I usually say, thank you for your sacrifice. I feel like it was a sacrifice for them in so many ways.

Much like Marilyn, I thank them for their sacrifice, Any Service Member, even if they never deployed, gave up their autonomy for a few years to join our military.

All ways thank them. My 93 year old neighbor likes to wear his ball cap with Navy on it because he enjoys people thanking him!

I had my pre-induction physical in 1965. It scared me. That weekend, I went to see the Navy recruiter and signed (the line was not dotted). About three weeks later, I got my induction notice. Too late.

I was in until February 1970, they did not try to keep me in. I was never spat at, but I felt a lot of cold shoulders (even at home) in the months after I returned.

There are some folks who thank me for my service. That is very recent (like the past few years only). I just smile and nod and generally don't respond. I did not do anything dangerous during my four years; that is why I went into the branch of service that I did. Closest to Vietnam that I got was in the Philippines, deep in the mountains on Luzon. There is nothing to thank me for. I did my time.

My dad is a Vet and did not endure what you did coming home. That no "I'm sorry" will ever be enough. Good question, I have often wondered too. People go into the military for various reasons. They aren't all "PATRIOTIC going to defend my country", purists. I wonder if a thank you, when your reason was purely the best way to get training in SOMETHING feels award? Not all see combat. Does that matter? I will be interested to follow this thread.

I find the “thanks” shallow too. Would like to ask them. Why didn’t you serve?

my choices at the age of 18 were

: go to work in a local factory, find some to marry and work in the factory.

on a dare I spoke to an Army recruiter and the rest is history.

Best decision for me.

There are two phrases for veterans -- for all veterans the "Thank You" and my 3 tour Vietnam Veteran husband appreciates that and also he says thank you to those currently service as well as veterans. The other is for the Vietnam guys only and that's "Welcome Home". They were not welcomed when they came home -- many were spit upon and called names. They came home one at a time not to the parades and glory that their World War 2 dads did but alone. My husband landed at the airport and had to call someone to come and get him! He appreciates the "Welcome Home" as well.

My husband is also one of those that did not like people thanking him for his service. He was in Vietnam but according to him his airbase only came under fire once before he went stateside. For him it had no meaning and was similar to someone asking "How are you doing today".

I'm not a veteran myself, unless you count being a military spouse as service.

I hate hearing stories like yours, Secsteve and Jim, though I know it was a reality of the time for military members.

My DH enlisted at the height of GW1, so that's not a small consideration, but his career field ended up being strictly stateside at the time, and the majority of that conflict was over and done with by the time he finished training. He spent his 6 years in working a good job, getting skills, and living in peace time. Oddly, I've never been able to get a bead on DH and how he feels when someone finds out he is a vet and thanks him for his service.

It feels a little odd to me when someone thanks him because he is one of those very lucky people who got to serve in the military during peace time. He did make a big commitment in years to the country, but honestly his career in the military was not one of sacrifice, like it is for so many others. It's not really for me to make a call, but I feel uncomfortable when people thank him because it feels misplaced- like perhaps he is one who got as much out of being in the military as he gave to it?

I never understood people spitting on Vietnam war veterans. It absolutely infuriated me. First of all, that was back in the day when the draft existed and many young men did not have a choice. I'm glad I was never present to see someone actually do it. It was bad enough to see it on T.V. I'm glad those soldiers are getting their recognition now for their service.

DH is a Vietnam vet. He never wears anything that other would even know that he was. There are those that wear hats, t shirts etc. so you recognize that they served. DH will usually strike up a conversation asking where they were stationed etc.

DH experienced the disapproval when returning to the states. He changed out of his uniform at the airport!

DH is not one of those that wants thanks. It is a very small part of who he is.

Things are so different now. When my DD's were in high school, they even had a club that did things to support the troops. The take was whether or not you believe in the war, we still need to support these young men and women.

There are groups that especially go to the airport to welcome troops home.

All this said, I think all of this is very personal. If someone thanked my DH he would probably say thanks, but it would go no further. Others seem to want the recognition as they wear the various identifying clothing, those would love to be thanked and will probably want to share their experience more elaborately.

I have a tangental question.

After the end of the draft, it seemed to me that a lot of Americans joined a service only because they had no viable way to make a living -- or afford health care for themselves and their families.

Why are there so many poor and homeless veterans on the streets today? What percentage of these impoverished vets were not physically or mentally damaged by combat, but are still jobless? Is this a basic economic and education problem -- that began before these people enlisted and is continuing with today's enlistees?

I find the “thanks” shallow too. Would like to ask them. Why didn’t you serve?

You were braver/smarter/some other unknown quality than I was. My plan was to do ROTC with civilian undergraduate in pre-med, Navy med school. When I found I couldn't be a pilot (a combat position) I quit that route. It made me mad to think I'd do all that stuff and then be disallowed to do what I wanted if I chose to follow in my dad's footsteps because I was female. Heaven forbid, a female. I didn't have the ___________ to fight that. Energy? Conviction? I have no idea what it was, but I wasn't about to try and change all that. I just wanted to live my life.

My father joined when he was 16 or 17 and loved it until the day he retired (at my mother’s request). I don’t believe he was ever ridiculed for his service, if he was we weren’t made aware of it. He did have a really hard time adjusting to civilian live though, now I wonder if in part that is why. Hmmmm... I was sorry and suprised when I heard that our Viet Veterans were treated so disrespectfully though, that’s just wrong.

I’m not a veteran, but I believe that the families of our servicemen and women sacrafice as well, I know we did when I was a kid. With smartphones, facetime, texting and email It’s a little easier today than it was when I was a girl. My mother was always very strong, but in retrospect being apart and caring for 3 kids on her own could not have been easy. Loving my husband the way I do, I can appreciate her sacrafices much more now than I did as a kid.

I also think that a thank you is a thank you whether it’s coupled with the word service or sacrafice and if said with heart and respect, there’s nothing shallow about it It’s still someone showing appreciation for the efforts or work of another. There are too many people who don’t bother to say anything at all, heck this year that moron in the white house (what’s his name?) couldn’t even bother to pay his respects to the fallen soldiers and is keeping thousands more soldiers from their families for the holidays (while they watch an empty border). He has exploited the advantages our military protects and benefited from them more than most and has never served a day in the military. I don’t care what that guy wrote IMO, a heartfelt thank you can go a long way...

Love what you said lukkiirish. And I too believe "I’m not a veteran, but I believe that the families of our servicemen and women sacrafice as well, I know we did when I was a kid". Only we understand this. I appreciate your sacrifice.

I don’t think it’s a shallow comment at all. Whenever DH has to show his military ID card he often is thanked. It gets us a lot of discounts, but that is about the only time he shows anything that identifies him as a veteran. He wears no hats or T-shirt’s to identify himself in public. But he will stand at events when military personnel who have served are asked to stand and be recognized. That’s about it. His response is usually, ‘thank you, it was an honor to serve’.

He was drafted, after several screw-ups by the draft board while he was in college, so he decided to get it over with. He enjoyed it once he was in, and stayed, transitioning into the reserves and retiring from the reserves after 29 years of service. I believe many guys probably decided to just serve their time, and no more, and didn’t really enjoy their time in service. For many, however, it offered GI bill benefits, health care, a stepping stone to jobs after military service, and a disciplined career opportunity they might not have had otherwise.

Perhaps it is because I used to be one of those people that could be talked to and did not condemn I heard more than my share of post Vietnam horror stories from men who had either seen or participated in things that went beyond the horror stories that were shown in the news. Some enjoyed what they were ordered to do they did it even when not ordered. It was not a "nice" war the way many think of wars being.

I am a veteran , know many veterans, and would say that this is a very complicated question. 50 vets have 50 different stories.

I served unwillingly six years in the reserves, to avoid being drafted because of an extremely low draft lottery number. The six years I spent were a waste of my time and also a waste of the small amount of taxpayers' money spent on me and paid to me. There's no need to thank me for my service, I did what I was told but no one in my unit accomplished anything.

Some of the 50 different stories? There were three guys in my basic training company who had been arrested on criminal charges and were given the choice for sentencing of enlisting in the Army or going to jail. Two of the three served in Vietnam. All were misfits . Do you thank them for their service?

For many it's a job choice. Lots of people work government jobs or otherwise serving the public and aren't held in the same esteem as service members. What's right, what's wrong? I don't know. There's an element of truth in chisue' comment.

Before I get jumped, I'm not criticizing the motives or service of anyone or anyone's parents. Both of my parents served in the military too. What they did and what I did was not viewed by us as the pinnacle achievements of our lives. We did it and then did other things too.

I am the daughter of a WWII vet and the wife of a Vietnam-era Marine. I always thank military service members, police, and first responders for their service/sacrifice. They always smile, as I'm sure they know my gratitude is sincere.

Treatment of the Vietnam veterans was America's greatest shame. I lost friends over there, and never understood how anyone could be cruel to young men who were ripped out of their lives to fight and die in that war. During the Vietnam war, I visited the wounded soldiers at Army Reed and Bethesda Naval Hospitals, to cheer them up and let them know that some of us appreciated their sacrifice.

I'm glad we are now treating veterans a little better. They deserve so much!

It makes my husband very uncomfortable also when people thank him for his service. He enlisted and served in the Navy and was in Vietnam in the early 60s. He was working with special forces and they went out rescuing downed pilots. I don’t really know all the details because he doesn’t talk about it much. He did say how disappointing it was when he came home and was looked down on by so many people and was actually called a baby killer. He says he was pretty messed up for a while but with the help of some professionals who were also friends, he got pretty much back to normal.

Wanda, it was the lies of the military and the federal government that resulted in the cruelty and butchering of young men (and women) in Vietnam. Had the truth been told, we would have been out of there in the mid-60s and far fewer lives would have been lost or ruined. The reality of what was happening was hidden. Another instance when we owe our freedom and democracy to a free press, the folks who also risked their lives to get the real stories out and could detect the problems with the BS they were getting fed. Just like what's happening in Washington now

Because the government ignored the demonstrations, the returning soldiers were an easy target for anti war people to speak to. Even though I was never deployed, there were times I needed to be out in public or travel in uniform and I got ear-fulls of it too. Thing was, I agreed with them but wasn't willing to put my own life in turmoil by resisting the draft. In a sense, volunteering for the reserves (which I knew would be safe) was a coward's way out.

I was not aware of all the awful comments to returning military at the time. I did not have a TV nor the time to watch it. So I was surprised several years later to learn this had occurred. I do thank military for their service. I guess I should quit that, even though I am motivated by trying to make up for the negative messages that they may have heard in the '60s.

I asked DH if he minded being thanked and he said no, though few people know he was in the army as he doesn't advertise it.

My Dad and his brother were in the Navy during WWII and his younger brother served after the war was over. I also have a cousin who made it to admiral in the Navy but he was unhappy with that as he loved flying, so rather than stick with the desk job, he retired and flew for an airline for many years.

If it comes up in conversation with someone, I do thank them, but I do it sincerely. Whether or not they think it a big deal, they are still part of and a representative of a much larger but select group who gave their time, effort and in many cases their sanity, health and even their lives to the nation's causes. And that is a big deal.

My DH is a Combat Vietnam Vet. When he returned home alone on a commercial airplane, he removed his uniform in the washroom at the airport because the soldiers had heard about those who were spit on.

Can you imagine what it does to be in actual harm's way for a year and come home to people who hate YOU as if this was something you wanted to do? Who appear to hate YOU for surviving a horrendous experience where your choice was sometimes to die or kill? Can you imagine what it's like to live for decades in a country that refused to acknowledge the damage all this has done to your body, your mind and your soul?

So yeah, if you see a veteran wearing a hat and you make eye contact, stop and say something. If he/she didn't want to be acknowledged, they wouldn't be wearing the hat. When my DH is having a good day, he wears his hat and when someone says something, he says "you're welcome". Saying thank you isn't much, but it shows you noticed and that you care and appreciate what they've been through - just make sure you are sincere.

Both my husband served. My first husband got his "greetings" in late 1964, and chose to enlist for 3 years and have a choice of what he would do. He did, and was in Army Intelligence (yes, people have often said that's an oxymoron), enlisted, and after his training, spent a bit more than 2 years working in Washington DC. We went to the March on the Pentagon, but only to observe - we were not demonstrators. Our time in Washington was "eventful", to say the least. We saw the March, the riots after Martin Luther King's assassination, Resurrection City, and RKF's funeral parade. Those are what quickly come to mind. My husband was never spat on but then he wore civilian clothes to work. I worked at the National War College at that time - it was the command post during the riots - at least I felt safe working there. Hubert Humphrey lived in our apartment complex (VP's were not provided with housing in those days), so we were safe there as well.

My 2nd husband knew he was going to be drafted and applied for Naval OTC, attended it, was assigned to Naval Intelligence and worked first at NSA at Fort Meade, and then spent 4 years in Japan, doing air reconnoissance over Vietnam. He was never spat on, nor bothered in any way when he returned. He went on to spend 14 more in the Naval Reserves. I'm very grateful for this as I am eligible for USAA, TricareForLife and a pension.

My DD went to her Ivy university on an Army ROTC scholarship. She could never have gone there without that scholarship which paid 80% of her tuition/room&board. She did her 6 years of Reserve duty and was discharged. No one ever gave her any grief over her service, even at her very liberal university. In fact, many of her teachers were very supportive of her and even came to her commissioning ceremony at graduation time.

My father was "too young for WWI and too old for WWII" but wished he could have served. His older brother was a career Army officer, and was a Brig General when he was severely wounded at Kasserine Pass in N Africa.

Both of my father's grandfathers served during the Civil War, one for the South, one for the North - it was Missouri.

So, I guess you could say we are a family with a strong military background. Most of the people I know (my age and older) find the "Thank you for your service" to be quite shallow. They feel this way as today, the public is delighted to say "thanks" but rarely willing to serve themselves.