Just let them visit with you... but don't offer any left overs. ;)

Moni

I was wondering if they were the ones....sorry ... your son might need to get a spine ... or go his own way...it will be a long life with this controlling lady.

I’m sorry, Terilyn. It will be a hard lesson for your son but stand your ground. Maybe his fiancé will get the message eventually that you don’t stand for lateness, and your time is important.

It's pretty easy... when I said 6:00 PM at my last friends dinner, I meant 6:00 PM. Don't be surprised, if we are all sitting at the table, without an empty chair/place setting. I thought, you weren't going to show! But we squished together, and let him eat too, since we hadn't eaten everything yet. LOL

Moni

UGH!. so difficult and so unnecessary !! just stay your course and hopefully they will follow. if not, have a talk with your son in private. i would never deal with in-law's on matters like this. always go to "the source".

Terilyn - it is sad to me that your relationship is such that no apologies or explanation was offered.

I just don't understand people! Especially family.

I have a co-worker who had his son and gf living with them. He would not go into details, but he finally had to throw the gf out. It got that bad.

They both moved out, and the sad part is that the son is no longer talking to the parents.

This is so hard for you.

For those who are perpetually late, and rude about it, they are welcome to the leftovers. I just don't get how adults with reasonable intelligence can think it is okay to have other waiting hours for them without a call or an explanation when they do arrive.

At some point, you will need to have a heart to heart with the son.

Was he surprised that you went ahead without them? Did he and the GF still expect to be fed? Did they bring a gift? Flowers or a chocolate bunny? This is especially difficult when it is your son. It would be easier to ignore someone not as close, like a cousin. So sorry, but i presume they are still young and one day they will be aware of their bad behavior, maybe when someone does the same to them.

No, didn't show any surprise, of course they ate leftovers, bring a gift? Laughing, brought his dad and brother their birthday cards, two weeks late. Forgot Kali's birthday present, her birthday was in February. They're in their 30's. Old enough to know better.

Oh terilyn, I'm sorry.

((hugs)) terilyn.

Mu older son's birthday is right after my birthday and Mothers Day. He forgot me a couple years in a row, so I decided to forget him one year. He was kind of hurt by that and has been good about remembering me now that he knows how it feels. Of course i don't care about flowers and presents, but I want him to be a thoughtful, caring person . Don't give up hope. They may still come around.

I totally agree with OklaMoni. Make a point of just eating at the scheduled time and get on with it. They'll figure it out (or not) eventually.

When I was growing up, my mother would always let everyone invited know that "we wait like one pig waits for another, so show up on time or you are out of luck."

I'm always happy to adjust the schedule with some polite notice, but otherwise food is done, on the table, and being eaten.

Still, I'm sorry they did that to you :( Makes for a bummer day.

It's so hard with a DIL because should they become parents some day, she will probably control access to your grandbabies. If being late to dinner is an annoyance, from what I've seen, withholding grandchildren is life shattering. So, I'd do whatever necessary to try to build a relationship with her, maybe even separate from your son - inviting her out with you, going to a chick flick, whatever you can conjur up. I know you said they lived with you, but that dynamic creates all sorts of weirdness for all parties. Maybe if you can foster a "friend" relationship with her, it can forestall future problems much worse than being late to a holiday dinner.

Olychick, they have a five year old. We can see her whenever we want to babysit. I tried the friendship route, got burned. I'm at the point that I just don't even want to try anymore.

terilyn, I feel for you. Our DIL is passive-aggressive and we have given up trying to get along with her. She would let us know to expect her for holiday or family dinners and then just not show up and send son by himself, with excuses like she wasn't feeling well, or she was tired, had a headache, etc.

When she occasionally did show up, she would pile food on her plate, then sit there and pick at it and throw 99% of it away. And no, I am not a bad cook. Apparently, she prefers fast food and would make son stop by a McDonald's or similar on the way home "because she was still hungry". There was a lot of other rudeness as well. So, after trying for several years, we just gave up and mostly get together with son without her. Makes life a lot easier.

Well, that's good to hear about seeing your granddaughter whenever you want. Hopefully, it stays that way. When you called her your son's fiancee' I just assumed it was a fairly new relationship and hoped it wasn't getting off on the wrong foot.

Yes, and it is exhausting.

Your granddaughter has a better role model than her mother, you, Terilyn, in my humble opinion. Stay in her life. It is a shame that the mother of the child is, from what I gather, a jerk. Some people are jerks. They just are.

Some of this is on your son. He's in the middle between you two, but he is also the one who could speak up and smooth things over.

A conversation I would have with my son if I was in your shoes:

"In the future if you are going to be more than a few minutes late for the planned dinners that you have accepted my invitation for please let me know. I worked hard to make a nice meal for the family this Easter and it hurt my feelings that you didn't appreciate the effort enough to be here on time or even call to let me know you, fiancé, and grandchild wouldn't be eating with us. I love you and actually thought you knew better then this."

Won't work Maddielee. I had that conversation with my youngest son, when they didn't show up for a family get together. He had said they were coming and no show. It was just burgers, but I had made enough extra for him, his wife, and his two kids. Huge blow up with him twisting everything I said around to favor them. That was 6 years ago and it took a year before he even spoke.

It was bothering his Dad so bad, I said ask them if they want to go to Olive Garden her favorite place), He changed it to Red Lobster. Of course we were paying, that's the only reason he showed up.

terilyn, I deleted one of my replies. Just because. :)

Sorry about that..Good luck to you.

I often have family members show up late. Usually my middle son because they also have her family as well as her grandparents, and they make the rounds on occasions such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter. It's never been a problem for me... if there's food left, they're welcomed to it. If not, then they can fix a pb&j if they want.

My aunt has always been late to every occasion. She, too, makes her rounds from friend to friend. It used to drive my mom bonkers but in the end, we were just glad to spend some time with her. Such a loving, giving person.