GOTCHA!! I see the whole picture here! Thank you all for your imput! It is very understandable and I see things a lot clearer now. Choosing non-married couples makes sense for a lot of reasons. I am no longer miffed and will be very supportive. Actually, I am kind of glad it happened this way because it will allow my fiance a better understanding of the relationship I have with my own god daughter. He is such a wonderful partner and father, that any child he is able to have an intimate relationship with would be truly blessed anyway. No - I am not Catholic, but the rest of my family is. To Carla35 - Yes I do know what it means to be a God Parent. I am a God mother to my best friends' daughter. We baptized our son last July so I am very familiar with the Catholic religions practices regarding God parents and the sacrament of baptism. To Colleenoz - My fiance's neices and nephews not calling me aunt doesn't bother me. I used it as an example for you all to better understand my relationship with the children. It is up to their parents and them as to what they call me and if they ever decide to even call me "aunt". Also - we DO have tentative wedding dates set for either November 1st or 8th of 2008. We plan to marry in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Thank you all for your comments!

To me it sounds like you two never learned how to have an argument. You tell him how to feel, he responds with name calling- didn't your mommas teach you how to fight nice? If not, it's high time you both learned. Honestly, it's like bad playground manners. He's abusing me, I'm abusing him, he started it- SO WHAT?! The point is that neither of you are being very considerate or nice towards each other. And your arguments are accomplishing absolutely nothing- not even a reasonable exchange of ideas. Name calling and telling someone how he should feel is not a point; those are things people do when they have no point. Why argue over nothing? Instead of "Stop feeling hurt" try "It really upsets me to see you hurt. Why do you feel that way?" You'll get a response besides being called a name, I'm sure. Whether or not you're prepared to hear what he says, that's another story; it depends on what he says. The other thing I would say is that it takes 2 people for one to be invalidated- the invalidater and the invalidatee. He has some responsibility to stand up for himself in a civil manner (name calling is not civil). If you both work on expressing yourselves in calm, civil ways then I think you're on much better track to saving the marriage. It will obviously take a lot of work from both of you- you've done it your way for the last 29 years; it's hard to change. Unless you both are willing to put in that effort, I don't think the marriage will be salvagable; communication is key in any relationship. Even if the divorce goes through, still learn how to fight nice- it's a skill that everyone should know because it is more productive than accusations and name calling. I know you really want to make this work, and it's up to him whether or not he does too. You're in for a very long haul- you will have setbacks- be prepared- that's part of the learning process. Good luck.

Oh gosh, I'm sorry! I keep forgetting most areas don't have summer kitchens. Most homes that have a summer kitchen are old. This house was built in 1850. Back in those days, without the luxury of moderen heating and AC, some homes would have two kitchens. In the winter they would use the kitchen that was located in the house so the heat from cooking would help keep the house warm. In the summer to help keep the house cool they would use the summer kitchen. Some are attached off the back of the house and others are seperated by a breeze way. Now days they seem to become junk magnets.lol Mine is seperate from the house as you can see in this photo. BTW that is a before picture. I have since cleaned up that area and painted the summer kitchen. Foxy.

Great house! I am particularly fond of Victorians, and yours is lovely. I agree with mnwsgal that you want to be sure that shrubs get placed far enough from the building. If you look at the shrub around the side of the house, notice how large it is, but is still almost brushing the building, so the beds need to be deep enough to accommodate the grown size of what you choose plus enough room to walk behind for painting, washing windows, etc, usually a minimum of an extra 2 feet. (This also may help decrease pruning if the plant gets larger than expected, though checking with a botanical garden like the Missouri Botanical Garden Plant Finder as to ultimate size works better than relying on the plant tag which usually gives shrub sizes at 5 years.) To me, with a house the height of yours, a deep bed also balances the house better than a skinny little strip along the front. So I would make a deep bed of a minimum of 6' deep, though better 8'-10' to give you depth for a couple layers of shrubs and perennials, improve the soil with compost or manure, and then add an edging, either a well-buried strip of metal or plastic made for edging, or a deep cut edge, V shaped in cross section. That will keep out the grass and keep the bed looking tidy. Finally, add a layer of corrugated cardboard over the surface and cover it with at least 3" of mulch. This will keep the weeds down while you are adding plants. Having good soil is a key to a good garden, and this will be the foundation of the garden. (I know it's not the fun stuff, but it's worth it!) When you are ready to plant in a particular spot, push aside the mulch, cut an X in the cardboard and tuck the ends under, and plant. If you can only do one side of the house this summer, that is fine. You can prep the other side in late fall or next spring. Sources for manure or compost that are free or inexpensive might include your municipality's yard waste recycling facility, a local riding stable or a neighbor that keeps chickens (needs to be composted first) or rabbits or a pet guinea pig. Frugal sources for mulch include the line clearing crews or tree crews that are running chippers (if they are in your neighbor hood, dumping in your driveway often saves them time and dump fees) or if there is a local woodworker using a planer or lathe. I've only rarely needed to pay for either beyond my own labor. If you do need to buy them, getting a truckload from a local place that delivers by the yard is far cheaper than getting bagged materials. If there are still some funds available after getting compost and mulch, you can add some sun-loving shrubs and hardy perennials. Be sure to check water daily by sticking a finger in deeply and watering when needed. Then start annuals from seed that will grow large enough to add some presence and volume to fill the rest of the bed for this year. You can get packets of tall marigolds, cosmos, cleome, calendula to name a few, or if you want you can get them as already started 6-packs. You may find some perennials in 6-packs as well, particularly at small neighborhood nurseries. I've gotten several different types for prices ranging from $3.50-$12.00 per 6-pack, which is a good price per plant for perennials. Small new perennials won't probably bloom a lot this year (hence the annuals) but will in future year. Look around your area for plant swaps or sales, either posted in the mid-Atlantic or Virginia forums here on GW or else locally, often coordinated by garden clubs. In my area, new gardeners are always welcome at plant swaps, even when they can't bring any plants; gardeners are generous IME. In fall, spring for some daffodils since they will give the biggest bang for the buck in bulbs IME - the critters never eat them and the clumps expand a bit each year. Just plant them behind perennials so their dying foliage is hidden by emerging perennial foliage. The small shady area on the left can get planted with shade plants, but the rest of the front and the side will need to be planted with plants that like full sun - morning shade doesn't really count here since it will get more than 6 hours of full western sun during the hottest part of the day. So no Hydrangeas or other shrubs that will suffer here. I mostly won't make specific plant suggestions since your area is too different from mine, but will second the suggestion to look around for what appeals to you in gardens, not in pots at nurseries to begin with. Look for plants in full sun. You may find ideas in your neighborhood, or in demo gardens at nurseries, or at botanical gardens, or even at commercial businesses. If you take photos you can post them on the Name that Plant forum for ID. Consider all 4 seasons - flowers, leaf color, fall leaf color, leaf size and texture, as well evergreens (either shrubs or perennials) and colorful bark or berries for late fall and winter. Do you want to plant for hummingbirds or butterflies? Do you want plants to string holiday lights on? One of the advantages of using mostly annuals the first year is that you can look for plants that are at their best in fall and winter to extend interest. I will suggest that if you are interested in roses, look for ones that are disease resistant in your area (demo gardens may help here). If you like clematis, look for ones that say they are type 3, hard prune plants. They will be easiest in your hot and humid summer weather and only need a hard pruning down to a couple sets of buds once annually in late winter.