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Feel Abandoned by Father and Stepmother Feel Like She's to Blame

Cece S
6 years ago

I have known my stepmother since I was 6-7. She's almost always been a part of my life. I've also always felt like an outsider when visiting my dad. My brother and I felt we never belonged. For reference she brought in two children from a previous marriage that lived full-time with her and my father. I've never had a bad relationship with either of my parents but I have been hurt so many times by them. For starters, we were not invited to their wedding. I don't know if they did so or if my mother refused to let us go, but that was the first time i truly felt aware of this feeling. There have been several instances growing up. My step siblings, even to this day, have always been treated differently than my brother and I have. They have everything handed to them and when my brother or I need something my stepmom acts like we're the biggest burden to them. My father is pretty busy with his job which requires him to travel both internationally and across the US. He relies a lot on my stepmother to make plans and manage things. I feel like she purposely leaves us out of things. She takes their other grandchild who is my daughters age on vacations and to spend the week with them and has never done the same for my daughter. I feel like a burden asking them to even watcher her for a night or two. That's how I feel.
I am a fully grown adult now that has chosen to distance myself towards them in an attempt to protect my feelings. Try as I might, they still manage to stomp on them. My dad and stepmom moved out of state last year for my dad's job. This February, my stepmom made a visit to check on their old house (they plan to move back after my dad retires) that my stepsister is living in. She was here for around a week and a half and never bothered to call me and tell me. She made an effort to spend time with other grandchildren but didn't bother to see my daughter. This March, both my dad and stepmom made a visit back to the state. My dad told me the rough dates they were going to be in town a few weeks prior, but my life became pretty busy and I forgot the exact dates. I texted my dad today to see if he was still in town. He told me he was already headed back home to their new state. They had been here a whole week and never called me. They never bothered to see me or my daughter or to even make an attempt.
The hardest part about all of this is this is the 1st anniversary of my mother's death. She died March of last year and both her and my birthday's are in March. It was a really tough month and they didn't seem to care. The hardest part is I know one day, my daughter will start to notice this behavior and she will be hurt by it. They can make time to see their other grandchildren but not my daughter. Should I just wash my hands of them? I do love them and want to have a relationship with them, but I'm tired of getting hurt. Any advice would be great.

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