clothing, and for household items, but when the fellow at the high end household items shop didn't know Georg Jensen made stainless I wondered at their efficacy. I wish I'd known to look for a local Facebook market group.

But emptying that house took us 6 weeks, and I didn't have a sick spouse and a business (e.g., a blog) to manage, or a financial deadline.

i can’t get past the items on the top of the cook top. I am always amazed how people can go through life and not be able to cook for themselves. It seems like an expensive way to go through life.

I get your point Shee, and that is what most of us think of when we think of hoarding. But, I think having every horizontal space filled with excess stuff qualifies. It is still hoarding to me even if it is clean hoarding. More socially acceptable maybe, but I think it results from the same type of illness. When I see those kitchen counters filled with stuff, you can't even cook in there, you can't even make a sandwich. If you have so much stuff that your space is no longer functional, it's hoarding in my mind. But I do see your point.

Yes, I would agree with Jmck. There's a spectrum, and she's definitely on it.

Bpath, I just saw your reply to my post. I guess I wasn't clear. I meant that you need to let go of the stuff you are letting go. Your post reads like you were curating like mad as you cleared, and that is where people go insane and can't get things done.

The whole point of my post was so what if it's Georg Jensen and they think it came from target? You can either drive yourself crazy or let it go. I chose to let it go. No, the charities that would come to clean up here are not my very first choices or the sharpest at seeing potentially valuable stuff, but that doesn't matter. It won't be my stuff then, just as when you give a gift if it's really a gift you don't care what the recipient ultimately does with it, because it's theirs now, not yours.

My mother died unexpectedly while on vacation in AZ. When my brother and I flew back after making arrangements, my SIL wanted to go through her apartment right then, and we did her stuff in a single day. Was a lot lost in the shuffle that I really wish someone had now, especially family papers? Sure, and I knew that would happen, but my SIL was an absolute saint to my mother (bro and I live on opposite sides of the state and mom wanted to be near the grandchildren) and I felt it was the least I could do to help lessen the burden on my SIL.

Although I don't need more stuff, I was at the antique mall and saw some wall art that my mother had. I have no idea what happened to hers, but her set was 600 miles away. These have a date on them in roman numerals MCMLXX which is 1970. I really don't remember where these came from or my mother bought them. I don't think we had them since 1970. But for $20 I felt I had to get them.

When donating to Goodwill, if it has a rip or stain, they can't use it, so I toss it.

I used to think this, and then I read a very detailed article on this very subject.

The answer is, call and ask. Some *do* accept clothes that are not wearable and resell them by the pound to be recycled.

Locally, we have a Goodwill that accepts furniture, but some do not. So just call around.

The thing about stains and rips, what I won't wear others often will Buy particularly if it's a brand name. Friends want my cast offs, maybe I'm finicky

I didn't realize it varied so much with donations. Our local Goodwill says no rips or stains.

Y'all don't really believe that donated clothes stay clothes, do you?

A couple of articles about what really happens to them when you donate to big organizations:

https://fashionista.com/2016/01/clothing-donation

https://slate.com/human-interest/2012/06/the-salvation-army-and-goodwill-inside-the-places-your-clothes-go-when-you-donate-them.html

and there are many more if you don't like those sources. They pull out a handful to keep to put on the racks and the rest meet their fate.

Just like SO many things that seem GOOD on the surface ... there's a dark and insidious underbelly. Seriously, reading stuff like that above and becoming "aware" just makes me want to stop the planet and hop off sometimes. Western over-consumption has such a far-reaching effect that most of us never give a second thought to. I know it's not something that ever really crosses MY mind when I make purchasing decisions.

Yeah, there is a lot to consider and certainly unintended consequences. Like charities having to spend money disposing of your stuff when it is not salable or recyclable. Or the dislocations caused by the exportation of our used clothing to other countries, taking away local textile jobs and changing local fashion/culture.

One, buy less. Rethink "bargains". Two, when you donate stuff, find out what is needed where, sort and fold and clean and label it. I also always donate cash to whatever entity i drop stuff off at. They are doing me a favor, too.

Does cross mine

Maybe because I didn't grow up here

Maybe because-as one of my random jobs-I worked as a sale associate in a very big luxury department store on East Coast

You wouldn't believe how many clothes wouldn't even hit the main floor, stayed in storage after being brought in just couple months before..because it was time to urgently put up another collecton..

I asked all bewildered "so where does it all go?"

they said "oh we send the excess to all sorts of cheaper chains, and if they have too much they send it there and there, and if they have too much, they'll..." and on it goes

The amount of clothes here exceeds even very bold imagination

BTW sometimes I'm very sad reading these forums too. A lot of "get rid of that, get rid of this, it screams of [insert your own decade], it needs to be brought in 2019 or whatever the year is"..whether it does or it doesn't.

Now I also noticed how quality gets worse, with companies charging the same or more likely even more, like they plan for these things (clothing, furniture, applaiances..) to break, to loose their shape, and in general to somehow end up discarded much sooner than they should be. .

I agree and have said before....these forums cater to those who want new new new..and too often I see the word "dated", which I thoroughly despise, used as an excuse.

I don't understand wanting new junk when old quality is all over the damn place...

Really, this forum isn't for me...

As for clothes...well, I'm no fashion plate that's for sure, (still in my closet, tho the exception, are my Calvin Klein jeans from....maybe 1980?)

But I admit, for the most part, there is junk mixed in with "good".

Yes, it seems the ugly world of clothing donation is very much like what happens to our recyling.

I don't think Joni's house looks anything like a hoarder's. She likes things and she prioritizes stuff over emptiness. I like a bit more negative space in my house than she does, but the term hoarder seems to pathologize a difference in taste.

I, too, was struck by the busy-ness of her current place but don't remember it in her previous home. This makes me think she is still working through it; keeping everything out in view, allowing herself time to decide what further goes and stays. She'll get there. I wish her and her husband all the best, and appreciate her sharing what she's learned in going through this process with her readers.

My ex-MIL has closets, drawers and storage buildings where the stuff is all fitted together like Jenga pieces but there is not a speck of dust or dirt. Not all hoarding is squalorous. Clean hoarding is still hoarding. I’m not saying that applies to Joni but it doesn’t have to be filthy to qualify as hoarding.

I always thought of hoarding as including an element of keeping things that most would agree are worthless. Old newspapers, magazines, plastic bags and the like

This definition hints at that as well:

Hoarding disorder is a persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them. A person with hoarding disorder experiences distress at the thought of getting rid of the items. Excessive accumulation of items, regardless of actual value, occurs.

Also, the logical decisions she used and ease with which Joni parted with a large quantity of items doesn’t indicate hoarding.