What do your children in-law call you? How about grandkids?
Annette Holbrook(z7a)
5 years ago
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salonva
5 years agomaifleur01
5 years agoRelated Discussions
How do you educate your children to be financially successful?
Comments (17)I'm all for education being a "full time job". But what happens when parents aren't capable (OR WILLING, like mine!) to make that happen? How do you imbue kids with the resources to "adapt, improvise, overcome"? Personally, I think that is the more important question. Mericifully, I learned from the 'rents to "live lean". I can "squeeze a dollar 'til it hollers" with the best of them. I think it's important to give allowances. My parents never did that. Aside from occasional baby-sitting gigs, in a very rural town there were no jobs available. If I wanted to go to the movies I had to ASK for the money and justify the popcorn. IT SUCKED. I determined that once I had a job I'd never "go beggin'" again. How my practical parents missed the importance of an allowance escapes to to this day. Work=gain. Pure and simple. I was never able to hold a job until I was 18 (there were no jobs in my town and my work/study job the first one I have had!). Use of the family car was purely discretionary. MY use of it was predicated on my GPA. Straight As earned a sizeable insurance break... and use of the car! I may not have paid for the insurance increase, but I damn sure EARNED the "break". A speeding ticket or ticket for a moving violation would have grounded me for between 60-90 days. A car was NOT a "god given right" when I began driving, it was a priviledge, subject to parental vagaries, lol. My parents did a CRUMMY job of imparting to me the most fundamental aspects of establishing a "budget". They did it wonderfully themselves and I was a good "study", but they failed woefully when it came to actually TALKING about money and its management. Talking about money was like talking about sex... everything was cloaked in time-honored "mystery". A total fu**kin' waste of time! A HS student who works should pay "room and board". Put the money in an account for them (identify this as "savings" while stressing the importance of rationing a paycheck!). Talking about money and how to use it for your greater benefit is crucially important. Money is a TOOL, something we all have to use. Learning how to use it effectively begins with "baby steps"... savings, budgets, forestalling immediate gratification. The sooner kids learn that it costs money to live, work, and how to provide for that, the better off they will be in long run. They need to be informed that you have to take care of the BASICS before you can begin to "blow money". Savings. Basic budget. Fun money. I'm 47, with no kids. I've paid every note I've assumed before the term was up. I've never bounced a check. I work in the "trades"; work ethic was part and parcel of the way I was raised. But it would have been a lot less stressful had I been given the basic outline before I was 18. For me, it was as though I was dropped into the "deep end"; needlessly frightening and stressful. Years later I've only just become comfortable with the notion that I can actually SPEND money on something other than basic necessities. You shouldn't have to be honest, hard-working, and in your 40s to feel comfortable with your finances. This feeling was an option for me 20+ yrs. ago, but I was too afraid of money then!...See MoreHow do you motivate your children???
Comments (30)Mary, My intention in telling you this, I hope you can see his side a little better, because I think I might just get it. I just got my degree (political science with CJA as an addtional major) after 23 years of attending a university! Yea! Hurray! Finally. Needless to say, I am not interested in being a police officer any more at the ripe old age of 40-ahem, er something. I am too old. And yes, you need to be a young spry kind of person to wrangle bad guys. So I keep thinking to myself, what can I do with this freakin' degree? You know what you can do with a CJ? Parole officer, probation officer, police officer, or a corrections officer. That's it. So with his blown knee, he can't do the most lucrative and interesting one, police officer. I can see he'd have no interest in doing the others as he'd be dealing day-in-day-out with those society has found too hard to handle. Not just kicking them into a jail. Or maybe he hadn't thought about the others. I am still trying to brainstorm for myself, so maybe he is too (aside--I wish I could be a detective without being a beat officer. That would be interesting!!!). So basically, he's lost everything he's worked for, for the past few years. And has to start from scratch....See MoreHow Often Do Your Grown Children Call?
Comments (61)If the mom wants/needs it and the child ALSO wants/needs it, there is nothing wrong with three times a day. However, me, personally? I'd throw my phone away and send him a book of stamps if he called me that much. For me personally, that would be way too needy an expression, I'd be EXTREMELY worried about him and what was going on in his life. For him, it would be an unreasonable expectation on my part. He would cheerfully inform me of this fact. I would expect him to! I'm not so sure that "love" has so much to do with how frequently children speak with their parents or vice versa if the contact between them is reasonable. To me, there is probably a problem within the relationship if someone is feeling abandoned because of the lack of frequency, rather than the "expectations" which aren't being met. That's my take on it....See MoreWhat do you want your children to know about you?
Comments (4)Stephanie, I know what you mean. I want to be fun and spontaneous but sometimes it's so hard when she won't eat her vegetables, or doesn't clean her room, to give treats and not turn into the "Mommy Monster"! Finding a balance between being the enforcer and friend. I feel so guilty so much of the time, I'm not doing enough, I could be doing more. It's really hard for me. This morning I thought I got out of the house before she woke up, but just as I left, here she comes out of her room "mommy mommmy" and my heart went two directions. Irritation (that I would be late to work yet again) and absolute love. Of course I had to spend a few minutes with her, getting her out of sleepymode and into the morning. I felt like I was abandoning her! I want her to know that it's not my choice that I'm not with her every second of the day. That I love her so much and that being a Mommy doesn't come with a rulebook, we're just winging it and doing the best I can....See Moreterilyn
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