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irissto

Does your spouse/ partner have a hobby you don’t care for?

Was just thinking about this while trying to catch baby fish in the filter bags. My husband loves his aquariums. Of course I don’t mind looking at them, but I am not THAT interested. They are a lot of work. With my husband traveling so much, a lot of it is my work. And in case of the saltwater one, it stinks (literally). With all the fancy equipment, there are problems. Last major disaster was about 7 years ago. Knock on wood. My father in law spends a lot of time with his model trains. My neighbor is out in the backyard hitting his golf balls around. I think I would prefer either one. Of course not going to happen.

Comments (58)

  • Iris S (SC, Zone 7b)
    Original Author
    5 years ago

    Amy, what does he do with the cars? Sell them or race them? I might have a problem with the latter.

  • amylou321
    5 years ago

    He races them. Not on the street or anything like that. He takes them to drag strips and almost always lets someone else make the run for him. The fun for him is to take a regular or junky car and turn it into a really really fast one I guess. Then he gets bored,sells it,buys another and starts the process overall again.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked amylou321
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  • marilyn_c
    5 years ago

    My husband likes those old westerns, too, Phoggie. I hate them, but I don't watch tv so I try to not pay attention to them. He also likes to fish...nothing fancy, just here in the bayou, and he loves sports....especially football. I don't care for any sport....unless it is dumpster diving....but I have never minded his "hobbies" since he is so tolerant of mine. I am the one with many interests....including aquariums...I used to raise and show fancy goldfish, and had 22 aquariums, although I don't have any now...I would love to. I had a "fish house" in the backyard, but also had some aquariums in the house. And I raised waterlilies....still do to a limited extent, and koi, and used to raise horses. Now I just take in old, pitiful horses....have 8, 4 donkeys and a mule. The horses alone are very expensive. Besides the above, though, I have more interests....and he has always been very helpful and interested (to some extent) in mine.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked marilyn_c
  • colleenoz
    5 years ago

    Amylou, my DH has the habit of talking loudly to our pets, asking me questions and doing noisy activities (in the same room) if he’s not interested in the show I’m watching. Of course, if I accidentally interrupt one of his shows, you can tell he’s not happy...

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked colleenoz
  • cooper8828
    5 years ago

    colleenoz, this happens at my house also! In fact, I started interrupting thinking he would get the hint, but that didn't work. Sigh.


    I drive mine nuts with the flower beds. He is the one who cuts grass, but I do everything else in the yard. He gets irritated with new stuff to mow around. I did point out that the riding mower he "needed" has a steering wheel. :)

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked cooper8828
  • Iris S (SC, Zone 7b)
    Original Author
    5 years ago

    22 aquariums?! My major disaster involved one 100 gallon corner tank. My daughter was still in high school doing homework late at night when it burst open at a seam. After saving the fish in a little spare tank and several plastic storage containers, mopping up the floor (hardwood, no less) and having to go out at 3 AM to get some heaters and air pumps, I was ready to strangle my husband. Of course when he came home 4 days later he got a 125 gallon one....We just lost two fish, so that’s something.

  • littlebug zone 5 Missouri
    5 years ago

    DH is a TV freak (mostly sports). He loves the internet and is a Conspiracy Theorist. He also plays golf and goes duck hunting.

    The only thing that really bothers me is the Conspiracy stuff. I will not listen to him talk about it because he gets sooooo wrapped up in it.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked littlebug zone 5 Missouri
  • marilyn_c
    5 years ago

    Iris, I don't do anything in a small way. I did have most of them out back in the fish house. I had two in the house, including a big lionhead goldfish that we had for about 15 years. His name was Fat Boy. He was a big pet. Only disaster I had....we went to Florida to visit his relatives and they had a cat they were going to haul off...so, of course, I brought her home. She got in my fish house and caught and flipped out many of my goldfish. Ate some, but some were just found dead on the floor. I think fish are so interesting. I had one salt water aquarium, and had a little native fish called a Piggy in it. I showed him at the Houston Aquarium Society show and he won first in his class and best of show.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked marilyn_c
  • susie53_gw
    5 years ago

    I love my flowerbeds, too. I work hard at them from Spring to Fall. My hubby hates to trim.. So I spray around the barn and any other place that needs done.. we have a long fence row along side our home. I have worked for a couple years at getting it cleaned up. It looks so good now and he doesn’t need to trim there.. He complained and I told him I would guit spraying if he would trim.. will it happen? nope!! I can’t stand things that are all grown up around everywhere. Next thing is the old half dead grape vine is going to get an accidental shot of weed killer. It is over 50 years old and we never do anything with the grapes. There are very few on the vine each year. He will never know what hit it..

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked susie53_gw
  • Elmer J Fudd
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    Yes. It's not a big problem but it's annoying to me.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked Elmer J Fudd
  • caflowerluver
    5 years ago

    My DH plays guitar and banjo which I don't mind and even enjoy it most of the time. It is when he becomes obsessed about trivial information about how they're made, or the history of a certain model, or the different kinds of strings, neck, frets or bridges and goes on and on and on about it that I want to yell, ENOUGH.

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  • yeonassky
    5 years ago

    My DH rides dirt bikes. While he is very careful he is still had a couple of accidents one where his bike slipped and he went toes over tea kettle and broke some ribs. He could have gone over the cliff as it was right beside the place where he fell. It irritates me that he could get hurt and while he's not old really he's only 61 he's still not a spring chicken that can heal quickly.

    The dirt biking makes him feel good and alive and those are good things. So I won't begrudge him the hobby and I'll make myself not leave him on the side of the road if he gets hurt.

    He doesn't seem bothered by my hobbies which are gardening, doing puzzles, beading and writing. Unless I slipped on some beads I can't really be hurt by them so there's that.


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  • DawnInCal
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    None of his hobbies or interests bother me. But, back when we had dogs, he played fetch with them several times a day. They loved it. He loved it. I did not love it. It used to annoy the snot of me to come home and find that the dogs had mowed down whatever flowers were blooming chasing after their ball, kong, etc.

    I'd talk to him about not throwing the toys where the flowers were blooming and get an excuse like "I didn't know", "ball took a bad bounce", "dogs lost toy and were searching", "what flowers?" and so on. Argh!


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  • User
    5 years ago

    He watches anything with a ball happening. Football every time one is on during the season, Phillies baseball or any other team playing and golf TV. He also plays golf every Thursday from April to Thanksgiving with old work buddies. We have zero in common except for the pets.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked User
  • arcy_gw
    5 years ago

    The craft beer making works for me. The wood working got me furniture. He likes to shoot things which worked will with the children. Pistol league with #1 daughter, Trap with son, compound bow with #2 daughter. My son like to play stringed instruments so DH took up ukulele with him. He quit bowling, he isn't a sports guy. So no I guess not. Don't ask him that question about me, however!!

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  • dragonflywings42
    5 years ago

    I was going to say my DH has no real hobbies until I realized that exercising at the gym was his hobby/obsession. He spends 3-4 hours there 4-5 days a week. I don't complain, in fact I encourage him, as it keeps him physically fit and mentally balanced more than anything else does. A few years ago he tried skydiving (there's an expensive hobby) and then began down hill & cross country skiing after a 30 year hiatus. He also started working with horses.

    My DH is a kinesthetic person - he needs to move to learn and to feel good. I'm the opposite, but although he would like me to join him in his activity, he understands that I don't get the same satisfaction he does. We do go on regular long walks with the dog, so there's that.

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  • Bluebell66
    5 years ago

    My DH is a sports fanatic, so he is always watching something, in person or on TV, which is fine. It gives me time to do my own hobbies. My ex H was a civil war reenactor, which is fine from a historical perspective, I guess, but for his group, it was always a reason to drink to excess. In the summer it was every weekend. (Did I mention he's an ex??). My friend's ex-husband played video games every night after work and all weekend. I never really understood adults playing video games to the exclusion of everything else.

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  • aok27502
    5 years ago

    My DH's hobbies are fishing and woodworking, so no issue there. No sports in our house except the Olympics.

    Iris, years ago, DH kept fish. We had a 70 gallon tank in the living room. It developed a leak somewhere in the plumbing, and not once but twice it leaked about 60 gallons. The first was overnight, and the second was while we were at work. Squishy carpet !

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  • Judy Good
    5 years ago

    tcufrog Our son makes a living with Magic the gathering. Runs tournaments and has his own business with it. Always thought it was a "fad" but it appears not. LOL

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked Judy Good
  • User
    5 years ago

    Dear Hubby is a hard worker so I encourage his hobbies. I've chosen to join him in a social academic group to be supportive of him, occasionally I've found it interesting. We both enjoy watching an occasional sport game. When he wants to spend time of enjoying his hobby I always say yes, I rather have a hubby that enjoyed his day and comes home to tell me about it. He reciprocates with encouraging my hobby time.

    To me TV watching is more of a diversion than a hobby. We both try to limit our "screen time".

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked User
  • LoneJack Zn 6a, KC
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    Is Facebook a hobby? If so then yes!

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  • salonva
    5 years ago

    DH likes shooting (target) and has a collection (all very responsibly locked up and ammo is separate). It doesn't annoy me, but I have zero interest in it. I am ok with it because he truly is so responsible with the locking (in a gun safe that the movers had trouble moving) and so on, but I have no interest in learning or joining in. Where we used to live, there was a gun club and lots of couples did it.

    His other hobby that did annoy me was gaming on the computer. he does it less now, but talking like 15 years ago it was an obsession.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked salonva
  • Naomi Hertz
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    He watches t.v. too much but wants me to be in the same room as him and I am more of a reader. He is somewhat deaf, will not wear his hearing aides and turns our t.v. up so loud! I purchased a Bose headset and they drown out the noise. About the only thing he reads is his three newspapers in the morning. One paper from his hometown, one of the State newspapers, and our local newspaper over breakfast in the morning. His reason for not reading? Books take up too much of his time. And t.v. does not???

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked Naomi Hertz
  • ritaweeda
    5 years ago

    Mine also shoots (target) and is also very safe with it and I don't mind since he works all the time and doesn't have time for anything else for himself and this only occasionally. I don't like to be around guns at all, especially at the range with all the heavily armed strangers who I haven't a clue about, scares me to death. I was traumatized by a gun incident when I was a kid so I am not able to shake this fear. There is nothing about it that I like. I have gone just a few times to learn how to shoot, and actually I'm a pretty good one considering that I dislike it so much. So the last time he badgered me about going to an all-day clay shoot and learning to like it so that we could share the interest I said "OK - as long as you will accompany me to all-day quilt shows with tutorials." He got a huge look of terror and disgust on his face and I said "Do you get it now?" He nodded yes.

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  • rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7
    5 years ago

    Nope, his hobbies don't bother me one single bit, largely due to the fact that he is mindful of my feelings. He would never, for example, insist on watching hours of sports on TV every weekend or disappear for hours on end doing something that I can't or won't participate in.

    If he were fanatical about all sports or video games or anything else, I'd have some serious issues.


  • susanwv
    5 years ago

    DH has been into cars since his 20s, he’s 81 now, and still at it. He has classic 80s Oldsmobiles that he works on, polishes, tinkers. He has car books, he watches car stuff on tv, goes to car shows, etc, etc. Earlier, it bothered me, too much time away from the kids, but now i’m glad To see him still interested. It keeps him off the streets and out of the bars, he always says, lol


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  • nickel_kg
    5 years ago

    DH and I each have our interests and hobbies. Some we both like, some we pursue independently. Honestly I can't think of any hobby we have that in and of itself aggravates the other.

    Except, maybe my choice of music sometimes. DH will roll his eyes and say "Now that's country". He's free to leave the room, lol. But mostly I refrain from playing music he doesn't like where he has to spend time, because two can play that game, and he has some metal-thrash favorites that I can't stand.





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  • User
    5 years ago

    OY- my husband is a collector of a lot of things, beer cans, boys scout memorabilia,etc. What gets my goat is the purchases of the "As Seen On TV" items he buys. Like the Magic Meatloaf Pan he bought for me, lol. I have never made meatloaf in my life and I still have not!! The other day he bought the 35 below socks to keep your feet warm. They got returned, it felt like your feet were 35 below wearing them. It does not stop him from buying the next miracle from them tho;(

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked User
  • User
    5 years ago

    My DH builds WW2 plastic model planes . He's excellent at it , but I don't have the interest . He's a history nut . He has about 500 kits that are waiting to be built ! He has his little corner in the basement that he spends his time,building ,painting and assembling. I have my hobbies ( every craft that's ever been invented LOL ) He loves his hunting and fishing and shooting , but I don't care for it. We're so opposite in so many ways - it took work to be happily married for 47 years !

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked User
  • gardengal48 (PNW Z8/9)
    5 years ago

    Like many others here, my ex was seriously into sports on TV.......and also sci-fi programs, neither of which appealed to me at all. And he seemed to think that he was the sole custodian of the TV and the remote, so other viewing suggestions were not countenanced at all!!

    As to other 'hobbies', he was very much a dilettante.....a new one every few months. And usually those that required expensive accessories - photography, woodworking, golf, various electronics. And the antique radio, baseball cards and Beanie Babies collections on which he spent 100's and are now pretty much worthless :-) I cannot tell you how many expensive power tools I bought as gifts for him that he never used once in the nearly 30 years we were together!! Or the set of horrendously expensive golf clubs he just had to have that he used maybe once or twice a year!

    There are very good reasons why he is now my ex :-)

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked gardengal48 (PNW Z8/9)
  • schoolhouse_gw
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    Ugh, my Mom's second husband. He was a serial hobbyist. By that I mean he would go gung-ho on something, then get bored with it, move on to something else. Her house was filled with collectables and memorabilia. However, he mostly would sell stuff because as I said he grew tired it, just to make room for others. I was always impressed though about how he threw himself into each hobby, reading books, going to meetings, etc. he became very knowledgeable when it came to his hobbies.

    He and Mom married late in life and for the most part she put up with all of it, saying it really did no harm and made him happy and kept him busy.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked schoolhouse_gw
  • dedtired
    5 years ago

    LOL, Dolly, although I shouldn’t laugh. My ex had the same hobby. Her name was Noreen. He’s long gone, in fact now six feet under.

    he also was a private pilot, which sounds like it should be fun but isn’t. It takes forever to get cleared for take off, the little planes are incredibly loud and you land in a small airport in the middle of nowhere. One time we had to run across a highway like refugees to get where we were going. Honestly you could drive there and back in less time. I am sure it was fun for him.

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  • gardengal48 (PNW Z8/9)
    5 years ago

    LOL!! Dolly, you continue to have my sympathy and support. And that was also a "hobby" of my ex as well :-) And one he seems to continue with....he is now on wife #4!!

    At least you seem to be approaching the situation now with a small degree of humor!

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  • Ally De
    5 years ago

    I have a spouse who loves NASCAR. I can't begin to tell you how stupid I find that entire "sport." But he's such a good, kind guy so I keep my yap shut. Plus he puts up with stuff I like that I know doesn't interest him.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked Ally De
  • Jasdip
    5 years ago

    Hubby loved playing the drums and played in a number of local bands over the years. He also had a 3-week gig doing a musical theater of The Patsy Cline Show. That was our favourite of all. What a wonderful show.

    He called his drums "the lads" as he also called my vermicomposting worms when I had them. "Will the lads eat this? with his leftovers, etc". He had a number of kits over the years, the latest was a pink kit to raise money for Breast Cancer. A portion of each kit sold (only 200 made in Canada) went to breast cancer research. He called that kit 'the ladies' LOL

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  • joyfulguy
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    I can't recall any such issue that got under my skin that much ...

    ... but my memory cells seem to sleep a lot (or died, maybe?) ...

    ... oh, that's right - we parted over 45 years ago, didn't we!

    ole joyful

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked joyfulguy
  • Iris S (SC, Zone 7b)
    Original Author
    5 years ago

    This has all been very interesting to read. I really wouldn’t mind the aquariums if I would just have to look at them. Well, they could be a bit smaller. Just did the feeding. One of my least favorite tasks. The clown fish is really hostile and does bite if you keep your hand in there too long.

    and honestly the way corals just “slurp” in their food is kind of creepy.

  • Kathsgrdn
    5 years ago

    I've been divorced for some 16 years now. My ex had no hobbies, except other women. LOL. He literally had no interest in the world around him.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked Kathsgrdn
  • jim_1 (Zone 5B)
    5 years ago

    The missus knits. Here in the house and most afternoons with some other knitters at a yarn store. Doesn't bother me. She reads, too.

    As for my hobbies, I gave up gardening when we moved to Florida as there is no soil where we live, all sand. I read and volunteer in the community. I try to lead a good life.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked jim_1 (Zone 5B)
  • User
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    My DH has a variety of hobbies like Astronomy and metaphysics. He reads more than anyone I’ve ever met and loves his gaming time too. Telescopes and binoculars aren’t cheap, but they are his prize possessions. None of it bothers me, I just wish he had more time to indulge in it, especially the astronomy. On the flip side, I crochet and he’s very supportive of that as well. I can’t tell you how many times he’s been willing to make a pit stop at one of my favorite yarn shops so I can browse a bit.

    I have an ex who would selfishly hog the tv to watch his sports and fish none stop (when the sports weren’t on). I said “see ya” to that! It’s one of the many reason’s that he’s now my ex.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked User
  • drewsmaga
    5 years ago

    jim_1 (Zone 9A): I don't know what county you're in, but you may want to look into your county's Florida Master Gardener program. I had to leave Clay county's 13 years ago when we moved out of state. http://gardeningsolutions.ifas.ufl.edu/mastergardener/. It was a TERRIFIC program. Not only did I learn extensively about gardening in FL, it requires you to work gardening-related volunteer hours in your community!

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked drewsmaga
  • PKponder TX Z7B
    5 years ago

    Iris, any chance that you can negotiate for a tank cleaning service since you don't enjoy the tanks? I have no clue how expensive that might be, but you really shouldn't have to do that if you don't want to :-)

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  • FlamingO in AR
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    Mine loves to fish and goes almost everyday, weather permitting. The river is close by and he catches trout and walleye like crazy. I love this hobby because it means I get home-alone time. Retirement can be hard! He vacillates between TV and reading when he’s inside. I sew and listen to audiobooks.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked FlamingO in AR
  • Iris S (SC, Zone 7b)
    Original Author
    5 years ago

    PKponder, it’s alright. I mean, we all have to do things we don’t like to do. Most stuff just takes a few minutes. My husband is around often enough to do the big stuff, like water changes.

  • nicole___
    5 years ago

    Mine used to: Riding dirt bikes on a track, radio controlled planes....but I think I topped that with hobbies I do that he'd rather not have anything to do with. :0)

    I'm really a pain-in-HIS-rear to be truthful.

    Buuuuut.......We both worked full time jobs. He loves the cat he thought he didn't want. The rental houses he didn't want. The flips. All the original landscape paintings I brought home. The Van Briggle pottery collection. I could name a bunch more stuff.....really...It's ME not YOU.....my dear. :0)

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked nicole___
  • Ava
    5 years ago

    Mine passed away at a young age. I would gladly put up with an annoying hobby or two to have that dear man back in my life.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked Ava
  • User
    5 years ago
    last modified: 5 years ago

    Ava, I’m sorry for your loss. My DH has health issues so your words hit home with me; there really isn’t much he can do that annoys me, I’m just so thankful that he’s still here.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked User
  • nicole___
    5 years ago

    lukkiirish....astronomy!? Mine too! His telescope and binoculars are COOL! The telescope has a camera lens adapter.

    He also had a custom road bicycle built for himself, it's titanium. We used to ride together, when we had time.

    I'm sorry to hear your husband has health issues. Mine has the flu right now.

    Ava...I'm very sorry for your loss.

    Iris S (SC, Zone 7b) thanked nicole___
  • tjkeen
    5 years ago

    Reading through made me realize, spouse's hobbies don't bother me, but a hobby of mine does. It is something I have been involved in for some time, and for the past several years, I have enjoyed it less and less. Think it might be time for me to drop that one.

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