I’ve never given a gift, but we often have a party if several people get baptized. Just a simple party, hotdogs, fruit salad and a dessert at most.

I have always given a Baptism gift and I see others at the gatherings do so also.

You just got an invitation from people you haven't seen in years, one week in advance for an event 3.5 hours away? If this were my situation, the answer to the gift question would be an easy one.

If this is a Baptism, such a Roman Catholic baptism, as opposed to a Christening:

The Roman Catholic Church considers baptism, even for an infant, so important that "parents are obliged to see that their infants are baptised within the first few weeks" and, "if the infant is in danger of death, it is to be baptised without any delay.

It's not like a Wedding where they waited to see who said "No" and start filling in other people. So it's not an insult that you are receiving such short notice. It may have had to do with scheduling with the parish.

But you don't have to send a gift.

"The Roman Catholic Church considers baptism, even for an infant, so important that "parents are obliged to see that their infants are baptised within the first few weeks" and, "if the infant is in danger of death, it is to be baptised without any delay."

Pal, around here new parents have to attend classes (after the baby is born) and then schedule baptisms. Our church (Catholic, Diocese of St. Petersburg FL) only holds baptisms every month to 6 weeks. It's not unusual for a baby to be 6 months old or older before the baptism.

You say that you haven't seen them in years, but......have you been in contact during these years?

This is a "go with your heart" decision. Gifts for a new baby, in this case, two, are always welcome.

They're calling it a baptism, but it's not catholic...they're lutheran. We haven't seen the family since the mother's wedding. The mother is a first cousin once removed.

IMHO-- a "baptism" is a spiritual event. I don't think gifts are required. A simple card recognizing the spiritual milestone should be more than enough.

I'm Lutheran, and agree with pudgeder. No gifts expected for a baptism. I think a card, with a note saying you're happy for them and would welcome an opportunity to catch up with the extended family some time, etc etc, would be well-received.

It's nice that they've reached out to you, even if a bit late. Sometimes it takes starting your own family to realized how precious 'family' is.

Yes, we are Episcopalian, so just a touch removed from Catholicism and very similar to Lutheran. I would certainly not have expected baptism gifts for my children from anyone, other than the godparents and grandparents. These gifts were spiritual in nature (engraved prayer books, crosses, a silver picture frame engraved with the baptism date.) Now my parents did host a party/lunch at their home for each of my babies immediately following the service and many close friends from the church were invited, including our rector. Many of these friends did bring gifts but I expect it was simply bc no one likes to show up empty handed to a party. Many of these gifts were savings bonds for their education funds.

Anyway, that was a long way to say that I don’t think a gift is necessary if you aren’t attending and probably not necessary even if you are. I was surprised by the generosity of my parents’ friends but I think basically church-going folk love to celebrate adding a new soul to the flock! :)

I'm Lutheran and we baptize. A gift is not necessary.

I'm an Episcopalian and most people I know do bring gifts to the Christening Brunch following the church service with the baptism. If they don't come, no gift is expected.

I just want to chime in on the "one week advance" people are shocked over. Yes, there are Catholic Churches that require classes, and do more of a cattle call type baptism removed from Mass. Classes are often attended DURING pregnancy. Still one does not SCHEDULE the baptism until after the birth. (FYI: this is outside the norm and as parents you certainly have the right to insist on proper form. Sometimes involving a Bishop encourages priests to stay with in bounds) In these situations the parent is left possibly scrambling to get in on the upcoming event or wait for X amount of time. 6 mos is longer than many would choose to wait. Some people use an "event" as an excuse to gather far flung family. Perhaps these parents are of that ilk? Gifts being "required" is a ridiculous concept for me. You aren't attending case closed IMHO. If you were attending then you would decide if you care to mark this occasion with a little token.

Thanks so much for all the input.

I like maddielee's suggestion of donating to a children's cause in their honor.

Seems like a nice solution.

I just checked the e-vite and it looks like a lot of folks responded by 7/17...so yeah, we were an afterthought for sure.

playing devils' advocate:

you got invited. so they were thinking of you. even if a little late, whatever-it happens. you can't attend because of prior commitment. that happens when the invite is sent so late, their bad. you probably/maybe were an "oops" more than an afterthought. it happens when u go through the list and say "didn't so&so get an invite", "oh crap".... things are crazy when u have a newborn, let alone 2!!

it a special occasion, so of course you send a gift. maybe less then you would give if you attended, but a gift nonetheless . 2 savings bonds? $25 each.

they had TWINS!!! their life is crazy!! and if they have older children, then more so. give them a break :)