it's a rare occasion that i wouldn't speak to my son everyday. and in reverse, i do my best to speak to my mother every day.

minnie, so sorry that they were the last words, but the best words you could ever want to cling to.

maryanne

Almost never. DS and family live on the other side of the country, so coordinating times is difficult. BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE! I call every other week or so, leave a message, and sometimes I'll get a call back. I know they're busy, and their lives are stressful with the economy the way it is, and they don't like to tell me their troubles, but...

Whine, whine, sniffle...

My dd lives about 20 minutes away from our current home--will be more like 45 minutes after we move.

She calls most days to chat between 8:30 and 9AM while she's on her way to work. Sometimes she calls me a couple of times from work--if she has something to say. And often calls in the evening, especially if she knows we're watching the same TV program--the calls fly back and forth during commercial breaks on Tues, for AI--LOL--to critque the performances! And most weeks, we see each other several times, as well.

As someone else said, we're not just mom and daughter, but best friends.

I sure don't need/want to talk to anyone every day, but I'd like to hear from my DS more often.

He calls so seldom, I can't give you numbers. :(

I call my Mother everyday sometimes twice. She is in a nursing home and it is hard for her to hear and understand me. Seems like the hearing aids don't work very well most of the time. Before she was in the nursing home we talked two or three times a day. Many times now when I call she doesn't hear the phone.

We do all our conversing by e-mail since I don't talk on the phone because of my hearing problems. I live with the oldest daughter, so don't need to hear from her. I hear most often from my youngest daughter. The middle one is the same as when she was in college, not too often. I guess that is just her personality. When the two older ones were in college at the same time, the oldest one was calling ALL the time and the middle daugher rarely called.

Our only daughter calls me almost every day, usually several times a day. We've talked twice already this morning. I love it. Thank goodness for unlimited long distance.

I didn't think so many of you would talk daily on the phone to your kids. Wow!

My DD is in college and she only calls once a week (if that), unless she is having a crisis and then she calls every day. :-) I only call my own Mom once a week, I rarely talk to my Dad on the phone. My Dad, DD and I are not really 'telephone people'. I do email DD frequently and would most likely email my parents everyday if they had a computer.

I spend huge amounts of time talking to the kids. There are six of 'em, and we talk to all but one of the almost every day, if not twice. Thank goodness for unlimited long distance, is right!

One kid is a biologist married to an MD - but she calls ME for advice when someone in her family is not feeling well. Once she even called to ask about a problem the good doctor himself was having - "what do you think, mom, should he call his doctor?"

The youngest is living in Korea for a year, and even she calls once or twice a week. At 1 AM our time! But we'd never tell her she got us out of bed, and do our best to get the sleepy sound out of our voices before we answer the phone.

And the best thing of all is that the kids call each other. We are a very lucky family.

Sherry

((((Minnie)))

I don't talk to my oldest on the phone everyday, but we text back and forth several times a day. Neither of us are phone talkers. He lives with us, so we don't really need to talk on the phone.

My youngest...about once a month. However he emails or texts me more often.

My daughter and I talk on the phone about 3-5 times a week, I'd say. She is a quiet girl, and the phone calls are often short. About once every two weeks, or if something is going on, we will talk for over an hour. We email each other most days.

My son is 23 and he still lives with us. He calls me a few times a day for various things, and also emails and texts me pretty much every day. From time to time, he will drop into work for a short visit (some days he leaves for work just before I get home). He is very social. When he started going out with his current girlfriend, I didn't see him or hear from him for about two weeks! That was an adjustment..lol. He's still going out with her, but he is back to communicating the way he always did.

All my kids live within fifteen minutes of me so we see each. My daughter calls every few days or I call her. My youngest son about twice a week and my middle son hardly ever. He emails, hates the phone yet when I call him, he never shuts up lol. Many times I'm the culprit. I never liked the phone and often don't bother to answer it. My oldest granddaughter calls about four times a week. She and I are very close.

It varies. Sometimes it could be 2 weeks and then other
times it more often. My sister calls her childen "Holiday
Children" because that's the only time she sees them.

Seldom

Right now I have pneumonia and a calendar filled with various MD visits and tests for internist, ENT, pulmonary specialist -- and DS calls to find out results of visits and tests.

Ordinarily...we hear from him once a month and DIL never unless I ask to speak with her, and then we chat for half an hour. (Although I believe she reminds DS to MAKE the calls. Go figure.)

They live 25 minutes away. She teaches inner city jr. high and after-school calculus. He's taking a full load of college courses -- belated, but better than never!

They have a 4-year old son. They've just remodeled their kitchen after living in the basement for a whole summer and fall. DIL's parents and one sister and her child, who is DIL's godchild, are within a mile of them. THEY ARE BUSY! They come up here to visit or to leave DGS for an afternoon on an average of every six weeks.

I'd be interested to know how often forum members' childrens' spouses call.

Well I call my mom maybe once a week. Busy, busy lives. My brother NEVER calls her. I talk to him every few months.

Chisue, I don't have an SIL or a DIL, but when my kids had significant relationships, those young people called me and came over all the time. I've been so lucky to have always had a good relationship with all of their partners. The partners they have now are on the newish side, but all is going well to this point.

My dad is 83 and is very fit and active. I call him every Sunday at least. He is too busy to talk to me more often...lol.

I have my MIL over at least once a week, and I take her to all her medical appointments. Yes, I grumble here on the KT about it because she's difficult, but I do try to meet her emotional needs as best I can. She's always telling everyone how nice I am to her, and I do want her to feel important to us. It's just that if I didn't vent here, I think my head would explode!!

I talk to my daughter at least twice a day and I also talk to my Mother in the morning and then again at night before she goes to bed.

Chisue, I have one SIL. He calls once in a while (like when mom is out of town and he has a q. about something concerning their daughter. Like I should know! Hah! Never just to chat, though he and I email frequently and talk for hours when we're together.

One DIL calls frequently just to chat, another calls now and then to check dates or recipe details,stuff like that. The third DIL I don't think I've ever spoken to on the phone.

The youngest girls: One is in SKorea, has never had that kind of SO (she's only 24); the other girl's SO is a boy we've known since he was 12, who literally grew up down the street, whose parents we know very well. He is very comfortable here and on the phone with us, but we never just chat on the phone. Has to be a reason.

Sherry

When pigs fly! Not quite, but DD rarely calls. Guess she thinks it's my job to call her. No friction or reason I can think of. I don't nose into their business, tell them how to raise DGS or stuff like that.

Thank goodness for cell phones!!!

Kalie calls me everyday as she is walking into work. Then generally when she is on one of her breaks.....then when she gets home, and another in the evening! Some days it is a dozen times....others only once. I love that she does that. Now with the wedding, there is ALOT more emails with ideas all day long. (with her work, she is on the phone on hold alot, so she surfs while she waits) She has always been a caller....started young!

Kalie lives 45 minutes away.

Caryn generally only calls if something is going on. Rarely just to chat. We email during the day also. More with the emails now too...looking at/for wedding ideas.

Caryn lives 5 blocks away. She generally comes for lunch here at least a few times a week, and if I haven't seen/heard from here in a while, I will call.

If it wasn't for the girls...I could care less about talking on the phone...I truly hate it! And my job is a receptionist/secretary! LOL

Not often. DS in Ca. usually calls us on our birthdays or at a holiday but will e-mail once or twice a month. He's really busy and worried about his job.

DD#1 seldom calls, may e-mail occasionally but she is really busy with her job and family.

DD#2 seldom calls, but e-mails frequently. We are not telephone people and that's fine with me. I know they will call if it's important and they know I will e-mail them quite often with news and call if it's very important.

Not as often as I'd like but that's okay. DD I speak to about once a week. DS is much less - he's extremely busy with work, 2 little kids, and a long commute. Plus he's hard to hear on the phone- I do have contact with him and his DW on facebook and can keep track of them that way.

My mother is a depressed, miserable person. Talking to her on the phone is a chore and I try to avoid it. She never has anything good to say about anyone in my family and when the conversation is over I feel completely drained. The last time she called my house was December 18th. I keep her up to speed with what I want her to know about via email. That way I can say what I want and be done and I don't have to respond to her if I don't want to.

DS rarely calls anyone. When he lived with me, I would take messages from his friends when he was not home and he didn't call them back. He only calls me when he has something important to say, such as he missed his connecting flight to Des Moines. I call him several times a week and he is happy to hear from me.

DS only calls when he has something really important to say.....like when he called to tell us he just saw a plane hit one of the Twin Towers, when he called to invite us to his wedding and when his children were born. We call him (in Tokyo) about every two or three weeks. DDIL keeps in touch via e-mail when she has time.
DD lives nearby and usually calls once a week if we don't call her or go by and have a cup of coffee with her.

I don't have children so I can only speak from the "other side' of being a grown child.

It's unfortunate but I haven't spoken to my family in 9 years. Except for my oldest sister who lives in Seattle. We email each other and we talk on the phone every few months.

SamKaren
your resident DJ

Both DH and I are 'only children', so I was the one who did the running and care for both moms. His was very difficult and ill with rheumatoid arthritis. Mine was a loving person. I remember being so busy with my own DH and DS that I kept conversations short with *both* mothers, so I have always told our DS and DIL that it's up to them to call when they have time or want to see us. Maybe I should be calling them more frequently?

Does anyone else here think it's odd for a grown child to call Mom three times a day? What's with that? Is it like the *required* Sunday luncheon with parents in France?

I talk to one of our DDs (mine) at least once or twice a week. Our other DD (Twinkie's actually) I talk to at least every week or so. Never talk to DS. He's not a phone person. If I need to tell him something I e-mail him at work or my DDIL calls to make arrangements about the kids, ballgames, etc.

Probably not as much as others. I usually call when I need/share something. DD and family very busy and do better when her DH is working. Son and wife about once a month--he has financial issues and other DD lives next door. We are just not phone people.

I don't see anything strange about talking on the phone several times a day. It just means that we are friendly and lots to talk about. No one is required to call. I really miss the calls I used to get from my Mother. Most of our calls are on our cell phones. We are stay at home wives. My children are from 53 years to 32 years in age.
Sometimes we even email!

I thought I talked to my mom a lot-probably 2 times a week. She only lives 7 miles away, so I usually see her about once a week too. I love that the girls can see their grandma so often. My in-laws live about an hour away, but make a big effort to see the girls at least once a month or so. If we go to their house we stay for a night or two.

I usually only call when I have a reason. This includes my friends too. I don't think my MIL likes that. My MIL emails often, but if it's been a week or more, she calls with a "just wanted to see how you were" guilt call. She talks to her DD at least twice a day, so she probably thinks I don't care!

I am also surprised so many parents talk to their grown children as often as every day. Very surprised, actually. Never would have guessed.

I am 38, so my kids are not grown. Just on the adult child side of things. I have what I would consider to be a very good relationship with my parents, especially my mother. When we are together we have a great time and always have a lot to talk about. I do NOT tell her everything by any means, never have. But I am happy with our relationship and think it's healthy and strong.

That said, I live 500 miles from my mom and talk to her on the phone about twice/month. A good conversation is 30-45 minutes. I call her more often than she calls me. Mostly, I call to share something the kids have done. Once or twice/month I send an email with a picture and a short story about what it is. She will send me an email once in a while, but it's a forward, not to keep in touch. If she has a quick question (what size pants does DD wear now?) she might email me instead of calling, it's easier. I don't think I've called her for advice since I was about 23. No reason, I just don't. Well, I think I have called and asked Dad for advice on fixing a household thing a couple times in the last few years. (What kind of water heater should we get? He knows stuff like that, it's his field.)

If I called my mom more than twice in one week she would think something was wrong. If I called her every day she would tell me to stop it and get some other friends. LOL. (Actually, I think she did that once right after we moved and I didn't know anyone yet.) It's just not like that with us.

I didn't think of twice a month as "only" twice a month until I read these replies! ;o) I thought that was good communication. I would be shocked if my mom has ever complained to anyone, "My daughter doesn't call enough." Actually, I think she would find it annoying and too clingy, knowing her.

Perhaps it has something to do with how busy you are with outside interests, job, young children and such. We certainly don't tell each other all our families business. One daughter lives 6 miles away, son 5 miles away and oldest daughter 4 miles away and youngest 1/2 mile away. There are no young grandchildren, only a granddaughter and she is going to be 30 years old. I get invited often to go shopping with each of my girls. Sometimes we just go into town to eat out. We all know we can count on each other for just about anything. I get along really well with all of my sons in law. If one of my children needs help with some kind of work I am there to do what I can and they are the same for me. My Mother was the same way. I think maybe folks that live in the country are more connected with each other, just my opinion.

DS just stopped by and left some tater tots a peach iced tea and 6 breakfast burritos from Sonic for me( i freeze them ) on the way home from his gym

That was very thoughtful of your DS minnie. I love peach iced tea. I am a tea drinker, not coffee.

Does anyone else here think it's odd for a grown child to call Mom three times a day? What's with that? Is it like the *required* Sunday luncheon with parents in France?
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No, I call it love and concern and caring.

OK, for those who have everyday conversations by phone (where there's no problem with health, etc.):

How far apart are you?

How long is a typical call?

What do you talk about?

Who else do either of you talk with during the day?

(My feelings about this may be skewed because I once had a new neighbor who drove me mad. She lived half a block away. She phoned me three times a day, "just to say hello". Finally she adapted to the move, made some friends and developed some interests -- and got a life of her own. Then I got MY life back.)

Well, it's a mutual thing. My daughter isn't usually chatty, so a lot of our calls are just quick ones to arrange things. But my son is more chatty, and also we do a lot of stuff for each other, so we have to talk more often. He also likes to give a quick call if anything unusual happens. My son and I have frequent calls, but they are short. My daughter and I have frequent short calls with the odd long calls.

My son talks to all kinds of people all day. I do also, I work in social services, so I am speaking with clients, staff, supervisors and other agency personnel all day long. I also talk to my friends, by email mostly during the day, and email or by phone at night. My daughter mostly talks to me, her brother, her father and her boyfriend. My husband doesn't talk much at all. We all respect those who don't like to talk, or interact as much as we do, and we give them their space.

Usually our calls are maybe ten or 15 minutes. We talk about things we are doing, making, want to do, places we have to go, grocery shopping, vet appointments, each others pets, yard work, you name it we may talk about it.
Yes, I do talk about once a week to my 94 year old neighbor, either I call her or she calls me and I also have a friend that calls me about 3 times a week in the evening. We have been friends for probably 50 years. Those calls are usually longer. I enjoy hearing from my friends and family. I am a good listener. I usually see my children once a week. Some times several times a week. I don't go see them, as I don't drive, but they come to see me. I think I posted earlier we are from 6 miles apart to a half mile apart.

Unfortunately, we do not converse with our children as much as I would like. Our son lives far away and we talk on the phone probably once or twice a month if that. Our daughter lives a few miles away, but we do not converse too much either. I wish we were closer, I really long for that but I don't think that is going to happen. How lucky you are if you have a close family, I never really had that when I was young and not even now when I am grown.

I don't have children, but I do have a mother. I speak with her two or 3 times a week and get together with her at least once a week (for example, we went out to dinner together on Friday night and again today; she is neary 90). I can't imagine talking to her every day or multiple times a day every day. And it has nothing to do with not loving and not caring - I can't imagine talking to my best friends multiple times a day every day! What in the world can there be to talk about!

However, I do know others who do that, and I think it's great if that is what you both want; good for you! It just wouldn't work for me.

I think that everyone works out their own ways. And if we're lucky, the people involved all want the same amount of exchange.

I'm not much of a phone person and seldom initiate calls. My oldest son usually calls me once a day and my DIL usually calls me once a day. My middle son works out in the gulf and usually has no phone service out there. When he is docked he calls to chat. My youngest is the quietest of my sons and he calls once or twice a week. He does live at home though. So I see him every day.

I remember shortly after my Mom died that I would see or hear something and my first thought would be that I want to call Mom and share with her. Then it would hit me that I couldn't do that anymore.

My kids are still fairly young. My mom calls about once a week. My dad emails jokes several times a week. I talk to him about once a month. He's been traveling the country and working contract jobs for the last ten years. Half the time I don't know his phone number. I'll email a few times a month.

My son doesn't call often, but DD does, even though she lives only a few blocks away.

MaryAnn, I know exactly what you mean. My mother has been gone for 6 years, but often my first instinct is to call her to share something.

suzieque -- Ah, I think you put it just right. As long as the frequency and content of calls and visits suits both parties (and their extended family), it works.

Maybe I've known too many adults who chafed under the expectations of parents that they stay too tied to the apron strings. Or met too many women (fewer men) with limited lives who relied on their mothers for all social contact long after they'd supposedly grown up and moved on to adult roles. I've also known some wives and husbands who didn't appreciate what they viewed as too-great dependence, mutual or not, especially if it felt threatening to their spousal intimacy.

My daughter used to call once a week and we talked about an hour. Now she is more likely to call only once every two or three weeks and we nearly always are on the phone over two hours. My son calls occasionally, maybe for half an hour or so every three weeks (or once in a while in between when he has a specific reason other than just to talk). I also exchange emails with both of them and keep in touch on facebook. Although we don't talk all that often, we are very close. Btw, I'm on very good terms with both son-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Does anyone else here think it's odd for a grown child to call Mom three times a day? What's with that? Is it like the *required* Sunday luncheon with parents in France?
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No, I call it love and concern and caring.

Amen Minnie. That's what I call it too. And we sure need more of it in this old world of ours.

If the mom wants/needs it and the child ALSO wants/needs it, there is nothing wrong with three times a day.

However, me, personally? I'd throw my phone away and send him a book of stamps if he called me that much. For me personally, that would be way too needy an expression, I'd be EXTREMELY worried about him and what was going on in his life.

For him, it would be an unreasonable expectation on my part. He would cheerfully inform me of this fact. I would expect him to!

I'm not so sure that "love" has so much to do with how frequently children speak with their parents or vice versa if the contact between them is reasonable.

To me, there is probably a problem within the relationship if someone is feeling abandoned because of the lack of frequency, rather than the "expectations" which aren't being met. That's my take on it.

I talk to DD#2 almost every day. DD#1 once a week or so, but she texts now and then, too, so I know she is okay. They are each living on their own - one in WV and one in OH