Thank you all for your comments (except for vhehn - seriously, if you want to tell me I'm an idiot (or, conversely, that you are the smartest person in the world), why hide it, just tell me you think I'm a moron and be done with it. You don't know me, and you assume that I'm throwing away perfectly good (and hard-earned, mind you) money because I'm a d*mb*ss. If gloating in front of someone who's down is the way you roll, I'm so glad I don't know you in person.) - 15 hours after the initial discovery of "OMG, it's happened again" (and the resulting pit in our stomaches), our anger and sadness has mellowed a bit, abut we're both intent on salvaging this situation in a professional and drama-free manner. I probably haven't chewed on the situation enough, but after digesting your comments and putting all the pieces together, I'm inclined to do the following: 1) wait for her response (except I really really really want/need to know if we submitted, and/or if we're submitting on Monday, omg......), 2) unless there's a fantastic reason why Friday didn't go as agreed, request an off-site coffee meeting with the architect and synthesize your comments in to a conversation that says, basically: look, we think you're a really talented architect [she is!], but it's clear you're extremely busy, and maybe too busy to devote the type and timing of attention on our project that we need. It's causing us a lot of unnecessary stress and heartburn, especially this early in what we know will be a stressful year and a half [between the rest of planning and the build]. We see a couple of good solutions: a) now that you know how difficult the slipping of schedule has been on not only the timing of our project but on us personally, if you'd like to continue working on our project, we'd like to continue working with you, but we need hard milestones. [and then discuss the milestones, timing, etc....maybe these need to be in writing.....]. 2) if you're just too busy and don't see that changing, we'd be disappointed but would be willing to transfer the plans to another architect to complete - do you have any that you'd recommend? How do we properly transfer the plans? As you can tell, I do soft-pedal rather than throw blame in situations like this - I'm very willing to be firm, but it needs to be in my own voice, and unfortunately (I guess), that's my voice when dealing with people that I actually like (err, you "heard" my other voice above, when responding to others!). chisue - thank you for understanding, and yes, she's licensed, has a nice boutique business, and is actually really talented. she just sucks as client service. We found her as a referral from a neighbor who has (in our opinion) the prettiest new build in the neighborhood - we live in a 50's era rancher town on quarter acre lots in a part of the country where that's considered really big - most of the Bay Area is on 4000-5000 sq ft lots). To his credit, he DID warn us that while she's a terrific architect, she'd be "tough to get a hold of, as she's very busy" (maybe that was neighbor-code for "she'll miss every deadline"). dixiedoodle - agreed, I'm not planning on getting any $ back, so that's not what I'm after. Actually, for the $ we've paid thus far, we ((heart)) the house plan. Yes, in hindsight, the comments that translate to "they're more important than you" are, at best, inappropriate. At the time(s), it seemed more like casual chit-chat. feedingfrenzy, sue36 and sovra - thank you all - your comments and thoughts are the basis for the planned conversation. We actually *would* like her to see the plans through, just need to figure out how to tell her that we can't continue this way, it's too painful. I will go post this in Conversations to see in M-A has additional thoughts. What do you all think of the planned conversation, and how would you tweak it?

Bestlawn - Pure coincidence!! It was a shared office suite with 3 attorneys, 3 secretaries and a receptionist. One day, an attorney from a local city came for a meeting with my attorney. While there, she saw "her" and asked my attorney if "she" was working there. Seems the visiting attorney had been with "her" prior law firm when "she" used the firm's credit card(s). I can't remember if that's why she was let go or if she was let go and THEN took the cards. Its been a long time. In any event, my attorney told "her" attorney and his accountant started digging and found the $20k or so shortfall, at which time they stopped looking. This poor guy was struggling to put 2 kids through college and "she" was robbing him blind. However, he had given her carte blanche with the checkbook and SIGNING CHECKS and she kept all financial records, which was just asking for trouble. It was a nasty time; we were in a more or less open situation with no locks on the internal doors, only on the 2 doors to the main office area. We were afraid she might retaliate so had to hide all our discs and secure the computers until we could get the locks changed. You might check with your state labor commission, or some such agency, to see just what would be an appropriate response to inquiries so as not to set yourself up for a lawsuit :-/ She sounds like she might not hesitate to make trouble for you.

Joanie given your original suggested phrasing: "Im sure it was an oversight, but I was not included in the group gift for Hank and it was embarrassing for me and others who also were not included when the gift was presented in public. In the future, please make sure you include everyone but with the understanding that not everyone is financially capable of contributing every time. In this regard, I also think a card from the whole group is more appropriate than individual signatures so no one is singled out for not contributing." I do think that sending a note with what you wrote above to a higher level employee is courting some very bad reactions. Telling someone who is above you on the org chart to "In the future please make sure....etc" is not only harsh but strikes a tone of directing a subordinate who has done something wrong. I can't honestly think what positive result will come out of that and it does come across like a complainer to me. Especially coming from someone who doesn't always contribute anyway; if the OP had diligently chipped in every time and been excluded, that's one thing. But such is admittedly not the case here. Maybe this is acceptable in your work environment Joanie . But to reprimand a superior after not being a 'team player' (and I'll bet that is what some people, fairly or not, already think of the OP) is just not a good idea in my opinion. I still say let it go. Ann

We don't have all that much power, believe me! We can 'flag' a post but have zero power to delete someone's comments, thank goodness. The offending post will be masked on your screen, but not on anyone else's. The flagging notifies the administrators to take a look; a post or thread will be yanked only if deemed necessary. It's a great tool, absolutely, as it lets Tamara or others know of a problem. I flag flagrant spam when I see it. And there's been a couple of incidences in the garden forums with an irrational, mean spirited individual who felt it his right to spout all kinds of ugly comments. At first his posts were deleted and I suspect he was given a warning. When he was finally banned, it was a huge relief to everybody. I don't think that I've flagged anyone in this forum. But there sure have been times in the past where I would have. I also think that certain words are triggers for automatic deletion of a post. That's the only way to keep such a large community from becoming a hotbed of potty mouths, lol.