The title of your post says it all.

Sounds like Christine needs to make some decisions about how she lives her life. You can't influence those changes and if she chooses to continue her life style she has to be able to deal with the consequences. Im sad for all involved.

Why would you want to do that?

It sounds like you had a pang where you missed the Christine you knew in the very beginning of your friendship. However, that relationship became sour and ended. I doubt that getting in touch with her again would go well. I certainly would not.

Sounds like a soap opera and your missing the next installment? I would "not" contact her. She's not a friend. She dumped her sad life on you, you responded by trying to give advice and befriend her. She made you feel needed.

Maybe you could volunteer at a homeless shelter if you wish to donate your time, befriend those less fortunate and feel needed.

Only reason comes to mind is that you are missing drama. You know she isn't a friend.

Thank you to all who wrote. I will not get in touch with her. When I think of all the times I shook my head at her actions.... I miss "Knots Landing" and "Melrose Place." Nothing like those shows on TV now.

From what you wrote: She was a charming scoundrel (don't we all love them, at a safe distance?). Be smart. Stay 100% disconnected from this person. Remember the laughs and fun but realize you were not her sister, you were a convenient audience. She will not hesitate to hurt you in the future if it serves her ego.

edited to add: Good decision!

LOL Ilovecomputers. That's what I thought.

Hmmmmmm.

Good decision. As much as you might miss the person you thought she was at first, she isn’t your friend. She can only be a toxic influence on you and drag YOU down. Enjoy your close friends, connect with those you do like and trust.

Maybe you miss the drama, but maybe what you miss is this, "She was like a sister to me. We had a lot of fun and laughs together".

There are people I miss having in my life because they were fun, we laughed, I felt close to them, but I don't miss the inconvenience or the drama. For me it's always turned out that the person was a fun acquaintance but not a true friend, and sometimes there's a place for fun acquaintances. I think if you miss her and want to get back in touch with her you might try it. Chances are it won't go well because she probably really, really, really doesn't want to hang out with someone who thinks her choices are wrong.

Would that hurt your feelings or make you feel rejected if she didn't respond or if she responded negatively? If so then I wouldn't try to get in touch with her. You're probably better off spending your time cultivating new acquaintances who are fun and don't have all the drama and have values that align closer to your own, but I've had acquaintances sort of like your former friend I've kept in my life. Kind of like cotton candy, fun, short-lived, sticky, unsubstantial, empty calories and unhealthy, not a terrible choice as long as contact is infrequent and easily let go.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Yes, when Christine used to text me I would tease my husband that he probably thought our lives were very dull compared to hers, and he would say he was so glad they were.

Remember the curse, "May you live in *interesting times*." You've escaped! Be glad!

Let sleeping dogs lie...

Think of your dream as a nightmare instead.

Truly wonder why you think of her as a friend.

I thought of her as a friend because we had a lot in common; we worked for the same company in very similar positions, we both enjoyed a lot of the same hobbies; she was close to my age and as I've said before, we laughed a lot and had some good times. I'm curious to know why you would say that, raee :)

under a deadline to get something done and I couldn’t talk, and she would pout and give me the silent treatment for a day or so

I caught Christine lying to me more than once.

if Christine was not authorized to go through those emails (you know she wasn't)

Christine stalked her boyfriend’s wife

she rarely asked me about my life

Doesn't sound like much of a friend, and definitely not a sister, except a really dysfunctional one.

Friend? Sister? One can only hope not!

I learned a long time ago with my own children, that people chose friends who are a reflection of their opinion of themselves. If they think they are winners, they choose other winners; if losers, they chose losers.

Think what it says about you if you still want a friendship with this woman.

"... she told me one day that her boss—I’ll call her Annie—who was out of the office--had asked Christine to search through Annie’s emails for a really important email that Annie thought she might have cc’d Christine on. While searching for that, Christine came across a really nasty email that Annie had sent to someone else that called Christine a lazy, fat cow, etc. Christine was very upset, and when I asked her why she didn’t sit down and talk to Annie about it, Christine said she couldn’t because Christine would get in trouble. It seems to me that the only way Christine could get into trouble is if Christine was not authorized to go through those emails."

My thought regarding "Annie" asking "Christine" to look for a particular e-mail message is that if "Annie" thought "Christine" would have it because she was cc'd on it, it would mean that "Christine" should only have to look through her own Inbox for a copy of it. By saying that she found a message wherein "Annie" demeaned her, "Christine" revealed that she had gone through "Annie's" Sent Items folder. "Christine" was trying to cover her hiney by telling you that "Annie" asked her to go through "Annie's" mailbox.

Also, I'd be willing to bet that, based on everything you said about "Christine's" behavior, she has used YOU as her alibi when she needed to get away to cheat on her husband/boyfriend/whomever. Do you really want to be used that way?

As amusing as she might have been, she is not good for you. You know that, really.

Be on acquaintance terms, maybe. Keep her at arms length.

Nope. Don't want to get used by anyone in any way. When I caught Christine in some of her lies, I began to feel annoyed with myself. I mean, she lies to her husband and everyone else, I thought she would surely be straight with me. Stupid. In my heart, I know I just really miss having a good female friend. They are so hard to find. My husband and I don't have children, and a lot of women I meet at church and places like that I hope to become friends with, but I sense that because I don't have children (or grandchildren), they think we would have no common ground. So I work very hard, volunteer, and work on my gardens in our short flowering season and work on my art during the balance of the year. Also, my husband works goofy hours and I must admit I get very lonely. Last summer an old friend got in touch with me and asked if we could be close friends again--she had been reflecting on her life and realized I had always been a good friend. She wanted to come over, and we set a day and time. I texted her the day before and asked if we were still on. No response. The next day she did not show up or call or anything. At Christmas she texted me that she hoped I was well, merry Christmas, and I was polite, but you know, I just don't want to put forth any effort anymore. I must have a sign on my forehead that says, "Loser."

Well, at least you have us, and we have you :-)

I hear you. It's not as easy as some people think to make friends. I lost those I had due to my illness.

Some people are very successful at being....charismatic. I'm quiet and seem less than friendly, I guess.

Oh well. Keep doing what you're doing...drop those who don't add anything to your life.

In my heart, I know I just really miss having a good female friend. They are so hard to find.

Bingo!

I do understand that. Listen, you are not a loser! You do work hard, have hobbies, volunteer, have a loving husband... all excellent characteristics. But, yes, even in 2018, it can be hard for the woman who doesn't have children, once she is into her late 30s, to find a social niche -- especially in more traditional churches (but you have to beware that you aren't ruling people out because they do have children, rather than vice versa). Or for a woman who perhaps interacts in a slightly different way than is the local norm or expectation for a female.

I don't know where you live; if a larger city, look up "meet-up" groups, join a hobby based group, or something that meshes with your volunteer activities.

I wish you well

"... just really miss having a good female friend."

Really? You think this woman is a good female friend?

She lies to you, is dishonest, isn't interested your life, has no integrity, etc.

What's so good about a "friend" like that?

That's way too much drama. Don't spend so much energy on someone who doesn't care about you.

Clicked on this out of sheer curiousity. Did I just go back in time to high school or what..

I think it's okay to post out of frustration, MrsM. Or just to vent or use us as a sounding board....

Yikes!

I suppose this is real. One can not make up stuff like this. This is snake bite territory. If a snake bites one person, it'll bite another with equal ease. In this regard, it is an equal opportunity animal. I'd stand back and watch. Don't get involved.

You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

ilovecomputers, that's a weird story about the friend that wanted to see you but then never showed up. WTH is up with that? Ya know, people are just crazy these days...unfortunately. I have ONE true friend and I'm married to him. All my other friends are just acquaintances, we see each other when we do what we do such as going to the dog park. Other than that, we do not ever associate with each other. I only even have one of those people's cell phone numbers just to make a quick text in case I can't make it there that day.

TL;DR

Sounds like you miss the drama and are trying to create your own.

Why the meanness, here? NOW it's like high school....

If you have nothing kind to say, then just go to another topic...

I can understand missing a friend even if they weren't perfect and had issues. It's the same as when people marry and say the husband is an a** but you still can miss them after you divorce...sometimes you miss them TERRIBLY. What you miss are the good times and tend to have amnesia about the bad things.

I don't understand why you're referring to 'meanness' here pennydesign. Another person chimed in with what I assume is just an opinion about the subject similar to mine. And like I said in my one & only comment, it sounded high schoolish..I honestly clicked on the subject because for some reason it caught my eye and then I read the whole thing. And could not resist commenting. Didn't know unless you're kind you're not allowed to have opinions. I've noticed this before on this site. Kind of stifling.

Wasn't being mean. Just an observation. If you don't want an opinion, don't post on a public message board.

I wanted to comment on this part of your post above:

" In my heart, I know I just really miss having a good female friend. They are so hard to find. My husband and I don't have children, and a lot of women I meet at church and places like that I hope to become friends with, but I sense that because I don't have children (or grandchildren), they think we would have no common ground."

I don't know how old you are. I'm in my mid fifties and I think sometimes it can be a challenge making new female friends at this age. So many of the women my age I meet or know already are so busy with their jobs, kids, grandkids, and circle of friends they already have, so I get where you're coming from. But a lot of us whose kids are grown have a lot more time for ourselves now, more time for hobbies, more time for exercise, more time to meet a friend for coffee or a walk, more time for new friendships.

I had what I call "the lost decade" due to injury, illness and a couple of other family issues. Once my circumstances improved, some of my friends had moved due to job changes, some had retired and moved closer to their kids, some simply got too busy with kids and grandkids, some friendships were really built on convenience with our kids and there was no common ground once the kids were grown. I still have long term friendships and I cherish them, but I have room for plenty more new friendships, too. There are quite a few women out there like me. That whole demographic of fairly newly retired women is a rich gold mine of friendship opportunity. A lot of them are way more interested in finding out if you have hobbies in common than whether or not you have kids. So I hope you'll keep trying. You might find that women who had nothing in common with you before have loads in common now.

I realize some areas are easier than others. A friend of mine retired to an area and had difficulty making new friendships there because every woman she met was busy with kids and grandkids. My friend has kids but she has a lot of hobbies and other interests. She kept trying and now she has a great group of friends she found through volunteering at her church and also through her hobbies.

I know it's discouraging for you and I wish you good luck and great success.

If you think it's "stifling" here...then there are plenty of other places online where you can give an "opinion" that does nothing.

I am HONESTLY curious as to the reason or the effort of saying something like "TL;DR" or suggesting that the OP misses drama or that it's like high school here (or the gazillion other snarky and useless comments that I've noticed since I've been here)....

What does a person get out of that? As far as I can tell it a) doesn't help, b) takes time out of the posters busy day, c) couldn't possibly do too much for the poster of these remarks...

To me, it's a bit like seeing someone trip and laughing and pointing and then walking on by.

It's a mystery to me...

Anyway, Ilovecomputers, I wish you the best and I'll leave this thread with the hope that you've moved on. My best wishes to you (and you also Mrsm)

"(or the gazillion other snarky and useless comments that I've noticed since I've been here)...."

Many of us have been here for many, many, years. Since the 90s. Over 20 years for me. If we are that "snarky and useless" maybe we are not the ones that need to find "other places online" to hang out!

c) couldn't possibly do too much for the poster of these remarks...

Wrong. I gave my opinion-nothing more.