Keeping a messy house
dandyrandylou
5 years ago
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5 years agoIris S (SC, Zone 7b)
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Idyll #326 Keep the home fires burning
Comments (102)How did it get to be Monday again? Didnt we just have one ? At least I can spend the evening on a leisurely tour of IU day one over on the thread that Cindy put up. Got a nice cold beer and leftover BBQ chicken , and no chores(ok well, postponed chores anyway) so I will bip over there after I post this. I looked at it for a few minutes at my office today and realized I needed uninterrupted time. Sounds like you guys had a blast ! On the red garden link I posted yesterday, I could never do that either, but oh how it made me long for the space to try ! I have a red and yellow garden that I started last year,but it isnt quite there yet. Part of the problem is the exposure and too much shade from a mature crepe myrtle. Mariann, my late DH and I built a home-made hoop greenhouse several years ago, whicj I just dis-assembled this year. We used ½ pvc pipe, left-over and fall-down lumber, bender board and I ordered greenhouse poly sheeting that repels UV rays for up to three years . It lasted about 5 . However , my heating system was c-9 clear Christmas lights under the benches, and our winter temps here dont usually get lower than the high 20s, so it worked great for me. I would love to have something more permanent and climate controlled some day. bug, what funny faces that young man makes ! Eden, 18 coleus ??? Will we see some pics? Were they 18 different varieties? I just strted putting some orange in my garden last year-I had that 60s shag carpet aversion ! Try it next to something purple Okay, time to hit the IU4 thread , hi to those missed Kathy in Napa...See MoreMessy neighbor -- need trees to screen
Comments (26)Thanks, earthly. It's times like this that you learn how little you are protected by local codes. You can park anything on the street that has a current registration, no matter how crumby it looks. Boats on trailers can be parked in the street as long as the trailer is hooked up to a car or truck. I have the bad luck to live across from a slob (who is also mean and stupid) and now I have this mess next door. The neighbors are very much on top of things but the township can only do so much. We have a lot on our street where the guy knocked the house down three years ago and has left a mess ever since. We've been all over him about cleaning up but as long as he has a current building permit there is nothing we can do, excpet make the lot safe. As soon as one permit expires, he gets another. There are 40 house on my street and at least 36 of them are beautifully kept. Just my luck to be near two eyesores. Anyway, I am looking into bamboo in containers that will grow fast. I am concerned about planting in the ground since I don't want them to spread like mad. Looks like we're finally getting the rain we need. I just didn't want it all at once. Thanks for your supportive and helpful comments! Pam...See MoreHow to handle a very rude mother in law?
Comments (22)luvstocraft has written an excellent post, IMO. I agree with her completly. I'd also like to add something for you to consider. I unexpectedly lost my own Mom was I was 19. She was my best friend. Painful loss. When I married, I was overjoyed to have a Mom's presence again. Not that MIL would/could replace my own mother but she was there for me when I had questions or just needed to talk. We developed a strong, loving relationship. In time, I called her, "Mom". I'm certain my real Mom watched my relationship with MIL bloom with pleasure. She would not have wanted it to be strained in any way. My MIL was not a perfect woman. Neither am I. She cooked different than my mother. She raised her children different than I was raised. Her accent was different. Her mannerisms were different. But, her love was the same...I've no doubts it was genuine & came from her heart. MIL often told me that she worried raising her two sons that, someday, she would have bad relationships with her DILs...and how happy she was that I accepted her. Her worst fear of her son's marrying was rejection. She was afraid that her importance in her son's life would be reduced to an obligatory phone call on Mother's Day. She was afraid her son would spend all of the Holidays with his wife's family because she'd taught him to honor his wife. She'd raised her son to be independant & strong. That left her afraid he would no longer need her in his life. When the grandkids came, she was afraid her DIL would always turn to her own mother & there would be no place for her in the grandkids' lives. We lost MIL 3 years ago come the end of June. We lost FIL January '08. I miss them both terribly. I believe our relationships are what we make of them. I became the daughter my MIL never had. She became the mother I lost. It worked because we both put forth great effort to bridge the differences. We talked together, we argued with each other & then apologized for harsh words, we cried together over silly girl-stuff, we disagreed & then agreed it was OK that we viewed something different than the other. Someday, your MIL will be gone. You will either view her as a valued & cherished member of your family or you will be bitter & angry at your differences. The choice is really up to you. The ball is in your court to either allow her a place in your family & heart, or not. Like it or not...woman are the glue that sticks families together. There's an old New England custom...summer homes are popular here (they're called "camps"). When the patriarch/matriarch of the family passes...the "camp" is often willed to the wife of the oldest son. Yes, the property goes to the wife. Why? Because it is respected that women will hold the family together & even through difficult times the summer house will be filled with family laughter making good memories. You are the glue between your DH's family & your own. You can embrace that responsibility & honor it...or you can reject it. We reap what we sow. The next time you see your MIL...greet her with a genuine from the heart big hug & a smile, tell her how glad you are to see her looking well & that the kids can spend some time with their grammy. Then, look in her eyes. Look hard. Watch them soften. Someday, you may find yourself in the role of MIL. Be a good example to your kids. Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh. I'm getting old & I've lost a lot of family. Don't wait until they're gone to appreciate them. /tricia...See MoreDaughter's messy house...
Comments (64)Honesty doesn't always end up on a good note. After visiting our son and family, cross country from us, four years ago, I again came home totally depressed about the state of their home and concerned for our three grandchildren. I have not been out there since. Since neither our son or our daughter in law are "approachable" about the concerns my husband, I and our adult daughter had about the state of things, I wrote a letter to them. Then there was a series of e-mail exchanges and the final email from our son which stated that he and our daughter in law wanted no more contact with any of us. At the time, our daughter in law was going through a real rough time because her father was terminally ill, across country from her and she was an only child...a latch key child. Neither she or our son had been the tidiest of people but their house was never dirty, etc. until the children came along, fifteen years into their marriage. She worked until the children were born. She is now a stay at home mom. She is a very doting mother. I would call our son an absentee parent in that he comes home from work, requires "me" time for at least a half hour before he interacts with the family. He spent very little time with them the children as compared to our daughter in law who carted them everywhere, swim lessons, 4H, the zoo every weekend. Sometimes we thought she got out of the house with the children because she just needed to get away. Our son is an engineer with an MS and our daughter in law has a BS in horticulture. She used to have an incredible garden and landscaped yard (with little help from our son). For years my daughter in law and I had regular phone conversations about the challenges of raising children. She was 35 when she had the first child, a girl, now 14. The second girl was born two years later and then they had a son two years later. None of her pregnancies were easy and either her mom or I went out to help after the first child was born. They didn't ask either mom to be there for the first birth. My husband and I did not visit very often prior to the children as we were both still working and our son and daughter in law had little vacation and time for themselves. When the grandchildren came along, we visited one a year, during our vacation. Our son and wife usually came "back home" for a visit once a year and split their stay between her parent's house and ours. Our oldest grandchild has problems with depression and low self esteem. She started seeing a therapist. She actually asked me to be present for a session on my last visit out there. Our middle grand daughter has anger management issues and our grandson was diagnosed with autism, although he is high functioning. Their household was chaotic and their visits "back home" were as well. The children had poor eating habits and usually were not in bed before midnight and were not quiet--very rambunctious all night long. So, bottom line, you can love them, offer them help and they may turn on you. I ended up seeing a therapist for a year to try and figure out "what was wrong with me." I sometimes wish we had never expressed our concerns. At least we might still be seeing our grandchildren even though it wasn't always the best experience. My best to all of you. A good resource for estranged parents is: Sheri McGregor, author, writer, speaker. She has experienced estrangement....See Moremamapinky0
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