yeah, my husband and i manage to occupy a 5 bedroom victorian with no leftover rooms. Heaven On Earth.

Heh, we are getting to that point with our six bedroom Victorian (seven if you stick a bed in the upstairs parlor). We only moved in this summer and are still getting settled but they'll all be put to use - our bedroom, two offices, TV den, guest room, upstairs parlor/reading room, second guest room/storage. Downstairs has lovely defined rooms too that can be opened to each other or closed off via pocket doors.

One thing I dislike about open concept is the lack of defined, purpose-built spaces. You have "flex rooms" and "great rooms" and whatnot, but for all the openness and purported flexibility, there's the unavoidable interference, which is what the OP wants to avoid. In your big open "flexible" space, you have the kitchen and also the TV. You can't cook without being distracted by the TV, and you can't watch TV if the blender is running. If folks are doing loud things, you can't also do quiet things. It's a space for all the activities, but not multiple activities at the same time (unless everyone is reading). The open concept is restricting and limiting in that regard.

The next best option is to shunt the TV off to a separate den with a door. And build a wall around the kitchen.

Open concept works with tvs in bedrooms for individual program watching. Everyone can be in the great room on their computers and to discuss things plus snack. More time together apart from meals. And for programs everyone wants to watch. Wireless headphones seems like something worth trying if you're a couple.

You need a tv room with doors, carpet, and heavy curtains to absorb sound. Either convert a bedroom to a tv room with a couple nice recliners or hire an architect to design a house just for you the way you live.

Move while your husband is busy watching TV.

Just kidding; a three-bedroom house seems the answer.

IMO TV is always best in a separate space so get an ectra bedroom with a nice sofa bed and a TV.

Look for a house with both a living room and a family room. TV goes in one, the other is designated for reading and conversation.

It depends on how big a house you want.... "smaller" is subjective. Typical home styles can vary from different regions of the country as well. But unless you're looking for a tiny home, I am pretty sure you can find something that will work for both you and your husband.

we are in age where you are. We decided it was time

That’s why God made basements! as in God made Man Cave.

Find a house with either finished basement or one that can be finished as in, no water, no smell and decent ceiling height.

Throw in something else he likes to do beside watching t v…card table? pool table? wet bar?

I think the best answer is to live next door to one another and visit frequently.

Great response and suggestions. Thank y'all or you guys or youse (take your pick).

W.e had a house in Bakersfield, CA that had a separate family room and living room with pocket doors to separate or open as needed. The kitchen and dining were open to the family room and had the slider door to the back yard. Hubby had TV in the smaller living room. It was perfect, but definitely out of style these days (we bought it in 1976), and from what I've seen never was a style in our current area (eastern panhandle of WV).

Guess I'll go with the extra bedroom option and make it a TV room.

Personally I'd rather have a smallish living room and put the extra square footage in the dining room.

We're having 10, maybe 11 for Thanksgiving dinner this week and no one will be watching TV. We set up a board game table and a card table with a jigsaw puzzle in different rooms. I'll be commandeering half of the living room for dinner space. Only the master bedroom will be unused. The smallest bedroom is for the youngest grandchildren to play and nap. Thanksgiving is an all day party for our families.

Just saying Your best help is a wish list, and an architect and remember you design for 363 days a year, not those other two: )

Adding one thought here is no matter you love a holiday, at some point its time for others to take it over. Assuming great distance isn't involved. : ) Or get your plane tickets . After five or six decades of holiday meals, you EARN the right to Hand It Over ? My parents were seventy when the sisters split the three biggies. The parents LOVED being guests, finally.

My grandmother was 98 the third time I hosted Thanksgiving at my house when she finally announced to everyone (25 of us) that she was happy for me to take over the hosting duties.

That house had a pullman kitchen, so only 2 cooks at a time.

We've had 4 of us prepping and cooking in this house, not because of a larger space, but a better layout. Two can be working at the stove without bumping butts with someone getting cold food ready. Two more can use the island.

This year there will be 5 cooks in attendance, each with their own specialty; it will be interesting. I prep the turkey and get it into the roaster, put sweet potatoes in the oven to bake then mostly answer questions, like, where's the bowl for this?

We don't fret about picture perfect homes or special decorations. The focus is on cooking together, playing together and eating together.

With so many that like to cook and are good at it, having one home in the family with a well laid out kitchen and dining space is important to us. At this point, that is our home and since I don't have to do it all, I don't mind.

Besides, we don't have to drive anywhere and get to sleep in our own bed.

Now, if this house just didn't have wrongly labeled circuit breakers, spaghetti DIY plumbing, a leaky roof, tiny bathrooms, nothing that is ADA compliant, and half an acre to mow instead of 3, it would be perfect.

Oliviag/ bring back Sophie, how does it work when you are working in the kitchen?

That is when I find the TV most annoying and prefer music in the background. Guns and explosions are not very compatible with concentrating on a new recipe. Conversely, running the mixer or a blender means he has to turn the volume up just to hear the latest expert exclaming how wrong someone else is.

i listen to books on tape on my headset from the library

I personally think JudyG Design’s idea of a basement is the best one. Perhaps you could find a smaller house with a basement or a basement room.. End of problem!

Kathleen, we must be married to the same guy. lol By the way it is yinz for me, not y'all or youse . lol I suspect I don't live too far from you. I am by the Pgh airport and jump the state line for better taxes on certain items in WV. A new house like that is not very common around here. We looked 4 years ago for a decent ranch with no luck. Two stories are king around here. All of the new ranch builds are either Ryan or Maronda homes and you couldn't pay me to buy those hunks of junk. And they are all open concept, small, on top of each other, and mostly in HOAs. Yuck. The older ranches are usually only an eat in kitchen and living room. I am a kitchen sitter and like a closed kitchen. I think it is tacky to entertain in the dining room and/or living room while looking at the kitchen. My husband can watch all his icky shows in the living room he wants while I watch mine in the kitchen We ended up buying a 1975 custom built quad level to get a closed kitchen and large dining room we wanted. At least there is only 3 steps from the entertainment area to the bedroom area. You are probably have to look a long time for a decent size ranch with a closed kitchen. Even then it will not be new and will have to be a custom built home. Good luck.

The basement idea would work, if going up and down stairs wasn't getting to be a challenge. My knees can do only about 4 trips a day before swelling (laundry is in our basement). Hubby has hip and back problems and he's not even 75 yet.

Guess I'll check into headphones.

juliA, do yours take casette tapes or CDs or do you download the file, like an old style ipod?

Can you get music? My daughter says you don't need a large local library because of inter-library loaning.

functionthenlook, we looked at some Ryan homes, they have single level with basement plans. We couldn't figure out how to make their open plans work for us and the kitchen area was way too small. Pricey is right, it's gone up $40,000 in 4 months. I'm on their email list. I haven't unsubscribed because it's another piece of information in the housing puzzle.

I think you first have to clearly define the "down" of the downsize. I say that, as it is no secret there are assumptions made regarding this type of housing by the builders of " no yard, no maintenance, first floor master, one guest room, one extra bath, laundry, two car garage, great room/kitchen/dining space..........and!!!!~ the flex room".

The home I just described is in abundance in "senior communities" all over this country. With or without a basement. Often around 1500 to 1600 sq feet, they get gobbled up, because for most buyers, the builders assumptions are based on facts

The facts are these:

We don't want yard work, snow shoveling, gardening beyond pots on the deck

Our kids are either in far flung locales, or are local enough that we can go to them

We want to lock the door and travel, travel ,travel

We love to eat out several times a week.

We don't have big parties anymore, just our closest friends

We go south for the winter, this is our six month place/north.

We already had a home with unused rooms. We want a light and open space.

The "flex" room is supposed to be the answer to the blaring tv with war movies. The second bedroom, unless needed frequently for guests? For one of my clients, its her well outfitted craft room.

Pound for pound, these homes often are more expensive than the dated and aging home left behind will ever yield. They have HOA fees, and rules. But again.........they are gobbled up like a turkey feast at the holiday.

My point is one: You need to firmly decide, the "down". Otherwise? Hire out all the yard and lawn care, fix the squiggly plumbing, .......and stay until you can NOT. The NOT for my own parents was 82/85 respectively. We did the heavy lifting. ........and then off to assisted living they went. The "tragedy" was they could have gone to an INDEPENDENT , more spacious situation and enjoyed it for a half dozen years or more. They waited too long. As their Dr. said to me: "At 85........the human physiology balances on the head of a pin."

I agree JAN MOYER, the decision of when to move to the independent/assisted living combo is tough.

My grandmother refused to budge or let anyone move in with her. She was 96 when we moved her to a traditional nursing home, paid for by SS & Medicare. She had always rented, so there was no investment money for anything better. The staff and management were good and she got comfortable there, walking the halls at will until she couldn't about age 102.

There are a lot more options now, if you are a city person. It's going to be a challenge for us, since we've lived in rural areas with animals for over 40 years.

I keep hoping we can ease into it, move into a small-medium size town closer to our son, get used to a smaller yard and closer neighbors before going to a multi-unit location. Our nearest neighbor sold their place for a townhouse with no yard work and loves it.

" Hoping......... ease into.......get used to"...........Before" . Think about it. A lot more. Ask yourself if you want to move TWICE.

Defining downsizing for us:

about a quarter acre, half an acre maximum. Space for a vegetable garden and flower beds. No or minimal lawn. Pathways, benches, shrubbery and flower beds. Small fenced area for a medium size dog and cats, room for a few chickens would be a bonus (we enjoy our fresh eggs).

Single floor living, 1300-1600sqft, depends on layout. ADA bathroom and common areas. 2 or 3 bedrooms, 2nd bathroom is optional.

We'd rather have more space in the kitchen and dining area and less unused square footage in the bedrooms. One house had a 20'x14' Master bedroom which in 13years we never filled. A queen bed, night stands, 2 dressers, and a small bench seat was all we had in there. It echoed.

You. Are. Not Ready. I would say look into fixing some of the issues, especially the leaky roof and start hiring local help for the acreage. The mid move ? Will waste dollars to the move you may truly need sooner than later. What you just described ? Is most likely an aging seventies home, EXCEPT with a small kitchen and needing a ton of work.

Otherwise, find the closer lot, plan a year or more in an architect and the build. Your "down" is not OUT there any other way. That's my bet. Time to give up the chickens, maybe.

The reason as I stated above. Few want what what YOU want.

Sigh, you make good points, but - well, just but...

When we downsized, the entire house had to be renovated, including new insulation. By the time we finished, the 1976 house was 2016. Everything was new. Worth it because we really have one bedroom ,3 baths, and a living/dining combo. The basement was “finished”, HVAC…so good and dry with a full bath, office area and another bedroom. It is also walk-out to a lower patio.

The “lower level” became his space for t v, card games, etc. I don’t like a t v in the bedroom, but to cover the “just in case” scenario, I had wiring put in the wall over the bureau and covered it with a large piece of art.

Should the day come when we can no longer go up and down stairs, we can comfortably live on one floor, with sliders to the patio/pool and garages attached. However, if we no longer can make the stairs, there will be a bigger issue no house will fix.

My husband is 77, stills plays a 4.0 tennis game, runs, and referees high school basketball. I am a bit younger (LOL) and my excercise is walking….3 to 5 miles a day. Gotta keep moving. My friend’s mantra is “maintain what you have”.

Benefit of climbing stairs:

"Burns more calories:

Stair climbing engages your body’s largest muscle groups to repeatedly lift your body weight up, step after step.Thus, using your muscles to carry your own weight is far higher to running as compared.

Maximises your cardio efforts:

It also raises your heart rate immediately thus maximizing your cardio benefits.

Increases core muscle strength:

Climbing stairs is a great way to amp your core muscle strength.

Tones and sculpts your body:

It also engages every major muscle in your lower body

— glutes, hamstrings, quadriceps, abs and calves to exercise and thus tones your body better.

Low impact workout:

You don’t have to ideally sweat it out while climbing stairs. Just a few stairs every day will give you a good workout"

Just. Keep . MOVING. Sitting is a quick trip to infirmity. Look at the twenty somethings in your local mall. I can out run 75% of them. .........and look a lot better doing it too.

We all age differently, physically and mentally. I'm truly my father's daughter, which means I'm facing an imminent hip replacement. Stairs are difficult for me right now, and were impossible for my dad in his later years. Although Mom didnt need a new hip, she became rather unsteady on her feet as well, and couldn't manage stairs either. Both of them got around pretty well with walkers, enough to live very comfortably in an apartment, go for lunch or coffee, and do the grocery shopping. But stairs, nope. Not a panacea. My house has no stairs. Once I get my new and improved hip I'll get my exercise walking. And tai chi.

Retrofitting an existing home to age in place will be cheaper than building new if it has 90% of what you want already. Aging in place is far cheaper than any assisted living.

One year around here is 40K for any place that you'd really live. That's not medically assisted living either. That's a private room with people on call. Double that for more help.

Spend 40K a year for a couple of years in a row improving the accessibility of what you have, and hiring the yard work. You'll still be ahead.

This conversation is what I'm not getting watching any of the flipping and fix-it shows on TV, real living pros and cons. A lot of people, especially those with good eyes and 4 well functioning limbs don't understand that some old fashioned home features existed to serve people with less than perfect bodies.

I remember a nursing school exercise where we had to navigate into a bathroom while seated in a wheelchair. I still think of the work it takes just to pee and get dressed for people who can't stand or walk.

This week I needed the extra baking pans to take cornbread to the church soup lunch. I had to use a chair to reach the top shelf of a wall cabinet and my damaged knees (soccer, volleyball and backpacking) struggled to get me up. Soon as the 3yr old grows out of plastic dishes, those pans are being relocated.

People all age differently. I know people at 50, who can barely get around. Many at age 70 have knee problems, hip problems and other health problems, and need to have places with no stairs, and smaller yards, etc. I will be 80 in a couple of months, and live in a house on my own with 2000 sq ft, and would like another 400 or 500 sq ft, so I could have a separate office, and a family room. I have no problems climbng on ladders, or any other household work. I do have lawn care for mowing, not because I cant do it, but, because, it gets very hot here in the summer, and the heat sometimes gets to me, and always has. I do the rest of the lawn maintenance and do all the other maintenance around here too, since my hubby passed away 6 and half years ago. Its very hard to give advice on housing to someone else, because, we really dont know what kind of health problems they might have.

I’m building a house I intend to die in. It’s netZero, all solar, highly efficient, and universal design with some ADA features. It’s all on one floor, no open concept required, no architect. It can be as big as you want. It’s modular. Gigantic windows, ‘cos that’s what I want. You can design it yourself, sprawling or Mini. It’s extremely budget friendly, and no electric bills., even though I live in an extremely cold climate. Heat pump for plenty of temperature control, winter and summer.

I have a 5’ turnaround radius in the bathroom for a wheelchair and a roll-in shower.

Wide doors and hallways. An adorable little grippy tread ramp outside for when it gets icy or steps get difficult (I can put in a wheelchair ramp later, I reckon).

Serious other considerations...Near the busline, grocery close by, town utilities, snowplowing, water, and sewer, major hospital not far off.

Heck, you and your partner could each have a “box“ and then one for common space. A house with two wings, maybe?

I am extremely mobile, and newly retired. And I work an athletic job. Assisted living will never be for me. A nursing home had better not be, either.

This is NOT expensive (owners are from extremely low income to wealthy), and I figured it out myself along with the builder’s designer. It’s not at all like building a regular house: it’s more like assembling a lego structure. They can even design it for you, according to what you like.

Message here? If all the houses in your area are open concept, and you don’t want open concept, it might be time to explore a whole different kind of a house. There are some good ideas in Houzz that are purpose-built for older folks. Think NOT manufactured and NOT mobile home. These are modular homes. They tend towards industrial-looking, but that might be a hip and fun way to live! I’ve ditched convention and I’m fully embracing comfy, current, and interesting-looking.

Here are some things people are doing with this concept. Look at the photos on this site: https://m.facebook.com/vermodhomes/

People are completely unrealistic in thinking stairs would be a benefit for aging in place, IMO, either to a basement or to upstairs. This is true in general, but especially here, since the op could find herself and her partner exactly where she didn’t want to be, and all of a sudden. Just one person would have to break a leg anywhere (let alone with a fall on the stairs), and both partners would be in each other’s hair crammed into the main floor. Add in hip replacements, problematic eye sight, pneumonia..... All kinds of no!

If I were the op, I would do a lot of research looking at a lot of photos and articles on aging in place before even looking at a home. Read about universal design, downsizing, grab bars (these require wall reinforcement by the way, and that could be problematic in an already built home), windows you can see out of if it’s hard to stand up, a kitchen where you can sit down and chop vegetables, exterior screened porches (no bugs while you get some air), technology-facilitated devices like home security....

You could even visit some assisted living facilities, not to move in, but for intel on what’s helpful for aging in place.

cat_ky, wish I could give you a smiley emoticon. I'm only a few years behind you and if I'm as much like my grandmother as I've been told, I'll still be doing it all in 10 years, just a little slower.

In spite of my knees, I'm the one who does the ladder work around here. It's the distance from floor to chair seat that I need to work on. More strength exercise might help. I've got my eye on an old kitchen step stool, the kind that the step section hinges up under the stool seat. It's in a local flea market shop for $80.

tangerinedoor: Our house is a modular home, 5 modules set atop a walk-out basement in 1976. It gives us an 8" thick center line wall, which I opened up in the kitchen to make a 28"x27"x7" cubby for spices.

Before and After 1976 Kitchen · More Info

The original owners skimped on bathroom space, even the master bath is only 5'x8'. A person with a walker could get in to use the toilet and sink, and that's all. When we updated them and had the walls open it became obvious that pocket doors would require moving the hallway wall, making it only 30" wide.

I have spent most of 2018 researching what renovations this house needs to keep us in it for 20 more years (moved here in 2013), Lord willing. Hubby goes into a blue funk and buries himself in Tom Clancy books everytime I bring up even one fix, like redoing the front porch and steps and adding a ramp.

I haven't done a complete cost analysis, but I wouldn't be shocked if we'd need an 80,000 loan to do it all at once. That includes replacing shoddy work in the 2 bedroom basement apartment our daughter and granddaughter live in. Update electric, plumbing, replace leaky vinyl windows upstairs, replace ill fitting exterior door downstairs, new roof, replace sun room floor, add upstairs laundry, plus ADA modifications. Almost forgot - fix or remove unusable brick fireplace; we got an $8000 estimate on that item last winter.

We did get whole house a/c w/heat pump last spring. Hubby is happy with reduced power bills, but not the extra payment on a charge card. I found one with zero interest for 2 years.

In general · More Info

In general · More Info

In general · More Info

In general · More Info

"Aging in place is cheaper" Certainly it is if you don't live in one of the "property tax happy" states. It is if you're still mobile and also drive. But it doesn't consider other factors that are more mental than physical. The first is if a partner suffers decreasing mental capacity. The others can be a vague fear or just isolation and loneliness. The last two may even be unrecognized by the sufferer. An illness and setbacks and recovery and then setbacks? Having to bring help IN? That is the big FLAW. You can't imagine until you have lived it. I have lived it and all the above too.

Which is why there are so many "communities" built across this country that address this very transitory period of life. And having renovated/ decorated more than a few of them, I can say with certainty I only HOPE to have the luxury of late years in one.

Most recently, my now very dear "girlfriend" client moved under some mild duress from a home of over thirty years. It was very compatible with aging. The problems were the isolation, and that "vague uneasiness" She's 90......sharp as a tack, and sturdy as a brick. Her fear of this new place, the one where she referred to resident as INMATES.....is now a home she adores. Bridge two or three times a week...... a quick call and a dinner delivered if she feels lazy. New friends. Her car brushed free of snow and valet delivered, and they know how to make her manhattan in the dining room. She jokes that she will leave the place to me, for making it so much "home" for her. I wish.......lol. I wish....

Tangerinedoor: "Serious other considerations...Near the busline, grocery close by, town utilities, snowplowing, water, and sewer, major hospital not far off."

Just out of curiosity, is it walkable to any of the above? It is really hard to find walkable areas. I have fortunately lived in 2.... would like to be able to walk to library, small grocery, diner/cafe and am looking for a small village/neighborhood where that is possible. Although I'd really prefer not to be in a huge planned community.

Who has long term care insurance?

We do. We got the policies in our late 50’s when we had no medical issues. The monthly premiums are not a burden, at all. It gives us peace of mind. We are a family of three and neither my husband nor I want our daughter to have to care for us.

We bought the inflation protected, stay in your own home incentives which didn’t add much more to the premium.

Now that we are talking about finished basements, ours is such that a caretaker could live there. With its own entrance, it would be a very comfortable apartment for a live-in. However,

bottom line:, “Man proposes; God disposes”. “Best laid plans”….

A few of us were gabbing the other night at bookclub, (THE STORY OF ARTHUR TRULUV by Elizabeth Berg…if you haven’t read it, this is the perfect time of year to do so ) about our generation aging. We all agreed we feel younger than we are, if not physically than, at least, mentally. I remember my great grandmother wearing only black because she was a widow.

I’m 74 and in my head I feel 50ish. Boy, is it a shock to look in the mirror…who is that old lady? LOL.

BTW…Happy Thanksgiving

Mimimomy.... I don't know how to PM you to answer your question. My new home will be in a village, not a planned community (though there are whole planned communities going in in my state with these kinds of houses, mixed ages and income levels). All walkable. Library a few blocks away, same with bus, and all the other things on my little list except the hospital, which is reachable by bus. We have free bus service here.

A year ago I wouldn't have imagined any of this was possible. It was hard to find the right kind of lot that I could afford, but I finally did.

Tangerinedoor, that is wonderful you will be in a village... that is the best (for me and apparently you!). Congrats on finding the lot and home you can afford. It does seem to take a lot of searching to find what is just right. We kind of lucked into being in a walkable area a couple of times, and I'd love to find another location for a relatively small home built for aging in place.

We built one home and did a lot of the "aging in place" details, and you are right, they are not at all expensive when built in. For instance, you could enter our house from the garage with zero steps. We had a big walk-in shower without a door, etc. This was probably cheaper than a glass enclosure and bonus, no water spots. Unfortunately our jobs resulted in a move so we sold that home. In the long run, it was bigger than we want for the future, so maybe a blessing in disguise.

Anyways, appreciate all the information you provided above and the link. And I totally agree on the no steps! I am kind of klutzy anyways, so I really don't need any help falling down stairs :)

A good beginning point:

Spend some time in the magazine section of your local big box stores dry goods store, building supply stores and even larger grocery store chains looking at soft back magazine style books of floor plans. While some have a variety of styles and sizes, many will focus on smaller or larger homes or single story homes or cabins or ranch style homes -- you get the idea. Find a few magazines that seem to focus on the size home you might want to take home and look through. That way when you talk with an architect and/or real estate agent, you'll already have in mind some things you do and do not want.

Consider a two bedroom home and make the second bedroom into the tv room.

Some decades ago we were Ham operators in West Texas and visited a fellow Ham's home. He had built a small room in the garage for his equipment and spent all his spare time in there. I asked his wife if she didn't object to him not being with her in the evenings or his days off. Her reply (paraphrased): "No, at least I know where he is and what he's doing. He's not out in some bar getting drunk."

Arcade games can be addicting, pinball is my favorite, but you know where to find him. I imagine a separate room will be welcomed by both of you.